Post-game Analysis

I had surgery Friday morning under general anesthesia. Not only was I still tired and sore Saturday, I couldn’t drink, what with all the painkillers swimming in my system. I tell you that to tell you this: my intent is for these weekly postgame write-ups to be drunken, shit-talkin’ rants, hopefully with enough analytical observations to differentiate it from an SBR post on NAFOOM (which was particularly inspiring this week, by the way). This week, however, life, as well as hydrocodone, got in the way…

All of that aside, Memphis: don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Have fun with your basketball team full of choke job criminals, and don’t ever come here again. We’ve got BCS teams to play, and (hopefully) a coach that can beat some of them. Here’s the thing Tigers: we didn’t even play that well, save for Shay Hodge, Dexter McCluster, and Brandon Bolden. Snead, Wallace, and essentially the entire defense had an off night, and you still got run over. Garrett Ryan and Chris Bowers played extensively. We used five running backs. Andy Hartmann almost scored. You suck completely (though apparently, you’d have knocked off State or Texas A&M yesterday). A few other observations not involving how much Memphis sucks…

Offensive play-calling was exceptional. Not sure how often Snead changed plays around, but it seemed like Nutt and Austin always had guys in place to make big plays.

Run-blocking was a little disappointing. Still want to see Oher, Jerry and co. knock people around. We had trouble running up the middle. This might have been a result of Memphis trying to make Snead beat them. Or we might still be soft.

It was disappointing that we only had big performances from two receivers. Wallace was open deep a lot, but couldn’t haul it in, and Summers, Harris, and Breaux were non-factors. Jason Cook has nice hands, and I love having that option in the offense. It’d be great if the tailbacks could get involved in the passing game, too.

So yeah, about Enrique Davis being a second team all-SEC back? Not gonna happen. Bolden will steal lots of carries. Kid has great skills.

Defensively, defending the spread is a pain in the ass. You pretty much have to recruit against it, and we haven’t been doing it. You don’t want to bring out a defense built to stop bubble screens against teams like LSU and Georgia. Still, defense was disappointing on a number of levels.

In the trip receiver sets that Memphis almost always ran, we had the flanker shadowed by a safety lined up several yards back, allowing him to catch it with room to build up a head of steam and hide behind his blockers. If we know they want the screen, why not jam up all three receivers? Could be totally off base here, I have never personally defended the spread.

Emmanuel Stevens and Kentrell Lockett are adequate starters, but may not be much more. We won’t be generating many sacks without Hardy. We tried to disguise blitzes, but didn’t execute them very well. There isn’t any substitute for pressure generated by the front four. Garrett Ryan knocked down a pass at the line. Hell yeah, Ryan, that’s a story to tell your grandkids. Also good to see Bowers out there; he’s played whenever he’s been healthy, so hopefully he’ll finish up the year and continue to contribute.

Linebackers: hit somebody. Please. Jamarca Sanford and Kendrick Lewis are upstaging the linebacking corps (that’s ‘linebacking core,’ Yancy Porter fans) that we’ve been excited about recently. Lamar Brumfield is going to get picked on. Coverage skills don’t look so hot, and if offenses can draw him in, his side will be vulnerable to outside runs. Deer Allen Walker: pleez to git all better soon. Kthnxbai.

Corners weren’t awful. Most of the time, they did a good job of keeping the play in front of them, but you’ve got to step up and be aggressive sometimes. I’d like to see more of Marshay Green. His athleticism and toughness are great assets. The corners got burned a couple of times, but Hudgens threw some really good balls, and all along we knew the Memphis receivers would get theirs. Calhoun would probably be our best receiver. If Shay Hodge wasn’t such a badass.

That about does it for the postgame analysis, save for a few side notes:

Jumbotron. Good job, Pete. Also, I appreciate the ribbon boards much more than I did last year, especially when they bring to me good tidings of State going down in flames.

Parents. I know you love your children. Please understand that everyone else hates them. Don’t let your kids bring scooters to the Grove. They go from being mere nuisances to fearsome pre-pubescent projectiles of death for old people, cripples (like me!), and oblivious sorority girls everywhere. Cut. That. Shit. Out.

Officials. Offensive pass interference. Carlos Singleton is still pushing off on Dustin Mouzon. Call it.

Memphis fans. Has our teasing finally hurt your feelings? I saw fewer pairs of jorts than ever before. I saw nary a jort/mullet combo all day. And I was a little sad inside.

Rh0d3$t@rzorz (or however you spell it). You win the 'Best Drunk In My General Vicinity' award. Party on.

Wake Forest. Now that we have a method of getting Shay Hodge and Dexter McCluster the ball consistently (the ‘accurate forward pass method,’ specifically), you best watch it.

Until next time.

Corralling the West, Week 1

We won. You should know this by now. More to come later whenever Whiskey Wednesday shakes off his hangover.

They're also the third best engineering program in all of Louisiana!  You know how a lot of teams like to schedule division II (screw whatever they're called nowadays, that shit is stupid), mid-major, or low-level BCS teams for their opening games?  You know, for a sorta faux-preseason stat-padder to ease the fans and players into the season?  A sure win and what-not?  Well, not so much.  It's ok State, they were the 91st best defense in football last year which, as Wesley Carroll can tell you, is certainly more than enough to make the game competitive.  Coach CroomS has just shown the Bulldog faithful exactly how one earns a raise + contract extension in Starkville.

Not so fast, Hogs.  You're on notice, Arkansas.  Of course, you won and you've gotta get whatever credit is due for that... but Western Illinois?  Seriously?  Would Nutt have trailed them in the 4th quarter with whatever athletes are up in Fayetteville?  But hey, Casey Dick thew the ball 41 times which is exactly what you crazy assholes wanted in the first place, right?

The Big Ten is horrible.  LSU, in a much more roundabout manner, proved this once again last night by downing Appalachian State with an ease that Michigan couldn't.  Michigan, the winningest football team in the HISTORY OF FOOTBALL dropped a season opener again yesterday, this time to the Utah Utes.

It's ok to hate Nick Saban.  Damn you, Bama.  I wanted to you to lose and lose bad but, instead, you showed that you may be a true candidate to represent the West in Atlanta.  I know it's early for these kinds of things, but they seriously shut Clemson down big time and proved that their preseason ranking of 24 wasn't undeserved.  

Speaking of Bama and upset victories.  Auburn beat ULM the way they're supposed to be beaten making the hearts of many a Bama fan weep deep, deep down inside their chest cavity (just past the adipose tissue).

Memphis Preview: Analyzed

First, I want to point out that this is NOT our post-game analysis. This is simply a review of the preview I put up on Thursday.

Offense:
Arkelon Hall - sucked. 15/27 with 159 yards and an interception. To quote my preview, "It appears, to a casual observer, that Memphis has a poor man's Brent Schaeffer." While his completion percentage was better than Schaeffer's, I would hope that Brent Schaeffer would go 15/27 when 80% of his passes were completed one yard past the line of scrimmage.

Next, I said, "I don't understand why they don't just give Will Hudgens the nod. I thought he was pretty good." Hudgens was 8/15 for 102 yards, 2 TDs, and 1 INT. I think that if they had been playing Hudgens all game, things would have gone better for them, but we still would have won.

Next, I said, "I'm not worried about Memphis' running game based solely on our linebacking corps. Our linebackers are built to stop elusive backs in the spread. Our starting outside linebackers are converted safeties. Their speed and agility is uncommon for that of linebackers, and their coverage skills are pretty good too (see Ashlee Palmer leading the team in INTs last year). Jonathan Cornell is also noticeably faster than any linebacker (other than Palmer) that saw any time last year. I just don't see them having a problem with the Memphis running backs." Looks like I was wrong with that one. Their runningbacks averaged about 5 yards per carry. The spread really messed us up a lot.

"If Memphis' passing game is going to work at all, they're going to have to give it to their wide receivers close to the line of scrimmage and let those playmakers work." - Memphis did this, and it was generally effective. We were able to stop it some, but their short passes that relied on YAC were generally successful.

