Oh my, what a tangled web we weave

NOTE: Information was obtained by visiting the official sites of the respective universities' athletic programs. Before you send me any more "he's not on our coaching staff anymore" emails or comments, tell your school to get their website in order. Capiche?

Today, Houston Nutt announced the signing of Terry Price to the Rebel staff. Price, who will be filling in for his cousin (no joke), Tracy Rocker, at the defensive line coaching position marks one of the latest in a long line of intra-SEC coaching hires. As the former DE coach at Auburn and, yes, Ole Miss under Tommy Tuberville, he should hopefully bring experience coaching and recruiting to the Ole Miss staff.

Also today, Lane Kiffin announced the hiring of Frank Wilson, the former runningbacks coach for our Rebels and the same to be for the Bulldogs of Starkville, will join his old boss Ed Orgeron in Knoxville.

Outside of the South people like to think of our region as being "incestuous." Now, while we're not really going out there and bangin' our sisters (or brothers, I'm lookin' at you Florida), we've certainly put together some wacky relationships among our coaching staffs. We're seemingly constantly swapping head coaches, coordinators, and recruiters like they're playing cards. Once coaches get here, they don't want to leave. Of course, we do (from top to bottom) pay the most and provide the greatest opportunity to recruit and coach the nations best talent, all while appearing on ESPN every other weekend so, this is somewhat understandable.

Since I didn't have dick to do at work today, I researched the extent of this conference-wide phenomenon. I even drew a nifty map which simply shows which schools share a common coaching history and put together a detailed list because it tricked my supervisor into thinking I was elbow deep in assignments. It is important for me to let you know that I didn't count former players, volunteer coaches, or graduate assistants because this took long enough as it is. An interesting point of note is that Vanderbilt does not have anybody on staff who coached at another SEC school (outside of a GA role) but has provided coaches to a couple other SEC schools. The image below can be clicked for needed biggification.

ALABAMA
Nick Saban - Former HC at LSU
Kirby Smart - Former DB coach at LSU and RB coach at Georgia

ARKANSAS
Bobby Petrino - Former OC at Auburn
Mike Summers - Former OL coach at Kentucky

AUBURN
Tracy Rocker - Former DL coach at Ole Miss
Trooper Taylor - Former WR coach at Tennessee
Gus Malzhan - Former OC at Arkansas

FLORIDA
Kenny Carter - Former OLB coach at LSU and RB coach and Recruiting Coordinator at Vanderbilt

GEORGIA
John Wilson - Former Asst. HC, OC, and WR coach at South Caronlina
Rodney Garner - Former OT coach and TE coach at Tennessee and Recruiting Coordinator and TE coach at Auburn
Stacy Searels - Former OL coach at LSU
John Fabris - Former DE coach at South Carolina

KENTUCKY
Joker Phillips - Former WR coach at South Carolina
Larry Brinson - Former RB coach at Arkansas*
Rick Petri - Former DL coach at Ole Miss, DE coach at South Carolina
Randy Sanders - Former OC and QB coach at Tennessee
Chris Thurmond - Former CB coach at Alabama

LSU
Bradley Dale Peveto - Former ST coordinator and LB coach at Arkansas
Stan Drayton - Former RB coach at Mississippi State and FLorida
Lance Thompson - Former OLB coach at Alabama
Eddie Gran - Former RB coach and ST coordinator at Auburn and RB coach at Ole Miss

OLE MISS
Terry Price - Former DE coach at Auburn
Houston Nutt - Former HC at Arkansas
James Shibest - Former ST coordinator at Arkansas
Mike Markuson - Former OL coach at Arkansas
Chris Vaughn - Former LB and S coach at Arkansas
Tyrone Nix - Former DC at South Carolina

MISSISSIPPI STATE
Dan Mullen - Former OC at Florida
David Turner - Former DE coach at Alabama and DL coach and Recruiting Coordinator at Vanderbilt
Les Koenning - Former OC at Alabama
Melvin Smith - Former Safeties coach at Alabama and Ole Miss

SOUTH CAROLINA
Steve Spurrier - Former HC at Florida
Ellis Johnson - Former DC at Mississippi State and Alabama
Shane Beamer - Former CB coach at Mississippi State

TENNESSEE
Ed Orgeron - Former HC at Ole Miss
Frank Wilson - Former RB coach at Ole Miss and Mississippi State (kinda-sorta not really)
Lance Thompson - Former OLB coach at Alabama


I'm certain to have overlooked something somewhere, which is really just another indicator of how wacky this has gotten.


