Ole Miss is on da teebee!

This first clip comes from a respected journalist:

This second clip doesn't, but it's waaaaaaaay more entertaining:

Is this the most press Ole Miss has ever gotten? Yeah, likely so. The last week has truly been an incredible week for our university.

And another thing... I bet Shep reads the Red [REDACTED] Cup. I'm not joking around here, I'm serious. I bet he does. And you know what? I bet he enjoys the hell out of it. Shep, we're glad to have you. Keep doing whatever it is that you do.

Sports Illustrated Cover

Uh-oh.

RSC pick'em League Update

Just a short update on the RSC pick'em league: Ghost has added some more games to this week's docket, so if you've already submitted your picks, go back and pick the new ones here.

Btw, I'm still ballin' out of control at 2nd place, trailing only olemiss21.

edited to add: Ghost actually just edited the league picks about 20 minutes after I first posted this, so you may have visited and seen no changes. They are now up, and I like this list of picks. Expect a big shakeup in the standings after this week.

Jerrell Powe: Leader of the Band

(HT: Friends of the Program)

I've been accused by people who know me (not you all, I'm anonymous, right?) of a sort of gentile social progressivism. It's where the name comes from. Perhaps I betray my secret identity by admitting that I proclaim the variant "The South is a nice place to live" at the end of "Slow Dixie," instead of the dominant "...will rise again!"

This high-minded moralism is where the name Ivory Tower comes from. Thanks for visiting, now let me head on over to the restroom and drop off a little change we can believe in.

But for The New York Times and everyone else who felt the need to note with disdain in their pre-debate articles that Ole Miss still played "Dixie" at football games, I give you Jerrell Powe leading the band. This 300+ poor black man from Waynesboro, MS got a rush out of "Dixie" this weekend for the same reason most other Ole Miss fans do - because it's a fight song, not a political statement.

Hey, Langston, in case it's still flying under your radar: Powe. On the 'tron. Are you ready? Do it.

The Triumphant Return of Tuesday Question

Generally, we are the "authors" of "content" around here - "here" being a blog and not a message board. Recognize, we do, that you've come here not to contribute, but to consume. Nevertheless, there is the sporadic occasion where, either for our benefit or for to exercise the thinkifiers of the masses, we ask you a question. Today's question is

...

Which Gamecock quarterback will see the most snaps Saturday against the Rebels? Smelley, Beecher, or Garcia?

Smelley got the start against UAB, but when the official press release went up on the Gamecock official website, the first line read, "Stephen Garcia was 13-for-20 for 131 yards and ran for 86 more in the first significant action of his career, giving South Carolina's offense enough of a kick to beat UAB 26-13 on Saturday night."

Of course, then again, Garcia threw a pick in the 3rd quarter and didn't see the field again.

If I'm Spurrier, I start Garcia. While his passing statistics were nothing to gloat over (See: Snead, Jevan), he ran for 86 yards. Designed quarterback runs have been successful against the Rebels this season. Furthermore, Spurrier saw why this blog has fawned over the Rebel Front Four and must be worried that Beecher or Smelley will be sitting ducks on Saturday.

Has Urban Meyer Been 'Exposed?'

After the game Saturday in Gainesville (still working on that photo-journal), Florida fans were about as nice to me and my party as I could ever have expected. Seriously, I've made Ole Miss games at Kentucky, Mississippi State, LSU, Georgia, and, now, Florida. With the possible exception of my 2003 trip to Starkville, when the dejected dogs were in hospitable awe over young Mr. Manning, Gator fans were sometimes welcoming and rarely annoying last Saturday.

Perhaps "hospitable" is not the right word. Maybe they were just a little self-absorbed. When I led chants of "Hit Tebow," I wasn't met with glares or jeers from Jort Nation, rather a few cries of "...but don't hurt him." Before and during the game, Gators were so caught up in their own glory that they simply were left without sufficient time or energy to worry about heckling lowly Rebel fans.

And, after the game, the abuse we expected never really materialized. On the way out of Gainesville, I realized that Florida fans were still internalizing - this time, though, it was not glory they were caught up in. It was the blame, pity, and coach-loathing that is summed up by a statement a Florida fan laid on me yesterday - "Urban Meyer has been exposed."

I think that's a little silly.

Urban Meyer has not been exposed after this weekend anymore than Nick Saban has been legitimized. This win can't silence the doomsday squeals from Fayetteville that this was the first step in Houston Nutt's diabolical plan to destroy Ole Miss football. One weekend really does not reveal a great deal about a man's coaching ability. Except sometimes.

The main point of contention, ironically for Rebel fans, was a decision to go for it on fourth down. Urban could have passed over the middle. I'll arbitrarily say that had an 80% chance at completion - it'd been working all day, except when Tebow's receivers dropped the ball. Urban could have kicked the field goal, which I'll arbitrarily assign 50%. It would have been a career long for his freshman kicker. Urban could have floated a screen pass to Percy Harvin in the flat - maybe 70% - but we'd gotten losses in the flat, and Percy had already coughed up the ball twice that day. What had worked all day long? Tebow up the middle. What saved Florida from a sure Oregeron-ing in 2007? Tebow up the middle. If the reasonable, prudent person called this offensive play in a vacuum, knowing neither the score nor the opposition, what play would anyone call for Florida on 4th and 1? Tebow up the middle.

It's the obvious call because it's the right call.

Florida's three lost fumbles "exposes" nothing about Urban Meyer. But don't tell that to Florida fans. They probably can't hear you over the sound of Tebow's post-game press conference replaying over and over in their heads.

SEC Power Poll: Week 5 Ballot

There was a good deal of movement this week. Most notably, the top two teams in the West replaced the top two teams of the East. Alabama made the biggest jump (+3) while Florida suffered the greatest fall (-3). Hell, even Mississippi State moved up! Enjoy and let us know what you think.

