Jamar Hornsby Arrested

Well dammit.

I wanted to give the guy a chance. After hearing all about the Florida credit card scandal and his subsequent dismissal from the Gator squad, I thought that perhaps Hornsby was just a stupid kid who got caught in a bad situation. No, I didn't think him to be malicious or an overt troublemaker, just careless and lacking of foresight.

I don't so much think that anymore.

Jamar, what in the hell were you doing in Starkville? Were you looking to purchase cheese (you can do that online now, dawg)? Were you looking for some of that sticky kush? I just don't get it.

And anyway, regardless of the reason for your visit to the "jewel" of Oktibbeha County, what made you think starting trouble there would end in a fashion other than "very poorly?" Do you think the cops in fucking STARKVILLE will respond nicely to "hey I'm a highly rated newcomer to the Ole Miss Rebel football team who was/is expected to contribute to the team this fall who decided to visit your fair hamlet to beat up a guy and steal some shit?" I mean, wow...

"Innocent until proven guilty" and all of that stuff, yeah, sure whatever. But still. You're on the All-Perriloux team now, Jamar. Enjoy it.

Oh, Cup fans, click that link above for the Clarion Ledger story if you haven't already. Peruse the comments if you've got low enough blood pressure to survive it. State fans are just as obsessed with Ole Miss as ever.

Introducing the All-Perrilloux Team!

To pass time over the Summer, The Cup will be documenting the inevitable slip-ups and mishaps of our conference's football stars. This shouldn't be too tough because, as we all know, the SEC is rife with interesting, daring souls. After pondering as to how one should document the, umm, accomplishments of our student-athletes, I decided that an exciting SEC offseason should be able to fill a starting lineup consisting entirely of criminals.

Thus, the All-Perriloux Team was born. In a way, this will be like EDSBS' Fulmer Cup except for being conference specific and devoid of any "competition."

Why the "All-Perriloux" team?

Did you seriously just ask that? Eesh, well, alright... As a highly-recruited offensive starter for one of the conference's strongest programs, Ryan Perrilloux had everything one could look for in a Southeastern Conference ruffian. When considering his problems with weed, counterfeiting money, weed, screaming at people in strip clubs, weed, fighting people to defend the honor of his pregnant girlfriend, weed, skipping team meetings, weed, and parking violations, it becomes apparent that no other person could lend their name to such a prestigious organization.

To be a part of this team, a player must meet two simple criteria:

• Be on an SEC team
• Get caught doing something illegal (no prosecution necessary!) ED: during the 2009 offseason

Innocent until proven guilty? Who came up with that bullshit!? Anyway, below the pretty poor totally badass MSPaint drawing you'll see the foundation upon which this all-netherworldly team will be built. Presenting:


OFFENSE
QB - Arkansas' Ryan Mallett for gettin' dranked in public
HB -
WR -
WR -
WR -
OL - Florida's Carl Johnson for stalking and raping
OL -
OL -
OL -
OL -
TE -

DEFENSE
DT -
DT -
DE -
DE -
LB -
LB -
LB -
CB - Mississippi State's Maurice Langston for slangin' herb
CB -
S -
S -

SPECIAL TEAMS
K -
P -


If you've got any submissions to the team, send them in.

Rebel Roundup - Houston Nutt Does Some Stuff

Is our Signing Class a bad Precedent? - SI.com talks about Houston Nutt's and Butch Davis' recent signing day classes. It's a fairly interesting read and attempts to digest the bitter, fibrous mass that is SEC recruiting.

The Senate Wastes More Time and Money - The Mississippi Senate recently recognized Houston Nutt's success thus far at Ole Miss. While this is certainly older news, I didn't realize that they actually gave him a framed plaque thing to commemorate it. Hey, Senate, why don't you work on something like, I dunno, our shitty public schools instead. The few of us who actually pay taxes would appreciate that.

Scott and Sanders Excommunicated from the Right Reverend's Congregation - James Scott and Justin Sanders have been shunned by Houston Nutt's Mount Olive Missionary Baptist Community of Friends in the name of our God Jesus for "violation of team rules." No, I do not yet know what that means but I'm guessing they didn't keep their Lenten promise (we're only 2 days into it guys, c'mon). Scott, the Ohio State transfer, was expected by many to contribute to the Rebels' thin secondary this fall. Sanders, not so much, as he was stuck way towards the bottom of our depth chart at DT.

