Ouch...

That was tough to watch.  Hopefully we'll fare better against our next opponent.

There wasn't much in the way of "bright spots" but I will say that Brett Basham is still a badass.  If he had any sort of batting ability he'd be quite a draft prospect.

RSC Poll of the Week

Who looks like the bigger douche?

Option 1:

Current Rebel signee, Hunter "Jew Fro" Miller.  Still not sure why we signed this kid and do not buy anything HDN has said about his on field abilities or athleticism.  I look forward to him and Colby Arcenaux manning the scout team safety positions on full rides for the next three years.

Option 2.

Rebel recruit and Miami (Gulliver Prep) wide receiver Conner Vernon.  Conner looks like he walked straight out of the trailer park.  He apparently had great hands and runs good routes (aka he's a white WR).  Also appears to be receiving interest because other players on his team are better and schools are using Conner to get some sort of package deal.  Personally, I'm over offering Division I rejects in order to sway their teammates.  We all know how that ended up last time.

The RSC's Travel Guide: Miami, FL

GUNS! WEED! HOLLA! The Diamond Rebs are headed to America's 2nd or 3rd favorite port city: Miami! This upcoming weekend's regional should be exciting for all in attendance due to beautiful weather, bikini babes, and stray bullets. While I will unfortunately not be in attendance due to $4-a-gallon gas, I have consulted friends who are certainly "in the know" (namely my prejudices and Google) and put together the perfect travel guide for any Rebel fan looking for something to do other than watch depressingly disappointing baseball.

LODGING
Miami is like any city in Florida south of Orlando in that it's full of first generation immigrants and incredibly old New Yorkers. This means that the bell curve on available housing and lodging is, well, upside down. You've got to choose from either a slew of undeniably foul-smelling Motel 6's or multi-starred luxury hotels. Or, that was the case until a couple of years ago. With the recent coaching departures from the University of Miami football team and the downturn in the American housing market, a group of McMansions within a few blocks of the Coral Gables campus have remained open for renters and buyers for a few years. These homes, once belonging to Larry Coker and his staff, have enough room for you and a dozen accomplices friends to sleep comfortably and somewhat securely. A bit of advice though, try to get Dan Werner's old crib; it's got way fewer headbutt marks than Kehoe's old place.

DINING
The Miami lifestyle only affords a person two options: eating very little, or eating a lot over long periods of time. If the latter is more akin to your style then you're in luck! Miami's diverse ethnic makeup and rich history gives its local cuisine a very, errr, unique look and feel. With influences from Cuban, Jewish, Creole, and a hodge-podge of other various cultures, the cuisine of Miami is unlike that of any other.

On second thought, Hardee's did look pretty good.

CULTURE
For a truly memorable cultural experience, the Miami-bound jetsetter needs to keep only three things in mind: Cubans, Cubans, and Cubans! These crafty people have shaped Miami's cultural heritage unlike any other group. From Little Havana to downtown Miami, the influence of the Cuban people is heavily felt. While in Miami, try to engage yourself in salsa dancing, visit the home of Desi Arnez, or even brush up on your Spanish! The following phrases could certainly come in handy during your stay:

"Ningunas gracias, no quisiera ninguna cocaína."
No thanks, I would not like any cocaine.

"¡Por favor! ¡No soy armado!"
Please! I'm not armed!

"¿Qué la cogida usted está intentando venderme?"
What the fuck are you trying to sell me?

"¿Dónde está la biblioteca?"
Where is the library?

Like many of the Cubans, your time in Miami is fleeting so do not waste this golden opportunity!

NIGHTLIFE/ENTERTAINMENT
Miami and neighboring Miami Beach are world renowned for their nightclubs as evidenced by this fine piece of journalism put together by every one's favorite gay Austrian fashion critic, Bruno Schwanzenstuecker:

Lets party ZUSAMMENMACHEN!

While I do not know much about these night clubs I do know how to guarantee a good time when and wherever you do end up partying. Just hit up the most lovable former Ole Miss QB recruit ever, Cannon Smith. He undeniably knows a bunch of dudes who can get you fucked up on quaaludes, ecstasy, heroin, whatever. Rumor has it that his "boi" Guillermo has the good stuff but as far as I can tell it's just hearsay. Regardless, with Cannon Smith on your side what happens in Miami most certainly stays way the fuck in Miami.

I hope we have helped you get prepared for what is undeniably going to be a wonderful vacation. Have fun, be safe, and go Rebs.

Don't Blame Mike Bianco

Ok, so maybe you can blame Mike Bianco but...should we get rid of him?

There have been some grumblings surrounding our baseball program and the future of Coach Bianco at Ole Miss. While we have gotten progressively worse (ever so slightly) since the 2005 season and this "most talented team" at Ole Miss under Bianco is a pathetic #3 seed in the Miami regional, I don't feel that we can justifiably fire Mike Bianco, yet.

He has made Ole Miss baseball what it is. Before Bianco, LSU and State rocked our baseball world for nearly a decade. With Bianco, we've become a lock for the postseason and become a constant competitor for the SEC Tournament title. With Bianco we've packed Swayze with fans like never before. With Bianco we've become a nationally recognized baseball power.

Let's not give up on him just yet. We've invested too much in him to cast him to the wayside simply because we were the 8 seed in the SEC tourney. Although he does get our hopes up extra high every year with his used car salesman style pitch of his team (see: every time he opens his mouth) we cannot say that we are a "bad" baseball team. Some of you will say "whatever, of course we can" and to that I say "if you think winning 18 SEC games and beating Georgia and Kentucky in the tournament is 'bad' then you can go fucking fuck your fucking whiny self, you fuck." Let's get a new recruiting coordinator. Let's get a new hitting coach. Let's just not get rid of Coach Bianco.

So maybe Brian Walker's Elbow won't agree with me. Maybe a lot of Scout.com-ers and NAFOOM-ers won't agree with me. So what. Let's keep Mike around and see where he can take us.

Don't blame Larry Templeton

Many posters on scout and rivals blame Larry Templeton for our regional draw. As you already know, we are going to face off against Missouri on Friday. If we win, we will play the winner of Miami and Bethune Cookman. Yes, this has to be the toughest regional in the country, but Larry Templeton (chair of selection committee and former AD at Mittittippi Tate) is not to blame.

For example, some posters on OMSPIRIT are upset:


Rebelinsured
"Screw dhed Templeton as there is NO doubt
his influence on our position this year and years past but this is the IDIOT'S last year and what better way than to stick it up his by winning the regional. Templeton hates Ole Miss and our AD has his head worried about pennies so that is why we continue to get screwed in the baseball seedings.......... Win the regional and tell Larry to &^%# %^$ as he is gone............ JMO ps---msuX screwed up by firing him........oajmho"

PositiveReb
Re: Screw dhed Templeton as there is NO doubt
"Remember, Pat Murphy also has a vote. So he and LT are probably in cahoots."

Instead of blaming the coach of this years team for our poor play and horrid performance at times, some Rebel fans want to lash out at selection committee members and coaches of other programs. Want to hold someone accountable, let it be Mike Bianco.

SEC Record over past 5 seasons:
2005: 18-12
2006: 17-13
2007: 16-14
2008: 15-15

We are getting worse every year!

Mike, you mean to tell me that your most talented team ever was a .500 team in the SEC?

So, if you are upset about our regional draw, get over yourself. If we wanted a regional, we should have played better and hosted our own.

Shame on you, Mike Bianco.

Welcome to Miami

The Road to Omaha starts in Coral Gables, Florida for the Rebels as they join the #1 overall seed Hurricanes in their regional as the #3 seed.  Joining the Rebels in the land of Jews, Old People, Cubans, and X users are the Missouri Tigers, who luckily will not have Chase Daniel playing, and a familiar regional opponent in Bethune-Cookman.