Rank	Team	Change	Comments
1	Alabama	+3	The nation's wackiest fanbase can now legitimize their wackiness. We made fun of Bama fans for claiming their Tide was "back" but, if these first few weeks are any indicator, they were right. RTR!!!1 ;)
2	LSU	+1	LSU won, Florida and UGA lost. A great football tradition is watching LSU make MSU's quarterbacks run around like a blind kid with his hair on fire en route to a 4-5 touchdown win. That didn't happen, and we feel shortchanged.
3	Georgia	-1	Georgia came back to make the score against Bama look respectable, but it just wasn't. That game was terrible. If you're going to have a blackout against a top-ten team, be sure to come out onto the field with your head on the outside of your ass.
4	Florida	-3	Ranking Georgia and Florida is hard this week. Both teams got snuck up on in a bad way by West teams, yet both are likely to rebound and do great things this season. Who would have thought Meyer's offense would be so very, very one dimensional and predictable against Ole Miss?
5	Auburn	+1	This offense straight up blows. No two ways about it. Tubberville is a great coach, and will find ways to keep good offenses in check and manage the game, but they will lose some just because of their terrible quarterback situation.
6	Vanderbilt	-1	Blah blah, undefeated blah. Vanderbilt is ranked above six SEC teams on this ballot, alright? Don't ask for much more, especially after a bye-week.
7	Ole Miss	+2	Chompy-chomp-chomp. The Rebels are only a few plays removed from 5-0 which, while a bit of an excruciating thought, shows how far this team has recovered from Hurricane Orgeron's wreckage.
8	Kentucky	-1	Undefeated at the end of September, huh? That's nice, but could you please PLAY A CONFERENCE GAME ALREADY!?!
9	South Carolina	+1	The Cocks had a good win against a decent UAB team, and close games against Vandy and Georgia. A win against Ole Miss on the road would a big confidence boost. Spurrier could still salvage this season. Let's just hope that doesn't begin this Saturday.
10	Tennessee	-2	Rocky Top! You just might be, the worst in Tennessee! Poor ol' Rocky Top! PHEEEEWWWW! Won't beat Vaaaaaannddyyyyyyyy!
11	Mississippi State	+1	Guess what Bullpups? You're the only team in our Power Poll ballot to jump after a loss! Moral victory! HUZZAH! RATTLE RATTLE!
12	Arkansas	-1	Houston Nutt coached the Razorbacks against Texas thrice, winning twice. How's Bobby doing in that department? Razorback fans honestly act as if they should compete with Texas with some sort of consistency. The Longhorns and their 55-21 all-time series lead beg to differ.

The "analysts" have a lot to say

You wanna know how to get all over the teebee? You defeat the #4 Gators in the Swamp, that's how. I'm sure you've all seen something on ESPN, Fox Sports, etc but I bet many of you haven't seen this little gem. Warning, if you don't like vulgar ejaculatory references, then watch this video instead.

(Houston Nutt) worked them bitches!
The fella on the right is hilarious, the fella on the left is a douche. He refers to us as "Mississippi" while sporting his totally rad Florida jersey and cleanly shaven head. Doooouuuuuche. Chompy-chomp, you douche.

More fun captions!

This is fun. This needs to become a recurring theme on this blog, don't you think? Mafpwtac, a regular over at NAFOOM sent these pictures to the RSC inbox and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.



Oh, and I made this one after seeing his inspirational poster fark:I also think "PRISON: This is what it looks like" would be pretty damned appropriate for that image. If you've got 'em, keep 'em coming.

Post Game

Once again, sorry for the late post game. Too busy enjoying what many have called the best weekend in the history of the University. Those of my friends that are aware of my writing on this here website have been calling me out on last week's post game report, asking what kind of ass I feel like for passing up on tickets to the game, calling out the team right before our biggest win in decades, etc., etc. Well, here it is folks: I'm a huge Rebel fan, always have been, and I don't have a bit of regret for being proven wrong by a tenacious Ole Miss team on the road. I don't regret watching this game in a bar full of my friends, getting tow' up, screaming Hottdy Toddy at anyone who cared to listen, and drunkenly trying to explain the significance of this win to the wait staff at Rancho Grande. I had a hell of a time. I know Ivory Tower and co. had a hell of a time. The Rebels played inspired defense and mistake free (enough) offense and got to mock-chomp the Gators, dreadlocks victoriously blowing in the Southern breeze.

On to actual post game observationizations.

The defensive line is the best in the SEC. No doubt. We have at least four, probably more, NFL players on this line, and they're starting to play like it. Of course, Tebow saw all kinds of blitz packages, but you really can't replace that Jerrell Powe-shaped dent in the pocket on every play. Speaking of Powe's emergence, Ted Laurent showed why he's still technically the starter alongside Jerry. He's a beast, though this picture makes me giggle because he looks like a Macy's day parade float drifting angrily towards Tebow. And say all you want about the athleticism of guys like Knowshon Moreno and Percy Harvin: to me, the best SEC athletes are guys like Greg Hardy and Ricky Jean-Francois- guys that are just too damn big to be that damn fast.

The rest of the defense played well above their shoulders today as well. Sure, Florida gained a lot in the air, but there's a lot to be said for having those short passes over the middle met immediately with three or four white shirts and stopped dead. You can't let teams run after the catch on you all day, and the Rebel secondary didn't. Percy Harvin got his yards, sure, but at full health, he'll get them against anyone. The coverage skills of the corners are still less than Champ Bailey-esque, but I'll take that effort every time.

I was growing skeptical of having Eason in the game with Bolden and Davis on the bench, but he made one of the more athletic plays of the game with his 18-yard catch, run, hurdle, pirouette, and score. Brandon Bolden is still pretty badass, though.

Shay Hodge is also pretty badass. Hodge is the best overall receiver for Ole Miss maybe ever. Chris Collins would have been the 3 or 4 receiver on this team, Espy and Grant Heard may not have fared any better. On the topic of Hodge: I was under the impression that video review was adopted to determine the correct outcome of a play. It was in fact invented to fuck over Shay Hodge. Sorry Shay, you caught that ball. And you were forced out. And the other guy touched it first. Fuck you, Doyle.

Is today the first time Bolden has taken some snaps in the Wild Rebel? I haven't noticed before now, and I like it, especially in short yardage spots.

Marcus Temple certainly came out of nowhere today, even stopping Tebow on 4th and 1 to ice it. It is rare for me to have to check my program to see who a player is when we're five games into the season, but his playing time today was a real surprise.

Kentrell Lockett. That is all.

