Ivory Tower has spent the last couple of days in a moderately sober and exceedingly nerdy fashion because he's got to "study" for "Law School."
Yeah, he watched the 3-hour long snuff film which took place in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium on Friday and, yes, he partook in Red [REDACTED] Cup 'n' Friends victory steaks but, other than that, he's been gettin' his dork on.
Hence the fact that he's actually posting.
The rest of us are still fighting through our Thanksgiving+Egg Bowl+Rivalry Week+FUCK YOU CROOM AAAAAHH hangover/carbohydrate overload. We've all got opinions 'n' observations 'n' shit for you as soon as this haze of nauseous exhaustion lifts from our victimized, weakened bodies.
Potential bowl commentary awaits. If someone (and you know who you are) will get off of his lazy ass and write something or two about basketball, that's also in store. Whiskey Wednesday will likely write a postgame report which won't tell you anything you don't know already; things like "we beat them like they owed us money" and "their offense played like paraplegics." I'll likely pump out some snarky nonsense myself if you're all ready for it.
Point is, we're in recovery mode. Once we're good and ready, we'll give you more of what you want.
Post Scriptum - Serious congratulations are in order to the Rebel seniors who dominated their last game in VHS. Also, congrats to Mississippi State for winning the Character Cup! Huzzah!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Just Have to Kick Somebody While He's Down.
I made up this word "wintegrity," but I think it fits the Sylvester Croom era. It's an absolute fiction - just like Sylvester Croom being any more disciplined or character-driven than any other FBS coach (with some exceptions). He's probably a great guy, and he hasn't been caught flirting with the weather girl out of Columbus, yet. So, especially with his recent departure, the wrathful response might be uncalled for. Nevertheless, the wrathful response has come because, with Croom's career in Starkville now in the rear-view mirror, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how Croom is different - other than skin color, eight aberrative wins in 2007, and career curse words - from Ed Orgeron.
The Character Cup
After a very eventful weekend, two related truths became eminently clear. First, where "it" is an obscure and indefinite concept and "that" is winning football games, apparently doing "it" the right way is the wrong way to do "that." Second, it is seems clear that Houston Nutt will continue his dominance of Mississippi State in his new job, only this time he will perpetually deprive them of an 80-year-old piece of pre-poultry. Because these things were clear, Sylvester Croom is no longer the head coach at Mississippi State University.
It's a shame, too, because while Sylvester did not have a lot of wins, he had a lot of "wintegrity." What is "wintegrity?" Well, it's character. It's discipline. It's all about building a program the right way, and, should you fail to actually build the program, perpetuating the fiction that you were doing it "the right way." It's not about guns or weed. It's about guns and weed (HOLLA!). And best of all, it's about leaving Starkville with that refreshing sheen and aroma that can only come from being compared to Jackie Sherrill.
So, recognizing that the Bulldogs both have lost Coach Crumz' wintegrity and will likely lose a great deal more for the foreseeable future, we've designed something that the 'Dogs can win consistently. The Character Cup.
In memory of Coach Croom and Derek Pegues, the Character Cup will be awarded sporadically to comfort Coach Crumz' recruits that, lost without him, will almost certainly begin making poor decisions. This handsome trophy comes with a handgun and a marijuana garnish to remind Mississippi State players that geography is not the only way that Starkville is closer to Tuscaloosa.
Congratulations, Bulldogs. May you never stoop so low as stealing alarm clocks and pillows.
It's a shame, too, because while Sylvester did not have a lot of wins, he had a lot of "wintegrity." What is "wintegrity?" Well, it's character. It's discipline. It's all about building a program the right way, and, should you fail to actually build the program, perpetuating the fiction that you were doing it "the right way." It's not about guns or weed. It's about guns and weed (HOLLA!). And best of all, it's about leaving Starkville with that refreshing sheen and aroma that can only come from being compared to Jackie Sherrill.
So, recognizing that the Bulldogs both have lost Coach Crumz' wintegrity and will likely lose a great deal more for the foreseeable future, we've designed something that the 'Dogs can win consistently. The Character Cup.
In memory of Coach Croom and Derek Pegues, the Character Cup will be awarded sporadically to comfort Coach Crumz' recruits that, lost without him, will almost certainly begin making poor decisions. This handsome trophy comes with a handgun and a marijuana garnish to remind Mississippi State players that geography is not the only way that Starkville is closer to Tuscaloosa.Congratulations, Bulldogs. May you never stoop so low as stealing alarm clocks and pillows.
Fun While It Lasted
Even so, we ought to remember well that Coach Crumz was able to muster two wins (one blowout) against the mighty Rebels.
Greg Byrne, athletic director at Mississippi State, said that the school will honor the buy-out with Coach Croom. His buy-out is confidential, but considering the man
My off the reservation suggestions include an energetic coach that has reenergized a dormant BCS program and a consistent winner with a proven record of winning big games.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Toolbar
So we looked at an ad at the bottom of our page that we actually felt like clicking. It's a company that provides personalized toolbars for websites. We've done a little bit of work to personalize it to something we think you would all like.
You can download the RSC toolbar here.
You can download the RSC toolbar here.
Happy Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Gluttony, sloth, and football are three wonderful elements of the collective American psyche and any day which celebrates all of the above is fantastic in my book.
In all seriousness though, to live in a country which affords its citizens so many opportunities, endures adversity unlike any other, and has the capability to literally feed the world is certainly something for which I am quite thankful.
So, everybody, enjoy the holiday. Kick back, relax, eat some Turkey with cornbread dressing (none of this yankee white-bread nonsense), enjoy the parade, and watch some football.
Speaking of parades, I'm about to head back downstairs to see if my favorite float has made it on TV yet.