*Arkansas was in the SWC then so maybe this doesn't count.

The SEC is Lightyears Ahead of the Ivy League

...with regards to minority coaching!

Y'all already know my feelings on this subject. If this doesn't further prove my point then I don't know what will. Of course, I shouldn't diminish Tom Williams' accomplishment just to prove my point so I send him, his family, and Yale my congratulations. Looking at his resume, he's had some pretty solid assistant jobs (Washington, Stanford, Jacksonville Jaguars) and could do well for the Bulldogs.

The SEC's New Head Coaches - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good - Dan Mullen, Mississippi State

Alright, Bulldogs, calm down. Breathe slowly, ok now count backwards from 10. Good, you'll be alright. Yes, the Red [REDACTED] Cup did just commend your coaching hire and, yes, we labeled it as "good." But, really, when compared to the two other brand new SEC head coaches and your former head coach, how else can you rate this? Croom was not a good coach (we've been saying this for quite a while) and his "doin' it da right way" charade was wearing very, very thin. To keep the Bulldog faithful, players, and boosters happy, new AD Greg "忍者" Byrne had to hit a figurative homerun with this coaching search. After being turned down by Boise State's Petersen and after rumors of Tommy Tuberville heading to Starkville (no, I'm not kidding) proved to be just that, snagging an OC from a big-name program on the verge of winning a BCS title was a damn good move.

Homerun? No.

Standup double with 2 RBI? Sure.

One thing that Mullen will be able to do is keep many of the recruits that Croom had gotten commitments from. Tyler Russell, the Meridian HS star QB should keep his commitment and I wouldn't at all be shocked if Chad Bumphis, the Tupelo HS standout receiver, commits to State sometime soon. While it may take a while for his offense to gel in Starkville, Mullen could make the Bulldogs competitive.

Well, at least more competitive than the Walrus had them in 4 out of his 5 seasons.

Furthermore, nobody can truly judge Mullen's ability as a head coach because, well, he's never been one. That does not automatically lead to failure at the HC level (Tuberville, circa 1995) but it does not at all guarantee success (O, circa 2004). Who knows what Mullen will do? I don't, and I doubt many of you do either. Hell, Greg Byrne probably doesn't even know.

But, the potential is there. That is what Byrne and the Bulldog faithful are betting on over the next few years.


The Bad - Lane Kiffin, Tennessee

Stand alone, Lane Kiffin is not a good hire. He does bring more name recognition than the other two new hires to the table, which should be able to help Tennessee's standing both within the media and the mind of potential Volunteers. Aside from that, however, few are impressed with his coaching abilities. Many laud his "success" as a developer of talent at USC as if half of the big name USC players aren't ready for D1 football by their junior years of high school. Furthermore, to commend his recruiting "prowess" at Southern Cal is not saying very much at all, in my opinion. A lot of people could successfully recruit to USC. Observe:

"Hey, you, 17 year old boy. Would you like to live in Hollywood, have Will Farrell and Snoop Dogg hang out at your football practices, be on ESPN all of the time, and have aspiring actresses blow you in the VIP room of a dimly lit nightclub?"

"Yessir."

"Great, sign here."

Doing the same at Tennessee will be tough.

In my view, Kiffin's real value as a head coach will come with his ability to build an excellent staff. His father, legendary NFL defensive coordinator Monte Kiffen, will become the Vols DC and if the rumors of Kiffin hiring Ed Orgeron to become his recruiting coordinator are true then Tennessee should have a solid coaching staff come next fall.