Overall, the team still showed a lot of youth and a little hesitancy with the game within their reach. I was more than a little disappointed in the 3 and out by the running game at the end that forced a punt and eventually put Florida just a 51 yard field goal away. Two first downs there, and Tebow doesn't touch the ball again. Still, the plays were made, the Rebs won, and there's no taking that from them. I'm glad we get a home game against a weaker offense next Saturday. I don't think you can expect two weeks of rabid defense from a team still learning to win, so I'm counting on the offense building on their success in this upcoming game. Good weekend indeed. The Rebels are back. Hotty Toddy.

Run Home to Mommy

Caption this picture

Ted Laurent going after Tebow is just too good for us. We want to come up with a clever caption for this picture. We tried.
Here are our shots and, if you've got something more creative or humorous please share it with us. Remember, we've got the domain name, but you're actually the smart ones.

A Tale of Two Quarterbacks

It was the best of times,


it was the worst of times.

Guess who has an all time winning record against Florida? Georgia, you say? Well, yeah, they do. Tennessee? Not so fast. LSU? Nope.

How about the motherfucking Ole Miss motherfucking Rebels. 12-10-1, bitches. What a great 24 hours for Ole Miss.

HOTTY DAMN TODDY!

We'll obviously have a better post up, but for now, enjoy this....

WE ARE... OLE MISS!

SEC Power Poll: Week 4 Ballot

I apologize for the tardiness on this one. Enjoy and don't be afraid to comment/talk shit.

Rank	Team	Change	Comments
1	Florida	---	They seemed to have their cruise control on during the Tennessee game.
2	Georgia	---	Word from Athens is that if the NFL doesn't work out, one of those sketchy immigrant smugglers is looking to hire Knowshon to train your tired, your poor to treat that border fence like Arizona State defenders.
3	LSU	---	From what petri dish does LSU find true freshman that can be thrown into the middle of a game at Jordan-Hare and look solid? Please stop this before we have to begrudgingly admit that Les Miles has skill.
4	Alabama	---	Arkansas State may actually be a more difficult test than Arkansas.
5	Vanderbilt	+1	Opportunistic? Yeah. Lucky? Somewhat. Going bowling? Certainly.
6	Auburn	-1	Tony Franklin is SO fired
7	Kentucky	+2	Here's an SAT question for you: "Choose the best answer. The Kentucky Wildcats have not: A. lost to anybody, or B. beaten anybody." Every answer is right, but every answer is also profoundly wrong.
8	Tennessee	-1	We're fairly certain a coaching search is underway in Knoxville. For the sake of continuity in SEC-based smack talk and (especially) farks, we hope they hire Mark Mangino.
9	Ole Miss	-1	In two weeks, Jevan Snead went from leading the league with a 6-to-1 TD-INT ratio to still leading the league in TD's (still 6), but also leading in INTs (now 7). If you want someone to thank for a big effort in Winston-Salem, look at Jevan. If you want someone to blame for a loss to Vanderbilt, look at Jevan. You take the good, you take the bad, you mix it up, and there you have more disappointment in Oxford.
10	South Carolina	---	The Gamecocks have two losses to, apparently, decent teams. And their closer-than-necessary win over Wofford belied a solid offense day for the Gamecocks. Their next game of any consequence is in Oxford in two weeks.
11	Arkansas	---	It must be nice to be an Arkansas fan. You get to hate Houston Nutt so much that his losses allow you to completely ignore getting destroyed at home by Alabama. You know, the only thing worse than their loss...
12	Mississippi State	---	...is getting blown out by an offense likely designed by 13th century alchemists.

Florida Preview

To say that Florida is going to be a difficult game is an understatement. I don't think one can properly express just how much trouble we're going to have on our hands. We need heroic days from Jevaughn (he's black, right?), Greg, Pierre Jerry (so says Nutt), and a corner. It wouldn't hurt to have Michael Crichton develop a velociraptor to come play linebacker for us.

Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas. Tebow runs like Mike Alstott and throws the ball as well as Chris Leake did. While Tebow probably isn't even as fast as BenJarvus Green-Ellis, he's such a smart and powerful runner that defenses basically have to prepare for the "Wild Tebow" on every play. I don't think I have to say much more. I'll just say this. Tony Fein needs to play a lot. I want someone at middle linebacker who has a chance to intimidate Tebow. I know he's never intimidated, but I want Fein to tackle him repeatedly with helmet to throwing elbow. That's the only way we have any chance whatsoever.

Running back is a tough situation to talk about regarding Florida. They don't exactly have a traditional running back. I guess that Chris Rainey is the closest thing that Florida has to a real running back, but through three games, he has 18 carries. Tebow has 34. Percy Harvin is also a threat at running back with his elite speed. It's not like we'll see Florida come out in the I very often though. This is all about the "Sproption", sweeps, and reverses. It's one of those offenses that we all used to say would never work in the SEC. I guess we were wrong.

Florida's receivers are as dominant as always. Percy Harvin only has three catches on the season, but don't let that fool you. Harvin is going to have a field day against us. Senior Louis Murphy is their leading receiver on the season with eight catches for 146 yards. Murphy is 6'3", so he will present a matchup problem, but you have to realize that Florida is going to throw the ball to 6 or 7 different players. That means that while Cassius Vaughn, Marshay Green, and Dustin Mouzon have important days ahead of them, Marcus Temple and Derrick Herrrmannnn (sic) have more important days because they're our nickel corners. That's bad news for us. I hope that we see some sets where Marshay, Cassius, and Dustin are on the field at the same time, because that may be the only way that we can try to contain Florida's third receiver.

Florida's defense is probably better than their offense, a scary thought for a team with a returning Heisman winner at QB. Florida is allowing 6.3 ppg. They gave up a whopping three points to Miami and stumbled a bit against Tennessee... giving up SIX points.

Defensive ends Carlos Dunlap and Jermaine Cunningham are a formidable force coming off the ends with two sacks each in limited action. Defensive Tackle Lawrence Marsh had two sacks in Florida's opener vs. Hawaii and is a good combination of size and speed. Florida is also quite deep on the defensive line with pass rushers for days. I remember distinctly Jarvis Moss' one million sacks against Troy Smith in the national championship two years ago. I hope neither of these ends is like that, but I worry that they are.