Miami and Ole Miss have developed quite the history over the past few years.  Who can forget the heartbreak in the Super Regional in '06, the donations of Werner and Kehoe to Ed O, or our donation of Cannon Smith and his skrilla to their football program.  The 'Canes and Missouri will be tough opponents for the Rebs, but that's what happens when you lose to first year programs like Central Arkansas.

My God, My God....

Why have you blessed LSU so much? (Matthew 27:46) Ok, well maybe not, but why LSU? There are few people with less class, trashiness, and no collection of people less deserving of joy than those coon asses down on the Bayou.


In order to keep you faithful RSC readers with something to waste your time reading, I ventured down to Hoover on Friday in hopes of seeing Ole Miss win something in a sport not dominated by Euro trash. It did not start off well when Cody Satterwhite came down with a "stomach virus" and gave up some earlier runs to Vanderbilit. By the way, stomach virus my ass, he was more than likely gettin' dranked somewhere the night before.


Things did not get any better when Rory McKean forgot how to to pitch and helped Vandy to a 5 run inning (A recurring theme of the weekend). We lost the game 7-3 or something like that, I do not remember nor care to look it up. That's the type of fine bloggerism you will find here on RSC.


Anyways, we ended up beating the 'Dores in game 2 after burning Bukvich and Bittle in the process, not something you want to do if you have aspirations of winning on Sunday. Following Bittle's shaky performance at the end of the game, and realizing he was done for the weekend I did not have high hopes going into Sunday. By the way, Bittle closed the game out for us Saturday but Brett freaking Basham was fucking phenomenal behind the plate in those two innings. If anyone else was trying to block those pitches at least two would have reached the back stop.


So, Sunday comes and Nathan Baker teased us for a few innings before surrendering three straight doubles. Enter Jake Morgan, whose arm had to be dead, and he gave up a couple more runs. Inning ends with 5 runs and for all intents and purposes we (the team) called it quits after that debacle of an inning, not that it mattered with the arms left in our bullpen.


Enough of the recapping, you all watched/listened to the game, even though those who listened to the game probably got a much different account from those who actually saw what was going on during it. Yes, that was a joke about how ridiculous David Kellum can be on air.


Back to my original point. Why did those fucking coonasses have to win this series? Brian Walker's Elbow already pointed out they got their retribution for Katrina with another national title in football, so why do we have to give them another one? Sure they played piss poor in basketball this year, but they beat us down in their shit hole, and hired a good coach to replace Cry Brady.


Here are a few more reasons LSU fans do not deserve, well, anything.


1. These fucking douches. I ran into these sacks of fuck in the Grove and proceeded to throw mini-corndogs at them. The Pride of LSU right here.






2. This fat ass.




3. These Heauxmeauxsexuals.





4. And for having a QB who was more thuggin than Marcus Vick.


I can only hope G.A.Y. is setting them up for a major letdown in the CWS. I almost want them to make the CWS and lose on a walk off grandslam, or maybe have that happen in the Super Regionals. Either way I think it is much better than a quick exit in regional play, let's all hope G.A.Y. gets their hopes up before going Sodom and Gomorrah on their ass.

We Are....Ole Miss

The Ghost of Jay Cutler, Ivory Tower, and I made the trip to Hoover for the first two games, and all I can say is wow. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am very critical of Mike Bianco, but I will lay off for now...

Georgia Game:

This Ole Miss team showed a lot of heart, and I am very proud of Lance Lynn and Scott Bittle for their efforts. Lance Struck out twelve and only allowed four hits, and "The Bittler" did an outstanding job as well.

Sorry folks, I needed some Cozart.

Kentucky Game:

I hate Kentucky baseball. Kentucky, huh? More like Ken-sucky.... When they played their first game against Alabama, they would not quit their howling... It was annoying! What made is worse was the fact that the Alabama fans would yell and howl back. Anyway, our team showed tremendous amounts of heart. Matt Smith's homerun was probably the biggest shot I have ever seen in my life (I wasn't really around in the days of Pettway/Head)! Anyway, it was a shot. Michael Guerrero had hit the ball hard for two days straight, and I knew it was only a matter of time before he sent (another)one out. Scott Green embarrassed Overbeck, but he served up a fastball to Guerrero. I was in disbelief of what had happened! I ended up jumping on top of the dugout with kids, infants, random fans, and Guerrero's dad. It was incredible! However, there are a couple of things that I should not overlook. Logan Power's single was huge! He ran the pitcher out of the game, and him being on base was crucial to the walk-off. Another thing I found interesting was that Sawyer Carroll held his arm high in victory when Colin Cowgill hit the sac-fly to send him home. They thought they had the lead for good... Take that Ken-sucky!

John Cohen, Kentucky's skipper, had interesting quotes after the game. "We have had great success against Ole Miss the last few times we've played. We threw two bad pitches in the last couple of innings. I felt they had to win this game to get into a regional. I am pleased with the way our kids competed, but Ole Miss took two great swings when it really mattered. I think overall we played a better game but that is how it works sometimes." Keep in mind that he is a Bulldog at heart. Guess what? John Cohen is a tool bag. What if we had not committed those two errors? We could make excuses too, but we won. Go back to Kensucky you howling tool bags.

Since we are poor college students, we headed home after the game. I listened to today's games on the radio, and I am thrilled we got it done today.

The stars so far:

If you reference this blog post I wrote, I predicted that we would get hot if we had Guerrero and Henry back strong. Guess what? I was right....

Guerrero has been unbelievable! Also, Jordan Henry is back! He is a machine! Kudos to Mike Bianco for sticking with him through the thick and thin. Brett Basham has done an incredible job behind the plate.

Ole Miss becomes the first eight seed to advance to the championship game.

LSU:

They are hotter than a two dollar pistol right now, so this will be the Rebels toughest outing of the year. Nathan Baker will get the nod, and he did well in his last midweek start in Oxford. I think that he will give us four or five innings and probably give up four runs. We will then go to the pitch-by-committee plan with Satterwhite, McKean, and maybe Bittle. This is gonna be amazingly hard, but we can do it. When you're hot, you're hot.

By the way, I have some pics I will be putting up this week. I would put them up now, but the internets is acting up and being slow.

This is the New RSC Soundtrack

How we didn't find this thing earlier is way beyond me. A Tip o' the Hat goes to EDSBS for showing the entire Blogosphere how it's done. If anyone out there makes a real music video for this, I'll give you 10 bucks. No joke.

All Hyperboles Aside, Scout.com is Run by Assholes

If you've ever read or listened to Chuck Rounsaville and/or Yancy Porter and are a rational person then you've most certainly picked up on their bullshit. They're professional sunshine pumpers and rake in money from old guys in sweater vests who don't know any better. While they are fairly good at seeming objective in their reporting, there are moments when laziness catches up to them and their work, especially with concerns to the evaluation of recruits, becomes insanely absurd. Check out this gem from Yancy Porter concerning Terrico White, a basketball recruit:

"You will not see a smoother shot by a freshman entering the SEC next year, period. We would even go as far to say that he has the best technically sound shot that we have seen enter the Rebel program in the last 25 years. When you watch his highlights below, the camera distance makes it a little hard to get a good close view of his shot, but it is as pretty as Michael Jordan flying through the air."

What? Not only do you completely eliminate the possibility of my judgment ("you will not see blablablabla PERIOD! DO YOU FUCKING GET THAT! YOUR OPINION BE DAMNED! I WORK FOR SCOUT.COM!) but then you think I'm foolish enough to believe that this shooting guard is comparable to Michael Jordan.

What the fuck, Yancy?

