SEC Power Poll All-SEC Team: Terrence Cody, presented by Sir Issac Newton

If ye ever discover thyself so braeve as to delve into mine Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica, ye will not conclude my fascination with one Lord Terrence of Cody to be unusual. For, as a scholar of the most basic physical characteristics of all worldly mass, Terrence of Cody affords me both incredible excitement and luxurie.

Please, allow me, if you could, to explain. In the physical scientificum, "masse" refers to the degree of acceleration a body could acquire when subject to a force. Within this realme, acceleration is the term which describes the changes in velocity over time. In the purest words, we compute this value by calculating the derived form of velocity with respect to time, or equivalently as the second derivative of position. This is, quite natureally, a vectored quantitie.

Ah but, prithee do observe my faire student, I have yet to divulge into the mystical combination thereof: FORCE! Of upmost importance, force is that which can cause an object with masse to accelerate. Of course, the sciences surrounding this "force" are still so premature that a measurable unit thereof has yet to be assigned a proper, noble nomenclature!

Lord Terrence of Cody exploites his victimes through the unmerciful use of one of the most fear-inducing levels of force on the fields of battle. He possesses in a set the powerful combination of masse and acceleration which, as even the most plebian of plebians could observe, would naturally lead to Earth shattering force. Here, read my formulations:


Lord Terrence of Cody therefore becomes, as you vilest of men from the newest of worldes would have him referred in your most peculiare vernacular, "one scary motherfucker." If the words surrounding his desires to remain on the noble fields of Tuscaloosa are indeed of integrous fiber then his myraid of foes ought greatly to fear their darkened fates.

Lord Terrance of Cody, inspiration of the unwashed, huzzah to thee, sire!
(ed: Cody was a unanimous selection to this poll)

LSU HATE WEEK

It's on, LSU. This shit's not funny anymore. We don't give a hell about your damned BCS trophies.* We hate your jackass coach. Purple and yellow are shitty colors. Your fans give us migraines with their extreme 'tardhood.

This isn't a fucking game. It's war.

Here's your song for the day. Expect one every day this week. You need to have a fucking lesson taught to your asses and there's not a better way to do that than through grainy rap videos over the internets.

Heed the advice given, LSU; especially the advice regarding hygiene. Lord knows great deal of your fanbase could use it.

*Seriously though, thanks for taking Ohio State to the shed. No joke here.

SEC Power Poll: Week 4

The Ghost of Jay Cutler is moving, Ivory Tower and Juco-All American are busy "studying," and Whiskey Wednesday is still drinkin' 'n' fuckin' his Vandy blues away. While disappointing, I know, the lack of updates for this week must be excused.

Ghost will have the ballot up sometime tonight, but as for the power poll results, one can check out those cocks (LOL!!1) over at Garnet and Black attack or gander down at the graphic below.

Internets Available in Memphis (Public Libraries); Accessed by Tiger High Alums

Losing to LSU is never fun, but is accepted, any loss to State stings for quite some time, but nothing gets to me more than not being able to beat these BCS rejects down in Memphis.

The talking heads on Memphis radio and the UTK rejects on MemphisTigers.org start spewing their delusional and ill-informed opinions regarding the Ole Miss game around this time every year.

Today’s example comes courtesy of MT.org poster, MemphisCanes.

"For all that they toute their recievers, ours are head and shoulders (figuratively AND literally) above theirs."

You win Tiger fans, those receivers (“I” before “e” except after “c”) that we constantly “toute” are not as tall as Carlos Singleton. Let us take a look at some statistics though, and remember you run a pass happy offense in the CUSA while we had two incompetent rejects playing quarterback for us last season.

Last season your top three receivers were Duke Calhoun (14 ypc), Carlos Singleton (15.0 ypc), and Stephen Black (11 ypc). Our top three WRs were Shay Hodge (14 ypc), Mike Wallace (19 ypc), and Dexter McCluster (12 ypc). These stats seem pretty even to me. I will give you the advantage in WRs, but your guys are not as good as you all make them seem to be, with the exception of Duke Calhoun.

"Oher is an anchor, but one lineman does not a line make."

Does not a line make? Really? Was that just some cute way of trying to make your point or your fine Memphis education? And you are correct in saying one lineman does not make an offensive line. That is why we have guys like pre-season second team All-SEC John Jerry, returning starter Reid Neely, and veterans Darryl Harris and Mo Miller. To steal a quote from an Ole Miss poster on MT.org, "Our offensive line has had more books written about them than your basketball team has read."

In reality, their squad has more question marks than ours. New Coach, new QB, new RB, and a suspect D.

No arguments here except for you bit about suspect defense. The only thing suspect about our defense is going to be the cornerback position. Our front seven boasts 4 All-American or All-SEC candidates and one of the top incoming linebackers in the nation. Again, there is nothing terribly wrong with your statement, but the next part of the sentence (term used loosely considering your last one lacked a verb) is what explains why UTK denied your application and your attendance at Tiger High. It is so ludicrous I am going to have to break it down piece by piece.

“The Tigers have an experienced QB who should be able to plug right in to our system.”

How can you call Arkelon Hall an experienced QB? It is beyond me. We may have a new QB, but at least it is one who has played in a division one-football game against a BCS opponent for the Texas Longhorns. Also, judging by Hall’s less than sterling 6-14 performance, it looks like he has some work to do. However, you probably did not see that because only 800 people went to the game. That is how you support a program!

You cannot win an argument by saying Ole Miss has question marks at positions A, B, and C and then turn around and say the new (read: unproven) players Memphis has coming at the same positions make us a better team, which you proceed to do.