Be My Valentine, Terrence

TeRR BeAr,

Boi, I haD drEAmEd AboUt U laSt niGhT AgIn! I nO U bIn lOoKiN @ mY FAceBOOk! BoI U BetTa RigHt oN My WaLl! U mAy NoT LoOk @ mY FaCeBooK BuT I No I look @ YoUrs!!! WhY DoN’T YoU eVAR caLl?? I jUs 1 2 TalK 2 U! I CaLleD U thA UtHa DaY! I dOnT THiNk U sEeN It BuT I cAlLeD U A LoT sO U MiGhT HeRE It BuT U DidNT!
U bIn HanGiN’ LoW WITh ThAt UtHa GUrl? DaT BiTcH I cUt wItH Da BoX CutTAhZ? I hOpE Not CuZ iF U HaZ I gOn CuT U! HAHAHAHA! iM JuSt PlAyINg! I WoOD NeVAr HuRt U TwAtTy WaTtY! U No I lUv U! I LuV U MoRe DaN D’LiShUs LuVs FlAvA o NeW YoRk LuV TaYleR MaId!
BuT iF U HanGin WiT Dat CrAzY BitCh AgIn, I DoNT KnOw WuT I WoOD Do. It MaY Get mIdEivAl Up in Here! My GuRl CaNnIe aNd Me Is gOnA CoMe vIsiT dAt bItCh aND We GoN BriNG OuR CutTAhZ in CaSe ShE neEd uS tO OpEn a PaCkaGe or SuMThIng!
CaLl Me BaCk TeRR BeAR. We ShUd B 2GethA 4EvA!

Ur GuRl,

***MaRiShA***

Rebel Roundup - Post Superbowl Monday

Superbowl Sunday took a toll on me. I'm still scraping barbecue sauce out from under my fingernails and can't really get my eyes open more than halfway so pardon today's lazy blogging. As for the Superbowl, it was a helluva game. Larry Fitzgerald is somewhere between Hannibal Barca and Winston Churchill in the all-time "ballsiest baller" scale. I still hate the Steelers but, damn, you've gotta respect a franchise that has won six Superbowls. Also, I'm still laughing at that commercial where an animatronic Koala with a British accent got punched in the face.

Anyway, here are some interesting links that you've likely already seen:

Andy Kennedy's Arrest Video - Yes, it's all right here. You can see a visibly drunk Andy Kennedy futilely plead his case to the arresting officer, and a bunch of overly "cop-esque," smartassed comments. Seirously, what's the damn deal with every police officer out there thinking they're some kind of one-liner machine? The only quip that either cop gets out that is at all humorous is the "we deal with the Bengals" line in response to Andy Kennedy warning them that this arrest will make national headlines (or become an "international altercation..." eesh, that's drunk right there). You can also see Bill Armstrong lose his lid and angrily curse at the dirty motherfucking lying son-of-a-bitch cabbie accuser, leading to his subsequent arrest. Watch the video (kinda-sorta NSFW with all of the f-bombs) and comment below, Cup fans.

D.T. Shackleford: Smart, Charitable, Blue-Chipper - We're keeping the recruiting talk on the down low until Wednesday when we'll be live-blogging for signing day. Until then, enjoy this piece on a nice young man from Alabama who may or may not have committed to play linebacker for the Rebels this weekend. We're not following recruiting right now, remember? Anyway, if we were to perhaps recruit and earn a commitment from this young man on the weekend before signing day, snatching him out of the grasp of Lane Kiffin's staff of super-recruiters, we would be adding a heckuva linebacker and an even greater human being to our football lineup.

We Finally Defeated Wake at Something - Yes, we're still pretty good at tennis. Perhaps Ivory Tower or one of our more frilly, Victorian-era sports enthusiast readers could give you more info. Me, I'm too busy watching Die Hard and eating pork to pay attention to a bunch of European guys jump around in tight fitting pastels.

More Information Regarding Andy Kennedy's Arrest

Would you like to see the police report? Click here (PDF).

Would you like to see a part of the police report already being proven untrue? Well that's right here.

Would you like to hear the coaches side of the incident? Here.

Here's an official statement released by the university this afternoon with regards to the situation.

In response to the charges made against Ole Miss Head Basketball Coach Andy Kennedy in Cincinnati, OH, Thursday morning, Athletics Director Pete Boone and Coach Kennedy issued the following statements:

"Clearly, this is an unfortunate situation. However, after a full discussion with Andy Kennedy and his staff, who were with him, I have the utmost confidence that once all the facts are known, Coach Kennedy will be cleared of all charges," said Boone, who is with the team.