State, we still hate you.
In all seriousness though, to live in a country which affords its citizens so many opportunities, endures adversity unlike any other, and has the capability to literally feed the world is certainly something for which I am quite thankful.
So, everybody, enjoy the holiday. Kick back, relax, eat some Turkey with cornbread dressing (none of this yankee white-bread nonsense), enjoy the parade, and watch some football.
Speaking of parades, I'm about to head back downstairs to see if my favorite float has made it on TV yet.
State, we still hate you.
MSU Turkey-day Q&A
I contacted the MStateSports blog to get this week's Q&A. Here is a link to their questions and my answers. My questions and their responses are below.
1. Is Sylvester Croom the right coach to get your program to a level where you go bowling almost every year? If so, explain what you like about him. If not, who is?
I think Croom has been what the program needed since Jackie. He returned discipline to the program, which it was badly lacking. However, he seems stubborn when approached about change. He is loyal to a fault to many of his assistants, especially Woody McCorvey. Even though it is obvious that the offense is the main problem, he seems willing to blame just about all other parts of the team except the offense.
I am willing to give him another year, maybe two, if changes can be made where needed, especially the offense and special teams. If not, there are plenty of names that people will throw around as possible coaching candidates, but I would really like to see someone young come in that could take the team in a completely new direction. (RSC - please give him two years.)
2. What do you think are the three biggest reasons for what appears to be an offensive regress? Things looked to be headed in the right direction with a decent quarterback returning and two successful running backs.
The first thing is loss of players. We had an off-campus incident before summer practice that cause 5 players to be kicked off the team. Next, we had some injuries that caused us to shuffle the O-line around before the first game, forcing players to quickly change what they had learned and try to adapt. Then we started the year with 2 quarterbacks, and a team with an already fragile offense can't really support that. Miscues, bad reads, and terrible passes were common. We would get behind early in the game and abandon the run game too early, forcing us to throw more. I think many of those things combined have caused many of our offensive woes. (RSC - so playing poor offense is the reason for your offensive woes? Awesome.)
3. Have you noticed significant changes in your defensive philosophy now that Ellis Johnson is gone? Do you think you're missing him?
I don't think there has been a huge difference. We seem to be running many of the same schemes with many of the same personel (sic). One thing that has hurt us defensively is the loss of Jamar Chaney in the first game. His experience at linebacker and as a leader on the defense as a whole has hurt us some.
The loss of Jesse Bowman in the Alabama game will be a huge hit to the line. He was probably our strongest player in the trenches. (RSC - look at it this way. At least he was lost in a season that doesn't matter for you. We lost Peria Jerry for the first three games of a season that could end at 9-4.)
4. Who is the best player on your team that no one really knows about? What makes him so good?
I think Tyson Lee has the potential to suprise (sic) some folks. He has experience from playing JUCO ball and is not afraid to stay in the pocket and take a hit. He is also very mobile and can scramble for yardage when a play breaks down. (RSC - Really? Tyson Lee? Everyone knows about him. Can someone say cop out?)
5. What is your prediction on the game? How will it happen?
Of course I want this to be a Bulldog victory. The defense will need to step up and contain the Rebel offense and the Bulldog O will need to generate some yardage and some rest time for the D. If the Bulldogs win, it will be a low scoring affair, so I am going to call it for State, 14-10. (RSC - if we only score ten points, I will write a column about how much we suck.)
1. Is Sylvester Croom the right coach to get your program to a level where you go bowling almost every year? If so, explain what you like about him. If not, who is?
I think Croom has been what the program needed since Jackie. He returned discipline to the program, which it was badly lacking. However, he seems stubborn when approached about change. He is loyal to a fault to many of his assistants, especially Woody McCorvey. Even though it is obvious that the offense is the main problem, he seems willing to blame just about all other parts of the team except the offense.
I am willing to give him another year, maybe two, if changes can be made where needed, especially the offense and special teams. If not, there are plenty of names that people will throw around as possible coaching candidates, but I would really like to see someone young come in that could take the team in a completely new direction. (RSC - please give him two years.)
2. What do you think are the three biggest reasons for what appears to be an offensive regress? Things looked to be headed in the right direction with a decent quarterback returning and two successful running backs.
The first thing is loss of players. We had an off-campus incident before summer practice that cause 5 players to be kicked off the team. Next, we had some injuries that caused us to shuffle the O-line around before the first game, forcing players to quickly change what they had learned and try to adapt. Then we started the year with 2 quarterbacks, and a team with an already fragile offense can't really support that. Miscues, bad reads, and terrible passes were common. We would get behind early in the game and abandon the run game too early, forcing us to throw more. I think many of those things combined have caused many of our offensive woes. (RSC - so playing poor offense is the reason for your offensive woes? Awesome.)
3. Have you noticed significant changes in your defensive philosophy now that Ellis Johnson is gone? Do you think you're missing him?
I don't think there has been a huge difference. We seem to be running many of the same schemes with many of the same personel (sic). One thing that has hurt us defensively is the loss of Jamar Chaney in the first game. His experience at linebacker and as a leader on the defense as a whole has hurt us some.
The loss of Jesse Bowman in the Alabama game will be a huge hit to the line. He was probably our strongest player in the trenches. (RSC - look at it this way. At least he was lost in a season that doesn't matter for you. We lost Peria Jerry for the first three games of a season that could end at 9-4.)
4. Who is the best player on your team that no one really knows about? What makes him so good?
I think Tyson Lee has the potential to suprise (sic) some folks. He has experience from playing JUCO ball and is not afraid to stay in the pocket and take a hit. He is also very mobile and can scramble for yardage when a play breaks down. (RSC - Really? Tyson Lee? Everyone knows about him. Can someone say cop out?)