Yeah, it's true, the kid is a "four star" recruit and looks like he will be able to successfully contribute right away to Coach Kennedy's basketball team, but to compare him to Michael Jordan is a bit much, don't you think? You could have just described his abilities and given us some stats or, if you really deem it necessary, reasonably compare him to an NBA player (I dunno, Mike Bibby or something?).

How many times have we seen this? I can remember on signing day when we had some tight end that Chuck compared to Kellen Winslow and some linebacker he compared to Patrick Willis. Do they think we're stupid, or do they really believe this nonsense? I understand that they are trying to use descriptions that are something more than stats, star counts, and 40 times, but at least they could be a bit more creative.

Chuck and Yancy think this is Barry Sanders

What's even worse than all of this though are the people that just lap this up. A lot of people get huge recruiting boners when they read one of these reports or hear it repeated at signing day parties. They walk around with that smug "I-just-payed-10-dollars-for-misleading-'insider'-information" look on their face and say things like "this kid reminds me a lot of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar" and "A.J. Jackson is going to qualify." Chances are, you've got a friend or coworker or something who is one of these folks and, chances are, you stopped believing whatever he says years ago.

A great deal of this scout.com nonsense is patronizing and lazy. Why people pay money for it is way beyond me. I mean, it's not all bad, but the bad stuff is quite awful. My charge to you, faithful Cup fan, is to objectively sift through this balderdash and separate the wheat from the chaff. If you can do that, you're already better than Scout's proprietors and 90% of its reader base.

Q: What happens to runners-up in Kentucky?

A: They get euthanized on a racetrack, that's what.


Too soon? Fuck it, I don't care. Fuck horse racing. That shit is retarded. Anyway, let me just say that tonights baseball game is easily one of the best baseball experiences I have ever had in my life. Kentucky was a tough opponent but we scored the runs when we needed too.

I'm hoarse (no pun intended), delighted, and absolutely exhausted from making the entire drive from Birmingham to Jackson starting at 1AM. I promise we'll put up pictures and commentary and shit from the SEC Tournament, just let us get some rest.

Alright, everyone can exhale...

Baseball game? What baseball game? I was talking about the commitment of Corinth DE/LB Markell Lee... was there something else going on tonight? Anyways, Lee marks UM's 3rd commitment for the summer. Apparently, there is reason to be excited about this one; he looks like a keeper. Anyways, no OMSpirit commitment story is complete without a ridiculous quote, so enjoy:

"Coach Markuson is recruiting me, and he has done a good job in making me feel important."

There you have it: 17 year old kids, even the 6'5, 250 lb. ones that could rip you in half, just need a little attention.

Basketball Vid

Yeah, I know we do not usually do this kind of thing here but Terrico White's latest highlight video is awesome.  Yeah, he's playing against high school kids, we do not know how his game will translate into the SEC, and all that other crap people say when it comes to recruiting.  

Whatever, his video is sick and he is going to have an immediate impact on next year's team.  First thing I notice is his ability to shoot off the dribble.  Something none of the wing players on our team can do with any consistency.  If Huertas or Polynice are taking threes off the dribble it is a safe bet it's not going to hit anything, unless DAHVEED is taking a half-court shot.  

He also can play above the rim.  Check out the dunk around the 4:47 mark of the video and all the other ones in the latter half, it'll be nice to have someone other than Malcolm who has that kind of athleticism.

SEC Story of Character: Scott Bittle

Scott Bittle was born on August 27, 1986 to Joe and Nancy Bittle. He began pitching at the age of eight (ok, I made that up), and everyone knew he was going to be something special. The road throughout high school was not easy, but he lettered two years. During his senior year, he posted a 5-3 record with two saves in twelve appearances, and he had 77 strike outs in 55 innings pitched. His ERA was 2.08, and he was named to the All-District team.

After high school, he moved on to Northeast Texas Community College where he earned a letter. He was All-Conference, and he posted a 6-4 record in 11 appearances with a 4.24 ERA his first season. He had 67 strikeouts and walked only 23 in 58.0 innings pitched that year. However, rotator cuff tendinitis led him to receive a medical redshirt during the 2006 campaign.

In the fall of 2006, he signed on with the Rebels with 3 to play 3. He chose Ole Miss over Texas A&M, TCU, and the College of Charleston.

The 2007 campaign started hot for Scott as he earned 6 saves prior to the start of SEC play. He had saves over No. 21 Evansville (2/18), Memphis (2/20), Belmont (2/27), No. 5 Arkansas (3/2), Austin Peay (3/6), No. 23 UCLA (3/11) and South Alabama (3/20).

However, tragedy struck on the opening weekend of conference action. Will Kline had out-dueled David Price of Vanderbilt until the bitter end. With the game tied at 2, Bittle was brought in only to lose the game for the Rebels. Most of the team thought this was an aberration for a man who had absolutely mowed down opponents prior to this match. Then, it happened again during the Sunday game. The Rebels had a 6-5 lead going into the bottom of the ninth. Shea Robin hit a grounder to greatly missed Short Stop Zack Cozart, but Peyton Farr dropped the ball allowing Robin to reach safely. Jonathan White then hit a chopper over Farr’s head to reach on a single. Matt Meingasner delivered yet another game tying RBI single. White was thrown out on the hit as he attempted to go to third for the second out of the inning (That would be game over, and Bittle would get the save). Brad French then reached on a bunt single, before David Macias ended the game with his single to right to score Meingasner.

For the second time in three games, Bittle had failed. As usual, Mike Bianco is stubborn, and I agree with Mike in this case. Bittle had the skills to pay the bills. I mean, why not stick with a guy that had carried your team all year. The very next Friday night against Alabama, it happened again. With the bases loaded, Bittle entered to relieve Will Kline and get out of the jam. The Rebels were up by 2 and desperately needed some help. Bittle couldn't stand the pressure nor find the strike zone as he walked the first two batters to tie the contest. Then, he allowed a single that gave the game to Bama. Third appearance: Third loss.

Things just did not add up. He was unhittable. Now, he had become batting practice (when he could find the strike zone).

Bittle then found himself pitching an inning against Southern Miss in the annual midweeker in Pearl. He did well, and he had more action with .2 IP in the opening act against Auburn. In the Saturday game, he pitched his way out of a jam in the seventh, despite allowing a hit and a walk. By this time, he should have been abandoned as a closer, but Bianco wanted to try it just one more time. Against LSU on a Friday night, Bittle entered with a 3-3 score to work with. After two singles and a walk, Bittle threw four straight balls to walk Ryan Schimpf. Ok, Mike, it's time for Satterwhite to take over, and Bittle was abandoned. As the season continued, he was a role player, and he had a couple of appearances including the Regional Championship game start against Sam Houston State.

He finished the 2007 campaign with 28 appearances, including 25 relief appearances and three starts. He posted a 2-5 record on the year with seven saves. He struck out 59 and walked only 17 in 42.0 IP while turning in an ERA of 2.79.

Luckily for Scott, Satterwhite being a closer for the 2007 team was a disaster, and that job was open for anyone to take over. Sadly, the 2007 team had too many occasions where the box score read 8.2 innings pitched. But, did he want to come back to face it all again? He was drafted in the 48th round by the Yankees (which is his favorite team).

Scott has courage and heart, and he decided to stick around and give it another try. After some off season work on a change-up (that is detrimental for lefties), he entered 2008 brimming with confidence.

He did well during non-conference play, but we already knew that didn't we? His first SEC test came in the second game against Mississippi State in Starkville. Satterwhite had done a decent job, and Bittle entered to pitch the final four frames to earn the win. This was great for Scott, but he needed to do more to prove himself. He came in the series opener against Vanderbilt in relief for Lance Lynn and pitched a gem as the Rebels held on to win 7-6. So, he had redemption against his first SEC stumbling block. There was only one thing left: LSU.