"Still, I find myself wondering how much it will hurt us that there is a seven inch height difference when Memphis throws bubble screens all day. Height doesn't seem to have any impact on your ability to step back and turn to the quarterback. If they do that all game again this year, I will be officially convinced that Tommy West is a bad coach. They should use their mismatch more effectively." - So that proves it. Tommy West is a bad coach. Look, I like the short dink and dunk stuff... until you're down by 24. Right around then, you have to start putting it up for your wide receivers. Every time they threw deep, I cringed, but they only threw deep 6 or 7 times. That's stupid. Might I remind you that Carlos Singleton is 6'8"? Have I said that enough?

Defense:
"Memphis' defensive line is nothing at which to laugh.Mills and Brown are the starting defensive ends on a Memphis squad that will rely heavily on getting to the passer before he can exploit their secondary. Their starting DTs are Freddie Barnett and Clinton McDonald. I hope we run right at those guys." Our O-line did well opening holes for our backs to run without having to far outside. John Jerry and Michael Oher at tackle were both able to spring several runs. Brandon Bolden particularly did well following his blocks.

"At linebacker, Memphis has several more injuries. Like we apparently don't, Memphis didn't have depth. Then they lost a starter. It's rough at that position for them." - Think back to Bolden's touchdown run. He broke four tackles (two linebackers, one end, one safety). He also juke a linebacker out of his shoes. Linebacker play... poor.

"In the secondary, Memphis has significant trouble. Like us, they can't defend people through the air. I hope Jevan can exploit that well. We need to get the ball in the hands of Mike Wallace, Dexter, and Shay." - Well, Mike Wallace didn't get the ball (though he got his fingers on it at least twice), but Shay and Dex were firing on all cylinders. Shay's first touchdown catch was just beautiful.

"In closing, I expect us to beat them, though I'm sure Singleton and Calhoun will give us trouble."
Carlos Singleton - 6 catches - 89 yards
Duke Calhoun - 4 catches - 43 yards
Final Score - Pink Polos - 41; Blue Sleevelesses - 24

"My Prediction: Ole Miss by 8" - Ok. So I was off by 9. If I had predicted a win by more than eight, no one would have taken my prediction seriously.

So, to finish things off, the two things I said that weren't right were my prediction on the score and our defense's ability to stop the run. I'm not all that certain how percentages can be assigned to predictions, but I'm 100% (see that... witty again) sure that I got more than 65% right.

State of the Opposition - Week 1

The opposition is out to get us. Constant surveillance is required to keep accurate tabs on their where-abouts and goings-on. The British had MI-6 and James Bond. Nixon had G. Gordon Liddy. Lord Zed had the Green Ranger.

We have the internet.

August 28, 2008
Wake Forest (Week 2) def. Baylor, 41-13
The Demon Deacons looked good dismantling the doormats of the Big 12. Riley Skinner produced air mail, going 27 of 36 for 220 yards. The Spirit optimism is that Wake's 41 points overstates its offensive power in this game. The Deacons gained 376 total yards - respectable, but not dynamic.

Samford (Week 3) def. West Georgia, 21-19
The Bulldogs held on for a tight victory, intecepting West Georgia late in the fourth quarter in Samford territory.

Vanderbilt (Week 4) def. Miami (OH), 34-13
The Commodores upset the preseason MAC favorite Red Hawks in the less-pleasant Oxford. Chris Nickson ran for a notable 166 yards and two touchdowns, no doubt causing even Bobby Johnson to react with drop-jawed expressions of incredulity.

South Carolina (Week 6) def. North Carolina State, 34-0
As bad as the Tommy Beecher experiment was, the (insert Smelley/genital joke)s still beat a respectable BCS opponent 34-0, but with a more Cutcliffe than Spurrier-like 369 total yards. The score, which is the only thing that matters, was about the only impressive thing in this game.

August 30, 2008
Florida (Week 5) v. Hawaii, 12:30 PM EST, Gainesville, Fl.
On a scale of Gisele Bundchen to Hillary Clinton, with Hillary Clinton being the 2008 Sugar Bowl, this game is Steve Buscemi.

Alabama (Week 8) v. Clemson, 8:00 PM EST, Atlanta, Ga.
Everyone seems to be picking Clemson. This much unified confidence in Bowdens not named Bobby usually calls down the thunder in favor of the non-Bowden, ending prematurely my hopes for a Georgia-Clemson Orange Bowl.

Arkansas (Week 9) v. Western Illinois, 7:00 PM EST, Fayetteville, Ar.
The only interesting question here is how many man hours Arkansas fans have spent talking about Houston Nutt on Western Illinois message boards.

Auburn (Week 10) v. UL-Monroe (Week 12), 7:00 PM EST, Auburn, Al.
The only interest question here is how many man hours Auburn fans will spend flaunting their enormous victory on Alabama message boards.

Louisiana State (Week 13) v. Appalachian State, 11:00 AM EST, Baton Rouge, La.
Much has been made of this matchup of defending national champions. I would only note that it was very hospitable of the LSU Administration to set this game for the early morning, sparing Mountaineers of the truly overwhelming experience that is a night game in Baton Rouge. Otherwise, they certainly would have left the Pelican State thinking the Big House to be a pleasant, friendly place to play a football game.

Mississippi State (Week 14) v. Louisiana Tech, 6:45 PM EST, Ruston, La.
There will be no joy in Starkville. I predict the Bulldogs will find, as Ole Miss found last year at Homecoming, that Tech is more than capable of inflicting the terrible "moral loss."

Politically-Themed Notes

A Heartbeat Away. This morning John McCain chose little-known governor Sarah Palin (R-AK) as his running mate, prompting the Obama campaign to remind voters that this 44-year-old one-term governor was a "heartbeat away from the presidency." Thin ice, to be sure, but Sir Arkelon Lord Hall the Planet-Eater was reminded yesterday by Tommy West that he is treading beyond Jordan's stormy banks on saran wrap. "I want to see Arkelon do well. The only reason I could think I'd pull Arkelon is if he was struggling," West said. I don't think Coach West has the patience for the
Tommy Beecher performance I expect from Arkelon.

A Hopeful New Personality. The crusty old Rebels, still a most Republican of campuses, will need a startling performance from their new maverick leader (as opposed to their old moron) in order to take down the hopeful new power that looked pretty awesome last night. To carry the metaphor a little further, Rebels should start hoping that the Baylor Bears are as hapless and ridiculous as Mr. Obama's convention supporters.

Experience is the key. For all we denigrate the cornerbacks, who will certainly have a challenge on their hands, one ought not be so bedazzled by the mainstream media that one forgets the experience and accomplishments of our leaders - specifically, Dustin Mouzon. This cornerback, lest we forget, was the star of our 2007 meeting with the Tigers. Proven, tested leadership for this era of great challenges.

Memphis Preview

This is the first in a weekly series of pre-game analysis brought to you by the good people at Red [REDACTED] Cup. I won't pretend to know everything about every team we play, but I'll do my research and probably just guess about things for which I can find no information (see Samford football). So anyway, here goes nuthin'.

Offense:
Let's start with the position that has been "hashed" more often than Lindsey Lohan. Quarterback. Arkelon (pronounced insert stupid Keith Woernle joke here Arky-lon) Hall was a highly touted junior college quarterback from College of Sequoias out in California. Out of high school, he signed with a BCS conference school as a scrambling quarterback. He ended up leaving that program and making it to College of Seqouias where he did relatively well. Now that he is at his third school in three years, practice reports have him underperforming even though the coaches talk him up every chance they get. Hm... similarities abound. But honestly, let's compare him with the Honorable Brentis Schaeffer.

Schaeffer's rating out of high school: 4 stars, #14 QB
Hall's rating out of high school: 4 stars, #16 QB
Schaeffer's measurements (according to Scout): 6-1, 190, 4.57
Hall's measurements (according to Scout): 6-1, 210, 4.7
Schaeffer's statistics at COS: 2,970 passing yards / 42 touchdowns / 8 interceptions. 860 rushing yards / 10 TDs
Hall's statistics at COS: 2,398 passing yards / 13 touchdowns / 14 Interceptions. 144 rushing yards / 5 TDs

It appears, to a casual observer, that Memphis has a poor man's Brent Schaeffer. I'm not exactly shaking in my boots. I don't understand why they don't just give Will Hudgens the nod. I thought he was pretty good.