5. What is your prediction on the game? How will it happen?
Of course I want this to be a Bulldog victory. The defense will need to step up and contain the Rebel offense and the Bulldog O will need to generate some yardage and some rest time for the D. If the Bulldogs win, it will be a low scoring affair, so I am going to call it for State, 14-10. (RSC - if we only score ten points, I will write a column about how much we suck.)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
TLV bi-otch
So TLV has been released for this week, and, shockingly, they've decided to let us continue writing. You can read the entire newspaper at their website. You may also read our article below.
How good did that feel?
It has been a long, long time since Ole Miss arrogantly waltzed into a hostile environment like Tiger Stadium and beat an opponent so convincingly. Our offense scored early and often. Our defense held one of the SEC's best running games to a puny 37 yards, intercepted two passes, and gave LSU's quarterbacks absolute hell. Our special teams were consistent and gave the Tigers fits via great kick coverage and a zany fake punt.
We ended the game by taking a knee on the one yard line. Why, you ask? We didn't need the damned points, that's why.
Yes, it felt fantastic indeed. But, Rebels, just because we are certainly going to earn a trip to either Atlanta or Dallas and currently possess a crappy bronze flower affixed to a piece of particle board does not give us the right to rest on our laurels. Yes, we've endured the toughest part of our schedule and yes, the Walrus' band of Maroons should not present us with much of a challenge but if you call yourself a Rebel fan you have no reason to not attend tomorrow's game.
If not for yourself or a group of furtive rogue bloggeurs with a snarky attitude, do it for Houston Nutt. He's taken a team that didn't know how to win and turned them into a competitive group of young men with some serious swagger. Do it for Michael Oher, Peria Jerry, Mike Wallace, Jamarca Sanford, Jason Cook, and all of the other seniors who endured some of the worst football Ole Miss has ever seen before bringing you this breakout season. Do it for the the State of Mississippi, which needs to see her flagship school atop of the magnolia football world.
Do it because Mississippi State and all of those jackasses who ring those damned bells are still feeding off of their 17-14 comeback victory against the Ed Orgeron and Brent Schaeffer show. I haven't forgotten how miserable last season's Egg Bowl made me feel. Sure, that debacle allowed us to fire the buffoon running our team and hire a coach who has a 9-1 all time record against the Bulldogs, but that did not, for me at least, make the loss sting any less.
Tomorrow begins a long streak of dominance against Mississippi State. Don't do yourself a disservice and miss it.
If you've still yet to decide upon whether or not to attend the Egg bowl and are reading this, allow me make your decision for you: go.
"But I'm gonna be hungover from Thanksgiving." "I live 4 hours away." "I've got family in town." "Kickoff is at 11:30."
Whatever, I don't care. I'm a busy guy. I've got stuff to do, family to greet, and sweet potatoes to chow on as well. But, guess what, the Egg Bowl is on our just after Thanksgiving. This shouldn't be a new development in your life. This didn't just spring up on you last-minute.
Pack the Vaught, stay until the last note of "From Dixie With Love" is played, be loud, get rowdy, and send these seniors to their bowl game knowing that we, the fans, are with them all the way.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
New RSC Poll: The Fate of the Walrus
With regards to the most recent poll, only 3.3% of voters chose what has become our most likely bowl destination: The Cotton Bowl. Congrats to you few, proud Cup fans with the insanity/foresight to make such a bold choice. To the people Arkansas fans who took up the 18.8% of the poll's votes selecting "Ole Miss won't bowl," you can kiss my ass.
And I don't mean 18.8% of the time, either. Have fun watching our asses on TV come January.
This newest poll focuses on another matter of great importance to the Ole Miss fan base: the employment of one Sylvester Croom. No matter which way you slice it, he's a shitty head coach. Last season, he nearly became the victim of Ed Orgeron's lone SEC victory... marinate in that one for a moment.
Alright, moment over. Honestly, he's done nothing more than ride a wacky 2007 season based more on luck than coaching ability into a contract extension and (short-lived) respectability. We Rebels hope that he stays at State for a long while and, with the firing of the first ever black SEC head coach being a likely media shitstorm, this may end up being the case.
So, cup fans, how fired is Sylvester Croom?
<------- go that-a-way
And I don't mean 18.8% of the time, either. Have fun watching our asses on TV come January.
This newest poll focuses on another matter of great importance to the Ole Miss fan base: the employment of one Sylvester Croom. No matter which way you slice it, he's a shitty head coach. Last season, he nearly became the victim of Ed Orgeron's lone SEC victory... marinate in that one for a moment.Alright, moment over. Honestly, he's done nothing more than ride a wacky 2007 season based more on luck than coaching ability into a contract extension and (short-lived) respectability. We Rebels hope that he stays at State for a long while and, with the firing of the first ever black SEC head coach being a likely media shitstorm, this may end up being the case.
So, cup fans, how fired is Sylvester Croom?
<------- go that-a-way
Monday, November 24, 2008
Women of the Opposition: Mississippi State
Every week the RSC staff or just me looks for scandalous, exotic and really fat women that cheer for our weekend enemies. Women in the SEC are known for their beauty especially at our alma mater- OLE MISS.
SEC Power Poll - Week 13 Ballot
There was a fair amount of moving and shaking in the SEC Power Poll this week. Most notably, our Rebs have moved up to 4th. We were as low as 9th in the Power Poll at one point due to our season opening in such an up-and-down fashion but to say that we're finishing very strongly would nearly be an understatement. Arkansas drops to the bottom of the poll because they suck ass and LSU drops a couple of spots. Fantastic!