April 11, 2008. Lance Lynn pitches an absolute gem, but his pitch count was running high. So, Mike puts Scott Bittle in. Bittle earned his 3rd save as he closed out the ninth inning with two strikeouts. Scott mowed LSU down, and he got revenge for the wrong doing that happened a year earlier in Red Stick. After that moment of atonement, he went one to have impressive performances against South Carolina, Arkansas, Georgia, and Auburn.

His most impressive outing yet came last Saturday against Kentucky. With the entire season on the line, he lasted 7 innings in relief and only allowed one run. For the largest amount of SEC redemption one can get, he struck out the best hitter in the league in Sawyer Carroll.

That performance made the Rebels season continue. What if Scott had decided to give up on college and sign with the Yankees? What if Scott hadn't had the courage to climb on the mound one more time as a closer? We will never know the answer to those questions.

However, Bittle has been the most dynamic closer in Ole Miss history. He is the only reliever in Ole Miss history to register more than 100 strike outs, and he has 109. He leads the nation in K's per 9IP with a little more than 15. On Monday night, he won the Ferriss Trophy which recognizes the top player in the state of Mississippi. He has also been named one of the semifinalists for the Clemens Award which goes to the top pitcher in college baseball.

Scott, whether you win the Clemens Award or not, you are definitely the best in the business. Thank you for being the highlight of 2008 season!

Scott Bittle: a story of character.

Rebel of the Week: Repeat Edition!

Scott Bittle won the Ferris Trophy today. As we all know, he deserved it for being the best reliever we've ever had AND for giving us an excuse to use really corny comic book references an a seemingly daily basis.

You know what else Scott won? His second consecutive Rebel of the Week prize! Look, I know, it's kinda lame but shit, it's summer and there isn't shit going on. You got any better ideas? We'd like to hear 'em if you do, no joke.

Message Board Idiots

I think this is something we're going to start doing pretty regularly. Because I troll tons of message boards, I encounter stupid posters very regularly. I'll be bolding mistakes in grammar and some other things of interest. Here are a few posts:

Posted by: spbone
Posted on: Mississippi Sports Talk
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:30 AM

SP NATION TAKE NOTICE!!!

---

Hate to say I told you so, so I wont! I'll just keep banging my head against the wall!!! Chris Strong whom I care alot about, wouldnt listen! He like many others has belived the lies spilled to him bout Ole Miss, went over there then when they didnt need him we will see you later. He is headed to NW then hopefully to somewhere where they develop boys to men! Whatever you do Chris dont let being pushed away get you down!!

END POST

I'm sure you have all seen posts similar to this. It's just a brilliant post. I think my favorite sentence is:

"He like many others has believed the lies spilled to him bout Ole Miss, went over there when they didn't need him we will see you later."

This is, I think, what he was going for:
"He, like many others before him, believed the lies that were spilled about Ole Miss, so he chose to attend school there. When Ole Miss no longer needed Chris, they told him that they couldn't attend classes for him or take his tests."

The icing on the cake is that he uses "whom" the sentence before. He uses it correctly, but still... to use the little-used "whom" and then follow with a sentence like the one in question is sheer magnificence.

Does spbone (a great name btw) think that Chris Strong was done a disservice by Ole Miss? Should they have somehow forced the teachers to give him passing grades? I think that only happens at South Panola (and many other high schools I'm sure). I would be remiss not to mention the three heads banging against walls. That smiley just plain sucks. The fact that "The Bone" feels the need to explain the smiley makes this post even better.

Need I even mention that all but one sentence ends with at least one exclamation point?

NEXT

Posted by: o2b4um
Posted on: OMSB
Posted: Yesterday 12:25 AM

who said this team has no heart... (3 votes)

---

...not a word mentioned after the big win. a team with no heart doesn't show up

today and win this game. great job rebels, lets win some games at hoover.

END POST

I don't know what's worse, the fact that this poster made this post or that he has an average rating on this post of 3.5 stars. I wonder why anyone would think that our baseball team has no heart. Maybe it's because we were #2 in the nation at one point and limped our way into the SEC tournament. It could also be because we:
1. Lost a series to TCU
2. Split with Western Kentucky (29-24, 16-14 Sun Belt)
3. Lost to Central Arkansas - I think that this can best be summed up with this sentence from their official athletics site, "The victory gave the Bears a .500 record (27-27-1, 13-16-1) in their second season at the NCAA Division I level."
4. Lost a home series to Alabama
5. Split with the worst MSU team ever to play baseball
6. Lost a home series to Arkansas (who didn't make the SEC tournament)

I don't know why anyone would say the team had no heart. Especially with our starting pitching doing so well recently (see: all three starters being pulled in the fourth this weekend).

I would also like to point out what I said after we beat Kentucky. I believe it was, "Dangit. Now I have to get my hopes up again only to have them come crashing back down." So yes. "Naysayers" did say a word after the "big" win.

And lastly:

Posted by: DiamondReb1083
Posted on: OMSB
Posted: Today 3:24 PM
In reference to: Eniel Polynice's role and Terrico White

Re: "09 Basketball team and Terrico White

At the same time it wasn't his job to shoot. He was the driver of the group and one of the fast break leaders. David was supposed to be the shooter. Granted he came on at the end of the year in a big way but was woeful throughout the year. Eneil was also our best defensive player. He and White will make a great tandum. Seriously when have we had more talent than this team for next year. The answer is quickly never.

1. Chris Warren
2. David Huertas
3. Polynice/White
4. The new JUCO guy/Holloway/kid from LA
5. Malcom White/Cantinol

That team is loaded. Our guard play should be as good as anyone's.

END POST

First of all, there is no u in tandem. Secondly, it WAS Polynice's job to shoot. He's a guard. Most important about this post though are the bolded sentences. The answer is actually quickly "When our team went to the Sweet 16". Lockhart and Reed made it fantastic. Add in Jason Harrison. That team had proven talent. Here's how I see our depth chart for next season:

PG: Chris Warren	Will Bogan
SG: David Huertas	Terrico White	Trevor Gaskins
SF: Eniel Polyneice	Zach Graham	Brandon Wilson
PF: DeAundre Cranston	Terrance Henry	Murphy Holloway
C: Malcolm White	Kevin Cantinol

Of note:
1. "kid from LA" is Terrance Henry. "The new JUCO guy" is Deaundre Cranston. It's interesting that you're sure they're talented but don't know their names.
2. 3 of our 13 players headed into next season (Warren, Huertas, and Polynice) have proven they can be relied upon. I guess maybe you could count Zach Graham as well, but it would be a big stretch.
3. We have one big man returning who played in a 4-year college game last year.
4. I have never seen 7 of the 13 players play. I don't know whether or not they're talented.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not always negative. I agree that we have a ton of potential for next season. I'm very excited, but to say that we've never had more talent is just ridiculous when more than half of the players on roster have never played a game for us.

I just hope that DeAundre Cranston wasn't a Juco All-American.

I still hate you Mike Bianco

Saturday's game was a complete tease. The back and forth was almost unbearable. This is how bad it was: I almost though Cody Satterwhite was a good pitcher. Then, the collapse happened. That is the thing about Cody. He looks great for three innings, but then he collapses.

I'll agree with The Ghost of Jay Cutler's assessment. If Bittle's Saturday performance was not enough to prove his worthiness for the Ferris Award, I do not know what is. If I had a vote, The Bittler would get the award hands down.

I'm very proud of Scott. He has fought back after a very tough 2007 campaign. I think he should start our Wednesday game versus Georgia.