At runningback, the TiGAYs (witty, huh?) have only one "proven" runningback, and he's only proven behind an offensive line at "The U" and even then only in one game (over 100 yards rushing against Virginia Tech). Surely a starter at Memphis, right? That's just it. He's not. Curtis Steele is the projected starter. Steele hasn't carried the ball once in college. I'm sure Jones is thrilled. I'm not worried about Memphis' running game based solely on our linebacking corps. Our linebackers are built to stop elusive backs in the spread. Our starting outside linebackers are converted safeties. Their speed and agility is uncommon for that of linebackers, and their coverage skills are pretty good too (see Ashlee Palmer leading the team in INTs last year). Jonathan Cornell is also noticeably faster than any linebacker (other than Palmer) that saw any time last year. I just don't see them having a problem with the Memphis running backs.

If Memphis' passing game is going to work at all, they're going to have to give it to their wide receivers close to the line of scrimmage and let those playmakers work. 6'4" Duke Calhoun and 6'8" Carlos Singleton are both very good college wide receivers. Calhoun probably has a future in the NFL. Singleton probably does not. Singleton is effective in college because he's 6'8". As for the Ole Miss secondary, I think our tallest player with any chance to see time is Cassius Vaughn, listed at 6'1". That's a good deal of height difference. Still, I find myself wondering how much it will hurt us that there is a seven inch height difference when Memphis throws bubble screens all day. Height doesn't seem to have any impact on your ability to step back and turn to the quarterback. If they do that all game again this year, I will be officially convinced that Tommy West is a bad coach. They should use their mismatch more effectively.

I don't know much about Memphis' offensive line other than the fact that it is in shambles. I count five players on their two-deep that may not be able to play on Saturday. I could be counting wrong. I was never good at higher level mathematics.

Defense:
Memphis' defensive line is nothing at which to laugh. While projected starter Tim McGee is out, Corey Mills and Jada Brown are two former rebels who have done relatively well in tigerland. Mills and Brown are the starting defensive ends on a Memphis squad that will rely heavily on getting to the passer before he can exploit their secondary. Their starting DTs are Freddie Barnett and Clinton McDonald. I hope we run right at those guys. I've never heard of either one of them, but One Man to Beat (who knows a lot about Memphis) says they're at least pretty good. As with the rest of Memphis' defense, there is no depth behind their starters on the line (other than Greg Terrell at DE, a player who may start ahead of Brown). I'm not certain they'll stack up well against our offensive line, but we underperformed at OL last season, and if we continue, Memphis could get in to the backfield.

At linebacker, Memphis has several more injuries. Like we apparently don't, Memphis didn't have depth. Then they lost a starter. It's rough at that position for them.

In the secondary, Memphis has significant trouble. Like us, they can't defend people through the air. I hope Jevan can exploit that well. We need to get the ball in the hands of Mike Wallace, Dexter, and Shay.

In closing, I expect us to beat them, though I'm sure Singleton and Calhoun will give us trouble.

My Prediction: Ole Miss by 8

Rebel Roundup

Less than nine hours remain until SEC Football begins, and who better to start the season than the Old Ball Coach ("Yes, Lord Vader, Your Excellency has plenteous time for eighteen holes before we rev up the Death Star"). Here's the report from beyond the Outer Rim.

There is yet time! Somewhere just under 5000 tickets remain for the Ole Miss' season-opener against Memphis State, according to UM Ticket Dude Sans Russell. After two false messeanic starts in the Spurlock/Lane and Schaeffer eras, it's easy to see how Rebel fans are still a bit skeptical. If Pete wants a sell-out for the Rebels' SEC Opener against Vanderbilt, then he might want to impress upon Mr. Snead the importance of putting on a show this weekend.

But there is no joy in Ruston... Derek Dooley has yet to incite the kind of excitement in Bulldog (see Tech, Louisiana) Nation. Ticket sales for their home opener against Sylvester the Hut and State College are selling like canned gumbo. The game will be broadcast on ESPN2 - the worldwide leader in Bulldog humiliation.

I'm not your whore, Tommy. Tommy West wants to keep the "rivalry" between Ole Miss and Memphis. I'm sure he would. Alternating home games with Ole Miss and Tennessee pay the light bill at Liberty Bowl Stadium, not to mention West's salary. But don't worry, Tom, I'm sure that "Black 'n' Blue" rivalry with Southern Miss is going to take off soon.

An Inconvenient Request. Sports information is letting you know how to tailgate in an environmentally responsible way. One of the ways you can save the environment is by using radios with hand-cranks on them. You can buy environmentally-friendly phonographs at the Ole Miss Bookstore along with your washboards, Dapper Dan Hair Jelly, and two-seater bicycles with giant wheels on the front.

Bonus Prediction. Keep your game scores and such to yourself. I predict only that Sir Arkelon Lord Hall the Planet-Eater will sit out at least one series after getting his world rocked by either Jonathon Cornell or Allen Walker.

Holy. Fucking. Shit

It's here. It's finally here. College football season starts TODAY! I honestly don't even know what to think. I'm excited, anxious, relieved, and a lot like this kid:


Of course, you need to substitute "football" for "Blastoise" for the most realistic portrayal of my excitement, but you still get the point.

And Finally This Evening...

I feel pretty confident that I've found Mississippi State a starting defensive end for 2009.

From The Calhoun-City Journal via The Clinton Administration comes the story of Bernard Sykes, the 6'2" 250 pound DE/LB that committed to Ole Miss ... in 1999. Instead of Oxford, he ended up at Northwest Mississippi Community College, but then prison. Now, he's back at Northwest, playing the game he loves, and, hopefully, exhibiting the kind of discipline and character that attracts principled coaches like The Croom.

I smell a sitcom!

Numbers: Reportedly Batting 1.000 on the 9th Commandment.

Here's something to make you feel good.

Ivan Maisel writes...

One of the best hidden statistics I have found for determining the success of a college football team is the number of cumulative starts among its offensive linemen. The magic number for success is somewhere around 75.

...

If you're looking for a surprise team, Ole Miss leads the SEC with 101 starts among its offensive linemen, and they will be blocking for Texas transfer Jevan Snead at quarterback.

Maisel also noted the Fightin' Tigers of LSU, who had 95 combined starts among its offensive linemen.

Who Is This Guy? Arkelon Hall.

The debate surrounding whether Memphis is a rival is certainly interesting, but it hardly lights up the more important issue - who will win on Saturday. To do this, Rebel fans need to acquaint themselves with a familiar biography.

On Saturday, starting for the Tigers will be a heralded Junior College recruit who had previously been a heralded recruit for a BCS program, before jumping ship to the College of the Sequoias and putting up numbers that look more like the high score on Ms. Pac-Man at your local Pizza Hut.

Click here for a helpful all-around preview of the 2008 Tigers, including some information on Memphis' JUCO All-American who became the de facto starter for Tiger High as soon as he signed last Spring - Arkelon Hall.

He lists at 6' 2" and 220 lbs., and, as you might have deduced from his biography and mythology-inspired name, Arkelon is, in fact, a dual-threat quarterback. But Tommy West sounds anything but confident. His response to questions about Hall have basically been "Yeah, he's the starter, until he totally screws up."

Nothing says motivation like confirming a kid's suspicisions that he's one inevitable mistake from the bench.

What Memphis hopes is that Arkelon can connect with their receivers, who, standing on top of one another, would make a tempting substitute for the Tower of Babel. This corp is led by Duke Calhoun, the Memphis native who is getting such good press around Memphis that he could probably get elected mayor of the Mogadishu of the Mid-South.

This means two things for the Rebels - we need pressure on Arkelon to prevent him from having a chance to even look for his receivers, and we need our linebackers to show a little maturity to go along with their talent and contain Lord Hall the Schaeffer-esque when he runs ... because he will.

Of course, none of this will matter when Jevan Snead throws for 350 and five touchdowns, right?

Women of the Opposition: Memphis

If there's one thing Memphis fans have, it's really attractive women that cheer for them. Nothing says beautiful like southwestern Tennessee co-eds. How they haven't cancelled the Miss USA pageant due to the glowing gorgeousness of these females is beyond me.

Check out these hotties. Woo wee. Git-r-done.

Okay, perhaps this is unfair. We'll just let Confederate Railroad tell you a little about women in Memphis. Nothing says classy dame like a one night stand with one of these guys.