Rank | Team | Change | Comments |
1 |
| --- | You beat the Citadel. Nobody cares. |
2 |
| --- | For the first time in a long time, Tiders are not worried about the Iron bowl. |
3 |
| --- | Tech could reasonably beat Georgia this weekend. The Dawgs better come prepared. |
4 |
| +1 | Taking a knee on LSU's one yard line to close out a convincing win in Baton Rouge = ballin' |
5 |
| --- | The 'Cocks aren't great, but where else do you put them in a power poll? |
6 |
| -2 | We're still smiling on our end. |
7 |
| --- | It's surprising that one would find it surprising that the surprisingly capable 'Dores would lose to the surprisingly horrible Vols. |
8 |
| --- | Kentucky vs. UT will end our weekly series of SEC East slapfights. If Kentucky can beat the Vols, they will be the proud winners of the "we're all worse than South Carolina" cup. |
9 |
|
| You're only here because Arkansas shat the bed against State. |
10 |
| +1 | Two straight weeks of improvement in the SEC Power Poll! Congrats! Give yourselves a rattle, State! |
11 |
| +1 | No, Tennessee, beating Vanderbilt isn't impressive. Stop your bitching. |
12 |
| -3 | Don't worry, Hogs. Petrino is going nowhere. He's going to stay right there in Fayetteville with you. Congrats! |
Tennessee
HATE STATE WEEK IS ON
Open up your heart and let the hate out!
Oh, is this week going to be fantastic or what!? Still riding the "we just throttled LSU's shit in Baton Rouge" high, we've got only a few weekdays to squeeze in our immense hatred for the Fightin' Crooms.
So, without any further ado, I officially delcare the season for extrme Mississippi State hatin' to be open on the Red [REDACTED] Cup. Bring everything you've got to the table because onee of the SEC's most classic and enduring rivalries is being revisited this Friday in Oxford. And, this time, it won't end with a golden egg being hoisted above the head of some jackass wearing maroon.
Oh, is this week going to be fantastic or what!? Still riding the "we just throttled LSU's shit in Baton Rouge" high, we've got only a few weekdays to squeeze in our immense hatred for the Fightin' Crooms.
So, without any further ado, I officially delcare the season for extrme Mississippi State hatin' to be open on the Red [REDACTED] Cup. Bring everything you've got to the table because onee of the SEC's most classic and enduring rivalries is being revisited this Friday in Oxford. And, this time, it won't end with a golden egg being hoisted above the head of some jackass wearing maroon.
This won't happen again for a long, long time.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Post Game: LSU
I have no desire to analyze this game. None. The weekend we experienced in Baton Rogue was a masterpiece. Perfection. Never have I had more fun at a sporting event, and never have I felt more proud of the collective effort of a team of Ole Miss Rebels. For the first time in an untold number of years, we are good at football for reasons not named Manning. Weird. To couple with my lack of desire to analyze this game, I am equally unqualified to do so. I was drunk as hell, and sitting at a low angle, in the Ole Miss section of the endzone, behind a sousaphone. So though I can tell you how weird the whole city smelled, how awesome the jambalaya tasted, and how elated the players looked while directing From Dixie With Love after the game, if you saw it on TV, you saw far more than I did. That being said, for many of the same reasons above, I am WAY cooler than you for having been there and experienced firsthand the most glorious ass-kicking I have ever vicariously been a part of. So that's the story I'll tell.
We spent Friday night in the small Burg of Hattie, home of LSU's non-accredited western campus for theater majors and other people with hair gel. JUCO, Tower, OneMan, yours truly, and three other non-important compatriots ventured RedStickward bright and early that morning, anticipating stifling game day traffic, of which there was surprisingly little. Turns out that cities of over 230,000 can hold up to an influx of SEC visitors better than our fair hamlet of 10,000 townies.
On the highway, we saw (and were subsequently jeered at by) a modified school bus with the back roof removed to reveal 2 dozen or so purple-clad pre-gamers. When we got closer to town, our brave driver, in his preoccupation with glaring and waving his middle finger around, almost had a wreck or three as traffic stopped and started, causing an SUV full of LSU guys to mockingly slam on their brakes and make scaredy faces at us. Well played, guys. It was all in good fun, but at the same time, it was officially on. Before we got out of the car. We wove through traffic, parked at an LSU friend's apartment (thanks), finished off our 22oz bottles of Blue Moon (A great invention, or the greatest invention? You decide.), and struck out to find some more crunk juice.
And find it we did. At least I did. Before we left the apartment, two stout screwdrivers (as stout as something with OJ can be, anyways), a pint of Wild Turkey, and something else I don't remember, all came to party with the beer already in my bloodstream. I grabbed a to-go cup, and thusly marched towards the epicenter of all Cajun-dom: Tiger Stadium.
Tiger Bait. Yes, we heard you the first forty-two times. Tiger Bait. You almost lost to Troy. Tiger Bait. Georgia hung 50 on you. Tiger Bait. So did Florida. Tiger Bait. You smell funny. Tiger Bait. You dress like a 10 year old. Tiger Bait... ENOUGH ALREADY. It was at this point that I made the rapid transition, in the estimation of my colleagues, from: the Affable Companion with the Likable Sense of Humor, Lovable Quirks, and a Heart of Gold to: the Fucking Drunk Asshole who is Going to Get our Asses Kicked. I don't remember with exact clarity all that I said or did, but suffice it to say that most of it was vulgar, loud, sometimes clever, more often mean-spirited, and within spittin' distance of many, many LSU fans. My Whiskey Wednesday Quasi-weekly Awesomest Drunk Guy in my General Vicinity Award goes to me. Hands down. No complaining. For the most part though, people realized that I was harmless, and all shit-talk was good natured. Of that I am appreciative, make no mistake, ArTiger and friends. So I got to the stadium safely. As for the game...