"I regret this situation," Kennedy said. "The focus should be on the players and the game, not on me. I vehemently deny the charges levied against me, and am completely confident that I will be fully exonerated of all charges."

Coach Kennedy will continue his coaching duties.

I don't know what to beleive, so I'm not about to sit here and tell you what to beleive. I will say this though: Pete Boone and Robert Khayat would not in any way, shape, or form stand behind Andy Kennedy in this situation if they did not feel that he had a good chance of being acquitted. That is my glimmer of hope, dammit.

Jamar Hornsby?

Per reports on Rivals and various message boards, former Florida Gator safety Jamar Hornsby is interested in becoming a part of our beloved Rebels. Hornsby, a former 4-star athlete out of Jacksonville, deservedly gained his fair share of notoriety earlier this year when he was found guilty of credit card fraud.

Oh, but this wasn't some simple ol' "I haxxor3d ur Ebayz" credit card fraud. No, no. This was credit card fraud of the "my teammate and his girlfriend died in a motorcycle wreck so now I'm using her card to snatch up some 5 dollar footlongs" variety.

Eesh...

My question to you, the faithful readers of Le Cup, is "would you take him?" Personally, I'm a bit torn. While I'd love to have a large (6'3", 195lbs in high school), athletic safety anchor our secondary, I don't know if that's the kind of press Ole Miss needs.

Let us know what you think.

And Finally This Evening...

I feel pretty confident that I've found Mississippi State a starting defensive end for 2009.

From The Calhoun-City Journal via The Clinton Administration comes the story of Bernard Sykes, the 6'2" 250 pound DE/LB that committed to Ole Miss ... in 1999. Instead of Oxford, he ended up at Northwest Mississippi Community College, but then prison. Now, he's back at Northwest, playing the game he loves, and, hopefully, exhibiting the kind of discipline and character that attracts principled coaches like The Croom.

I smell a sitcom!

Corralling the West: Bad Boys, Bad Boys

This has been an incredibly active off season in the jail cells of the SEC West. Baton Rouge just purged the Perrillouxxr, Mississippi State players carried guns on campus, Ole Miss athletes got their swerve on, Alabama has taken the lead of the Fulmer Cup standings and, just recently, Arkansas has added this bit of humor:

Arkansas linebacker Wendel Davis may be facing felony charges after smashing up a car. Davis apparently got mad enough to smash his fist through a car window after, I'm not kidding here, the aforementioned car bumped into his scooter (I hope his scooter had a badass flame job, to boot). I find this amusing because of the mental image the story conjures up: a large, athletic male dressed in Arkansas Razorbacks sweats going apeshit because his scooter got a ding in it. It's a scene you'd expect from a smaller, greasier male in Athens or Naples, but Fayetteville? Seriously? Anyway, this adds to an already exciting, crime filled summer break.

EDIT: I wonder where this kid's first SEC scholarship offer is coming from.

The Wish List: Richard Scruggs

Now that Ole Miss alum Richard Scruggs has been sentenced for his role in a Mississippi judicial bribery scandal, he has caught the eye of the staff here at Red [REDACTED] Cup.

We're sure that Scruggs will be spending most of his time with his family until he has to report to federal prison on August 4. We also know, though, that Richard Scruggs is a pretty big Ole Miss football fan. The Rebels' last two coaching searches have been performed from Scruggs' personal jet.

So, considering the extra time you have before prison, the fact that you're a solid Ole Miss fan, and the reputation you no longer have any need to protect, maybe you could get about bribing a few folks for us.

Mike Slive
The fate of The One of which We Shall Not Speak lies in the hands of The Commish. Getting that guy qualified would improve our defensive line, improve his quality of life, and really piss off a bunch of State fans and the Orgeron. This is a win-win-win!

Willie Herenton
The Mayor of Memphis can do one important thing for Ole Miss football to ensure the happiness and well-being of our fans for a generation - bulldoze the Liberty Bowl. After five (going on six) autumns in Oxford, I've had the misfortune of starting everyone with either a visit to or a visit from the Tigers. I know Pete Boone promises that this will be the last meeting between the storied rivals mismatched teams, but there's more than one way to skin a cat. No Memphis football stadium = no Memphis football.