NOTE: As a part of our game week coverage shit talkin' we're going to show you pictures of ugly co-eds from whatever school it is where about to play? Why, you ask? Because all of our girlfriends, wives, one-night-stands, et al look waaaaaaaaaay better than whatever they've got. If you've got any pictures you'd like us to run as a part of this weekly feature then send them our way (the button is on the right toolbar).

Tuesday Question

Generally, we are the "authors" of "content" around here - "here" being a blog and not a message board. Recognize, we do, that you've come here not to contribute, but to consume. Nevertheless, there is the sporadic occasion where, either for our benefit or for to exercise the thinkifiers of the masses, we ask you a question. Today's question is ...

Is Memphis a Rival?

Although it's fairly pathetic for this to be the case during the very first week of football, jobs and school have a lot of us Cuppers weighed down a good bit. Therefore, to keep it lively around here, we'd like to open up this Tuesday with a question which, if we're lucky, may lead to a brief discussion or even a debate. Today's question is: "Is Memphis truly a rival of ours?"

Many say it isn't. They cite a real lack of competitiveness between the teams, conference disparities, and a lack in tradition (when compared to LSU and State).

Many say it is. They cite EA Sports, proximity, and good ol' fashioned hatred.

What say you?

Eli in Men's Vogue

Men's Vogue has a feature on Eli Manning for their September issue. In fact, he's the cover story. Check the link here to read the article and click the link here to see the accompanying photo gallery. The photo gallery is especially interesting, in my opinion.

Oh Eli. You're so Vogue ;)

The Powe-Tron is operational

Al Gore is really going to hate us.


Videoboard Test from replayreb on Vimeo
If my knowledge of Lafayette county geography serves me right, the first shot is from highway 6 on the western side of town and the second is from somewhere around the Confederate cemetery or Tad Pad rear parking lot. Why the maker of this video felt the need to sneak around campus to film this is beyond me, but it's still pretty damn cool. The first part is especially impressive in that you can see the glow of the Powe-Tron from a few miles away with ease. It's got this "Cloverfield" sorta feel to it, ya dig?

EDIT: Finding Nemo on the Powe-Tron. Seriously.

Internets Available in Arkansas; Accessed by Hog Fans part Vier

The obsession Arkansas fans have with Houston Nutt still baffles the hell outta me everyone. We get it: you hate the guy. The fact that we're not rolling around in teary fits screaming "oh God, Arkansas, you're so right, Houston Nutt is a shitbag" etc is, somehow, quite perplexing to them. Furthermore, instead of celebrating the turning-over of a new leaf in Fayetteville, much as we have done in Oxford, they continue to center much of their discussion around Coach Nutt.

It's weird.

However, it's never been this wildly entertaining. Hogville.net, an Arkansas message board, has a thread featuring images of Coach Nutt photoshopped into various Olympics related photos. Really, it's good stuff that obviously took some time and talent to create. Check out the photos below. If you like what you see, click the link and enjoy the few-dozen or so others.

College Football Pick'Em

We got an e-mail the other day from FunOfficePools.com asking us if we wanted to set up an office pool that all our admins and readers could join. We said, "Hell yes."

Here's the link to join if you want to go toe-to-toe with non-experts like us.Let's find out who is really the best prognosticator of the pigskin. It's free to play and spam-free. The pool is open now to join, and first picks are due by August 28th - so you gotsta' sign up now or you'll have no video games for a whole weekend.

We can dictate which teams we have to pick. For week one, it's just the SEC. I would encourage you all to sign up. It doesn't take much time and will, inevitably, lead to significant discourse of smackery.

9 days until kickoff

While there has been outcries from our fanbase to stop the worst moments of the last four years, I will not stop. I am on a mission of reality for our fanbase. Those of you who believe a 8 or 9 win season, this is for you.

10th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: 27-3 loss at Auburn in 2005
Auburn had a great team this year, and we had our usual team during the four year stretch. This number 10 moment comes from me personally. As has been mentioned in previous posts by the Ghost of Jay Cutler(a well known homosexual), I am a journalist. During this game, I was on the sideline, doing my journalistic duty, when I was run over on the sideline by an unknown Auburn player(a brute to be sure) during a punt return. There was no hand to help up the fellow man nor was there an out of breath word of advice such as, "Get your ass out of the way next time." Nothing, but a shrug of the shoulders and a swaggering trot back to the Auburn sideline. Plus, we got throttled, and it was an 11:30 a.m. kick-off. I was not injured in any way, and my ego wasn't even bruised. Auburn players and fans are just classless human beings...can I get an amen from our Tuscaloosa congregation?

9th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: The Ed Orgeron Hummer commercial. While hilarious and entertaining, THIS WAS OUR HEAD COACH FOR THREE YEARS!!!!

SEC Power Poll: Preseason

The votes from all of the participant blogs have been tallied and the results are in. A cool graphic and comments on each coach from several SEC blogs are here.

The Local Voice Just Got Cooler

That's not true.

It was cool before. That's why we were pretty damned excited when they contacted us to write a column for them. Yep, it's true. Every other week you will be able to actually tangibly read whatever drivel we've deemed worthy of print. Click on HDN's mug to download a PDF of the entire TLV. Our introductory column is as follows.

Undeniably, July and August are the best times to be an Ole Miss fan. The sting of missed trips to Omaha having finally subsided, renewed optimism abounds among the Rebel faithful in anticipation of football season. Visions of wonderfully humid days in the Grove sipping bourbon and mimosas leave thousands of good ol’ boys dreaming of glory days past, all the while forgetting why we collectively drink so damn much. After all, however thickly we sugarcoat it, Ole Miss football is the tragicomedy of college sports. Rarely can we win or lose in anything other than agonizingly dramatic fashion. Rarely (recently) have we lived up to even the most modestly optimistic preseason predictions. Thus, The Red [REDACTED] Cup Blog was born to laugh in the face of such reckless optimism. We’d like to think that for every crusty old bastard pining for heydays past (or non-existent), and for every fat, ponytailed, jorts-wearing internet sportswriter, there is a younger, more disaffected bastard behind them. Snickering.

We are those younger, disaffected fans. Archie Manning’s pro career was over before a few of us were even born. A majority of our undergraduate years included chopper motorcycles, a grizzled shrimpboat captain masquerading as an SEC head coach, and losses to Vanderbilt. Some people call us pessimists, but most would call us realists.

However, even through realistic eyes, there is reason for optimism. With a solid, while untested, quarterback under center, you’ve always got a chance. Coupled with a hyped running game, the offense could be dynamic. The defense, while riddled with injuries, should be better than last year at the very least by the Vanderbilt game, when Greg Hardy and Peria Jerry are projected to return to the line-up. That pass rush, with two projected first round draft picks, should be enough to get pressure on any SEC team.

All of these factors should be bolstered heavily by the most important development of the offseason: a brand new jumbotron. Oh, and there’s something about a new coach? A guy who apparently had 8 bowl appearances in 10 years? Eh, whatever. New jumbotron, y’all. It’s huge.

Truly, with regards to this upcoming season, the possibilities are seemingly boundless. If Snead, Enrique Davis, and the small platoon of newcomers who are expected to contribute early and often live up to their hype; if the injury woes are endured or even overcome; and if the Rebels pull off an upset or two, a bowl game and a respectable amount of national exposure should certainly be expected. If all of the above turn out not to be the case, Oxford’s real estate market will continue to slip into an empty-condo-riddled oblivion and Star Package will record another fiscal year of sky-high profit margins. All things considered, these next few seasons should unquestionably be very, very interesting. We at the Red [REDACTED] Cup are excited, and we hope you are too.

Hopefully, if we have not yet angered the editors and readers of The Local Voice, we’ll be here for a while, bringing you whatever our offensive and likely off-base Ole Miss sports opinions may be. We will also be available to you 24 hours a day thanks to Al Gore and his mystical creation of interconnected wires and tubes (we believe he refers to it as “The ARPAnets”). Visit us at www.Red[REDACTED]Cup.com and please do not hesitate to comment, criticize, insult, or politicize. Our content is regularly updated and as in-depth as a platoon of rogue bloggers can make it.

Good News For Rebel Basketball

First off, as most of you already know Murphy Holloway was cleared by the NCAA clearing house the other day. Holloway may not have a huge impact this season, but he will be a key contributor during his career at Ole Miss. The addition of Holloway should ease the concerns of some Rebels fans over the front court. The rotation for this season will include a hopefully improved Malcolm White, Kevin Cantinol (who according to Kennedy will be a "pleasant surprise to OM fans), JUCO transfer Deaundre Cranston, LA big man Terrance Henry, and now Holloway.