The key to Florida's defense is Brandon Spikes. The junior linebacker didn't play against Hawaii and still leads the team in tackles having led each of the past two contests. AJ Jones is another linebacker to watch out for as he has shown up for all three of Florida's games with intensity and effort (and no, he's not a white wide receiver). Brandon Bolden may be less effective this week with such sure-tackling, talented linebackers swarming to the ball. I hope to see a good number of snaps to Devin Thomas and Enrique since I believe they have a little bit more elusiveness than Bolden (who is a fantastic physical back).

In the secondary, Florida brings significant troubles to the rebels. While defending the pass was ultimately Florida's downfall last season, it is a strength this year with a great pass rush and experience all around at defensive back. Florida returns all four starters in the defensive backfield, and they're all good. Joe Haden is a corner with excellent coverage skills, and receivers go down when he tackles them. CB Wondy Pierre-Louis (I promise I didn't make that name up) played poorly against Tennessee, allowing the Vols to complete a few passes that later proved insignificant. If there's a player that needs to be replaced, it's Pierre-Louis. Safety Major Wright is a debilitating hitter at 200 pounds. This could spell trouble for Shay Hodge going across the middle on third downs and will be a lot of trouble for Dexter's confidence. All in all, Florida's secondary is not what Jevan needs to deal with at this point in the season. After a four interception day, I wish we were playing ULM this week.

My prediction: Florida by 13.

What's yours?

Internets Available in Arkansas; Accessed by Hog Fans part V (rational clarity edition!)

Spirit and Rivals posters go goo-goo and gah-gah over the Wild Rebel. They yammer on and on about how Coach Nutt invented it, Sugar Bowls, Gerald Pow, etc etc.

Arkansas fans disagree. According to them, Gus Malzhan invented the offense, thus making him the single most brilliant coordinator Arkansas has ever hired. In fact, Arkansas fans love Gus Malzhan so much that they're secretly pulling for Tulsa on November 1 (it'll just be one more thing to hold over HDN's head).

Well, according to The Slophouse, neither man "invented" anything, but rather put modern twists on a decades old offense. The Wildcat/Hog/Rebel/Dolphin/Raider/LadyVol is nothing more than a fancified single-wing offense with a triple-option.

"Wait a gosh-darn minute," you may say. "How can this Arkansas site be so certain that Malzhan didn't invent this offense?"

Well, here's what Malzhan himself had to say about his supposed invention:

Wait, please don’t make it sound, you know, like I ’invented’ anything... Football’s a game where you use ideas that you see. I’ve used everyone’s ideas. This isn’t about me at all. Please don’t make it sound that way.

Who's been saying this all along? This guy, right here.

Post Scriptum - By the way, I do know what Houston Nutt did invent: the LOLCat offense!

Hey Florida

Do you remember the greatest day of Matt Grier's life? What? You don't? Ok, here's a hint: it was likely also one of Rex Grossman's worst.

Still no clue? Well, try this shit on for size:


The best lines from this video are, in my opinion

Ooh... giddy up!

from the first video, and

It's Matt Grier AGAIN!

from the second. CBS sure does hire some goofy announcers.

Rex Grossman will forever be Matt Grier's bitch. Damn that video makes me all goose-bumpy.


HT: MakersMarkReb who, by the way, is hung like Matt F'in Grier

Gettin' Dranked: A LSU Tradition

LSU quarterback Jarrett Lee was caught getting his Kobe on during a game of beer pong somewhere down in the Bayou. Nice choice on the Natty Light, Jarrett!


The portly Lee recently led the Tigers past Auburn last weekend and it appears is a few games of beer pong away from becoming the next Pillsbury Throwboy or the best side line interview ever.

SEC Power Poll: Week 4

The Ghost of Jay Cutler is moving, Ivory Tower and Juco-All American are busy "studying," and Whiskey Wednesday is still drinkin' 'n' fuckin' his Vandy blues away. While disappointing, I know, the lack of updates for this week must be excused.

Ghost will have the ballot up sometime tonight, but as for the power poll results, one can check out those cocks (LOL!!1) over at Garnet and Black attack or gander down at the graphic below.

Who Is This Guy? Tim Tebow.

Okay, so you've likely heard of Tim Tebow. He won some trophy. Also, were he not saving the whales from the pandas (or something like that), he has the surely has the capacity to do some all-star debauching. But this is Superman, not Lex Luthor. He uses his powers for good and not evil.

What exactly can Superman do? Well, he can complete 145 passes without throwing an interception, shattering Danny Wuerffel's record of 121. He can shatter Emmitt Smith's career rushing TD record (36) sometime in the next few weeks (he has 31 ... for now). He's also able to leap over large objects in a single bound.

But what does Clark Kent do? You know, besides medical mission trips and all that. That is actually a pretty good question. I don't know the answer.

Oh, yeah. That.

Women of the Opposition: Florida

Much of the discussion about this weekend's game has centered around QB/Biblical figure Tim Tebow. The life of an SEC QB lends itself to certain privileges, such as beautiful women flocking to the south of your equator.

Indeed, Florida women are of a higher quality than some we have seen this season (see: Memphis). However, we fans at Ole Miss still allow ourselves to hold our gorgeous women up onto a pedestal for it is one of the few things we remain competitive in for consecutive football seasons.

This is contrary to the popular belief that all women in Mississippi look like this, this or this.

Florida, congratulations on your Heisman trophy winning QB who was last seen multiplying loaves of bread and fish for a multitude of people, but your women are just not up to par.

We dress up for our games, so we don't look like these screaming swamp strumpets.

Senator McCain Suspends Campaign

WE ARE ... OLE MISS!

ALL POINTS BULLETIN: Jevan Snead's passing game

In the last two weeks, Jevan Snead has thrown zero touchdowns and 6-and-a-half interceptions (it's a good thing Mike Wallace is from New Orleans and therefore willing to steal things snatch balls from the possession of defenders). Without these interceptions, one could fairly say the Ole Miss Rebels would currently be sitting on a 4-0 record and a national ranking. Instead, we're forced to endure yet another 2-2 start based more on "what could have been" as opposed to "what actually happened."

Aside from the interceptions themselves and the general cock-tease that is Ole Miss athletics, the most frustrating thing about this young season is how well we've played in certain aspects of the game while sinking in others.

Early on, against Memphis and Wake Forest, we struggled greatly along the defensive front and allowed our opposing runners and passers more time than they deserved to make plays. Against Vanderbilt, though, our defensive line played like a pack of rabid wolves. The only mental image I'm hoping to retain from Saturday's gut-wrencher is Greg Hardy knocking the shit outta Mackenzie Adams.