The officials scheduled to work the Alabama game
Obviously, some of us are worried about other games, but this guy really wants to beat Alabama. And I want to cheat at it. I don't want to win fair and square, not even by twenty points in Tuscaloosa. I want to go to Bryant-Denney and snatch victory illegitimately from the jaws of defeat. Because as Bret Maverick says, "There is no more deeply moving religious experience ... than cheatin' on a cheater."

So, there it is, Dickie. Three pretty easy targets, none of which will earn you any more time in the clink, but any of which will cement your place among the Order of Rebel heroes.

All-SEC Thug Team

The Southeastern Conference has a Bo and Luke Duke-like history with the law. RSC is here to honor those young men who have performed admirably oustandingly newsworthily off the field. Today, we'll release the All-SEC Thug Team Defensive Backs, which, this year, has been the thug gold standard.

ALL-SEC Thug Team - DB's (that's defensive backs not douche bags, but, I suppose it can be both).

Rashad Johnson, University of Alabama
Johnson's arrest earlier this month outside The Legacy, a Tuscaloosa night club, is perhaps the least noteworthy, as he was simply involved in a heated verbal altercation with local police. However, as defensive captain for the Tide, a team which is loaded at Thug, Johnson, the leader of the group, is like the Augusto Pinochet of the college football world - perhaps not the most evil man in the organization, but the leader of some pretty notable thugs. Also, in notably Tide fashion, the charges for disorderly conduct against Johnson were dropped. Nothing says "thug" like a good old-fashioned T-Town cover-up.

Jamar Hornsby, University of Florida
Hornsby has done something few SEC athletes have been able to accomplish - white collar crime (more specifically, credit card fraud). Hornsby was subsequently kicked off the team. He is now a senior vice president at Bear Stearns.

Jamarca Sanford, University of Mississippi
You don't get in fight at Night Town and get off that easy. Have you ever seen fights at Night Town? If you've walked away from them, then only at a distance.

Derek Pegues, Mississippi State University
Though his arrest and conviction happened over a year ago, it's hard not to include a player who was convicted for assaulting a police officer and never missed playing time. What's more hood-rich than a T-Town cover-up? A Starkghanistan beat-down that, though so blatant it could not afford dismissal, still does not, it seems, merit any substantial disciplinary action from Sylvester Croom, Mr. Discipline.

Got Coke?

Jimmy Johns does.

I think I've referenced before how much I enjoy the eventual downfall of Magnolia State players who choose the University of Alabama. See Grant, Terry. Jimmy Johns was Mississippi's Mr. Football in 2004. Now, of course, he's graduated from "Mr. Football" to "Dr. Feelgood."

TUSCALOOSA - University of Alabama linebacker Jimmy Johns has been arrested and charged with several counts of selling cocaine, according to Tuscaloosa Police Department spokesman Capt. Greg Kosloff.

Is Jimmy Johns evil because he went to the University of Alabama, or did he simply choose the University of Alabama because he is evil. Tough to say. The Alabama football program is a textbook moral downward spiral, but only he with the blackest of hearts would ever consider it in the first place.

Anyway, here's to Jimmy Johns - part-time Alabama football player; full-time coke-dealer - against whom the charges will almost certainly be dropped. Roll Tide!

Breaking News...

Oxford, MS- An unfortunate off-the-court incident has put a damper on the hopes of the Ole Miss men's tennis team as they head into Friday's Sweet 16 matchup with North Carolina. In a packed press conference, UM coach Billy Chadwick acknowledged rumors of misconduct on the part of at least two of his players: "Jonas Berg and Erling Tveit have both met with me about the incident in question. I have not yet decided on disciplinary action, but a match suspension is certainly a possibility."
With the rumor mill spinning at full tilt, RSC contacted Chadwick early Tuesday afternoon to get the story straight. With unprecedented frankness, a disappointed Chadwick spilled the scoop on the troubled doubles partners:
"As a family, and as a team, we are very upset with the behavior of Jonas and Erling. We are still sorting out all the details of the incident, and I hope that no other players were involved." When prodded for more details, Chadwick was initially reluctant: "All I can say is that both players allegedly attended a house party on Monday evening that stretched well beyond the allotted team curfew of 11:00 PM..."
Hungry for answers, our intrepid RSC reporter was able to pry further into the heart of the story. An unidentified UM tennis staffer was able to provide this tipoff in exchange for his anonymity: (paraphrased)
Berg and Tveit arrived at a house party on College Hill road Monday night, and from approximately 10:45PM to 1:00AM, consumed as many as four Smirnoff Ices ('Smices') each. After this point, they called for a designated driver. Before leaving the premises, they were noted by one partygoer as being 'slightly louder than normal,' and were even rumored to have caroused with or perhaps even cavorted with a female attendee before their driver arrived.