This rotation gives Kennedy lots of diversity. Malcolm White provides the Rebels with some SEC experience and plenty of ability on defense and potential offensively. White is the only frontcourt player with any D-1 experience.

Kevin Cantinol has not been playing basketball very long, but he is a player Kennedy and Co. thought was worth taking a chance on and that may soon pay off for Ole Miss. At the very least he is a huge body that will be able to clog up space (a la Jeremy Parnell) and clean up on the offensive boards.

Cranston is a JUCO guy from Daytona Beach CC and was a double-double guy in what Kennedy described as a tough JUCO level. An interesting note on Cranston is not only is the guy massive but he can stretch his game out to the three-point line. Something I did not expect when he signed.

Now to the freshmen. Terrance Henry is thin, Melvin Harris thin. He could really use a year in the weight room but will probably not be redshirted this year based on ability and need. Henry has received high praises from the staff this summer and looks to team up with Malcolm White after developing for a year as the front court leader for the Rebels. Holloway is going to be very versatile at Ole Miss. He is only 6'7 but has the wingspan and toughness of a center. At the same time, he will be counted on for minutes at the three spot where his athleticism makes him more than capable at delivering.

Now for the other news.

Reginald Buckner, our lone recruit for the 2009 season, was bumped up to #30 on Rivals top 150 list. He was previously ranked 91 on rivals and is the 36th best player on Scout's list. I have been advocating Buckner as the best player in the state of Tennessee since he signed with the Rebels and he is starting to get that recognition now. Before the year is out it is very possible he could rise even further in the rankings. He is the leader of one of the best teams in Memphis this year, and, barring injury, will be Mr. Basketball in the state of Tennessee.

Putting On For Tennessee

With recent rise in hood richness (yes, I am very white) at Ole Miss seen here and here, but not here, it is apparent Bruce Pearl felt the pressure and recruited this guy.



Bobby Maze is an incoming freshman at UTK, lucky them. I hope his basketball skills are about equal to his rapping abilities.

SEC Power Poll: Preseason Poll/Special Coaches Edition

As an Ole Miss-oriented blog, the Red [REDACTED] Cup is a part of the SEC Power Poll. The Power Poll is a power ranking of the SEC football teams put together by the gentlemen at Garnet and Black Attack. The Power Poll aims to deliver a somewhat accurate and undeniably entertaining poll for all of the SEC football fans in cyberspace.

This week, for the preseason poll, we and the other Power Poll voters have ranked the SEC's head coaches. Our ballot with commentary is as follows.

EDITORS NOTE: Six RSC contributors voted to compile this ballot. For each vote, a ranking was assigned a corresponding point value. Thus, the coach with the lowest total number of points once the votes were tallied "won." It's like golf, therefore my boy Spurrier digs the hell out of it. The ballot is formatted thusly: Coach (number one votes, if any) - total points - highest ranking - lowest ranking. Capiche?


1. Urban Meyer (3) - 10pts - 1 - 3
In the SEC, you've gotta be good at pointing and mysteriously staring. Les Miles has got it. Saban's workin' on it. Houston Nutt is, well, Houston Nutt. But nobody comes close to Urban Meyer in pointing at shit and looking angry. Observe:
I have no idea what happened before that photograph was snapped, but whatever it was, I'll be certain to not make that mistake again. If you're somehow still wondering why is Urban on top of our list, take the following into consideration: He wins, and wins big. He's got swagger and is pretty much a badass. He knows how to be tough on his players and get results. His wife and daughter are hot. He's willing to be innovative to win, and knows how to play cutthroat without making dumb decisions, Les Miles style. He's got a fratty name.
Seriously, if you wouldn't take him as the head coach of the Ole Miss Rebels in a heartbeat then you're either a bad Rebel or a terribly, terribly ignorant college football fan.

2. Mark Richt (2) - 14pts - 1 - 4
We're Mark Richt fans here. He appears, at least, to be a super classy guy in a profession where it is hard to be good and still have a conscience. He's not the conference's best X's and O's guy, but he has proven to be a super motivator and recruiter. He also has had established success without any interruption. He's not perfect though. He seems to likes Jesus a lot but lets the Odell Thurmans of the world get away with just about anything. Georgia's disciplinary record sends a pretty odd message: "You any good at football? Cool, then you can do whatever you want and face a strict suspension against a I-AA school." Honestly though, that's my kind of morals. Who cares how great your football players are as people? Get out there and win, dammit.

3. Tommy Tuberville (1) - 18pts - 1 - 5
Does anyone else find it interesting that, of the 6 first place votes, half of them went to coaches who haven't won a national championship? Granted, Richt seems poised to win one this season and Tubs was on the receiving end of a royal BCS screw-job, but the fact still remains that neither have actually won a national title. Despite this, Tubs comes in at third for a number of reasons. First, he's the biggest reason for Bama's disappointing slew of seasons which, on the Plains of Alabama, makes him absolutely unflappable. Seriously, who loses to State and makes their fan base forget about it? He's perhaps the best evaluator of talent in the SEC and has rightfully garnered a reputation as a player developer both at Ole Miss and at Auburn. He's ballsy, but not stupid and, while he's not the conference's ballsiest guy (Les Miles takes that title), his keen wit coupled with his guts have truly earned him the "riverboat gambler" moniker. Furthermore, he surrounds himself with a great staff and his defenses are usually fantastic.

4. Steve Spurrier - 22pts - 2 - 6
He's one part fratter, one part cranky old guy, one part gypsy snakecharmer, and all man. If this were the 1990's, he'd be number one by a mile and a half. That's for damn sure. The press conferences alone put him in the upper echelon of SEC coaches. He's the cockiest, snidest, most shit-talkin' head coach in a conference known for cockiness, snideness, and shit-talkin'. A quick Google search yields some fantastically hilarious Spurrier quotes. Also, he's a total chick magnet.

Go get 'em, Steve.

Aside from his brash nature, he's an incredibly accomplished player and coach. He won himself a Heisman before coaching another Heisman winner. He revolutionized the passing game at Florida. He won an ACC Championship at Duke (and, until this season, voted for Duke in every coaches preseason poll for the hell of it), which leads us to believe that he could take anyone, Ole Miss included, to some damn lofty heights. Granted, he's yet to do amazing things at South Carolina, but that job may be more difficult than the Ole Miss job. Think about it. He's in a state with less high school talent; has a possible national title contender in Clemson down the road; and is forced to compete with UGA, Tennessee, and Florida year-in and year-out. While it most certainly won't be immediate, good things are to come for the Gamecocks.
Oh, and he's a helluva golfer. That's gotta count for something.

5 (tie). Miles - 38pts - 4 - 10
As has been said, this guy has huge balls. He takes big gambles, makes EA Sports style play calls in the clutch, and is a dick to the media (but it's in a bizarre way that makes you a tad bit envious). Up until recently, he wouldn't have been ranked so high, but now that he's got a national title to back up his smack talk he's earned this ranking. He recruits really well and has really done an excellent job of motivating the LSU fanbase. To boot, he's not a bullshitter. He told everyone that he wasn't going to Michigan, despite all the rumors to the contrary, and lived up to his word. He even kicked Ryan Perrillouzzxxrrzr, one of LSU's most heralded recruits ever, off of the team for a few dozen counts of thuggery. One of our contributors thew him down at number 10 but is yet to yield his reasoning. I'm certain we're all a bit curious as to why anyone would say he's the 10th best coach in the SEC, but my guess is envy/hatred.

5 (tie). Nick Saban - 38pts - 5 - 8
Him being tied with Les Miles at 5th is likely to piss off both the LSU and Alabama fan bases. But here's a little secret... we at the Cup don't care what they think. "Wah wah wah, RTR Tiguh Bait(eux)" is all I ever hear out of them anyway.
Alright, now, back to the show. Most of us are still waiting on the year two verdict. No matter how you slice it, he had a bad first season at Bama by his standards. However he did recruit well and could have Bama turned around (which nowadays means perhaps beating Auburn) in a couple of seasons. To boot, he has spawned the most bizarre line of "omg we love our coach" apparel outside of Colonel Nutt t-shirts. While he has yet to impress at Bama, he turned LSU into a dynasty and won a BCS title with the Bayou Bengals. In short, he calls a decent
game, motivates well, and cheats, errrrr, recruits like a sumbitch. He has everything one can want in a head coach aside from the fact that he's a huge douche. HUGE douche. HUUUUUUUUUGE. DOUCHE.

