Rebel Roundup: Poor Citizenship, Writing, and Judgment

"Dat Bitch" who assaulted "dat" other "bitch" using "a boxcutter, cuz" is sentenced - Marisha Porter, who we've enjoyed lampooning, was given a 10 year sentence for her on campus assault. Terrence "T-Wat" Watson, when reached for comment, said "who da fuck that is?"

The DM brings us a look at Houston Nutt - Read it if you can. I've rarely seen few things as unorganized and uninformative outside of this blog but, if you've got 2 or 3 minutes to kill it's worth it... maybe.

Ed Orgeron is still rockin' em like a hurricane - Apparently he's still using his WWE tactics to wow recruits. You can take the Cajun out of the bayou, but you can't take the bayou out of the Cajun. Dr. Saturday delivers the news while EDSBS's LSUFreek gives the gift of animated-gif-induced-laughter.

It's not all bad news today - Some of our Rebel athletes took time out of their day to be good role models. Jevan Snead, Marcus Tillman, Gerald Harris, and others visited schools throughout Lafayette county to, I dunno, teach children the importance of reading or something. Olemisssports.com has a photo gallery up which comes complete with photos of Jevan Snead standing in front of a board reading "Jevon Sneed (quarterback)" and Marcus Tillman sitting in a chair which is far too small for his gigantic body.

Be My Valentine, Terrence

TeRR BeAr,

Boi, I haD drEAmEd AboUt U laSt niGhT AgIn! I nO U bIn lOoKiN @ mY FAceBOOk! BoI U BetTa RigHt oN My WaLl! U mAy NoT LoOk @ mY FaCeBooK BuT I No I look @ YoUrs!!! WhY DoN’T YoU eVAR caLl?? I jUs 1 2 TalK 2 U! I CaLleD U thA UtHa DaY! I dOnT THiNk U sEeN It BuT I cAlLeD U A LoT sO U MiGhT HeRE It BuT U DidNT!
U bIn HanGiN’ LoW WITh ThAt UtHa GUrl? DaT BiTcH I cUt wItH Da BoX CutTAhZ? I hOpE Not CuZ iF U HaZ I gOn CuT U! HAHAHAHA! iM JuSt PlAyINg! I WoOD NeVAr HuRt U TwAtTy WaTtY! U No I lUv U! I LuV U MoRe DaN D’LiShUs LuVs FlAvA o NeW YoRk LuV TaYleR MaId!
BuT iF U HanGin WiT Dat CrAzY BitCh AgIn, I DoNT KnOw WuT I WoOD Do. It MaY Get mIdEivAl Up in Here! My GuRl CaNnIe aNd Me Is gOnA CoMe vIsiT dAt bItCh aND We GoN BriNG OuR CutTAhZ in CaSe ShE neEd uS tO OpEn a PaCkaGe or SuMThIng!
CaLl Me BaCk TeRR BeAR. We ShUd B 2GethA 4EvA!

Ur GuRl,

***MaRiShA***

Alabama State Preview (sort of)

You know you should beat your upcoming opponent when you type their name into Google and the first two links have nothing to do with them. That is what happens when you type in “Alabama State University Athletics” into Google. See for yourself.

It gets better from there. The actual link to their athletic site merely takes you to a page that informs you that the official bamastatesports.com will be coming soon.

After some further googling I finally found some information on the Alabama State Hornets. Rosa Parks attended Alabama State, as well as NFL superstar Tavaris Jackson (that’s a joke, guys). Also, their dance team is called the stingettes, and they also have a group called the Honeybees, who perform with the band and are described as a group of plus sized dancers. You can catch the Honeybees in action at this link provided to you by YouTube.

One more thing to add courtesy of JUCO, who is sitting next to me making fun of the HoneyBees rather than studying for his Law School exams, is another one of their notable alumni is London “Deelishis” Charles, winner of the hit reality show Flavor of Love 2. “Deelishis” was described as having “an ass that won’t quit.”

From a basketball standpoint, the Hornets are 1-5 on the season, but they haven’t lost to anyone embarrassing, and given our recent play and the fact that there will be no one at the game tomorrow I am not going to look past them.

Leading the way for the Hornets is a veteran backcourt with seniors Brandon Brooks and Andrew Hayles. Other than no one jumps out at you from a statistical standpoint, but when you take a closer look at their names you do not leave disappointed.

Their starting center is averaging 6.8 points per game a 3.2 rebounds per contest, nothing special right? That is correct until you get a look at the guy’s name. Chief KickingStallionsims. I really do not know what to say about that name. I can’t even come up with some lame joke to describe him. This is the best name in sports since the Mapp brothers (Majestic and Scientific), God Shamgod, and Yourhighness Morgan.

The name’s don’t end there. They also have a player that goes name Ivory White who JUCO astutely observed is “probably black.”

Now that you know the essentials about Alabama State how about those Rebels?

We’re no good.

Our post game is absolutely pathetic. No one can rebound. It’s fucking terrible.

We all knew DeAundre Cranston had problems jumping and rebounding, but we at the Cup severely underestimated Cranston’s thuggery. I guess the fact that he lives around the three-point line detracts from his gangstatude, but that punch he threw during the New Mexico game puts him up there with legends like Terrence Watson.

I don’t really feel like going indepth on the team’s problems in this post, mainly because you all know them and there’s nothing worth talking about other than David Huertas being ridiculously hot from the field.

Anyways, listen to Yellum Kellum tomorrow as we take on Alabama State.

Basketball Recruiting

This upcoming weekend is going to be an important one for Ole Miss basketball as the Rebels marquee prospect, Trenton Marshall, will be attending AK's basketball camp.  Marshall is a 6'5 small forward who may be considered the top JUCO player in the nation next season (I hope not). 

The staff thinks the world of this prospect and even held over the scholarship opened up by Terrence Watson's departure to ensure they had a spot available for Mr. Marshall.  Adding Marshall will only further strengthen our backcourt, which highly regarded recruiting analyst sunshine-pumper, Yancy Porter, describes as the best backcourt in the nation. 

We here at RSC recognize the idiocy of this statement and do not even partially agree, but we are very excited at the chance of adding someone of Marshall's caliber and of the future of the basketball program here at Ole Miss.

Final Note:  Bids for the BPF will be reviewed on June 19 from what I have gathered.