While this incident was the first infraction for Berg, Tveit has been previously disciplined by Chadwick for an inconsistency in ironing his Polo shirts for practice, and for making two B's second semester of his sophomore year.
With the duo's status uncertain, RSC will provide updates as they become available.

Stories of Character: Ryan Perrilloux

As told by the 504 Boyz

As long as he could remember, back to his days reppin' ho's in East Texas Indian Casinos, Ryan Perrilloux had one dream - go to the University of Texas at Austin on a football scholarship, be the first four-time winner of the coveted Heisman Trophy, bolt after his Junior year, and make it rain.

But, Perrilloux, like so many small-time hustlers just trying to break out, had to modify his plans to match prevailing circumstances. Ryan Perrilloux had a way of seeing which doors were open the widest. He decided that he would attend LSU, but always a clever opportunist, Perrilloux initially committed to Texas, so that he could bang this hot Latin trick whose dad was a season ticket holder.

This would not be the last time that Ryan Perrilloux would use his mad deductive reasoning skillz to offer his magic loins to women of various ethnicities.

By the end of his true freshman year in Baton Rouge, Ryan had set the Southeastern Conference freshman tail-juggling mark. He had not seen any playing time, but he was getting more play than Jamarcus Russell, Matt Flynn, and Joseph Addai combined by pretending to be, depending upon the ethnicity of the young woman, Jamarcus Russell, Matt Flynn, and Joseph Addai.

Having de-skirted half the skirts in Red Stick, Perrilloux turned his sights to more intellectual and philanthropic objects. Once when he "accidentally" turned in a chocolate coin along with the rest of his chips after a rather pedestrian night at the Blackjack table, Perrilloux decided to study in a hands-on way American currency policy. He used his new-found fortune to fight domestic terrorists based in Baton Rouge.

But as they often do with patriotic young capitalists like Perrilloux, the liberal media attacked fiercely, accusing him of being a "distraction to the team" and "probably a felon." Shortly thereafter, LSU Head Coach Les Miles had to dismiss Perrilloux from the team, reportedly after the Hollywood liberal elite threatened to stop manufacturing Miles' absurdly large hats and crazy fake plays in their special effects departments.

Though, Perrilloux has yet to decide where he will continue his academic career, we can be sure that we have not heard the last of a hero like Ryan Perrilloux. The Southeastern Conference...a story of character!

Corralling the West: LSU, Arky (fixed), and State

The SEC truly is the conference which writes its own tabloid entries. That's why we're going to occasionally focus on what's going on around the conference to fill you, our faithful readers, in on the SEC scuttlebutt with a bit of boozed-up Ole Miss spin.

LSU: As you've surely heard, Perrilouxzzr is gone. Apparently missing class, skipping team meetings, avoiding coaches, screaming at strip club patrons, defending your pregnant baby momma's honor at a fine nighttime entertainment venue shithole club in Baton Rouge, using fake ID's to get onto casino floors, helping a buddy kick in an apartment door, conducting a lot of glaucoma research, and allegedly being involved in a counterfeiting scheme was the last straw for Les "el Sombrero" Miles. The former 5-star/Orgeronian wet dream will now be looking to utilize his football skills elsewhere and rumor has it that 1-AA Jacksonville St. is interested. I know it may initially seem foolish on the part of the baby-Gamecocks but they could easily clean Perrilouxzzr up if they're willing to do a little preparation ahead of time.
Take, for example, counterfeiting. The way I see it, the process of counterfeiting follows a very simple formula: X + Y = FrEe MoNeY!!!1~
Eliminate X or Y, and there you have it, problem solved (probably not).

ARKANSAS: Bobby Petrino is a douche. In a complete move of utter douche-dom, Petrino and ultra-douche QB Ryan Mallet (brush your God damned teeth) petitioned the NCAA to waive the 1 year of inactivity Mallet would have to endure as a transfer from another division 1-A school. The NCAA said no. What the fuck Petrino? Did you think you could just woo your way out of this one? While you're not too keen on sticking to your guns/word/blood-oaths, the NCAA is. Mallet, despite having a neato ultra-douchey website, will have to sit out like everybody else. Deal with it.