“Walton, our DC, has studied at defensive powerhouses like LSU and Miami, and has brought in considerable JUCO talent this year.”

Our last head coach studied at national powerhouses like Miami and USC, but he could not coach his way out of a paper bag. He still managed to beat you three times in three years. Weird.

And I would love to know this considerable JUCO talent that is coming in this year. Last I heard your prized recruit from Clemson decided North Dakota State was a better fit for him, Tim Mcgee failed his needed summer classes, and no one else on your commitment list looks like they are worth a damn. Your team, especially on defense, is nothing more than a bunch of other team’s rejects who averaged giving up 32 points per game this past season. Oh, and you lost to Arkansas State 35-31.

Add to that our new blood at RB, which should only do more to juice our offense, and I can't really see what Missy fans are so confident about.

So us having new RBs is a negative, but your new running backs are going to put you over the top? I do not think so. You are sending out Curtis Steele, a between the tackles type of runner, with your spotty offensive line against our front seven. I will not even bring up the guy we signed.

“I guess home field advantage must be worth alot in their minds.”

It sure does when you compare it to your home field advantage.

A Red [REDACTED] Cup History Lesson

According to many folks on the outside looking in, we're a bunch of bigots. Oftentimes, folks in Starkville, Baton Rouge, Tuscaloosa, and other places make said argument. But, are they justified in doing so? Let's look at the facts.

FACT: Ole Miss was integrated before Mississippi State.

FACT: Ole Miss was integrated before LSU.

FACT: Ole Miss was integrated in the same year as Alabama. Granted, Alabama was integrated a whopping two-and-a-half months before Ole Miss in a much less violent (albeit still controversial) fashion.

FACT: According to statistics available through the Princeton Review, only Mississippi State (19%) can boast a ratio of black students higher than ours (13%) among the aforementioned (Alabama has an 11% ratio while LSU stands at 9%). Maybe this statistic is misleading because Mississippi, as a state, has a higher ratio of blacks than both Alabama and Louisiana but it still somewhat demonstrates a point.

This raises a question: why are we the bigots? Oh yeah, the Rebels team name, Confederate flag, Dixie, and Colonel Reb. We wacky Mississippians just can't seem to get that whole "Civil War" thing out of our damn minds! Faulkner was right in that, down here "the past isn't dead. It isn't even past." It is true that Colonel Reb is no longer an official symbol of the university, Confederate flags are not flown in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium, and the playing of Dixie is quite limited, but we Rebels are still unashamedly proud of our Southern history and heritage. Really though, how hard are we clinging to our past, relatively speaking? Are we the only ones with vestiges from the Civil War lingering in the back of our collective mind?

The short answer is, of course, no.

While we may be more "direct" with our approach to Southern history, for many of the schools and fan-bases in the former Confederate States to fault us is quite hypocritical. Let's take a few examples I more-or-less thought up off of the top of my head and verified (sorta) with Wikipedia.

First, the North Carolina Tar Heels. The University of North Carolina General Alumni Association provides a nice etymology of the term and reveals that, while the term is quite old, it first gained popularity during the Civil War. The legend has it that a regiment of North Carolina's troops taunted a recently defeated group of Virginians by telling them that they needed to put tar in their heels so they would "stick better in the next fight." The term then became used to describe North Carolinians as a whole, alluding to the idea that the soldiers and people of North Carolina weren't exactly the type to back down in a fight. During the war and thereafter, the term was essentially a badge of honor for North Carolinians. Yet, no one is clamoring for the removal of the Tar Heels moniker.

Next up, Auburn. "War Eagles" were used by forces on both sides of the Civil War as scouts and mascots. While the true origin of Auburn's mascot and battle cry is shrouded in uncertainty, legend has it that the first eagle mascot was a former confederate bird who had been rescued from the battlefield and nursed back to health. When he began flying over the stadium during a defeat of the rival Georgia Bulldogs, he was viewed as symbol of good luck (a much cooler version of Mississippi State's cow story). The War Eagle is obviously reminiscent of the Confederacy, yet is not at all viewed as offensive.

Then there's LSU. These assholes have no room to talk. While I may have been stretching a bit with the aforementioned Civil War references, the history of the Louisiana Fightin' Tigers is well documented. Just check this out. The Louisiana Infantry of the Army of Northern Virginia were called, by Lee himself, the "Tigers" for their ferocity in combat and their ultra neat striped pants. The LSU Tiger mascot is an obvious homage to these bygone times. Toss in Louisiana's racial history (even recent events such as Jena Six or the aftermath of Katrina) and you've got quite a confusing situation. Most of these elements of LSU are hardly ever mentioned whereas one would be hard pressed to find a lot of media coverage about Ole Miss which doesn't mention our tumultuous past. While some people are indeed crying race (eh, not really) on this one, LSU has come nowhere close to the crucifixion upon a cross of political correctness that Ole Miss has had to endure.

Have these schools done anything wrong? Not at all. So why are we so evil? We've really cleaned up our act in the last 10 years or so but yet, many still insist that tailgating in the Grove is akin to Klan rallies. Some may wonder as to what the solution to all of this is. Well, short of hopping the the nearest Delorean and removing all Civil War references from the get-go or, better yet, using a more subtle reference than "Rebels," there's nothing we can do.

That is, of course, excluding the option of telling our would be finger-pointers to fuck themselves, but I'll leave that one up to you.

Post Scriptum: as you can tell, we've got a lot of time on our hands. 75 days until kickoff, bitches.