Houston Nutt Reacts to Middle Eastern Scenes

As you all know, Houston Nutt will soon be visiting the Middle East to deliver his own special brand of rah-rah to our nation's fighting men and women. In an effort to prepare coach Nutt for this noble trek, the Cup sat down with him to show him the types of scenes he may encounter. What you see below are the images we showed him. Clicking them will allow you to see his reactions as documented by our crack staff of internet wizards.







As you can see, Houston Nutt is a very spiritual, sensitive, and emotional man. Godspeed, Houston.

Great Picture

Nothing subtantial to say here. I just wanted to share this great picture I found. I'm sure everyone has seen it except for me.

I Just Had To

The Price is Wrong, bitch.

While watching the game with some friends tonight one of them made this brilliant observation. See if you agree.

Sam Bradford:

Chaka:

Agree, disagree?

SEC West Grades

The grades are in. All over the SEC blogosphere, our seasons are being commented on and criticized and it's about time for the Red [REDACTED] Cup to jump in. The SEC West is today and the SEC East will come sometime after the BCS Championship Game.

Alabama: A

Nobody expected Alabama to go 12-0. Nobody. You Tiders all clamored on and on about how "Bama was BACK" and "motherfucking roll motherfucking TAHD" but we didn't listen.

"John Parker Wilson is still your quarterback, remember?"

"You really think a freshman wide receiver makes that much of a difference?"

"Haven't you been 'back' every preseason for the last few years now?"

Well, kudos, Bama fans. While a roster made up of mostly paraplegics and small children would have garnered a 12-0 prediction from a slew of your faithful, you've still earned your due credit. The lack of a plus to accompany your "A" is obviously due to your losses in the SEC Championship Game and Sugar Bowl. Thanks for pouring more gasoline on the already trite "OMFG teh BCS suxx" fire and giving people reason to badmouth the SEC, jackasses.

Next season should see some dropoff for the Tide as they lose two All-American offensive linemen and their three-year starter at quarterback. However, despite these losses, Alabama will be favored by many to win the West once more.

Ole Miss: A-

Obviously, I'm a homer. Pointing that out in the comments would be akin to letting everyone here know that the sun will rise over the eastern horizon tomorrow morning. Save us all the time.

Ok, now, on with the explanation: based primarily on preseason expectations and how well they stack up against the season's actual results, it's hard to give Ole Miss a lower grade. While the losses to Wake Forest, Vanderbilt, and South Carolina still make my head asplode, the six-straight victories to end the season (with each victory literally being more impressive than the previous) made it clear to everyone that this Rebel season was a work in progress. The Rebels who won the Cotton Bowl would certainly defeat Wake Forest, Vandy, and South Carolina on any field, neutral or not. They'd hang tough with Alabama and, as ironic as it may be, more than likely lose to Florida.

Remember? Tebow, tears, "won't lose again," etc? Ole Miss is the reason the SEC will take home it's third BCS title in a row.

This is a good Ole Miss team. Hopefully the success to end this season can be used as momentum into the upcoming season. Double-digit regular season wins should be attainable for the 2009 Rebel squad.

LSU: C+

The Tigers should not have lost five games. While a close loss to Bama is respectable, being on the receiving end of a Georgia Bulldog blowout isn't. Jarrett Lee proved to be one of the conferences most successful touchdown passers but, unfortunately, he wasn't very discriminatory as to whose team was scoring the touchdown. Jordan Jefferson looked much better towards the end of the season and the mudhole-stomping defeat of Georgia Tech in the Peach (Chik-Fil-A, I love you, but don't mess with our bowls) Bowl should give LSU hope for a win or two more next season. Also, former Volunteer John Chavis should have LSU's relatively weak 2008 defense in much better shape for 2009.

Arkansas: C-

When the season began, everybody was pretty sure that you were going to suck. Thank you for not disappointing.

Arkansas' season was, in many ways, akin to Ole Miss'. They started poorly, nearly losing to directional-Illindianachigan or something like that and ULM but finished on a somewhat strong note by defeating LSU on a neutral site. Over the course of the season, Arkansas' offense became one of the SEC's best, with Casey Dick putting up respectable numbers and Michael Smith earning ALL-Sec honors at tailback.

But why a "C?" Well, as I said before, nobody expected much out of the Hogs this season and, if Ryan Mallett can be the quarterback the Fayetteville wacky-asses Faithful hope for Arkansas should be much improved next season.