7. Houston Nutt - 40pts - 4 - 8
While some may not agree with this ranking, I can't say it's too homerific. Sure, having him as the 4th best coach in the conference might be a stretch, but 7th or 8th isn't so much. At Ole Miss we are certainly excited about the future of our program under Nutt, but this excitement is chiefly due to the misery caused by Hurricane Orgeron. Nutt isn't the conferences best recruiter, nor is he the best X's and O's guy, but he is certainly one of the best, if not the best at motivating his players. Nearly every Arkansas team he assembled beat a team or two that they weren't supposed to beat and he always manages to get a lot out of a little. Arkansas fans will say things like "he boned a weatherlady" and "he tried to break Mitch Mustains feet by giving him odd fitting shoes" but just ignore them. They're not really in the SEC anyway, right? We like the guy because, at Ole Miss and especially in Oxford, we want our coaches to have this sorta "old guy who sits in the front row of church" persona. You know, the guy who makes sure to shake everybody's hand and tell little kids how much they've grown? Yeah, that guy. Houston Nutt is that guy.

8. Phillip Fulmer - 48pts - 5 - 11
Tennessee won the SEC East last year. Has everybody in the whole world completely forgotten this? In fact, in his 15 full seasons as Tennessee's head coach, his Volunteers have finished either first or second in the SEC Eeast all but twice. The fact that Fat Phil is so low on this list, despite having won a national championship and having over a dozen successful years at Tennessee says worlds about the coaching depth in our conference. Furthermore, look at the range of votes he garnered. His highest vote was 5th while his lowest was 11th. Whiskey Wednesday, the gentleman who ranked Fulmer 11th reasoned his choice thusly:

"He probably should be higher, but his playcalling bores the shit out of me, and everybody knows that David Cutcliffe was the glue holding it all together, right? Right? Seriously, though, he won a BCS title, but he might be the worst head coach to win one in our time."

He's also a snitch which, in the views of a few, makes him a terrible, terrible human being.

9. Bobby Petrino - 51pts - 6 - 12
Oh WOW! You won a lot of games in the CUSA and the Big East! That's just thuper duper! Seriously though, he was crap in Atlanta and his potential for success at Arkansas is more limited than it was at Louisville. His competition, both on the field and in terms of recruiting, is at a level he hasn't truly experienced and Arkansas fans will feel some growing pains. Certainly, he is an excellent X's and O's guy, but in this conference he'll prove to be in the middle of the pack as far as that is concerned (Meyer, Spurrier, Richt, and Tuberville all have him beat by a mile). Ryan Mallett should prove to be an immediate boost to Arkansas and the Petrino system after he is waits out his transfer year and, if he can recruit the types of players he'll need for his system, a trip to Atlanta is possible. Hopefully he can do this before either a.) he bolts off to who-knows-where or b.) he's hanged in Fayetteville.

10 (tie). Rich Brooks - 61pts - 7 - 12
Rich Brooks does indeed think this is bullshit. We've got him all the way down here with *cringe* Vanderbilt! He fielded two successful Kentucky teams but, for a guy who won the Paul W. "Bear" Bryant award for taking Oregon to the Rose Bowl in 1994, he hasn't done much in Lexington. Granted, it's a basketball school and Kentucky isn't exactly rife with top notch high school football talent. I dunno, despite Andre Woodson, beating #1 LSU, and all that jazz, the guy's just not terribly impressive. One Man to Beat, the actual journalist here at the Cup, had this to say:

I met him at SEC Media Days, and I thought he was a huge dick to the media. While the media are usually not as intelligent as a coach, you still have to be PR savvy.

I know that it may seem hypocritical for us to praise Spurrier and Miles for babytalking the media while reprimanding Brooks for the same, but he's seriously gotta back up his talk before he can expect anybody to be cool with it.

10 (tie). Bobby Johnson - 61pts - 9 - 12
Oh, Bobby. The ghost of Jay Cutler will forever haunt you. And no, I don't mean a furtive bloggeur with too much time on his hands. Literally mean the specter of what was, at one point, the best quarterback in the SEC. Think about it while we waltz backwards in time. Tebow at Florida (9 wins) and Andre Woodson at Kentucky (8 wins) last year. Leak at Florida the year before that (13 wins, national championship). Cutler at Vanderbilt (5 wins) before that. Jason Campbell at Auburn (14 wins, SEC title, BCS bastard child) and David Greene at Georgia (10 wins) before that. Eli at Ole Miss (10 wins) before that. Et cetera, et cetera, et al, et al.
You see what I'm saying, Bobby. You are literally the only coach in the SEC who cannot win with the conference's (arguably) best quarterback. Sure, I guess if he wanted to and got the chance, he'd go bowling at any other SEC school, but I seriously doubt he'd win big.
I will say this, though: he's a real class act which is what Vanderbilt demands. His players play very hard for him and he fields competitive teams that just don't have what it takes to get over the hump.

12. Sylvester CroomS - 66pts - 10 - 12
Boooooooo! Hisssssss! RATTLE-RATTLE KER-CLACK CLACK KER-KLOW! Hey, nuh-uh, somebody get that shit outta here! This is a damned Ole Miss blog, not a slaughterhouse. Gah, like locusts they are.
Anywho, where were we? Oh yes! Coach Croom is the worst coach in the SEC, and there are a few reasons why. First of all, he's done nothing more than ride the backs of an amazing good luck streak and an above-par defense (yeah, he's an offense guy who runs a terrible offense). True, State did beat Auburn and Alabama; but they only scored 4 touchdowns between both games, 2 of which were defensive. True, State did beat Kentucky, but Kentucky had 10 turnovers. TEN! I'm sure we'll get some comments like "hell yEah we did!!11 and we beet ur ass 2 lol!!" Yep, you did State. Congrats! But remember, we were shitty last season. You beat a shitty football team by a field goal. All of this raises the question of what, besides last season, has Sylvester Croom really accomplished in Starkville? Another reason we dislike Sly Croom is his "character" nonsense. He always makes sure to point out the shortcomings of other teams and their players while completely ignoring his own. He really is a low class guy who's been given a free pass from the media (psssst... it's because he's black). What other coach talks about character after tons of arrests and gets away with it? What coach talks shit about other teams' players' academic issues and gets away with it? Yeah, some Ole Miss players stole some pillows. That's pretty awful. I mean, I'd forive a guy if he assaulted a cop or, I dunno, maybe fired a gun on a college campus within a year of the Virginia Tech shootings but Grand Theft Pillow?! I think NOT!
Truthfully though, I can't decide what's worse. Croom's bullshit, or the folks in Starkghanistan who just lap that nonsense up. RANGY RANG CLACK RATTLE KERCLACK!
Unfortunately, this likely means we at The Red [REDACTED] Cup are a bunch of bigots. Koo-koo-ka-choo.


So, whaddaya think? Agree? Disagree? Let us know.

Lou Holth Loveth Jevan Thnead

Lou Holtz, college football's 3rd biggest punchline after Phillip Fulmer's girth and Ed Orgeron's existence, really wants to watch Jevan Snead this season. Don't believe me? Click it, lawya.

Jevan, if by some bizarre off chance you're reading this, take note. According to your current head coach, Lou Holtz and Mark May weren't keen on giving Darren McFadden his just desserts. You remember Darren McFadden, don't you? If you don't recall, he's the one who "got dat wood right hurr?"

Senility be damned, Lou Holtz has seen a lot of college football (you should hear him and Paterno get into it at the VFW home) and he knows a thing or two. Furthermore, he's given us a pretty fair amount of shit for firing David Cutfliffe and, for the last few seasons, has taken a tone with our program that could hardly be described as amiable. To see him all wide-eyed and giddy-like over anything Ole Miss related is incredibly befuddling.




Woohoo, yahaa! Lou Holtz! Mark May! You better take a close look at him! You better put him up in there for the Heisman!