Oh, and his wife is hot.

One last thought: citing his lack of success in Oakland as reason for his potential failures at Tennessee isn't going to do it for me. A lot of college coaches simply cannot win in the NFL and vice versa. I'll cut Kiffin some slack there.


The Ugly - Gene Chizik, Auburn

I don't care what you think, Herbie, this is not a good hire. I know that Iowa State is not a traditional Big XII power or anything, but 5 victories in two seasons is pretty damned pathetic. And to somehow parlay that "success" into a head coaching job at one of the SEC's top programs is downright baffling.

Gene Chizik in his natural state of "awful"

I could go on and on about his poor record at ISU, the lack of fan satisfaction among the Cyclone nation, or the fact that every coach worth half a damn turned down the Auburn job, but the best indicator of just how horrible this hire is should be the absolute lack of a honeymoon period out on the plains.

Remember the man crushes that many got (and still have) for Coach Nutt when we hired him? Do you see how goo goo and gah gah the Bulldogs are over Mullen? Have you read the Petrino apologetics in our comment threads? People love new coaches. They bring new energy and potential to their programs. They excite their fans and players. They increase sales of tickets and goofy, pun-laden t-shirts.

Chizik does none of the above. People at Auburn aren't excited over this hire. Many are accepting of it, but most are simply upset. They didn't like him when he left Auburn after 2004. Iowa State fans and media don't like him. Hell, he was even on the third hottest seat of the season according to coacheshotseat.com.


Let's be frank: this is all the fault of Auburn's overly controlling boosters. Bobby Lowder and his posse of cock-envied millionaires can't stand seeing Nick Saban have the success he is having at Alabama. So, in purely illogical fashion, they fire one of the SEC's best coaches to hire the single worst in the Big XII. Of course, they wanted to go after a bigger name but, after seeing how Tommy Tuberville was not appreciated by those in power, a bigger name was not going to waste his time on the Plains. The fans didn't want Tuberville gone, nor did the players; but a few rich, old assholes who can't stand hearing their golfing buddies brag about St. Nick while criticizing the hors d'œuvres at the Country Club's brunch became jealous and intervened. Bobby Lowder and anyone else who had anything to do with all of this are professional dumbasses.

I will say, though, the rest of the SEC West and the Bulldogs of Athens are pretty pumped about this. Have fun filling your stadium next year, Auburn.

"The next opposing coach that Chizik outsmarts will be the first." -A clever-as-hell ISU fan

Wow. Take THAT Alabama!

Auburn University has announced that they are hiring Iowa State head football coach Gene Chizik to replace Tommy Tuberville. This is spectacular.

How do you fire a coach with Tubbs' track record in the SEC for a single down year (when his team went 5-7) and then turn around and hire a coach whose head coaching credits include only a 3-9 season and a 2-10 season? Tommy Tuberville is one of the top fifteen coaches in the country. It blows my mind.

I expect this to splinter the fan base a good bit. We'll get Rodney Scott and probably Raymond Cotton now. That's exciting.

Don't expect Auburn to be competitive next season. They'll have coaching that is significantly worse with a roster that's not significantly better. Good job Auburn administration. You did something I didn't think was possible. You showed Ole Miss fans that there is at least one school in the country with an AD that satisfies their fans less than ours does.

We're happy too Tommy.

Nutt is staying! Yippee!

Houston Nutt is not taking the Auburn job.

That is all.

Now go get us Patrick Patterson.

Is Nutt Going Anywhere?

According to The Birmingham News, Auburn wants him. I remember hearing something about how he recently turned down the Tennessee job (I really don't know how true that is) and he and his family have really taken a liking to Oxford so I would imagine that Auburn's search would end up being for naught.

Your thoughts on this slow, painful Friday morning?

Bored?

Check out the Six Pack. It's good for at least 45 minutes of entertainment. Just keep hitting refresh to see who the new head coach at State is rumored to be. Could it be Tuberville? What about Peterson of Boise State? Oh, maybe it's Turner Gill from Buffalo! Quick! Head on over and see who they're coming up with next!