Along those same lines, our offense looked golden against Memphis and Wake Forest. We made plays using misdirection, kept the defense on their heels, played with relatively few mistakes, and put up serious numbers. Against Samford and Vanderbilt, we may have put up some numbers and looked good a times, but we were anemic overall. The offense had its moments, but then imploded after a few fumbles and a half-dozen interceptions. The interceptions were certainly inexcusable. Most of the throws were either in desperation, poorly decided upon, or simply put in a position where the defender could make a play out of it. Against Memphis and Wake, Jevan made several throws which were placed where only his receiver could make a play. Against Samford and Vandy, we saw a completely different Jevan.

Jevan, where in the hell are you? Come back. Did you decide that a two week CWAB binge was in order? Is that Ethan Flatt under your helmet?

Check out the last four weeks of Ole Miss football:
Certainly, Wake and Vandy have better defenses than Memphis and Samford, but does Samford have a better defense than Memphis? We've been over this before, so I won't go too much into it.

Now, our defense:
The increased health of our defensive line seems to have an inversely linear relationship with the offensive output of our opponent. Vandy barely mustered more yards than Samford against us. How in the hell do we not win this game? With our defensive line being completely healthy, we win that game 9 times out of 10. Unfortunately, that 1 time where we lose came last Saturday.

Let's get it together, Rebels.

RSC Pickem: Week 4 Standings

Rank		W-L	Pts
1	twellis1's pricks	30-8	173
1	olemiss21's picks	30-8	173
3	RebelRH's picks	29-9	172
3	whiskeywednesday's picks	29-9	172
5	michaelflowers's picks	31-7	170

Not much has changed. Whiskey Wednesday, while not stirring the Razorback pot or fending off allegations that he's a budding lawyer, is holding down for the rest of us slack-ass RSC posters. Head to www.funofficepools.com to make your picks for this week, if you have yet to do so.

This just in... LaQuinton Ross is in fact 17 years old.

There was a lot of suspicion that 2011 SG prospect LaQuinton Ross was seventeen years old. This should clear that up.

There's just something weird about that. Sure, he's talented, but that's against kids that are 2-3 years younger than he is. I'm sure he's getting a lot of press now. I just wonder how much better he'll get by the time he's a senior.

Also, if the reason is really because he took seventh and eighth grade twice since his AAU coach wanted him to be highly ranked as a recruit, that's really sad. What if he's not all that and a bag of potato chips? What if he never makes it to the NBA? You just wasted two years of the kid's life and the opportunity to grow up with people his own age. Great job man.

I'm sure we'll recruit him, and we may even sign him. I'm sure I'll be happy to have the #1 basketball player in the country committed, but I'm going to temper my enthusiasm for the kid. He should be a senior but is a sophomore.

Post-Game Report (finally)

So here we are: I had all kinds of things to write about last night, but most of them resided, along with the sick feeling in your gut that surely, all of us felt (at least those of us who actually follow the team. And/or smuggled Ziplock bags of Jack into the stadium). Beyond the terrible effort on display on the part of Jevan Snead and the Ole Miss offensive line (can't fault the receivers, backs, or the defense), we have a pretty significant quandary on our hands in Oxford: we can't possibly conceive a way to win a football game wherein a loss is a possibility. Not since South Carolina in 2004 has Ole Miss defeated a team with an equal or greater combination of talent, experience, and coaching. Don't even bring up wins against Memphis, State, and Vandy (2006). The talent gap makes it inexcusable to lose those games, despite our ability to always make it look close.

Before Hog fans (you lost by 5 touchdowns to Alabama. This should be enough to silence you for the week, but I know otherwise) come here to gloat: this isn't a coaching issue. Houston Nutt and his staff have demonstrated that they can coach fundamentals, concoct a good game plan, choose the right personnel, and generally put the players in position to succeed. And while Orgeron's teams lost all kinds of games, some of which can be put on his shoulders, he still was incapable of fumbling the ball, throwing interceptions, or allowing Derek Pegues to go untouched into the endzone on a critical punt return. He was on the sidelines. And please, spare me any talk of how part of coaching is teaching kids to avoid mistakes like these. Having to teach kids to hold on to the ball and to avoid throwing 5 interceptions in a game is like taking attendance and grading homework in a 500 level class. It should be fucking insulting, and an unnecessary waste of time that could be spent on conditioning, learning playbooks, and scouting. I can't blame Nutt for this one, as the game plan was there.

If Nutt is at fault at all, it is in his recent inexperience in instilling a winning attitude. He inherited players that were decent and knew how to win at Arkansas. He recruited some excellent players and instilled a continued winning attitude, and did a lot of great things, all while located in the asshole of America, Fayetteville (again, Hawg fans, don't talk, your town sucks, and don't say 'thank God for Mississippi,' because that's a crock of shit bolstered by misleading statistics. Mississippi > Arkansas as a good place to live). Anyhow, it is certainly an alien feeling for Nutt to teach a bunch of talented, habitual losers to win. I can understand that. What I can't understand, is how it got this bad to begin with.

Ole Miss has some incredible talent. For certain, the talent in the secondary, at tight end, and in the linebacking corps, leaves something to be desired by the standards of the SEC elite. However, there aren't many guys like Mike Oher, John Jerry, Shay Hodge, Mike Wallace, Dexter McCluster, Greg Hardy, Peria Jerry, Brandon Bolden, etc., in the SEC. We have some serious players, and good balance overall. We just haven't found the chemistry and resolve to pull out any solid SEC wins in the last four years. Losing feels inevitable to these guys, and I'm not sure what can be done about that.

With all that behind me, let's go to the actual game analysis:

7 penalties for 82 yards vs. 2 penalties for 20. Hard to believe that the home team had over four times the penalty yardage as the away team, especially given the subjective nature of most of the penalties. Late hits were called on the UM offense when I saw the same thug garbage committed by a VU defender on the same play. Not the reason we lost, but damn. Give us a dozen or so fairly officiated SEC games and we just might win one or two...