Mississippi State: F+

Thank God for this season. I was getting incredibly fed up with folks in Starkville talking about how "Nutt'n good happens in Oxford" and how Croom was somehow going to win them an SEC title.

We at the Cup have been saying for quite a while that Sly Croom wasn't much of a coach and, finally, the world realized the clarity of our truth. His Gulf Coast offense continued to put up paltry numbers and his defense failed to force turnovers.

Their F gets a plus because they did beat a top-25 team in Vanderbilt, knocking them off of their wacky hotstreak, and earned a much less impressive win over Arkansas. The jury is still out on Dan Mullen as far as gameday coaching is concerned, but he's done a fair job keeping most of the talent Croom had recruited for this upcoming class.

Auburn: If the analogy lent to the use of letters past F, one of them would apply here

Hiring Tony Franklin, only to have him fired before the season's end because Kodi Burns isn't all he's been cracked up to be, really set the stage for the debacle of Auburn's head coaching search. Tommy Tuberville has been disliked by the GOB's in charge on the Plains for quite some time now (remember that whole Bobby Petrino fiasco a few years ago?) and, once both parties were equally fed up with one another, they finally were able to part ways.

Both of these coaching situations made it apparent to coaches across America that if you can't deliver on exorbitantly outrageous goals set forth by a group of bitter, old white guys you won't last long at Auburn, nor will you enjoy your time there. If that weren't the case, they would have hired someone just a hair better than the worst coach in the Big XII.

Hey, at least Arkansas fans have convinced themselves that you're going to soon be badass! Granted, it really has nothing to do with your players, school, or coaches outside of Gus Malzhan but, in times like these, you'll take what you can get.

Auburn could win anywhere from 4 to 8 games next season for two reasons: they're Auburn, and they're Auburn. The situation there is so messy that it's incredibly difficult to prognosticate but they've got the talent on both sides of the ball to make some things happen.

Coarser Salt, Deeper Wounds: Reader Submissions

In the wake of such a paradigm shifting victory, we're bound to see an inbox full of "OMFG's" and "hey lol look @ my Facebook album's." To everyone: thanks. We love getting reader feedback and, occasionaly, we like to share it with you. Below are two solid, Cotton Bowl-related gems which we've received.

First, a reader (one "Taylor D") submitted this photo of a dapper young squire holding up a sign which a Texas Tech fan left behind in what I imagine was unfathomable shame.
You score a lot, huh? Well, we score more apparently. Thanks, Taylor and, to whomever that young man is, nice souvenier.

The second bit comes from a young woman (we'll call her "Longlegs Lenore") who recently earned herself a job doing some fancy schmancy stuff a blogger couldn't hope to understand. The story of her hiring was a bit of a roundabout kinda thing. She and this other young woman were finalists for some position, the other young woman "got" the job, only to be turned away during her closing interview because the big boss man was apparently unimpressed. He calls our faithful reader back up then interviews, likes, and hires her. But, there's more to the story:

...the other candidate that was initially going to be hired over me, who had a Master's in Legislative Affairs and failed to impress in the final round......

She went to Texas Tech.

GUNS UP!!!!!!!!!!

We r all up in ur job inntervyoo, steelin ur fyootur kareer. Oh, and congrats on the job, 'Legs.

Keep the submissions coming. Oh, and sorry for the slow pace as of late. We're working on something, alright? You'll get to see it sooner rather than later. Just chill.

A moody, introspective letter to Graham Harrell

Graham:

You don’t know me… No one really does, I suppose, but you, Graham: you will soon be privy to the smitten rage of my most blighted of hearts. You see, Graham, you are everything that my soul loathes. Heisman candidate, Texas All-American boy, the popular kid with the golden arm at quarterback… You were on my mind just the other day, while I was listening to the new Juliana Theory album that just leaked while taking pictures of myself from skewed upward angles. And it made me hurt inside, Graham. It just isn’t fair. I crouch in a tiny desk in graphic design class, as big as any three of the other kids stapled together, and none of them invite me to the Airships shows on the weekends. None of the guys on the team let me go to the Library with them after practice. Coach makes me go to class, or else play behind Chris fucking Bowers. I just don’t fit in, you see. I’m a freak. I spend all my time chasing you. You and your superficial pretty boy counterparts, with your clean jerseys, your waving locks of auburn hair. All I want is to catch you. Drag you down into the ground, make you taste the dirt that is my filthy, reprehensible existence. And I WILL catch you, Graham. That left tackle there? The crew-cut heifer who’s sworn away twenty years off of his strangled life, busting buffets, pushing sleds, lifting weights and pounding back protein to protect his precious Golden Boy? He’s a fucking suit. He’s corporate. He lines up inches from my wretched face, but he can’t know me. What was that move, he’ll ask? The one where I double-fake with my head, start to swim inside, then spin outside, leaving him standing there, a depleted mess of a man-mountain? Oh… don’t worry. It’s some move you’ve probably never heard of. You wouldn’t appreciate it the way I do. I am a fallen soul, Graham, but I can drag you down with me. Your victorious ride into the sunset is about to get wrecked. No bowl victory for you, Graham, no Texas gunslinger’s grand finale, no vapid blonde bimbo on your arm. I’m here to take all that away, Graham. I’m six foot five, 265 pounds, faster than some of your receivers, my dad hates me, and I haven’t taken my pills IN A FUCKING WEEK AND A HALF!!!!!!!! Your happiness ends here, Graham. I haven’t been this upset since The Dismemberment Plan sold out and signed a big record deal.