MSU: The saga of the Starkville-shootout ended yesterday with the sentencing of Michael Brown and Quinton Wesley. They both received suspensions or probations or some kind of slap-on-the-wrist nonsense typical of NCAA athlete trials and will probably end up seeing the field this fall. Oktibbeha County Circuit Court Judge Lee Howard said of his lenient sentencing, "I mean, yeah, they were firing off guns on a college campus, but it's not like they swiped pillows from a Holiday Inn or something." Coach CroomS, when reached for comment, fought through tears to say "They're such.... *sob* great young men.... such *sob* character.... MAROON!" He then grabbed the nearest flag he could find and immediately began to reaffirm everyone that he may be the most bizarre coach in a conference of bizarre coaches.

We lost to that?

Jamariey Atterberry's DUI

Jamariey Atterberry, a member of the Legion of Oddly Named Rebel Defensive Backs (LONRDBzors), was recently dismissed from the Rebel football team following an arrest for gettin' dranked and subsequently piloting a motor carriage. This arrest comes within a couple weeks of Allen Walker's arrest of the same nature (and RotW prize!) and marks the third arrest under Houston Nutt's tenure.

First it was Jamarca Sanford gettin' arrested in front of NightTown Billiards, then it was Allen Walker gettin' towe-up and drivin', and now it's Atterberry... Well, I guess Coach O was right, he really was putting together a defense of WiLd BoYs!1!1!_+~~

I finally found a reason to use this!!

All of this rabble-rousey and hooliganism has really made me question why these young gents feel the need to drive after drinking. Is it because they're unaware of the consequences? Is it because they're too confident in their drunken driving abilities? Is it because they're too prideful to use the Rebel Ride?

My guess: all of the above, with emphasis on the latter.

A lot of kiddos on campus just think they're too cool to ride the wonderous Rebel Ride, a free service provided by a student run committee designed to keep drunk Ole Miss Rebels out of their cars after a long (partying until midnight is "long," right?) nights of drinking on the Square. While not the coolest thing on earth, Rebel Ride is free, safe, and sometimes the most entertaining 20 minutes you'll have for weeks on end. One can meet new friends, initiate an eventually regrettable hookup, or have one's pelvis crushed all by this magic carpet ride masquerading as a free bus.

Why let your pride stand in the way of that? Of course, this aversion towards Rebel Ride isn't exclusive to Oxford. These fine young rappers out of the Metro Atlanta area known as the SWD Drum Majors express the almost exclusively American cultural taboo of public transportation in their hit poorly put together rap song, "Bitch you Ride the MARTA Bus."

Y'see? Now you get why them Wild Boyz are too cool for Rebel Ride!

A Message from Rev. Nutt

Brothers and Sisters, I want to welcome you again to our house of worship. Today, my brethren, I want to talk about sin. Yes, it permeates our very existence and attacks even the strongest among us. Why, even the saints, John and Thomas, were wrecked with sin.

Brothers and sisters, there are sinners everywhere you look. Even members of our own congregation have engaged in pre-marital sex, drunkeness, and foul language.

But, we are gathered here today for an intervention of Christian love. There is one amongst us who has strayed, who has headed down that wide path that leads, ultimately, to the the dark one and Hell itself. Brother Walker could not be with us today. The Reverend Brother Boone and I believe that Brother Walker may yet be under the terrible influence of your former pastor. Consequently, Brother Walker is undergoing an awful behavior modification regiment - watching 2007 Egg Bowl 47 times. It's a tough program, but we have faith in Allen.

Even though Allen is not with us today, I have chosen that it is both wise and Christian to talk about him like he is. Allen, and by extension the rest of you, are full of sin! Full of it! You're emitting sin right now from beneath your fingernails, and I can smell it! I can smell it! It's not a mighty wind from the southeast; it's your transgressions. And it's effecting your play on the field, which is what matters to God. Jerrell, your gluttony has caused you to balloon to 967 pounds. Your number of stars on Rivals is a measure of your potential as an athlete, not a reliable count of the number of cheeseburgers you are authorized to have before breakfast. Dexter, your slovenliness has made you weak and breakable. You are so frail that with one little hit, the Evil One (or perhaps even the kicker), can end your season. And, Jamarca, your rage (exhibited by your conduct a few months ago at Billiard's) has caused you to attack opposing players in a manner that often causes them physical and mental distress.