We kicked LSU's ass. For sixty minutes. In all three phases of the game. No doubt in mind. The only people who thought the game was close were the Rebel faithful themselves, who aren't accustomed to such a feeling. Dominance? Of an SEC team? In football? Well ok, if you insist, Houston.
But you already knew the result of the game. What I'm here to tell you is that if you felt irrationally giddy, like something in your life had been fulfilled or re-affirmed: you weren't alone. The elation in the players, coaches, fans, and band was palpable and amazing after the game. LSU fans had retreated back to the swamps, and left us to celebrate in their vast government-funded hell-hole from which few escape, and fewer emerge convincingly victorious. Ahlee Palmer hoisted the Magnolia Trophy while Powe, Allen Walker, and others directed the band. It was amazing. I can't talk. The beer and pizza that night tasted incredibly sweet and delicious. The sketchy hotel sheets felt inviting and warm. The drive home was blissful and comfortable. All was well, all was right and beautiful. I couldn't watch the replays on TV frequently enough, but watching on TV was somehow still terribly unsatisfying in comparison with the way the stadium atmosphere did funny things to your stomach and to the hairs on your neck. If I ever feel that good after a win again, it will surely be a special day. Thanks Rebs, thanks to the gracious (???) LSU fans, and to the die-hard Rebs that came down and yelled their vocals into oblivion Thanks Houston, Peria, Dexter, all the players who spurned LSU to come to UM... It was a hell of a weekend. Please feel free to add any good stories from this weekend below. For me, I am done. Hotty Toddy, and goodnight.
We spent Friday night in the small Burg of Hattie, home of LSU's non-accredited western campus for theater majors and other people with hair gel. JUCO, Tower, OneMan, yours truly, and three other non-important compatriots ventured RedStickward bright and early that morning, anticipating stifling game day traffic, of which there was surprisingly little. Turns out that cities of over 230,000 can hold up to an influx of SEC visitors better than our fair hamlet of 10,000 townies.
On the highway, we saw (and were subsequently jeered at by) a modified school bus with the back roof removed to reveal 2 dozen or so purple-clad pre-gamers. When we got closer to town, our brave driver, in his preoccupation with glaring and waving his middle finger around, almost had a wreck or three as traffic stopped and started, causing an SUV full of LSU guys to mockingly slam on their brakes and make scaredy faces at us. Well played, guys. It was all in good fun, but at the same time, it was officially on. Before we got out of the car. We wove through traffic, parked at an LSU friend's apartment (thanks), finished off our 22oz bottles of Blue Moon (A great invention, or the greatest invention? You decide.), and struck out to find some more crunk juice.
And find it we did. At least I did. Before we left the apartment, two stout screwdrivers (as stout as something with OJ can be, anyways), a pint of Wild Turkey, and something else I don't remember, all came to party with the beer already in my bloodstream. I grabbed a to-go cup, and thusly marched towards the epicenter of all Cajun-dom: Tiger Stadium.
Tiger Bait. Yes, we heard you the first forty-two times. Tiger Bait. You almost lost to Troy. Tiger Bait. Georgia hung 50 on you. Tiger Bait. So did Florida. Tiger Bait. You smell funny. Tiger Bait. You dress like a 10 year old. Tiger Bait... ENOUGH ALREADY. It was at this point that I made the rapid transition, in the estimation of my colleagues, from: the Affable Companion with the Likable Sense of Humor, Lovable Quirks, and a Heart of Gold to: the Fucking Drunk Asshole who is Going to Get our Asses Kicked. I don't remember with exact clarity all that I said or did, but suffice it to say that most of it was vulgar, loud, sometimes clever, more often mean-spirited, and within spittin' distance of many, many LSU fans. My Whiskey Wednesday Quasi-weekly Awesomest Drunk Guy in my General Vicinity Award goes to me. Hands down. No complaining. For the most part though, people realized that I was harmless, and all shit-talk was good natured. Of that I am appreciative, make no mistake, ArTiger and friends. So I got to the stadium safely. As for the game...
We kicked LSU's ass. For sixty minutes. In all three phases of the game. No doubt in mind. The only people who thought the game was close were the Rebel faithful themselves, who aren't accustomed to such a feeling. Dominance? Of an SEC team? In football? Well ok, if you insist, Houston.
But you already knew the result of the game. What I'm here to tell you is that if you felt irrationally giddy, like something in your life had been fulfilled or re-affirmed: you weren't alone. The elation in the players, coaches, fans, and band was palpable and amazing after the game. LSU fans had retreated back to the swamps, and left us to celebrate in their vast government-funded hell-hole from which few escape, and fewer emerge convincingly victorious. Ahlee Palmer hoisted the Magnolia Trophy while Powe, Allen Walker, and others directed the band. It was amazing. I can't talk. The beer and pizza that night tasted incredibly sweet and delicious. The sketchy hotel sheets felt inviting and warm. The drive home was blissful and comfortable. All was well, all was right and beautiful. I couldn't watch the replays on TV frequently enough, but watching on TV was somehow still terribly unsatisfying in comparison with the way the stadium atmosphere did funny things to your stomach and to the hairs on your neck. If I ever feel that good after a win again, it will surely be a special day. Thanks Rebs, thanks to the gracious (???) LSU fans, and to the die-hard Rebs that came down and yelled their vocals into oblivion Thanks Houston, Peria, Dexter, all the players who spurned LSU to come to UM... It was a hell of a weekend. Please feel free to add any good stories from this weekend below. For me, I am done. Hotty Toddy, and goodnight.