Note: If I were a bettin' man, I'd say they're getting Kyle Whittingham of Utah.

An Open Letter to Pete Boone

Dearest Mr. Boone,

I'm graduating. In 9 days I'll get a (useless) degree and begin my way along my slippery-slope laden journey to delusional and drunken old-manhood. I, just as thousands before me, will wear sweatervests, lurk the Spirit boards, and babble to all the younguns about how great the glory days of my undergrad years were.

Err.... Ok, maybe not that last part there.

Y'see Pete, it's kinda-sorta always been my dream to become the grouchy old man who, despite your most desperate pleas, won't give you you God-damned frisbee back ("I told you kids to keep away from my Azaleas!") and you've robbed me of a precious cornerstone of this dream.

Instead of grudgingly making younger kids listen to my stories about "Mannings" and "Sugar Bowls" I'll have to tell them tings like "Uh, well, Micheal Spurlock broke his hand that one time" and "I didn't even realize Wyoming had a football team." A crucial part of my future was supposed to rely heavily on my ability to remind everyone that Ole Miss was better when I was young and now they're all going to know that I'm full of shit.

When I was a senior in high school, I would make the drive up to Oxford every other Saturday in the fall and see things like this, this, and this. I was enamored. I was a loyal disciple in the Church of Manning, taking my Kool-aid Kommunion every holy Saturday.

Unfortunately, over my four undergraduate years, I never saw anything quite like that.

Ok, I'll give it to you, without a Manning, that is to be understood. However, shit like this, this, and this.... isn't. Over the last four years I have seen 14 football wins. That is only 3.5 wins a year and no, I'm going to round that one up. I have seen us lose to Memphis, Vandy (twice), State (twice), Kentucky, and Wyoming (twice). The closest thing to a blowout victory I saw was a 24-0 "trouncing" of LaTech and part of me wants to call that win a fluke. Pete, if all of this has yet to get the point accross, let me give you a brief rundown of what I saw over the last 4 years.

YEAR 1
Ahh, sweet naïveté. Eli was gone but that's ok; I was an optimist! I read (and subsequently learned not to trust) the Clarion Ledger and thought that Micheal Spurlock was just David Cutcliffe re-stocking the cupboard. All was well for an Ole Miss freshman. That is, until we lost to Memphis at home. From then on out it was a disaster losing to Wyoming and just barely squeaking by Vanderbilt in overtime.
You fired Cutcliffe and I was mildly critical at first. However, once I realized that his backup plan for Eli Manning was this asshole it became clear to me that, despite being a good QB producer, Cutcliffe just wasn't head coach material. So, who did you hire? A supposed recruiting guru from a big time program. Boy I was excited. "That was the piece missing from Cutcliffe: recruiting!" I shouted. The Coach O era was, in many of our minds, going to mark a period of new, unprecedented growth in the program. Year 2 was most certainly going to be MUCH more exciting than year 1!

YEAR 2

Vroom vroom, motherfucker!

YEAR 3
So the Coach O era was off to a slow start but we weren't worried. Afterall, you've gotta give a guy some time with which to work right? O showed that he was, in fact, the Recruitzilla by pulling in a nationally ranked recruiting class but also demonstrated that he wasn't quite the GetPlayersToQualifyzilla that we may have hoped for. Powe wasn't going to show up (again) and Schaeffer, the next Michael Vick according to Spirit board posters, wasn't so much on campus for the first few practices. We beat Memphis (yippee!) and State (hoorah!) but that's the only cause for celebration we got. The Grove was miserable that year and attendance began to sink significantly. Mumblings and grumblings around Oxford wanted to get rid of O until he pulled Jevan Snead away from Texas. The recruiting guru and his hypnotic use of yellow ".gif" stars had saved his ass and we were in for another year in the O Zone.