It reminds me of this poem:

two shots of hate from a mouth as loud as a gun,
like an assasin ... who does it for fun.

two deafening blows in a war that has just begun,
life gone away...i'm done.

two red roses sitting on my coffin, the wind blows, leaving only one
the world i know disappears...like the setting sun.

God, it makes my soul bleed. My heart is a blackness, LoveIsToTheDeath,

emo Greg Hardy

f0t0$h0ppe courtesy of the Ghost of Jay Cutler

Season Recap: Photos and Haikus

Memphis, city of
I beg you, leave our fair town
Don't ever come back


Wake got the ball last
Dex threw an interception
Lewis missed the sack


We played hungover
And still won by 21
That guy's knee is fucked

Four interceptions?
Seriously, Mr. Snead!?
This one is on you


Holy fucking shit!
UF may win BCS
You're welcome, Timmy!


Lack of dicipline
Exposed our secondary
Goalline fumbles!? DEX!


Had a bad 1st half
Bama had a bad 2nd
Tweaked Mt. cody's knee


Season's turning point
Arkansas fans are crazy;
That was OPI


Jevan started slow,
Auburn's offense was limp-dicked
See ya, Tuberville!


No one saw this game
We made up a fake weblog
SQUAWK EM HAWK EM REBS!


Fuck you, LSU
That shit was way overdue
We earned ugly prize


We brought the egg home
Many happy returns, Dawgs!
Oh no! They fired CroomS!

That was a pretty kickass way to waste time at the office, if I must say so myself. If you've got any other haikus you'd like to share please do. Oh, and to whoever took these photos, shoot us an email so we can give you due credit (omg plz plz let us use them kthxbai).

EDIT: The photo of Billy Tapp juking some guy is pretty damned badass. That's definitely the highlight of his *ahem* illustrious football career at Ole Miss. Thank you for everything, Billy.

Landsharks!

No, no, no... Try again.

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve surely noticed a recent development in Ole Miss football: our D is playing lights out. Our defensive line has become one of the nation’s best, our linebackers are all very solid tacklers, and our secondary is able to capitalize on mistakes made by opposing quarterbacks. While credit is certainly due to Tyrone Nix, Tracy Rocker, Chris Vaughn, Kim Dameron, , and (of course) Houston Nutt for coaching a former band of seeming misfits up to their true, badass potential, these players and their newly discovered swagger deserve most of the accolades.

Peria Jerry is impossible to block. Seriously. Just try blocking that guy. Next time he’s loading up on Moo Goo Gai pan at the New Hunan, stand between him and the steam trays and see what happens. In about a half of a second you’ll be rolling on the floor suffering through violent, spasmodic fits of bloody vomiting while he’s casually searching for the duck sauce.

Jerrell Powe has shown a lot of promise over the last couple of weeks. His performance in the Egg Bowl was certainly impressive, despite the fact that his two sacks and absolutely hilarious (I had tears in my eyes) interception against State came against a group of matadors wearing football pads.

Greg Hardy found his magic shoes and he, along with Kentrell Lockett and Emmanuel Stephens, has been able to establish a pretty terrifying pass rush.

Tony Fein causes opponents to wither on the spot. His tattooed bazookas which he’s been able to convincingly pass off as “arms” most likely play a pretty solid role in the intimidation factor. I still have a pretty kickass mental image of him ruining Charles Scott for a 5 or 6 yard loss a few weeks ago.

