EXCLUSIVE

Billy Gillispie has filed a complaint in Lafayette County Circuit Court against the University of Mississippi. Reprinted below.

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF LAFAYETTE COUNTY
STATE OF MISSISSIPPI

Billy Gillispie
Plaintiff

v.

Andy Kennedy
Defendant

Comes now Billy Gillispie, the plaintiff, in and through counsel and sues Andy Kennedy, defendant, and shows unto the court:

1. On January 27, 2008, defendant did unlawfully, intentionally, and without provocation or justification commit an assault and battery upon the plaintiff in that he, the said Kennedy, whooped that ass in the Tad Pad like it was his job, lawya!

2. By reason of the foregoing, plainiff sustained certain injuries, among which were being em-effing-barrassed on national television. OOOOHHH JAAAMMMM!!!!!, from which he suffered both in body and mind.

3. As a result of the infliction of injuries upon the plaintiff by the defendant, plaintiff was caused to incur certain medical and hospital expenses, among which were visine for the said Gillispie having to cry his eyes out like a girl! LIKE A GIRL!!!1!!

WHEREFORE, plaintiff demands judgment against the defendant in the sum of one night with Kimber, no questions asked Dollars as compensatory damages.

A. Rupp

Attorney for the Plaintiff

Loss of Consortium

Ok. I'm getting sick of hearing people talk about how Andy Kennedy's wife, Kimber, filed a lawsuit against a cab driver because "now Andy can't get it up. LOLLZZ."

That's just not true. Loss of consortium does not mean erectile dysfunction. It could be as simple as he has his mind in other places or just feels distracted. Loss of consortium is defined as "a term used in the law of torts that refers to the deprivation of the benefits of a family relationship due to injuries caused by a tortfeasor."

For those of you who are unable to understand that simple definition, what it's saying is that Kimber's claim of loss of consortium could mean Andy is just too distracted and stressed out to undertake the duties of a father and husband. Now, it certainly has been used with regard to sexual problems, and rightfully so. There's a ton of case law out there to support that. I guess I'm just saying that loss of consortium could also be a lot of other things. Maybe it's that he's having trouble dealing with emotions with his family or that he's too distracted to want to listen to his family members' issues that arise on a day to day basis.

I think it's a little funny to joke about him sexually, but can everyone just get it through their heads that Andy Kennedy isn't permanently "limp-dicked" and may not be "limp-dicked" at all.

Hey, Lawya, How You Do All That Litigatin'?

As Ghost has noted on more than one occasion, I am your humble law student, Ivory Tower, Esquire (Junior Division). I cannot deny that law school is as mundane as it is often represented to be. It is a place where one goes to learn difficult and uninteresting concepts that one will ultimately only use to cheat and defraud his fellow man.

Needless to say, the dean is seriously considering hiring me as a recruiter.

But, there is good news from the seventh level. This semester, the future Khayat School of Law has added a course called Sports Law. I am, to say the least, pleased. So, I have decided to share with the internet community some of our topics of discussion in a segment I am calling, "Hey, Lawya, How You Do All That Litigatin'?"

CHAPTER ONE: DEMARCUS COUSINS, OR, THE MAN WITH WHOM YOU OUGHT GO TO PURCHASE YOUR NEXT AUTOMOBILE

Our cultured and well-read virtual audience may well have heard the amazing story of Demarcus Cousins and his fantastic negotiating. I had been, until today, unawares. Apparently, young Mr. Cousins is committed not to the University of Alabama-Birmingham, but to the Blazer coach Mike Davis. Instead of signing a letter of intent to play for UAB, Cousins asked for some sort of commitment from the third or fourth best basketball school in Alabama that they would release him from his commitment should his good friend Mike seek greener pastures.

UAB has yet to budge, though, offering no such commitments - not least among the reasons for such an action is that the NCAA strictly forbids modifications to the National Letter of Intent. To maintain the fiction that college athletics is actually about student-athletes, the NCAA surely wants to avoid contract negotiations with 17-year-olds.

Of course, it would be a much more interesting legal question if UAB would cave. The NCAA would likely not recognize Cousins' National Letter of Intent, making him ineligible to be a scholarship athlete for the Blazers. From, thence, we might have just had us a super-fun lawsuit. Dadgummit.