Oh, Houthton, thilly gooth. Don'th you worry about a tthhingth baby. He'th on up tthhereth ;) lol

Happy Anniversary...

Happy Anniversary to Billy Cannon.

Cannon is the former Heisman Trophy-winning halfback for the LSU Bayou Bengals. Cannon led LSU to its first national championship in 1958 and, famously, returned a punt for a touchdown against Ole Miss in that 1959 clash of titans, accounting for the only blemish on the Rebels' ledger that year.

On this day in 1983, Cannon was sentenced to serve five years in the Federal Penitentiary in Texarkana for counterfeiting (more specifically, printing $50 million in U.S. bills that he stored in ice chests and buried in his back yard). Cannon served two and a half of those five years and is currently (and we admit, charitably) the head dentist at the Louisiana State Penitentiary.

Happy Anniversary, Billy Cannon!

11 Days until Kickoff

Memory lane for the last four years of Rebel football has been filled with construction delays and potholes. After a day's absence, we continue the countdown with the 12th and 11th worst moments of the last four years.

12th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: 2004 Loss at Alabama, 28-7

ESPN 2 chose to televise this thorough beat down of our beloved Rebels. It should have been on the Ocho. I was in attendance for game two of the post-Eli era, and after losing our opening game to Memphis, I was hoping we would at least give the Tide a good game. The Rebels have about as much success in Tuscaloosa as Dennis Miller has in Starkville. 

Ethan Flatt sparked the Rebel offense to their only touchdown that day while Michael Spurlock had a tough day throwing roughly a baker's dozen interceptions. 'Bama burned down the clock once they had a 21 point lead and ended up taking a knee inside the five yard line as time expired. That's how bad they felt for our team...and it's 'Bama, 'nuff said. 

11th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: 2004 Matt Jones and Arkansas deal 32 point loss to Rebels

I hate to post this just because of how ravenous Arkansas fans are for any positive press to use in their propaganda towards convincing themselves and others that they could still make a national title run. But here it is for all to see.

Der Untergang mit neue Untertiteln!

The original version of this was waaaaaaaaaaay funnier than any of the subsequent remixes, but this version is not terrible. Also, being Egg Bowl related, it's somewhat entertaining. Please, if you can, ignore the spelling errors and blatant homerism and just appreciate the idea of Adolf Hitler being a State fan.


For those who don't know, this is a clip from Der Untergang (The Downfall), a movie detailing Hitler's final days.

Rebel Baseball Update

While I was away in Wyoming, good things actually happened for Rebel Baseball. After many of our players were taken in the draft, Logan Power, Brett Basham and Scott Bittle all have returned for their senior seasons. Never would I let myself believe that Scott Bittle wouldn't sign because I cannot let my heart be toyed with like that. However, he's coming back.

So, what does the return of these three mean for Rebel Baseball?

Logan Power's return brings back our third highest batting average from last season, incredible plate discipline, and the ability for double digit home runs (he hit two grand slams last year). He is a very smart player in the outfield, and he has a cannon for an arm.

Brett Basham's return brings back the best defensive catcher in the SEC. I've actually made the argument that Scott Bittle and Brett Basham need one another in order to succeed. I mean, who else can catch "the thing?" I'm really excited about Brett, and this means we will be very strong defensively. I can deal with his .261 average. I actually argue that his average will increase this year due to having a back up catcher. He started EVERY game last season, and his legs were gone. If you remember the 2006 season, he relieved Brashear during the midweek games, and I expect Hightower or Henson to relieve him this year.

Scott Bittle's return brings back the best pitcher in the SEC and arguably the country. Mike Bianco has told us for two years how talented Scott is, and my goodness was he right (there, I said it. He's right.). Scott lead the country in strikeouts per nine innings last season, and he essentially carried our team into the postseason. Remember his gutsy extra inning performance against Kentucky when he struck out the best batter in the SEC to send us to Hoover? Remember his performance against Vandy in the regular season and SEC tourney? Remember his 4.1 innings against Mizzou in the regional when he had twelve strikeouts and accounted for all of the outs himself? Yeah, that's what we are getting back.

I have no clue how Mike Bianco plans to use Scott, but it would be neat to use him as a closer or starter. I can see Friday night, but I can also see him doing as he was last year. More importantly, I'm glad I get to use "The Bittler" nickname for one more year.

Coming up: how I see our depth chart next season.....

Interesting David Cutcliffe Feature

Rivals posted a very interesting article about David Cutcliffe.

One particular paragraph stood out to me.

"Cutcliffe, who was Tennessee's offensive coordinator when Duke hired him, already proved in his last head-coaching stint that he knew how to rejuvenate a program. Ole Miss went 44-29 and reached four bowls in six seasons under Cutcliffe. The Rebels have gone 10-25 with no bowls in the three seasons since his departure."

It seems to me like that's not rejuvenating. That's running a program into the ground. I'm not here to bash Cutcliffe. I think he did some good things for Ole Miss. It's just that paragraph made me laugh a little bit and question logic. Let's look at this again. He proved at Ole Miss that he could rejuvenate a program. He went 44-29 at Ole Miss. After he was fired, we went 10-25. Sure seems to me like he left the program better than he found it.

Projected Depth Chart vs. Memphis

I took the time to write down how I project our first and second teams to look headed into Memphis. Most of this is common sense, but here goes.

QB: Jevan Snead / Billy Tapp
HB: Cordera Eason / Enrique Davis
FB: Jason Cook / Andy Hartmann
X: Mike Wallace / Markeith Summers
Y: Dexter McCluster / Lionel Breaux
Z: Shay Hodge / Andrew Harris
TE: Gerald Harris / David Traxler (depending on whether we run on our first play)
LT: Michael Oher / Bradley Sowell
LG: Darryl Harris / Reid Neely
C: Daverin Geralds / Brandon Green
RG: Maurice Miller / Rishaw Johnson
RT: John Jerry / Bradley Sowell (We seriously need some OTs)

LE: Emmanuel Stephens / Laderrick Vaughn
RE: Kentrell Lockett / Chris Bowers
DT: Peria Jerry / Justin Smith
NT: Marcus Tillman / Lawonn Scott
LOLB: Ashlee Palmer / Lamar Brumfield
MLB: Jonathan Cornell / Tony Fein
ROLB: Allen Walker / Patrick Trahan
CB: Dustin Mouzon / Marshay Green
CB: Cassius Vaughn / Jeremy McGee
FS: Kendrick Lewis / Johnny Brown
SS: Jamarca Sanford / Fon Ingram

I'm pretty happy with this two-deep. I think we could end up beating Memphis badly. I'm not saying we will, just that we can. Now tell me who/what I've missed.

13 Days Until Kick-off

2006 was a year of Rebel football when some thought the team would bounce back from a miserable 2005, take heed under the guidance of Brent "This would be a great where are you now story" Schaeffer and get back to a bowl game after two losing seasons.

One massive tackle ended one Rebel's season who could be the biggest playmaker on the team this year. He was a little spark plug that took a trick play against Memphis to the house later known as the "McCluster Fluster" or the "McCluster F***."

Not to say this hit was the reason Ole Miss ended up having a losing season, but it sure as hell didn't help. The smack of pads still resonates in my mind. The injury was mysterious as were many things under Ed Orgeron's reign. He had nerve damage in his neck and couldn't lift his arms higher than shoulder level or a broken shoulder or he was decapitated. Nothing was clear other than the realization that Ole Miss lost a great player for the year.

Screw writing this blog... we're about to be millionaires!

An e-mail that red[REDACTED]cupblog@gmail.com received today:

"Good Day,

We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to
the total sum of £6,000,000.00 GBP (Six Million British Pounds) in the
codicil and last testament of the deceased. (Name now withheld since
this is our second letter to you).

We contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore
can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance.
We therefore reckoned that you could receive these funds as you are
qualified by your name identity. All the legal papers will be processed
upon your acceptance.
Upon your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward
to us your letter of acceptance, your current telephone and fax numbers
and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary LEGAL documents in
your name at our high court probate division for the release of the
fund in question.
Please contact me immediatley so that we can get this done.
Kind regards,
John Smith"

Woohoo! I guess we're going to donate some of it to the BPF. This is gonna be great. Adolph Jules [REDACTED]Cup is leaving us SIX MILLION POUNDS! We're ecstatic!