.jpg){kind=link}
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Weekend Send Off
Read the two articles below this post, they are actually worth reading
Here is my weekend send off video in honor of LSU Hate Week. This is my favorite moment in VHS through eight years of going to games.
Listen to the game against Utah tonight. Take a shot for every three Huertas makes or something. More importantly, Go To Hell, LSU!!!!!!!
An Open Letter to the LSU OL
To the most esteemed Louisiana State University Offensive Line,
And so it came to pass, when the Archduke of Sackenstein made an end of corresponding with one John Parker Wilson, that much praise and exaltation was thrust upon him for his skillful and virtuous prose. Upon observing this, I have concluded that, as a scribe of the highest order and dexterity, my desire to engage in fruitful intercommunication should be fully realized. Thus, shouldst thou will to critique mine own manner of parlance, prithee, do keep thine own tongue faithfull to the manner of speaking of thy forebearers.
Ah, young Tigers, for thine is the glory of the Southeastern Conference's Western Division when strictly speaking in a sense of recent tradition. However, lest you not be decieved by my words, let it be known that for in this season the Crimson Tide of the University of Alabama has risen to lofty heights just below that of their supporters and colleague'swildest most mundane of dreams.
Yet and so, whilst sitting on the verge of another early December spent at a fair distance from the Divine Kingdom of Atlanta, my Rebellious legion and I must fight for something other than the right to loftily fly victory banners over our stronghold. Nay, we Rebels will fight for something which is far less glorious yet nearly as pride inducing: a consolation banner.
"Lo, here be the realm of the second most victorious football legion in the Southeastern Conference's Western Division during the 2008th year of our Lord."
The beauty of said imagined banner brings a tear to the mind's eye.
My desire to obtain this prize and to bring my rebellious legion to heights deemed impossible nearly one annum ago has become insatiable. My, nay, our quest must be successful. Our goal must be reached. And, as pitifully unfortunate as it may be, thou standest accross our path. Thy charitable leader and gaudily crowned king will not find the capabilities necessary to halt our destiny. Despite your anticipations or most hopeful desires, thou shalt be vanquished.
Lo, how fate hast collided our paths. This upcoming Saturday, upon the Sun's falling and as the blackness of nightfall washes over our realm, ye shall taste the most shameful and bitterest of defeats whilst I, along with my colleagues, hoist high thy floral phallus for which we have bargained.
Invoke thy aid to my adventurous quest, that as my middle finger intends to soar bove the Louisianian mount, whyle I attempt things unattempted yet in prose, rhyme, or football.
Vis-a-vis, ergo, concordently and respectfully with nothing but my sincerest regards and sympathies,
Lord Jerrel Pöwe, Earl of Nomnom, Baron of Hoverround
And so it came to pass, when the Archduke of Sackenstein made an end of corresponding with one John Parker Wilson, that much praise and exaltation was thrust upon him for his skillful and virtuous prose. Upon observing this, I have concluded that, as a scribe of the highest order and dexterity, my desire to engage in fruitful intercommunication should be fully realized. Thus, shouldst thou will to critique mine own manner of parlance, prithee, do keep thine own tongue faithfull to the manner of speaking of thy forebearers.
Ah, young Tigers, for thine is the glory of the Southeastern Conference's Western Division when strictly speaking in a sense of recent tradition. However, lest you not be decieved by my words, let it be known that for in this season the Crimson Tide of the University of Alabama has risen to lofty heights just below that of their supporters and colleague's
Yet and so, whilst sitting on the verge of another early December spent at a fair distance from the Divine Kingdom of Atlanta, my Rebellious legion and I must fight for something other than the right to loftily fly victory banners over our stronghold. Nay, we Rebels will fight for something which is far less glorious yet nearly as pride inducing: a consolation banner.
"Lo, here be the realm of the second most victorious football legion in the Southeastern Conference's Western Division during the 2008th year of our Lord."
The beauty of said imagined banner brings a tear to the mind's eye.
My desire to obtain this prize and to bring my rebellious legion to heights deemed impossible nearly one annum ago has become insatiable. My, nay, our quest must be successful. Our goal must be reached. And, as pitifully unfortunate as it may be, thou standest accross our path. Thy charitable leader and gaudily crowned king will not find the capabilities necessary to halt our destiny. Despite your anticipations or most hopeful desires, thou shalt be vanquished.
Lo, how fate hast collided our paths. This upcoming Saturday, upon the Sun's falling and as the blackness of nightfall washes over our realm, ye shall taste the most shameful and bitterest of defeats whilst I, along with my colleagues, hoist high thy floral phallus for which we have bargained.
Invoke thy aid to my adventurous quest, that as my middle finger intends to soar bove the Louisianian mount, whyle I attempt things unattempted yet in prose, rhyme, or football.
Vis-a-vis, ergo, concordently and respectfully with nothing but my sincerest regards and sympathies,
Lord Jerrel Pöwe, Earl of Nomnom, Baron of Hoverround
Post scriptum - HAHA Y'all mawfukkas smell like a Goddamn county fair! OOH-WEE! Pass da murrstard cuz dey some corndog sons-a-bitchs here! SCOOT SCOOT MOTHERFUCKER!
LSU Preview
Well, this preview is going to be a little different than past previews. I could have written about the matchups between the teams, broken down who we would need to rely on, etc. but I think that has been especially played out for this game. Instead, I'm serving up a cold pitcher of Kool-Aid. After this video, I'll begin a Spirit-style pep-talk. I know, that's not generally our bag, but this weekend, it is. I'm tired of losing to the tigers. I'm sick and tired of never being mentioned on SportsCenter and only seeing highlights of us playing poor defense on Percy Harvin. So I wrote this, more than anything to pump myself up for the game. We're going to be there, and we'll certainly be sauced.