Here's the tournament bracket:

Session 1

(2) LSU versus (7) USC at 11:00

(3) Florida versus (6) Vanderbilt at 1:00

Session 2

(1) Georgia versus (8) Ole Miss at 5:00

(4) Kentucky versus (5) Alabama at 8:00

Of course, the losers of session 1 play the next day. The winners of session 1 play the following day. The same is true for the other session as well.

Come on Mike, please do not screw this up.

So, we backed in to Hoover.

This season has been a complete wreck. After teasing our baseball-genitalia with a 22-5 opener against Minnesota (who turned out to be the absolute worst team in the Big Ten) and a #2 national ranking, this team went on to drop games to TCU, Western Kentucky, and Central Arkansas among many, many others only to squeak into the SEC Tournament as the #8 seed.

Perhaps it's karma for all of our joy surrounding State's eerily similar collapse two seasons ago. Perhaps the sports gods still hate us. Or perhaps Mike Bianco can't coach. Whatever it is though doesn't really matter because we're on the bus. My hopes aren't high but I'm still excited. A few of us cuppers are going to be in Hoover come Wednesday and, shit, who knows, maybe we'll upload a YouTube or something. Hopefully we'll see some of you there.

Hotty Toddy and Go Rebs.


P.S. - If Bittle's performance today (7 innings IN RELIEF with only one run) isn't enough to get the Ferris Trophy than I don't know what is. Why this stud wasn't a starter will likely always baffle me.

Chris Strong is gone, Powe is (fingers crossed) in, and some Schadenfreude

Coach O was a recruiting guru. Coach O was not, however, a getting-students-to-go-to-class guru. Chris Strong, the crown jewel of last years signing class, has withdrawn from school and will not see action on the field in an Ole Miss uniform (likely) ever again. Strong, an academically questionable recruit out of South Panola who qualified after a semester at Genesis One, failed out of school last semester because he was likely too high to give a fuck.

There is good news (kinda sorta) though. Jerrell Powe, after his epic uphill battle against written language and the NCAA compliance offices, may actually qualify (for realsies this time) and see action this fall. Even ESPN's Bruce Feldman blogs about it. I, personally, won't get my hopes up until I witness first-hand Powe attempting an on-field ingestion of Matt Malouf this upcoming September.

And finally, Joe McKnight, the cause of Ed Orgeron's most impressive(ly competitive) erection, is ineligible for spring practice at USC (#25). The situation with McKnight at USC fully proves, to me at least, that all of this recruiting hype and obsession over stars and class rankings is absolutely dumb, especially when these kids can't get it done in the classroom. Yeah, I know, college football is really a minor league for the NFL and literacy doesn't matter when you've got an agent, but the NCAA says these kids have to pretend like they want to earn a degree. Although some of you may object, we should definitely be more concerned with playing by the NCAA rules than Scout.com's recruiting rankings.

Dang't Mike Bianco

It just keeps getting uglier for the Rebels, and I am sick of it, Mike Bianco. The big problem is that we suck. I said it. We suck. We cannot get clutch hits, and we cannot field the ball. Heck, we cannot even pitch anymore.

It is do or die time for the Rebels at 5:30 central time this evening. Drew Pomeranz will take the hill for the Rebels, and I hope he decides to not tip his pitches today.

If you cannot tell, I am angry. I was an optimist in earlier years, but now I am an "angrymist". You don't go around preaching this is the most talented and deepest team you have ever had, and then not even make the SEC Tournament. Come on, Mike.

In other news:

Somehow, some way, Mississippi State beat Arkansas during the first game of "Pack the Park for Polk" weekend. Thank you, Mississippi State. Now, we desperately need you to win two more. Also, South Carolina lost to Tennessee. The Rebels, Hogs, and Gamecocks now fill out the 7, 8, & 9 spots respectively.

Another important note: cheer you buts off for Georgia. Rain postponed last night's match-up with Alabama, and now they will play a double-header today. Go Georgia! If they sweep Alabama and we win one game, we are in!

However, if we cannot take two from Kentucky, we need not complain about not making it to Hoover or a Regional because we surely would not deserve to. And that's the bottom line.

Regional Projections

JimHalpert, regular poster at NAFOOM, has posted the latest regional projections over there. I don't know which gypsy soothsayer is spitting this stuff out, but we're projected to go to Hattiesburg as a #3 seed.

These projections have nine SEC teams in the tournament (excluding only Auburn, Tennessee, and Mississippi State).

Preliminary projections for the SEC Tournament next weekend in Hoover have Georgia as the #1 seed, the three above-discussed teams being left out, and no one else knowing their bat from their b-hole.

R[R]C Endorses Satterwhite for Congress

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

OXFORD, MISS. - The Editorial Board at Red [REDACTED] Cup has chosen to endorse Cody Satterwhite, the Junior Right-hander from Jackson, Mississippi, to fill the unexpired term of Sen. Roger Wicker, whose appointment left a vacancy in the 1st Congressional District of Mississippi. A brief statement read as follows:

"We feel that Cody's dedication to public service, his love for his fellow man, and his residency in the First Congressional District qualify him for this prestigious post. Though we regret that his duties as a United States Congressman will take him out of the lineup for the Rebels' weekend series against Kentucky, as well as, the SEC and NCAA Tournaments, we are sure that Coach Bianco will be able to fill the void. This group has become convinced that Cody's talents are better suited to elected office than they are to the pitcher's mound. There must be literally thousands of things Satterwhite does better than playing college baseball."

"There must be."

Tar Heel Tennis - What You Need to Know

Let's start with an editorial note:

GOOD GOD! THIS IS THE THIRD TENNIS POST IN A ROW!

But, Friday morning Rebel Nation will continue its most reasonable hope for a national championship in anything (back off, Rifle Girls, what you do is illegal in at least 13 states) against the University of North Carolina Tar Heels. UNC is a different kind of program than Ole Miss - it has Americans. That's plural with an S. Five from North Carolina alone. In fact, the Tar Heels have not one, no, no, not one Nordic tennis player.

Advantage: Ole Miss.

Here's a recipe for success if you ever wanted one: recruit a bunch of Euro-trash who went to high schools like the Norwegian School for Athletics (Erling Tveit's alma mater - it's like Genesis One only without having to pretend that "academics" is the reason people go to school). If you (and by "you" I mean the architect of an athletic program that doesn't make money) absolutely have to have an American, make sure he's black.

Where's the diversity, Tar Heels? You're racism is killing me inside, North Carolina.

It's because of this lack of foresight that the Tar Heels got heeled by Miami in the ACC Tournament. Click the link, and you'll see why I cannot figure out if Miami has a tennis team or a fraternity chapter at a Big Ten school.

If you're looking for actual analysis, UNC boasts the #6 Doubles Team in the country - Taylor Fogleman and Chris Kearney, but Jonas and Erling are ranked #5 and Wellerman and ten Berge are ranked #21, so...Go Rebs! UNC players ranked in the ITA Top 100 include 2 court man Stefan Hardy at #73 and 3 court man Chris Kearney at #91. Ole Miss individuals are Erling Tveit at 22, Matthias Wellerman at 29, Robbye Poole at 56, and Bram ten Berge at 95.

The Rebels, in summary, are deeper than the Tar Heels by almost any measure. For more information on the Rebels click here or click here for notes on North Carolina.

25 Days a Week and I will be going to Tulsa this weekend where nothing less than a personal introduction to the team members' busty European sisters will be satisfactory. I think we will also try to catch the tennis match. We would liveblog, but we aren't sure that Tulsa has progressed beyond tins cans connected by taut string. But, if by some miracle, this system of tubes and wires connects itself to the only state that wishes it were Texas, we'll keep you posted.

Breaking News...