YEAR 4
Schaeffer lost the starting job before the Memphis game. Yep, that's right, the 5 star wunderkind turned out to be a stoner thug. We played the most absolutely disgusting football imaginable for a great majority of the season until the Egg Bowl. Horrid football meant that the only way our season could be salvaged would have been an Egg Bowl victory (and a likely cause to deny State a bowl bid). For the first three quarters we were keeping the game well within hand. "Hell yeah," we shouted. "Orgeron is coming around and really coaching this team to victory!"
Fifteen minutes later, the Bullpups walked into the locker room victors. The cowbells were ringing and the maroon banners were waving as State had secured itself its first bowl bid in a geological era.
The next morning, my hangover was interrupted with a text message: "THEY FIRED O!"
"Fuck," I thought. They obviously didn't have a plan when they fired Cutcliffe, so I naturally thought there was not going to be a plan this go around. I figured we would get some "tenet-of-college-football-GURU" once again and be just as awful as before.
Well Pete, you proved me wrong. You went out and hired the most legitimate SEC coach we've had since Tommy Tuberville. Houston Nutt, while a bit harebrained, isn't nearly the comic book character O was. Even despite his random bouts with the crazies, the sonofabitch beat a #1 ranked LSU team IN BATON ROUGE!
Yes, prospects do look good for the future of Ole Miss football and all of it comes just in time for me to graduate and leave Oxford...

So, in conclusion, Thank's Pete. As the Athletic Director it is your responsibility to maintain (err, establish?) a high level of entertaining athletics for all Ole Miss students, alumni, and fans to enjoy. While not necessarily "competitive," I cannot deny that all of the embarrassment and ridicule one feels and receives as an Ole Miss fan has reached an entertaining level. Yeah, I was upset and downright angry for awhile, but now it's almost like you've maintained a very well put together running gag. My four undergraduate years at Ole Miss are likely to be recognized as some of the worst four years in the program's history and for that I am forever grateful.

Yours sincerely,
The Ghost of Jay Cutler

P.S. - I'll see you in Hell.

AK's Safe!: LSU Hires Trent Johnson

ABC 26 reports that LSU has hired Stanford Coach Trent Johnson to take up the reigns left by John Brady.

I, along with all the other Ole Miss fans am putting out a sigh of relief. Andy Kennedy was rumored to be on their short list. Think of the torture it would have been to see Andy Kennedy go to Red Stick and beat Ole Miss year in and year out.

I don't know a whole lot about Trent Johnson other than he only won more than Stanford made the Sweet 16 this season. Here is Johnson's record by year at Stanford (stolen from Wikipedia)

2004-2005	Stanford	18-13	11-7		NCAA First Round
2005-2006	Stanford	16-14	11-7		NIT Second Round
2006-2007	Stanford	18-13	10-8		NCAA First Round
2007-2008	Stanford	28-8	13-5		Pac-10 Tournament runner-up; NCAA Sweet Sixteen

He's certainly good, but let's look at John Brady's record at LSU.

1997–1998	LSU	9-18	2-14	6th (West)
1998–1999	LSU	12-15	4-12	6th (West)
1999–2000	LSU	28-6	12-4	1st (West)	NCAA Sweet 16
2000–2001	LSU	13-16	2-14	6th (West)
2001–2002	LSU	19-15	6-10	T-4th (West)	NIT 2nd Round
2002–2003	LSU	21-11	8-8	T-2nd (West)	NCAA 1st Round
2003–2004	LSU	18-11	8-8	T-2nd (West)	NIT 1st Round
2004–2005	LSU	20-10	12-4	T-1st (West)	NCAA 1st Round
2005–2006	LSU	27-9	14-2	1st (West)	NCAA Final Four
2006–2007	LSU	17-15	5-11	6th (West)
2007–2008	LSU	8-13	1-6	6th (West)

Granted, Brady had a terrible year this year. 8-13 as a coach is awful. Still, it's one bad year due to a lot of injuries. I'm just not sure that Trent Johnson is significantly better than a coach who took LSU to the final four three years ago.