This is THE game. It's our biggest game since the LSU game in 2003. It's not going to end the same way. It can't. Chad Lavalais doesn't play for LSU anymore. But more than that, our team is hungry. They're hungry for blood. For all the build up to that 2003 game, the rebels came out sluggish. That can't happen this Saturday. It WON'T happen. The rebels are going to win this game. They're going to do it for Houston Nutt. They're going to do it for Kent Austin and Tyrone Nix.
But more than that, they're going to do it for Peria Jerry, who chose to stay for his senior year. They're going to do it for Michael Oher, who did the same. Mike Wallace, Jason Cook, Maurice Miller, Darryl Harris, Tony Fein, Dustin Mouzon, Jamarca Sanford. This is a game for the SENIORS. The guys who had to put up with Coach O yelling at them, removing the love of the game. It's for the players who have bled and sweat on the field only to come up short so many times.
It's also for you and me. It's for everyone who stuck it out and stayed a fan. We, the contributors to Red [REDACTED] Cup, are going to be at the game this Saturday in Death Valley. I suggest you be there too. You don't want to miss the best day to be a rebel in a long, long time.
When things look down in the game, and I'm sure that they will, remember this. We were down 17-7 at the half against a team that beat South Carolina 56-6, Georgia 49-10, and most of all LSU 51-21, but the team didn't quit. In the face of despair in Gainesville, the team kept fighting. Even after they had just handed a sure victory to Vanderbilt on seven turnovers, the team was not out of steam. Kentrell Lockett wasn't ready to quit when he blocked the extra point that would have tied the game. The entire defense wasn't ready to quit when they held Tim Tebow, the Heisman winner, to a loss on the most important play of his season.
Never give up on this team. They have fought hard battles, never giving up, and they deserve something more than that.
In closing, if you hear of anyone being killed by an LSU fan this weekend after we win, that's probably one of us. We've already decided that after we win, we're going to talk loads of crap. Loads and loads.
Prediction: Rebs by four
What are y'all's predictions?
This is THE game. It's our biggest game since the LSU game in 2003. It's not going to end the same way. It can't. Chad Lavalais doesn't play for LSU anymore. But more than that, our team is hungry. They're hungry for blood. For all the build up to that 2003 game, the rebels came out sluggish. That can't happen this Saturday. It WON'T happen. The rebels are going to win this game. They're going to do it for Houston Nutt. They're going to do it for Kent Austin and Tyrone Nix.
But more than that, they're going to do it for Peria Jerry, who chose to stay for his senior year. They're going to do it for Michael Oher, who did the same. Mike Wallace, Jason Cook, Maurice Miller, Darryl Harris, Tony Fein, Dustin Mouzon, Jamarca Sanford. This is a game for the SENIORS. The guys who had to put up with Coach O yelling at them, removing the love of the game. It's for the players who have bled and sweat on the field only to come up short so many times.
It's also for you and me. It's for everyone who stuck it out and stayed a fan. We, the contributors to Red [REDACTED] Cup, are going to be at the game this Saturday in Death Valley. I suggest you be there too. You don't want to miss the best day to be a rebel in a long, long time.
When things look down in the game, and I'm sure that they will, remember this. We were down 17-7 at the half against a team that beat South Carolina 56-6, Georgia 49-10, and most of all LSU 51-21, but the team didn't quit. In the face of despair in Gainesville, the team kept fighting. Even after they had just handed a sure victory to Vanderbilt on seven turnovers, the team was not out of steam. Kentrell Lockett wasn't ready to quit when he blocked the extra point that would have tied the game. The entire defense wasn't ready to quit when they held Tim Tebow, the Heisman winner, to a loss on the most important play of his season.
Never give up on this team. They have fought hard battles, never giving up, and they deserve something more than that.
In closing, if you hear of anyone being killed by an LSU fan this weekend after we win, that's probably one of us. We've already decided that after we win, we're going to talk loads of crap. Loads and loads.
Prediction: Rebs by four
What are y'all's predictions?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
LSU HATE WEEK - YouTube the fourth (special "hate" edition)
Ole Miss is the racism whipping-boy of the SEC. LSU fans are quick to mention things like our confederate imagery, difficult integration (which happened two years before theirs) , and our by-gone mascot while completely ignoring shit like this:
Keep it classy, LSU.
Keep it classy, LSU.
Are we LSU's rival?
The short answer is, of course, yes.
The long answer is as follows:
"I mean, Ole Miss isn't really our rival."
"Ha Ole PI-YUSS thinks were there Rival haha taht's dumb LOL!"
How often have you heard or seen that? A few of my good friends who are either LSU students or alumni have even spouted off that nonsense. They argue that since we haven't been incredibly competitive in the series since the turn of the century that the annual matchup doesn't deserve the "rivalry" monniker anymore. Well, LSU, I guess that Tulane isn't a rival of yours anymore. I guess Alabama can no longer be Auburn's rival after Tubs snatched 6 in a row from them. I guess Florida should then considered one of our major rivals being as how the Ole Miss/Florida series has literally been the single most competitive SEC series since 2000.
What a crock. A rivalry is not determined by what has happened over the last few seasons. Only a short-sighted buffoon would suggest such a thing. Rivalries are age-old and develop over long periods of time. Rivalries, in a bizarre way, are like family in that you, in your present state, cannot just pick and choose who-is-what all willy-nilly like. Rivalries existed before you, and they'll be there after you're dead.
"Oh but Alabama has Saban and Auburn is good and we play Florida every season(eaux)."