Oxford, MS- An unfortunate off-the-court incident has put a damper on the hopes of the Ole Miss men's tennis team as they head into Friday's Sweet 16 matchup with North Carolina. In a packed press conference, UM coach Billy Chadwick acknowledged rumors of misconduct on the part of at least two of his players: "Jonas Berg and Erling Tveit have both met with me about the incident in question. I have not yet decided on disciplinary action, but a match suspension is certainly a possibility."
With the rumor mill spinning at full tilt, RSC contacted Chadwick early Tuesday afternoon to get the story straight. With unprecedented frankness, a disappointed Chadwick spilled the scoop on the troubled doubles partners:
"As a family, and as a team, we are very upset with the behavior of Jonas and Erling. We are still sorting out all the details of the incident, and I hope that no other players were involved." When prodded for more details, Chadwick was initially reluctant: "All I can say is that both players allegedly attended a house party on Monday evening that stretched well beyond the allotted team curfew of 11:00 PM..."
Hungry for answers, our intrepid RSC reporter was able to pry further into the heart of the story. An unidentified UM tennis staffer was able to provide this tipoff in exchange for his anonymity: (paraphrased)
Berg and Tveit arrived at a house party on College Hill road Monday night, and from approximately 10:45PM to 1:00AM, consumed as many as four Smirnoff Ices ('Smices') each. After this point, they called for a designated driver. Before leaving the premises, they were noted by one partygoer as being 'slightly louder than normal,' and were even rumored to have caroused with or perhaps even cavorted with a female attendee before their driver arrived.

While this incident was the first infraction for Berg, Tveit has been previously disciplined by Chadwick for an inconsistency in ironing his Polo shirts for practice, and for making two B's second semester of his sophomore year.
With the duo's status uncertain, RSC will provide updates as they become available.

May Madness

That's right. It's that time of the year again, when all attention turns away from life as we know it and to the biggest, most hyped tournament of the year--the NCAA Tennis Tournament. After the first two rounds, which were held in baseball-style regionals, the remaining teams are ready to head to Tulsa, OK, for the Sweet 16. Yes, that includes Ole Miss (see the updated bracket).

Oxford Regional: I'll begin with a run-down of the Oxford Regional. The Rebs played the Marist Red Foxes in the first round of the tournament. I guess the closest basketball analogy is a 15 vs. 2 opening round game (and not one of those close ones). Demoralized fairly quickly, the Foxes were retired within two hours of play as multiple Rebels dropped only a single game or none at all. Afterwards, Vanderbilt and Indiana fought through a down-to-the-wire, four-hour-long match that finally ended when Vandy's Vijay Paul came back from three match points in the third set tiebreaker to live another day.

But only one more day: The Commodores moved on to face the Rebels, who won their regular season meeting 6-1, on Sunday. In doubles, Erling and Jonas just couldn't find their groove to get a break and dropped 8-6. On Court 2 after coming back from two breaks down, Matthias and Bram lost a tough tiebreaker to give Vandy the lead 1-0. The Rebels returned to the court for singles "with a little revenge" on their minds, according to Jonas Berg. The Rebs swept through the first set on every court and won on the bottom four courts with no visible struggle to advance to the Sweet 16.


What lies ahead: As it stands, the Rebs are set to play on Friday morning against North Carolina, whom we should handle with relative ease, having already taken them down 4-1 early in the season. In their second round match against Duke, UNC won via the doubles point and courts 4, 5, and 6 in singles (i.e. the same way Ole Miss frequently operates). That won't happen with Berg, Norberg, and ten Berge rounding out the bottom half--in any order. That would pit the Rebels against the winner of Georgia and Pepperdine, both renowned tennis programs.

Overall bracket: Claiming the top five seeds were Virginia, Ohio State, UCLA, Georgia, and Ole Miss, respectively. How do I feel about these seedings, specifically that Ole Miss and Georgia have reversed positions from their actual national rankings? Well, I have no problem with the selection committee's (I'm assuming a similar entity exists for tennis.) choice of Georgia over us. They're a pretty stacked team, and we tend to have a tough time against them. In fact, I'd prefer a six or seven seed just to get us to the other side of the bracket so that we could avoid Georgia and Virginia until the finals. Ohio St., UCLA, and USC present no problem in my mind--all year, I've wanted a rematch against Ohio St., and I just generally have no respect for teams in the PAC-10.

So far, my bracket is panning out far better than its March equivalent, as expected. The noticeable absence of upsets makes the task far simpler. In fact, only one host team did not advance to the Sweet 16. Who is it? In the unfortunate twist of the tournament, Tulsa, the team hosting every remaining match, missed out on this incredible opportunity for home-court advantage. Isn't it ironic...don't you think?

A Bit Harsh

I understand that living in Starkville is a difficult thing to do. I've been there. Seen it. Smelled it.

It drives some to drink, others to indiscriminate barnyard sex, and still others to breaking out their firearms and discharging them into the night. It can also, apparently, drive someone to delusions regarding what is and is not a serious offense against the laws of the State of Mississippi.

Mike "Shoot 'Em Up" Brown, the former Mississippi State football player who spent at least one Friday night gang-banging (the pistol kind, not the internet porn kind) out near, I suppose, the cattle field with his teammate Quinton Wesley, complained in The Daily Journal today that sentencing had been a little rough on him. "That was pretty harsh and all," Brown told Kyle Veazey of the Clarion-Ledger. "First offense, getting a felony."

Which part of Sylvester Croom's legendary discipline regimen instills in young men the virtuous belief that not just possessing, but actually using guns on college campuses is worthy of something less than probation? I guess the topic "The Current Societal Mood Regarding the Discharge of Firearms on University Campuses" must have been covered the same day Croom neglected to discuss the pros and cons of assaulting police officers.

"I mean it's not like I stole pillows or anything," Brown said.

He didn't actually say that, but it would have been a gall-darn hoot if he had.

Rebel of the Week: Silly Comic Book Reference Edition (I need to lay off for a week or so)!

Finally, a baseball weekend worthy of a RotW prize winner! This weeks winner is none other than Scott "The Bittler" Bittle for relieving Cody Satterwhite (who, believe-it-or-not, wasn't a complete fuckup on Sunday) in dominating fashion. Bittle struck out 7, walked 1, and only gave up 2 hits while earning the win over the Auburn Tigers in four innings during Sunday afternoon's rubber match. Although not there in person, I was able to tune in on the radio and it sounded like Bittle was just making anyone who stepped into the batters box seem foolish. The kid throws some sick stuff and, in the opinion of many, should be a starter for this squad.

In addition, he (along with two other players who aren't a part of Ron Polk's band of misfits) was recently named a finalist for the Ferris Award given annually to the best college baseball player in the great state of MS. All of this comes after Bittle earned his 99th strikeout, the most ever for an Ole Miss reliever.

Congratulations Scott Bittle! You're the Rebel of the Week!

P.S. - Sorry this was a day late. I was busy graduating and some shit.

Rebel Round-Up

Laud Noises. Scott Bittle, Tim Ferguson, and Dwayne Curtis have received various individual awards. Bittle is one of three finalists for the Boo Ferriss Award, given each year to Mississippi's best collegiate baseball player. The other finalists appreciate consideration, but concede that they do not, in fact, lead the SEC in strikeouts as a closer. Tim Ferguson is the SEC Freshman of the Week. Please, Southeastern Conference, don't encourage him. Meanwhile, Ole Miss alum Dwayne Curtis was honored as the Howell Trophy Fan's Choice Award, not to be confused with the Howell Trophy, which is awarded to Mississippi's top collegiate basketball player. Jamont Gordon was awarded the Howell Trophy at a ceremony a few weeks ago. How did Curtis get the votes but not the trophy? Because Rick Cleveland is a SUPERDELEGATE!!!!.