Snead is a talented head case. Get ready, folks. If a QB lobotomy isn't performed on Snead soon, look for Brent Schaeffer part II. Last night was possibly (with talent level taken into consideration) the worst underperformance by an Ole Miss athlete since the invention of the forward pass. The stat sheet says four INT's. It was actually five, as the one immediately stolen back by the Ole Miss receiver wasn't counted. Can't even recognize the guy that threw four TD's on the road at Wake Forest. Either way, the 4/5 INT's doesnt begin to tell the story of how poor Jevan was. He was Ethan Flatt at Wyoming poor. He was Brent Schaeffer at Kentucky poor... Need I go on?

McCluster and Green put too much weight on their shoulders to make plays. Both are dynamic with the ball. Both made critical fumbles last night. Green had no business trying to break all those tackles on the punt return. There was no seam, no extra yardage to be gained. Protect the ball in this situation. McCluster probably shouldn't have been the guy to take the ball through the middle of the defense in this situation. Send any of our top three RB's, who are much bigger and stronger and have demonstrated sure hands for the most part, into the thick of things when it counts, instead of a 5-8 scat back. I agree with running the Wild Rebel, but again, decision making wasn't all it could have been by McCluster.

Defensive line will be a star unit if they don't get bogged down by the rest of the teams fuckuperation. Hardy, Jerry, and Powe were all monsters. Could be time for Gerald Pow to do the Hotty Toddy on the Grove stage, because he's getting much closer to his expected impact (12 tackles, 5 sacks, 1 INT, and a pass touchdown per game, approx.).


The rest of the defense fed off of the increased pressure from the front four. I hate to get all optimistic here, but we may just be able to pull an upset by playing good defense and keeping the ball out of Snead's incapable hands.

The offensive line is still soft. Even with over 200 yards rushing, the line failed to impress, this time with the problem being in pass protection. I wonder if most of this wasn't caused by Snead's inability to audible and take advantage of/cover for the blitz. Still, these guys are talented and experienced, and need to maul some motherfuckers. Hasn't yet happened.

That is about all I have. Last night, I was pondering the abysmal lack of intestinal fortitude and mental strength by Ole Miss athletes since I arrived here in the Fall of 2004. It really is sickening, and I find myself wondering after a loss like this what draws us to be fans. Certainly, regional proximity and school loyalty are a big factor in what team you support, but shouldn't you also respect something about the resolve, the tenacity, the effort level and the spirit of the teams for which you so fervently cheer? Well, as it stands, I can't respect them until they come out and win a big game. No loss can be considered a moral victory, no good effort can be deemed worthwhile until a W appears in the stat column. Here it is, Rebs: I don't respect you. I've seen more resolve and mental composure in Club and Intramural level teams, and your consistent failure to seal a victory has made me question the worth of my years of support. I won't go to Gainesville with my crew next weekend, because I know that you won't show up in any better mental condition to beat Florida than would I and my drunken compatriots. Please, Rebels, at some point this year, prove me wrong. Make me believe again. Win six and get to a bowl. Being a jaded asshole just isn't fun. Goodnight, and Hotty Toddy.

State of the Opposition - Week 4

The opposition is out to get us. Constant surveillance is required to keep accurate tabs on their where-abouts and goings-on. The British had MI-6 and James Bond. Nixon had G. Gordon Liddy. Lord Zed had the Green Ranger.

We have the internet.

September 13, 2008
Memphis (Week 1; 0-3, 0-2) v. Nicholls Stae (No one cares) 8:00 PM EDT, Memphis, TN
Ark-watch 2008, the continuing statistical saga of Arkelon Hall shows that the spunky mythological character has 896 passing yards after three games. Here's to you, sir. Now, win a game, friend! Ho, there be the Nicholls State Something-or-Anothers. Hoorah for Tigers!

Wake Forest (Week 2; 2-0, 0-0) v. Florida State (2-0, 0-0) 7:00 PM EDT, Tallahassee, FL
The nuveau-riche of the ACC, the Demon Deacons, head down to the country club (if you could ever call Tallahassee that) to face Boss Bowden and the old political establishment. The Criminoles are ranked in the Top 25 - pity for the old man, no doubt. The Deacons take up their burdens and civilize the Seminoles.

Samford (Week 3; 2-1) (BYE)
It is exceedingly difficult to maintain the charade that I care about what happens to Samford football. Nevertheless, I don't want them to sneak up into I-AA dominance without you people knowing because, ask the Bayou Bengals, if you beat a legitimate team in the division below, you have, obviously, answered all the pre-season questions people had about your transfer quarterback.

#4 Florida (Week 5; 2-0, 0-0) v. Tennessee (1-1, 0-0) 3:30 EDT, Knoxville, TN
The dispositive statistic here, obviously, is the Volunteer loss in Los Angeles. But if the Claw-fense grinds it out on the ground like they did against UAB, this one could be closer than expected. Plus, it's in Knoxville. And, you've got to think Tennessee is at least as good as Miami, right? Still, chomp-chomp-chewy-chomp - Gators roll.

South Carolina (Week 6, 1-2, 0-1-Vandy) v. Wofford (2-0, 0-0), 7:00 PM EDT, Columbia, SC
If you throw a visor to the ground in the same spot over and over again, I wonder if it will ever make a hole in the ground. We're sure to find out, just not this weekend. Gamecocks

#9 Alabama (Week 8; 3-0, 0-0) v. Arkansas (Week 9; 2-0, 0-0) 12:30 PM EDT, Fayetteville, AR
NFL scouts have been banned by the University of Arkansas administration through a joint deal with the University of Alabama administration. The administrations would love for their players to get exposure, but they don't want their coaches going home with somebody else at the end of the night. Anyway, Tiders sink Petrino.

#10 Auburn (Week 10; 3-0, 1-0) v. #6 LSU (Week 13, 2-0, 0-0) 7:45 PM EDT, Auburn, AL
If you're checked into the Cup, you almost certainly already knew about this SEC West Pre-Championship Game. And the fun I've poked at Harvard transfer Andrew Hatch betrays the lack of actual LSU play I've seen this season. Maybe Auburn will fumble three times again today, but at home, maybe not. My qualified pick is the team from The Ear Capital of Alabama because I foresee fewer mistakes on the Eagle/Tiger side of the ball than the Bengal/Tiger side of the ball. I hate Auburn.