Ashlee Palmer and Allen Walker are prototypical outside backers. They’ve both got size and are fundamental tacklers, but they’ve also got incredible speed and agility. Palmer’s graceful interception against State is evidence enough of this.

While many are quick to criticize our corners (and appropriately so), you’ve got to appreciate the unselfish moves a few of them have made with regards to position changes. For Marshay Green to make the switch from wideout to corner and not fuck it up too horribly says a lot for his competitive drive and athletic abilities.

Jamarca Sanford is, well, Jamarca Sanford and Kendrick Lewis has improved more than any defensive player thus far this season, in my opinion.

Toss in guys like Marcus Tillman, Lawon Scott (a big surprise to many this year), Ted Laurent, John Cornell, and Marcus Temple and we’ve got some quality depth at several defensive positions.

Perhaps the most important factor in this defense’s success though is the high level of confidence and teamwork with which they play. This defense does not look like a group of individuals but rather operates with incredible cohesion. Perhaps the strongest piece of evidence for this claim is the defense’s self-applied moniker of “Landsharks.”

I’m certain you’ve seen this before. What you may not know are the origins of the hand signal and the unusual nature by which it was embraced by the defense.

While this is only a story based on second-hand information, both of my sources are pretty good in that they’re very much in touch with the goings on of the Rebel football program. Basically I wasn’t told this by any particular player(s) first-hand so take it for what it’s worth.

Apparently, Tony Fein started using the term “Landshark” in practice a few months ago. During one of his better days on the practice field, he told the defense that he was a playing like a “Landshark” and threw the hand-fin up on his helmet. At first, his fellow defenders thought this to be, well, ‘tarded. Tony, however, did not cease being a self-proclaimed. As practices wore on, Tony got better and better and with his growing confidence, kept flinging up his fin. Eventually, this grew on a few of his fellow defenders.

The first time that I can recall seeing it was during the Florida game. Powe rocked a shark’s fin during the victory celebration if my memory serves me well enough.

As the season progressed, and as the wins continued to pile up, the Landsharks moniker evolved from something Tony Fein did while being goofy (please don’t hurt me Tony, I’m only a bloggeur) to a symbol of pride and unity among our defenders.

Now, I don't see how any Ole Miss fan couldn't love it. Our defense does it to remind the fans, the opponents, and eachother that they're badder than Hell and they're not afraid to ruin somebody. Ask Tim Tebow's Heisman hopes. Ask Jarrett Lee's ankle. Ask the entire offensive depth chart of Mississippi State. These sons-of-bitches are a group of Landsharks. No, we don't know exactly what that means, but if you don't acknowledge their collective fantasy terrestrial-fish alter ego they'll drop your ass like a bad habit.

Great work, zcriz

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Gluttony, sloth, and football are three wonderful elements of the collective American psyche and any day which celebrates all of the above is fantastic in my book.

In all seriousness though, to live in a country which affords its citizens so many opportunities, endures adversity unlike any other, and has the capability to literally feed the world is certainly something for which I am quite thankful.

So, everybody, enjoy the holiday. Kick back, relax, eat some Turkey with cornbread dressing (none of this yankee white-bread nonsense), enjoy the parade, and watch some football.

Speaking of parades, I'm about to head back downstairs to see if my favorite float has made it on TV yet.


State, we still hate you.

Oh the Look on Les' Face

If you've got your own caption or speech bubbles, go for it.

Reader Submissions

Over the last couple of weeks, we've gotten some kickass feedback. The two following sets of photos arrived in our inbox much to our delight. Enjoy.

First, a couple of self proclaimed "displaced Rebels" were responsible for the Ole Miss related signs at the ESPN College Gameday which was held on the Vanderbilt campus a month or so ago. Their email and photos follow.

Dear Red [REDACTED] Cup,

As you may be aware, Vanderbilt University recently had the privilege of hosting ESPN's College GameDay. Like any dedicated SEC football fans would do, we fought our way tenaciously to the front lines on that shockingly early Saturday morning (5:00 am). As you would expect, our friends carried witty signs against the opposition of the Auburn Tigers, such as "I got my G.E.D. at Auburn" and "My GPA > Auburn's PPG." Other signs, in a self-deprecating manner, made fun of Vanderbilt's propensity for studying, to wit the sign that read, "You People Are Blocking The Library." Though deeply proud to be Commodores, we took the opportunity to proudly informed the nation:

"Tim Tebow Wears Greg Hardy Pajamas."

And with our voices steady, we called "Jevan Snead for Heisman" and lamented how "Phil Fulmer Ate My Other Sign." Additionally, we announced Jerrell Powe's Heisman candidacy and fearlessly observed that "Tommy Tuberville Has Big Ears."