It's not spelled Nagurskay. Peria Jerry, whose name is inexplicably pronounced puh-RAY-uh, has been named a finalist for the Bronco Nagurski Trophy, along with All-American Back-Up Greg Hardy. The Nagurski, pronounced phonetically, is awarded to the nation's top defensive player. Patrick Willis won the award after his senior campaign in 2006, beating 2007 winner James Laurinitis of Ohio State, who will probably win again. Laurinitis, were he in the Southeastern Conference, would have "deceptive speed," but in the Big Ten the only deception is that any player has anything like "speed."

Lay off the kid. Poor Sean Stuyverson has been given the most unfortunate nickname on RSC, E6. But I'm here to take up for E6, who does not, in fact, lead the SEC in errors committed, a distinction which belongs to Tennessee's Danny Lima. Take that, Danny Lima!

Attention Please: Now committing the error for Ole Miss: Sean Stuyverson

They say that you learn something new every day. Well, that is absolutely right. I learned that can Sean Stuyverson not only incorrectly field ground balls and not throw anywhere accurately, he cannot bunt either. With the Rebels down by one, there are runners on first and second with no outs. Sean Stuyverson is up to bat. So, the obvious, logical thing to do in this situation is put both runners in scoring position. Bianco calls the bunt.... And the only problem is that Stuyverson actually has an inability to bunt. He misses the first. The second. And strikes out on the third with the miss. Not only that, Guerrero gets caught away from the bag at second and gets thrown out by the catcher. Now, one man on first with two outs, and the Rebels do not score. Thanks, Sean Stuyverson.

After this fiasco, The Ghost of Jay Cutler called me and said, "Why is Stuyverson still in the line-up?" I replied, "Why is he even still on the team?"

Thankfully, Mike put Ferguson in the next time. Ironically, Ferguson bats with no outs and two men on. You know what happens? He bunts for a base hit!!!!! Then, the bases are loaded, and Basham gets the sac-fly. WOW!!!

Satterwhite did not have that bad of a day with only giving up 2 runs through five innings, and I am glad that Mike had a short leash with him. Putting Bittle in was incredible, and he finished with 7 strikeouts in 4 innings pitched. After we got ahead, I knew that we would win with Scott on the mound. I think he is too great to only pitch 3 or 4 innings a week.

Since Ivory Tower has already laid the SEC Tourney picture out for you, here is my formula for winning in Lexington:

Friday: Lynn

Saturday: The Bittler

Sunday: Pomeranz

This way, you have power and consistency on Friday. Junk and NASTY on Saturday, and power from the left side on Sunday. This would keep the potent Kentucky attack at bay. The next part of the formula is kicking Stuyverson off the team.

Here is my batting order:

J. Henry RF

F. Smith LF

L. Power CF

C. Overbeck 3B

L. Williams DH (why hasn't he played more, mike?)

M. Smith 1B (strikes out too much in the line-up to be placed higher)

Z. Miller 2B

T. Ferguson SS

B-Twice C

As always, these games show me just how much Mike over-coaches. Why, Mike? I'm sure it is worth taking a kid out who has a home run so you can put Cullan Kight in against that new right handed pitcher out of the bullpen. Geez.

Again, I could spend hours ranting about Mike Bianco, but if he wins two against Kentucky, it could shut me up for a little while.

SEC Tournament: The Math

Here's how it looks:

UGA 18-7-1
VAN 15-11
LSU 15-11-1
FLA 14-13
ALA 14-13
UKY 14-13
MIS 14-13
ARK 13-13


SCAR 13-14
TENN 11-16
AUB 11-16
MSU 7-20

With, basically, the entire pack sitting at 14 wins, any stab at predicting the Rebels' seeding is a less than advisable practice for the amateur athletic reporter who wishes not to look silly. What we do know is that we need two games on LSU to win the West. The Tigers meet the other Tigers of East Alabama in said region of Alabama. Thankfully, the other Alabama team visits the SEC Champion Georgia Bulldogs to receive their lashing. Assuming Georgia continues its winning ways against the Tide, Ole Miss can play its way into the 4th seed in the tournament, as it will have tie-breakers over Florida and Kentucky, with three wins in Lexington.

Clearly, this will never ever happen. And, while two wins seals the deal automatically, one makes things dicey. Why? Well, the top team left out of the tournament right now is South Carolina at 13-14 in the conference. South Carolina took two from Ole Miss a few weeks ago, so they have an advantage over the Rebels.

Basically, as illustrated above, six teams have realistic shots at the 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 seeds in two weeks. The Rebels just have to have a better weekend than one of them. The good news is that the SEC Tournament (as well as the NCAA Tournament) are both places where a team with two top-flight pitchers can do well. You know what else you can do with two top-flight pitchers? Put yourself in Birmingham by sending Kentucky to the house.

I Have To Do It

Hopefully tonight will signify the end of E-6's time in the playing field. I would prefer that we did not have to use a walk-off 3-run shot to knock off Auburn, but I'll take whatever I can get.

An Important Programming Note

As part of RSC's ongoing effort to "change the culture" at Ole Miss, we often analyze Ole Miss policy and offer suggestions regarding your compliance therewith.

We all know that last spring the university lifted its official stance against the possession by legal adults of alcohol on campus. The policy was directed at distinguishing (if not condoning) the legal possession and consumption intoxicating spirits between the such illegal possession and consumption by the young ones.

Now, tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m., Shepherd Smith, Ole Miss "alumnus," will be delivering the address at the university's 157th commencement. There are two very real reasons why RSC is encouraging you to change the culture and bring your booze to commencement.

Whether it be some Jameson in your coffee (black, sir, Jameson does not appreciate your Carnation fake-cream) or a mimosa for your woman-friend, there's no reason you should feel bad about yourself when you are throwing back some morning glory while listening to a college drop-out address a few thousand people who will never make as much money as him about the merits of their achievement.

If your whistle still isn't wet, then at least be practical - you'll need to be a little dizzy to buy the stuff an anchor at Fox News will be selling you. I, personally, never watch Fox News without a little mental lubrication to ward off the "What the eff...?" moments that invariably happen when watching Fox Noise, listening to Michael Savage, or free-basing cocaine.

Baseball Hosts Auburn

Ole Miss' (31-19, 12-12) final home series of the season begins in a little under two hours at Swayze Field, where the Rebels are hosting Auburn (26-23, 9-14).

Sitting half a game behind the temporal manifestation of all the designs of the evil one, and tied with a slightly lesser evil holding a tiebreaker over the Rebels, Ole Miss has one simple mission.

Avoid the Satterwhite.

Cody, bless his heart, is a pretty good representation of Ole Miss athletics - full of potential and talent, but in performance and execution only another disappointment. Ole Miss seems destined to win tonight's and Saturday's games by some figure analogous to the gross national product of some emerging East Asian nation only to drop the sweep opportunity on Sunday when some walk-on douchebag hits a three-run shot off of Cody's FIFTY-SECOND DOWN-THE-PIPE FASTBALL IN A ROW!

The Clarion-Ledger's preview article headlines the contributions of big Rebel batters like Logan Power. If Ole Miss has a chance at winning the weakest SEC Western Division since baseball was a glimmer in the eye of some ninny-pantsed cricket player, they really need to not lose to the worst team in the Southeastern Conference.

Well, not the worst.

Bottom line, Ole Miss has to take care of business on the Lord's Day and hope that Hoky Polky (who visits Red Stick this weekend for the last time) can pull some of its voodoo Croom-magic against LSU. I decline to make any predictions regarding our or LSU's chances of success or failure this weekend. I only concern myself with the physical and rational, and, as previously referenced, I know longer believe in baseball.