UL-Monroe (Week 12; 1-2, 0-0) v. Tulane (0-2, 0-1) 3:00 EDT, New Orleans, LA
Here's what I can tell you: Tulane looked respectable (or, rather, the Tide looked bad) in Tuscaloosa. UL-Monroe looked respectable (or, rather, the Hogs are bad) in Fayetteville. Which Pelican State also-ran will turn their moral victory into an actual one? Well, you'll note that Tulane also notched a moral victory against East Carolina, so with their home juices flowing, I like the Wave.

Mississippi State (Week 14; 1-2, 0-1) v. Georgia Tech (2-1, 0-1) 12:00 PM, EDT, Atlanta, GA
The Jackets and Dogs will go off like all the fireworks in 13th Century England. This game will be almost as dour as the expression on Paul Johnson's face. And it will be in front of, like, 35 people or something. Walrus futures continue to drop amid shaky economic times. Ramblin' Wreck.

And, now, to the all-important season ledger. You may recall that I predicted a Vanderbilt loss - one of the many poor choices I've made in life. 5-2 last week with the Vandy pick and misplaced faith in Memphis. Bringing my season-total to an unimpressive 11-3 start. A fairly easy slate again this week. I may be letting my bayou bias get the best of me with Auburn/LSU, but who cares. As long as one of them loses, it'll be a pretty good day.

The Pre-Grove Report and Commentzorz include:

• Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty, I'm kinda hoping we hurt somebody.
  
• Jevan Snead's stat line reads, approximately:  20-30-300, 3TDs, 1 INT.
  
• Arkansas outgains Alabama offensively.
  
• All Hail UGA VII; the State of Arizona mourns its inevitable return to football mediocrity.
  
• Bobby Bowden didn't rank Florida State in his Coaches' Poll ballot.  Neither will anybody else after today.
  
• Auburn has allowed 3 third-down conversions.   I'm guess that number doubles - but not much more.

Thoughts?

A Bloggeur's Rant: The Houston Nutt Show

Yesterday evening, Whiskey Wednesday and were were bored whilst aimlessly ambling about the Square when we saw the Supertalk Mississippi stage set up at the Oxford University Club.

"Egads!" I exclaimed. "We should see the Houston Nutt Show in a few minutes."

"Gadzooks!" replied Whiskey Wednesday. "They have beer for a dollar!"

So, we went. Juco All-American came and we drank beer under the veranda, talked football with a few other fans, and enjoyed ourselves... That is, until the actual Houston Nutt show itself began.

Now, before you come all up on our blog and say "well we tried to warn you about NUTTY McNUTTbitch but u Webbilz woulddnt LISTEN Woooooooooopig," Houston Nutt honestly had nothing to do with our disappointment. A majority of the fans in attendance and a few of the folks who called-in simply blew our minds with their disrespect, ignorance, and kool-aid mustaches.

First and foremost, shut the fuck up. Seriously. This goes out especially to you old ladies. When Kellum and Nutt, while speaking into a microphone, are barely audible due to your gabby ass you've become a serious problem. I know that you may not give a shit about the proceedings and you may only be there to chat with "the gals" and/or because your cranky husband dragged you along, but I couldn't care less. You killed my buzz and gave me incentive to leave early. I know Coach Nutt was spilling the same old "yahoo, yippee, he's special, Enricky Davis" talk, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't trying to listen to him. It's the Houston Nutt show, not a wine and cheese party. You're a part of an audience; audience, you know, that word from the Latin audire meaning to listen.*

I looked around and saw folks sharing pictures, swapping business cards, and doing a bunch of stuff which certainly either could have waited or been done somewhere else entirely. Stop it. Even after Juco and I left, we tried to listen in his car and we could still hear your crap through the radio.

As for you who are actually paying attention, don't raise your hand to use the microphone or call in unless you've actually got something pertinent to say. Here are some actual questions or comments people had for ol' coach:

• How many years of eligibility does Jevan Snead have? I'd like you to do two things: meet my friend Google, and stop wasting people's time. Could you do that for me?
  
  
• Ummmm, hey coach. Uh, I just called to say go Rebels and, uh, don't go Vandy! Don't go Vandy? That's lame. That's about as lame as calling a radio show just to say "Go Rebels LOL ;)"
  
  
• When I was a Razorback, I hated you. Now that I'm a Rebel, I love you. Telling a coach you love him is one thing, admitting to once being a Razorback is another.
  
  
• Coach, I just wanted to say that we're happy you're in Oxford (extended lovefest removed for brevity). Now, for my question: what color jerseys are the Rebels going to wear on Saturday? Are you serious? You actually flagged the girl down so you could get the microphone, wait for your turn, and address our coach on a live radio show just to ask that? They'll either be red or blue, pal. What, are you going to boycott the game based on coach Nutt's response? Do you have an extreme aversion to certain colors? I'm still just befuddled as to why a person would stand up just to ask somebody what color jerseys our team will be wearing. Ask about practice. Ask about recruiting. Ask about Vanderbilt. Don't ask this crap.

Don't get me wrong. There were plenty of folks who listened and kept the question and answer portion of the show as relevant as possible. Kudos are certainly in order to you few. As for the rest of you, you're on notice. I wanted to drink cheap beer, hear what HDN had to say about practice 'n' shit, and generally get pumped about his weekend. You all ruined that for me.


*Before somebody calls me out on it, I know that's a Bill Maher joke.

Vandy Preview

While last season, many attributed their poor record to
Chris Nickson's inability to get the ball to Earl Bennett,
Vanderbilt has been successful because Bobby Johnson isn't
asking Nickson to do anything of the sort this season.
Through three games, Nickson has passed for 252 yards.
That's 84 yards/game. It's not like there's someone else on
their team who is getting all the passing yards. No one else
has even attempted a pass. They just don't throw the ball.
Nickson does, however, run a lot. He has already carried the
ball 49 times (4 more times than he has passed) for 268
yards (18 more yards than he has passed for) which sits him
comfortably at 5.5 ypc. It should be tough for us to stop
Vanderbilt on the ground, but it's nice to know that they
will be unable to play into our weakness (defending the
pass).