Actually, on second thought, the good book teaches that sometimes God incorporates our sin into his plan, so, Jamarca, you can ... uh ... keep on keepin' on!

Anyway, the point is, we all have sin we must conquer. Even my little Haven (who had better never be contacted by any of you under any circumstances) has succumbed to the perils of human lust. Recognize your sin, and conquer your sin.

Unless you're Brother Sanford.

Rebel of the Week: Drinkin' and Drivin' edition

Ah, drinking and driving; the only name of a crime that I can think of which consists of two normal, legal things. Yes, we all enjoy a nice Sunday drive, and who seriously doesn't love gettin' tow-up dranked every now and then Tuesday? Yet, these two enjoyable and otherwise normal activities are like oil and water: they just don't mix.

This weekend, former four star recruit/serious underachiever Allen Walker, an outside linebacker, was arrested for DUI. Walker was charged with a DUI and disregarding (see: being drunkenly unaware of) a traffic device. Normally we wouldn't celebrate these kinds of things (DUI is NOT COOL kids) but Allen Walker's shortcomings serve well to remind us that we are, in fact, Ole Miss.

Congratulations Allen! You're our new Rebel of the Week!

P.S. - I'm pretty certain this is what Ivory Tower was attempting to link to. Be patient with him. He's not too keen on the intrawebs.

Terrence Watson: The Man with Violence-inducing Genitals

On Wednesday morning at approximately 11:30, several young women harlots got into a fight smack-dab in the center of the Ole Miss campus. The fight, dubbed "The Rumble in the Circle" by the DM, was spurned by a group of women fighting over the right to be the sole claimant as Terrence Watson's woman. Watson, a JUCO-transfer small foward for the Ole Miss Rebel Basketball team and David Kellum's beloved "T-Wat" (which makes you wish we would recruit more basketballers named "Clarence Untson"), is apparently so virile that young women are reduced to violent, Darwinian creatures willing to cut a bitch's face with a boxcutter if it means potential procreation.


I'm not fucking joking. These girls whipped out razor sharp weapons, sending three of the six (yes, six women were involved) to the hospital and injuring one badly enough that she may require plastic surgery. Apparently T-Wat was getting too much, well, "t-wat" and caused many a floozie to become violently angry.

The Slasher, one Marisha Porter, is banned from campus and was released from the Lafayette county detention center on $20,000 bond. She is being charged with aggrivated assault and borrowing tactics from terrorist organizations.

But wait, there's more! Yes, the digital age has made seemingly anything possible and there IS a YouTube video of the fight! The quality is poor and you can't really tell what's going on, but the running commentary by dude #1 (which consists primarily of the phrase "a boxcutter, cuz!") and the arrival of the University Police Department are evidence enough that this was one of the coolest things to happen to Terrence Watson. Ever.




If only my "D" were spectacular enough to cause this...

Les Miles: You Only Thought He Had Cajones.

This is ... this is just ... just too good to be true.

So, we all know how much Ryan Perrilloux totally blows. The answer: a lot. And, just in case you're too busy to click the links (which are absolutely incredible, by the way), here's, more or less, what happened: Perrillouxzzr was just trying to get dranked at a local brew-pubbery, when this guy, or someone like him, refused this modest request because "they were closed."

I just can't imagine this happening in Oxford. Here's the scenario: Jevan Sneed walks in to Parrish Baker's house at, I don't know, 3:47 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Would you expect Parrish to (a) call the cops, (b) have an intervention with the young man, or (c) tell Jevan that of course it's still Whiskey Wednesday and, by the way, this one is on the house!

I know what I'd do.

I mean, I hope El Sombrero isn't so gosh-darn embarrassed by Perrillouxzzr that he boots this guy right out of the State of Louisiana because a train-wreck like Ryan Perrilloux is certain to do more damage to this football team. This is, literally, the only pop culture reference I can think of that accurately reflects the recklessness of even letting this guy on a college campus, much less on the football team. And, of course, word is that The Mad Hatter has telephoned the owner of the establishment and the police offering his apologies.

Needless to say, there's two extra scoops of crazy in Baton Rouge right now.

EDIT: Apparently it's all just a clever rouse (Rouxzze?) and the restaurant is denying the aforementioned event ever occurred.
















"Err, yes.... that's the story.... nothing happened, nothing happened at all...."