Looks like we'd better kick the guys who never write off quickly. I don't want to split that six mil with a bunch of ingrates.

P.S. We're going to Danny's in Jackson to make it rain on 'dem hos.

Saturday Evening Scrimmage Report

Today's scrimmage in Vaught-Hemingway was certainly a let down. While many players had good days and showed great potential, an upsetting large majority of the scrimmage was dedicated to third team vs. third team plays which is pretty damned boring. Here are our notes:

1. Jevan Snead didn't throw very much. He was only in for a couple of drives and most of the plays called during his drives were either runs or short pass plays. The same goes for Tapp. Stanley was in for a half-dozen drives or so and threw a great deal more than the other quarterbacks. He was mediocre as he threw a few picks (at least one was most certainly the fault of the receiver) and occassionally underthrew his targets.

2. All of the runningbacks had great days. Brandon Bolden and Devin Thomas got a lot of reps and both ran very hard. Bolden played especially well as he continued to demonstrate just how hard he can be to bring down.

3. Andrew Harris, while currently on the third team, showed incredible athleticism and was able to evade several defenders after the catch. Yeah, the defenders were also third teamers, but some of the moves he made took a great deal of skill.

4. I saw no fewer than three different t-shirts which utilized some sort of Houston Nutt related pun. Everything from "The Rebels are NUTTY" to "Welcome to the NUTT HOUSE" is seemingly printed on a t-shirt. Thankfully I saw nobody older than 13 wearing one of these shirts but I was still a bit disappointed. Seriously everyone, stop buying these damned things.

5. Jerrell Powe was a wrecking ball out there, against an offensive line made of walk-ons and freshmen. We, as a fan base, have shamefully hyped this kid to mythical heights. He's got potential and most certainly can contribute on our defensive front, but he's no messiah. During the scrimmage he got an encroachment penalty called against him for jumping the snap early and knocking Billy Tapp (who was wearing a red jersey) to the ground. Shortly after this penalty, several hundred people cheered, clapped, et cetera. One woman in my viscinity even said she was "glad to have him here." What the Hell, people? He committed a damned penalty and knocked over a guy who he wasn't even supposed to touch. That is absolutely nothing to cheer over.

6. Joshua Shene did not miss a single field goal. Being as how we haven't had a seriously capable kicker in several seasons, it would be nice to see Shene show up as a true special teams weapon this fall.

7. Jeremy McGee took a big hit and was escorted off of the field after being attended to for a couple of minutes. Hopefully he's alright.


Honestly, that's about it. Having third teamers practice against one another does not really lend to noteworthy practices or detailed and relevant practice reports. I understand that the coaches didn't want to have a lot of potential starters out there in order to avoid the injury bug so I'll forgive them, this time.

Check back later tonight

We will have a scrimmage report up later tonight. Please come back then.

P.S. Meet the Rebels Day was a let down.

14 Days until Kickoff

Let's keep the ride of realistic Rebel-dom rolling to the number 14 worst moment of the last four years. We've seen out of conference losses to Mizzou and Wyoming along with the loss of a few handfuls of Rebel players.

Now we face a harrowing loss to a team that is hated because of their scrappiness and inability to know their place in the SEC hierarchy. Most die hard fans probably have more than one team in their mind, but only one comes to my narrowly thinking mind: Vanderbilt.

14th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: 2007 loss to Vanderbilt in Nashville, 31-17.

Mike Wallace had one of his best games ever, so no shame to you, Burnell...Mike...whatever. However, Cassen Jackson-Garrison, who gets my award for frattiest name for a running back in the SEC, scored three touchdowns and rushed for 127 yards to lead the Commodores AND THAT DAMNED FOGHORN to victory.

I've been hit like this before. I was doing time in Parchman.

Coach Orgeron continued his stretch of losses to start SEC campaigns extending the streak to three, well, four if you count Cutcliffe's last year. Seth Adams was replaced by Brent Schaeffer late in the game and nearly led the Rebels to a come back cutting their lead to seven points in the fourth quarter, but Chris Nickson, ON A SORE HAMSTRING, passed his way to 200 yards while rushing for 78 yards to keep the Commodore lead safe.

Now I know what you're thinking, how in the hell are there 13 worse moments than what I remember that fateful September day? It's all perspective I suppose. The worst kind of loss in my opinion is a close loss, because it means that you had a chance to win. A chance to win that you squandered by some fateful decision. Getting blown out of the water hurts, but a last second loss hangs with you for decades. 

SEC Traditions: The Best and Worst - LSU

Oh LSU. You're such an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a deep fried shell of cornmeal. You're a school which I respect greatly for your BCS titles, traditions, and location (an hour away from NOLA, that's legit). You're also a school which I despise for your horrendous sidewalk fans, homage to filthy bayou lifestyles, and stench. To single out the absolute best and worst about you was pretty damned difficult but I gave it my best shot.

Best Tradition: "The Golden Band from Tigerland." I know that, as a Rebel, you hate these bastards deep down inside, but you cannot honestly tell me you have heard or seen a louder, prouder marching band. They're big, they're deafening, and they do an amazing job of firing up the fans in Death Valley. I know Ohio State would beg to differ (they try that whole "begging to differ" shit a lot, huh?) but the LSU marching band is absolutely peerless.
Honorable Mention: Mike the Tiger. LSU is the only school that does the whole "Tigers" thing right (you hear that, Memphis, Auburn, Mizzou, etc?) and Mike is definitely one of the best live mascots out there. He's in the same league as Uga, Ralphie, and Bevo.


Worst Tradition: Cajun last names. I was almost inclined to say "Cajun people," but who knows what kind of anti-defamatory lawsuit we'd get slapped with after that one. It's a good thing I took a couple of years of French in high school becuase if I were just to read names like "Perriloux," "Stefoin," "Doucet," or "Francois" out of the context of LSU, I'd be lost.

Pear-ih-lowx?

The Cajun names also serve greatly to remind everyone that LSU's fanbase is made up primarily of the most obnoxious people outside of the Jersey shore: Louisianans. Seriously, I'm certain that I've run into a few extras from The Waterboy a time or two down there. I honestly love New Orleans, but I wouldn't mind if it's surrounding counties parrishes drifted off into the Gulf of Mexico.

OMG PuPpIeS!!1

The fellas at Horton's Hob-Nailed Boot have a few photos of what they claim is the new Uga VII. While I'm not going to confirm or deny the accuracy of these claims, I will say that this is one damn cute puppy.

15 days until kickoff

The countdown of horrible Ole Miss moments from the last four years continues as kick-off comes ever nearer.

While this countdown may seem depressing, it is simply a reminder of what we accomplished the last four years: nothing. If you find yourself down over it, congratulations, you've reached a reality check.

I'm glad we've got a new coach and that Michael Oher came back. These are positives, but just take time to remember and laugh about the bad old days.

16th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: 2006 Loss to Mizzou

I made the drive up to Columbia, so this long sticks in my memory probably more than some others. Let's take a quick look at the numbers, or lack thereof, 162 total yards of offense...for the entire game...against a Big 12 defense: WOW. Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis had 52 yards on 15 carries. Brent Schaeffer threw three interceptions. It was a dismal day for the Ole Miss offense, and the defense let up nearly 500 yards of offense for the Tigers. A 34-7 loss was actually somewhat kind considering the ineptitude and inability to move the ball.

This clever asshat was dancing in the streets after a thrashing of our Rebels. Go ahead and let your blood boil.

15th Worst Moment of the Last Four Years: These players who left, were kicked off or didn't academically qualify for future years of ballin' outrageous in Oxford.

Chris Strong, Mico McSwain, Garry Pack, Jamariey Atterberry, Jerrell Powe(pick a year), Leroy Diggs, Leron King, Rogers Loche, Robert Russell, Quentin Taylor, Hayward Howard(parking ticket extraordinaire), Terry Levy, Roderick Davis, Colby Arceneaux, Isaiah Smith, A.J. Jackson and Jamison Hughes(even though he was just following his dad).

17 players that we had planned to give scholarships to be future players.

I wonder why we were always so thin at LB and D-Line. Hmm. What substance could we possibly assume affected the lives of these gentlemen?

THIS, THIS, AND THIS.

Okay, maybe not the first one, but definitely the last two.

There's still so much more ahead, stay tuned and stay proud.