At halfback, Vandy boasts Jared Hawkins, a junior who is on
pace for 1,000 yards this season. Coupled with the fact that
Nickson is on pace for the same mark shows just how
formidable a rushing attack Vandy presents. It should be
good to see whether Hawkins, a hard runner, can
effectively get away from Palmer, Cornell, and Walker. I
look for Walker to have a relative breakout performance
somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 tackles, 2 TFLs, and a
PBU in his first career start. I think that Vanderbilt will
give us fits with Nickson running the football, but I do
believe we will be able to contain Jared Hawkins. Let's not
forget that the rebels are only allowing 3 ypc so far this
season, and have only allowed 2.1 ypc in their last two
games.

Vandy's receiving corps isn't used very often, but the ball
goes to Sean Walker more often than anyone else. Walker is a
senior with a whopping SIX catches on the season.
Vanderbilt's receivers aren't really worth talking about.

Vandy's offensive line obviously is pushing opponents off
the line so far, but Nickson's runs are often a good job
running between tacklers by Nickson and waiting for plays to
develop. I think that with Peria back healthy and Greg Hardy
in for a good number of snaps, we'll be able to knock them
off the line and get in the backfield to disrupt the
misdirections we will likely see on Saturday.

On defense, Vanderbilt is really under appreciated. Most of
my observations will come from their game against South
Carolina since that's the only time I've watched them.

The defensive line did a good job causing problems for South
Carolina's O, but I wonder how much of that is South
Carolina's porous offensive line. SC can't seem to get
anything going on offense right now, and that's all because
of their o-line play. We will probably have an average day
against their d-line.

At linebacker, Vanderbilt isn't spectacular, but they aren't
bad either. All their opponents have found difficulty
running the ball, averaging 3.5 ypc. I think they'll give us
some trouble, but I expect us to be able to run a good bit
against them. They haven't played a team that can run the
ball like we can.

Their secondary is what will present the most problems for
us. I don't even have to talk about DJ Moore. He's a legit
corner who has a future in the NFL. But he's not their end
all be-all. The rest of the secondary plays quite well and
is rarely out of position. To beat Vandy through the air,
we're going to have to rely on our wide receivers to be at
the top of their game with crisp cuts and athletic plays. We
also cannot afford to throw interceptions to them. As I said
in my Wake preview, if we throw picks, we lose. Vanderbilt
takes advantage of mistakes.

My prediction: Rebs by 4

What's your prediction?

Walker Gets Start at LB

Allen Walker will get the start at Outside Linebacker on Saturday, and I'm excited about that. No disrespect to Lamar Brumfield, but everything I ever hear about Allen Walker says that he is a hitter. I think the coaches will ask him to get physical (physical) with Chris Nickson. Containing Nickson is something South Carolina couldn't do. Our strategy, I'm guessing, will be to make him hurt.

That is a good idea. I am pro that.

Get Greg Hardy to pressure him, and if the All-American doesn't get him, punish him with Walker.

I am pro that.

The Local Voice #63

TLV number 63 (hey, that rhymes!) is out. If you're in Oxford, pick up a copy. If you're not in Oxford, click the image for a .pdf. Our column is below.


This Saturday marks the Rebels' conference opener in what might be shaping up to be the craziest SEC season in recent memory. Let's look at the storylines: Georgia is talented, but hurt, and has looked unimpressive at times despite a #3 national ranking. LSU, Florida, Auburn, and Alabama are all in the top 15, but have all had moments uncharacteristic of an SEC champion. On the other end of the spectrum, every team (save Arkansas and State) has shown promise. Kentucky and South Carolina have stout defenses, and this week's Ole Miss vs. Vanderbilt matchup looks like it means something for the first time in this young sports bloggeur's lifetime.

Ole Miss sits at 2-1, and with a look at the remaining schedule, will easily be favored against ULM, Arkansas, and State. The rest are toss-ups at best, which makes this conference opener the potential difference in a bowl bid and another year in the cellar. We could win eight or nine, and we could win four or five. I say Vanderbilt is the turning point.

Yes, Vanderbilt is the turning point. Why so, you ask? Marinate in this one for a minute or two: Our last SEC victory was In November of 2006. Sarah Palin wasn't even the Governor of Alaska in November of 2006. Not only would an SEC victory spell hopes for our remaining season, but it would also show our fans, recruits, and boosters that Coach Nutt and company have this program on the right track.

This game is also significant for Vanderbilt because the Commodores find themselves in a situation they haven't encountered since Jay Cutler was a senior. At that time, Vandy came into the game against Ole Miss 3-0, walked out 4-0, lost a lot of games, beat Tennessee and then lost to MTSU in the final week of the season to fall short of bowl eligibility. If there was ever a team with less luck than Ole Miss, it is Vanderbilt. If Vanderbilt wins this matchup, they will once again be sitting on a pretty 4-0 record and, due to a televised win over South Carolina, be nationally ranked for the first time in a geological era.

While the season is too young to really know what to expect from either team, you have to like the fact that Vanderbilt has been passing for a pedestrian 84 yards/game. Nickson has been excellent on the ground, but with an increasingly healthy defensive front, Vanderbilt will hopefully be forced to take some chances in the passing game, which could lead to (fingers crossed, everyone!) an interception or two. On offense, things are a little stickier (not Brent Schaeffer, sticky, mind you): Vanderbilt has generated a lot of sacks and interceptions this year, which could force the Rebs to play closer to the vest, or risk making more costly mistakes. I do like our chances to make plays with the Wild Rebel, as long as Dexter McCluster and company continue to protect the ball. Brandon Bolden's continued emergence will also be important, as Vandy's front seven lacks the muscle of the SEC elite. Furthermore, if Jevan Snead plays like he gives half a damn, a la the Wake Forest game, there is no way the Commodore defense will keep us from scoring early and often.

Rebels, let's get this win. Let's remind Vanderbilt that their place in this conference is more defined by SAT scores and endowment dollars than wins and losses on the gridiron. Let's send Chris Nickson, Bobby Johnson, and the rest of the 'Dores back to the Music City with their first loss of the season while earning our first conference victory in nearly twenty-two months. Be there, be loud, be proud, and hotty every last toddy.

SEC Power Poll: Week 3

The full results and commentary are, as always, at Garnet and Black Attack. We're currently sitting at 8th, a mere point back from Tennessee. If we beat Vandy this weekend, we would, by my best estimates, be anywhere from a low 5th to a high 7th. Furthermore, if we beat Vandy and Auburn loses to LSU, our standing in the greatest arbitrary ranking system in all of the Blogosphere could see a serious boost.