- Two Displaced Rebels.

Dont_Forget_Patridge, another loyal reader of ours, observed this absolutely frightening Auburn fan in the Grove last weekend. If you thought Florida's jort epidemic was bad, then you ain't seen nothing yet. Speaking of Florida and Auburn, seeing this makes it pretty darned clear that the Original Bulldogs' rivalries have sprung out of the Georgian hatred of poorly thought out leg wear. Who knew? The best part about these pictures is that this WarPlainsGer seems to just be awkwardly and uninvitedly standing in someone's tent in the first photograph; almost as if he just walked up and said "War EAGLE can I have some chicken strips?" to no response.

In the second photo, folks are talking to him but at quite a noticeable distance. Normally folks with really awful body odor have more intimate conversations than this fella is having with man-holding-bottled-water.

Daddy, why is the scary man eating our sausage-n-cheese balls?

Peria Jerry's Legion of Despair

In this morning's Rebel Roundup, I referred to our Defensive Line as "Peria Jerry's Legion of Despair." To see what how I envision these kinds of things while I sit in my cubicle, click the below picture for biggification.... if you dare.

Yes, Marcus Tillman's horse is half Robocop.

TREMBLE AT MY MICROSOFT PAINT SKILLS! MORTAL!

Women of the Opposition - Arkansas part II

Alright, alright, Casey Dick's got himself a pretty nice lady friend. Now, that purple shirt makes him look like a bit of a.... well, dick... but I guess that and big floppy ears are what they like up there in the Natural State.
It's all over the intrawebs, so you've likely seen it before now, but here's the linky-link.

Post game tidbits

Whiskey Wednesday will (hopefully) deliver his usual, profanity-laden post game report as soon as he wakes from his somewhat comatose state. Until then, I'll give you these post game tidbits.

1. Terrence "Mount" Cody is an overrated pile of adipose tissue with skin stitched over it. He was certainly not the factor he's been made out to be. Also, we ruined his knee which is one of those things that makes you, as an Ole Miss fan, shamefully grin. We've gotta take 'em where we can get 'em. Below is some footage of Mount Cody in Tuscaloosa yesterday.


2. Jevan Snead stepped it up big time against the Tide. Those runs in the 4th quarter were ballsy and took real athleticism. He showed great arm strength and stood tall in the pocket despite fighting a tough uphill battle. The incomplete pass to end the game was likely a communication issue between he and McCluster. That's a nice segue into my next point...

3. Dexter, srsly... Don't throw the ball anymore. Stop fumbling. Ole Miss fans really love you. We at the Cup love you. But you've gotta stop ending crucial drives because of thoughtless slip-ups.

4. Greg Hardy wears special shoes? What the fuck is that all about? Considering his recent foot surgery it makes some sense, but just the idea of a big scary bastard like Hardy needing "special" footwear is silly and (honestly) kinda funny. Seriously though, he either doesn't give that much of a damn about his NFL prospects or is too full of himself to realize that he's pissing away big bucks with this kind of crap. As fans, we think Greg Hardy is great. Watching him really lay into quarterbacks is some of the most exciting stuff we Rebels have to look forward to every Saturday. But he needs to play with some effort if we're going to show him any more respect. Greg, if you're reading this, take a lesson from Patrick Willis' "school of giving NFL scouts a boner." The guy was the best linebacker in college football, yet still practiced and played like he was trying to earn a starting spot. NFL scouts love that kinda stuff and P Willie with his Bentleys, house on San Francisco bay, and platoon of ladyfriends can attest to that.

EDIT: For shiggles, I Google image searched "Special Shoes" and got these. If anybody sees any of these in or around Oxford, deliver 'em to Hardy because he's apparently misplaced his.



EDIT^2: Let's throw some YouTube in there, for good measure.

More fun captions!

This is fun. This needs to become a recurring theme on this blog, don't you think? Mafpwtac, a regular over at NAFOOM sent these pictures to the RSC inbox and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.



Oh, and I made this one after seeing his inspirational poster fark:I also think "PRISON: This is what it looks like" would be pretty damned appropriate for that image. If you've got 'em, keep 'em coming.

Caption this picture

Ted Laurent going after Tebow is just too good for us. We want to come up with a clever caption for this picture. We tried.
Here are our shots and, if you've got something more creative or humorous please share it with us. Remember, we've got the domain name, but you're actually the smart ones.