"Egads!" I exclaimed. "We should see the Houston Nutt Show in a few minutes."
"Gadzooks!" replied Whiskey Wednesday. "They have beer for a dollar!"
So, we went. Juco All-American came and we drank beer under the veranda, talked football with a few other fans, and enjoyed ourselves... That is, until the actual Houston Nutt show itself began.
Now, before you come all up on our blog and say "well we tried to warn you about NUTTY McNUTTbitch but u Webbilz woulddnt LISTEN Woooooooooopig," Houston Nutt honestly had nothing to do with our disappointment. A majority of the fans in attendance and a few of the folks who called-in simply blew our minds with their disrespect, ignorance, and kool-aid mustaches.
First and foremost, shut the fuck up. Seriously. This goes out especially to you old ladies. When Kellum and Nutt, while speaking into a microphone, are barely audible due to your gabby ass you've become a serious problem. I know that you may not give a shit about the proceedings and you may only be there to chat with "the gals" and/or because your cranky husband dragged you along, but I couldn't care less. You killed my buzz and gave me incentive to leave early. I know Coach Nutt was spilling the same old "yahoo, yippee, he's special, Enricky Davis" talk, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't trying to listen to him. It's the Houston Nutt show, not a wine and cheese party. You're a part of an audience; audience, you know, that word from the Latin audire meaning to listen.*
I looked around and saw folks sharing pictures, swapping business cards, and doing a bunch of stuff which certainly either could have waited or been done somewhere else entirely. Stop it. Even after Juco and I left, we tried to listen in his car and we could still hear your crap through the radio.
As for you who are actually paying attention, don't raise your hand to use the microphone or call in unless you've actually got something pertinent to say. Here are some actual questions or comments people had for ol' coach:
- How many years of eligibility does Jevan Snead have? I'd like you to do two things: meet my friend Google, and stop wasting people's time. Could you do that for me?
- Ummmm, hey coach. Uh, I just called to say go Rebels and, uh, don't go Vandy! Don't go Vandy? That's lame. That's about as lame as calling a radio show just to say "Go Rebels LOL ;)"
- When I was a Razorback, I hated you. Now that I'm a Rebel, I love you. Telling a coach you love him is one thing, admitting to once being a Razorback is another.
- Coach, I just wanted to say that we're happy you're in Oxford (extended lovefest removed for brevity). Now, for my question: what color jerseys are the Rebels going to wear on Saturday? Are you serious? You actually flagged the girl down so you could get the microphone, wait for your turn, and address our coach on a live radio show just to ask that? They'll either be red or blue, pal. What, are you going to boycott the game based on coach Nutt's response? Do you have an extreme aversion to certain colors? I'm still just befuddled as to why a person would stand up just to ask somebody what color jerseys our team will be wearing. Ask about practice. Ask about recruiting. Ask about Vanderbilt. Don't ask this crap.
Don't get me wrong. There were plenty of folks who listened and kept the question and answer portion of the show as relevant as possible. Kudos are certainly in order to you few. As for the rest of you, you're on notice. I wanted to drink cheap beer, hear what HDN had to say about practice 'n' shit, and generally get pumped about his weekend. You all ruined that for me.
*Before somebody calls me out on it, I know that's a Bill Maher joke.