Stories of Character: Ryan Perrilloux

As told by the 504 Boyz

As long as he could remember, back to his days reppin' ho's in East Texas Indian Casinos, Ryan Perrilloux had one dream - go to the University of Texas at Austin on a football scholarship, be the first four-time winner of the coveted Heisman Trophy, bolt after his Junior year, and make it rain.

But, Perrilloux, like so many small-time hustlers just trying to break out, had to modify his plans to match prevailing circumstances. Ryan Perrilloux had a way of seeing which doors were open the widest. He decided that he would attend LSU, but always a clever opportunist, Perrilloux initially committed to Texas, so that he could bang this hot Latin trick whose dad was a season ticket holder.

This would not be the last time that Ryan Perrilloux would use his mad deductive reasoning skillz to offer his magic loins to women of various ethnicities.

By the end of his true freshman year in Baton Rouge, Ryan had set the Southeastern Conference freshman tail-juggling mark. He had not seen any playing time, but he was getting more play than Jamarcus Russell, Matt Flynn, and Joseph Addai combined by pretending to be, depending upon the ethnicity of the young woman, Jamarcus Russell, Matt Flynn, and Joseph Addai.

Having de-skirted half the skirts in Red Stick, Perrilloux turned his sights to more intellectual and philanthropic objects. Once when he "accidentally" turned in a chocolate coin along with the rest of his chips after a rather pedestrian night at the Blackjack table, Perrilloux decided to study in a hands-on way American currency policy. He used his new-found fortune to fight domestic terrorists based in Baton Rouge.

But as they often do with patriotic young capitalists like Perrilloux, the liberal media attacked fiercely, accusing him of being a "distraction to the team" and "probably a felon." Shortly thereafter, LSU Head Coach Les Miles had to dismiss Perrilloux from the team, reportedly after the Hollywood liberal elite threatened to stop manufacturing Miles' absurdly large hats and crazy fake plays in their special effects departments.

Though, Perrilloux has yet to decide where he will continue his academic career, we can be sure that we have not heard the last of a hero like Ryan Perrilloux. The Southeastern Conference...a story of character!

Corralling the West: LSU, Arky (fixed), and State

The SEC truly is the conference which writes its own tabloid entries. That's why we're going to occasionally focus on what's going on around the conference to fill you, our faithful readers, in on the SEC scuttlebutt with a bit of boozed-up Ole Miss spin.

LSU: As you've surely heard, Perrilouxzzr is gone. Apparently missing class, skipping team meetings, avoiding coaches, screaming at strip club patrons, defending your pregnant baby momma's honor at a fine nighttime entertainment venue shithole club in Baton Rouge, using fake ID's to get onto casino floors, helping a buddy kick in an apartment door, conducting a lot of glaucoma research, and allegedly being involved in a counterfeiting scheme was the last straw for Les "el Sombrero" Miles. The former 5-star/Orgeronian wet dream will now be looking to utilize his football skills elsewhere and rumor has it that 1-AA Jacksonville St. is interested. I know it may initially seem foolish on the part of the baby-Gamecocks but they could easily clean Perrilouxzzr up if they're willing to do a little preparation ahead of time.
Take, for example, counterfeiting. The way I see it, the process of counterfeiting follows a very simple formula: X + Y = FrEe MoNeY!!!1~
Eliminate X or Y, and there you have it, problem solved (probably not).

ARKANSAS: Bobby Petrino is a douche. In a complete move of utter douche-dom, Petrino and ultra-douche QB Ryan Mallet (brush your God damned teeth) petitioned the NCAA to waive the 1 year of inactivity Mallet would have to endure as a transfer from another division 1-A school. The NCAA said no. What the fuck Petrino? Did you think you could just woo your way out of this one? While you're not too keen on sticking to your guns/word/blood-oaths, the NCAA is. Mallet, despite having a neato ultra-douchey website, will have to sit out like everybody else. Deal with it.

MSU: The saga of the Starkville-shootout ended yesterday with the sentencing of Michael Brown and Quinton Wesley. They both received suspensions or probations or some kind of slap-on-the-wrist nonsense typical of NCAA athlete trials and will probably end up seeing the field this fall. Oktibbeha County Circuit Court Judge Lee Howard said of his lenient sentencing, "I mean, yeah, they were firing off guns on a college campus, but it's not like they swiped pillows from a Holiday Inn or something." Coach CroomS, when reached for comment, fought through tears to say "They're such.... *sob* great young men.... such *sob* character.... MAROON!" He then grabbed the nearest flag he could find and immediately began to reaffirm everyone that he may be the most bizarre coach in a conference of bizarre coaches.

We lost to that?

Cut us some slack here...

I know, I know, there's a lot to write on right now. We've got finals 'n' shit right now so just be patient with us. I promise we've got fresh, new cuppage coming your way soon.

Oh goodness

I am so sick of this baseball team I could throw up like Jamariey Atterberry after being pulled over by the cops. Too soon?

Oh well, I do not even care anymore. I'm old and cynical, and I have fallen victim to realizing we are Ole Miss. Why do we even do that chant before football games? To remind ourselves of our shortcomings? If so, we should do it before baseball and basketball too.

Ivory Tower and I would like to make the trip to Hoover, but we cannot even be certain that the Rebels are going with us.

IMHO, this is how things stack up:

We have six regular season games, and we need to win five of them to make it to Hoover. It is possible to get in by only winning four or so, but we desperately need to sweep Auburn and take two from Kentucky.

"How are we going to sweep Auburn when Cody pitches on Sundays?" This is a question many have asked, and the answer is, "We aren't."

So, what do we do? Pitch someone else. Pitch anyone else! I could deal with, Rory McKean, Brett Bukvich, or even myself.

We desperately need Button and Guerrero back, and we are fortunate that Brett Basham has stayed healthy despite starting all 50 games thus far.

I don't have anything else to say.

Jamariey Atterberry's DUI

Jamariey Atterberry, a member of the Legion of Oddly Named Rebel Defensive Backs (LONRDBzors), was recently dismissed from the Rebel football team following an arrest for gettin' dranked and subsequently piloting a motor carriage. This arrest comes within a couple weeks of Allen Walker's arrest of the same nature (and RotW prize!) and marks the third arrest under Houston Nutt's tenure.

First it was Jamarca Sanford gettin' arrested in front of NightTown Billiards, then it was Allen Walker gettin' towe-up and drivin', and now it's Atterberry... Well, I guess Coach O was right, he really was putting together a defense of WiLd BoYs!1!1!_+~~

I finally found a reason to use this!!

All of this rabble-rousey and hooliganism has really made me question why these young gents feel the need to drive after drinking. Is it because they're unaware of the consequences? Is it because they're too confident in their drunken driving abilities? Is it because they're too prideful to use the Rebel Ride?

My guess: all of the above, with emphasis on the latter.

A lot of kiddos on campus just think they're too cool to ride the wonderous Rebel Ride, a free service provided by a student run committee designed to keep drunk Ole Miss Rebels out of their cars after a long (partying until midnight is "long," right?) nights of drinking on the Square. While not the coolest thing on earth, Rebel Ride is free, safe, and sometimes the most entertaining 20 minutes you'll have for weeks on end. One can meet new friends, initiate an eventually regrettable hookup, or have one's pelvis crushed all by this magic carpet ride masquerading as a free bus.

Why let your pride stand in the way of that? Of course, this aversion towards Rebel Ride isn't exclusive to Oxford. These fine young rappers out of the Metro Atlanta area known as the SWD Drum Majors express the almost exclusively American cultural taboo of public transportation in their hit poorly put together rap song, "Bitch you Ride the MARTA Bus."

Y'see? Now you get why them Wild Boyz are too cool for Rebel Ride!