All true statements, but I don't see your student body designing any phallic trophies for those games. The fact that LSU, not Ole Miss, thought up this Magnolia Bowl bullshit is more than enough proof that the Ole Miss/LSU rivalry is not a one-way street leaving Oxford.
You play the Billy Cannon punt return on your jumbotron before home games.
Your fans wear "Go to Hell Ole Miss" buttons to games which don't even feature Ole Miss.
You write crap like this (and post it on a Pittsburgh Steelers forum?)
Heck, our rivalry even extends beyond the gridiron onto the hardwood and diamond. I'm sure you remember Clarence Sanders knocking down the long two over Big Baby to seal the deal two seasons ago and I know you haven't forgotten about getting mercy-ruled out of Hoover by the very coach who you attempted (and failed) to hire away from us.
Don't pretend like there isn't an age old tradition of hating Ole Miss down on the bayou. You love to hate us and, guess what, we love to hate you too.
EDIT: Your jackass coach even seems to think we're rivals.
The long answer is as follows:
"I mean, Ole Miss isn't really our rival."
"Ha Ole PI-YUSS thinks were there Rival haha taht's dumb LOL!"
How often have you heard or seen that? A few of my good friends who are either LSU students or alumni have even spouted off that nonsense. They argue that since we haven't been incredibly competitive in the series since the turn of the century that the annual matchup doesn't deserve the "rivalry" monniker anymore. Well, LSU, I guess that Tulane isn't a rival of yours anymore. I guess Alabama can no longer be Auburn's rival after Tubs snatched 6 in a row from them. I guess Florida should then considered one of our major rivals being as how the Ole Miss/Florida series has literally been the single most competitive SEC series since 2000.
What a crock. A rivalry is not determined by what has happened over the last few seasons. Only a short-sighted buffoon would suggest such a thing. Rivalries are age-old and develop over long periods of time. Rivalries, in a bizarre way, are like family in that you, in your present state, cannot just pick and choose who-is-what all willy-nilly like. Rivalries existed before you, and they'll be there after you're dead.
"Oh but Alabama has Saban and Auburn is good and we play Florida every season(eaux)."
All true statements, but I don't see your student body designing any phallic trophies for those games. The fact that LSU, not Ole Miss, thought up this Magnolia Bowl bullshit is more than enough proof that the Ole Miss/LSU rivalry is not a one-way street leaving Oxford.
You play the Billy Cannon punt return on your jumbotron before home games.
Your fans wear "Go to Hell Ole Miss" buttons to games which don't even feature Ole Miss.
You write crap like this (and post it on a Pittsburgh Steelers forum?)
Heck, our rivalry even extends beyond the gridiron onto the hardwood and diamond. I'm sure you remember Clarence Sanders knocking down the long two over Big Baby to seal the deal two seasons ago and I know you haven't forgotten about getting mercy-ruled out of Hoover by the very coach who you attempted (and failed) to hire away from us.
Don't pretend like there isn't an age old tradition of hating Ole Miss down on the bayou. You love to hate us and, guess what, we love to hate you too.
EDIT: Your jackass coach even seems to think we're rivals.
Rebel Roundup
Houston Nutt is a such a weirdo. Exhibit # 1,107 I don't know how I missed this in the Clarion-Ledger a few days ago, but to Coach Nutt, LSU always looks the same:
Speaking of beautiful. When was the last time you looked at Kentrell Lockett? That is one happy looking man. Check out Patrick Trahan, Ashlee Palmer, and even Nathan "Smokin' Hot Mom" Stanley. These are some sour looking fellows. Even, Greg Hardy, who ought to be happy by virtue of chemical alteration, just looks pissed/confused. Kentrell, though, has a smile that will brighten your day, while he busts up your face.
Daytime Fireworks Journalism. I've given former DM Sports Writer and friend of The Cup Thomas McKee a hard time before, so I'll assume that the recent Ole Miss INSIDER piece he penned, which offers the cunning and original insight that going to a bowl is important for our program, is likely owed to the brilliance of Langston Rogers and not to Thomas, himself. I can't throw stones, Tom. Why? Because I am covering Ole Miss sports in a mundane way fo' free!
. "[They] always look beautiful. They look good in a uniform. Whether it's the offensive line, defensive line, receivers or whatever - they fill out a uniform and have some awfully good football players."Next he'll be telling us about Les Miles' "really fantastic testicles; they're so big."
Daytime Fireworks Journalism. I've given former DM Sports Writer and friend of The Cup Thomas McKee a hard time before, so I'll assume that the recent Ole Miss INSIDER piece he penned, which offers the cunning and original insight that going to a bowl is important for our program, is likely owed to the brilliance of Langston Rogers and not to Thomas, himself. I can't throw stones, Tom. Why? Because I am covering Ole Miss sports in a mundane way fo' free!
LSU Q&A
This week's blogger Q&A is with a blog that we didn't make up. I promise. Pelican State Sports is an LSU blog. Really. Anyway, they have our answers up over there. Here are their answers to our questions.
1. Is Les Miles the right coach to keep you at a national championship caliber level? If so, what do you like about him? If not, what is his downfall, and who would you like to replace him with?
1. Is Les Miles the right coach to keep you at a national championship caliber level? If so, what do you like about him? If not, what is his downfall, and who would you like to replace him with?
After some thought caused by the cleverly worded question, I have to say yes. Much as been made of Les' strange calls at times, his crazy hat style, his antics, and his apparent stupidity. But the numbers don't lie: 41-9 so far, 3-0 in bowls (all three blowout victories, by the way), and a national championship, albeit with two losses. Granted, if you talk to "football" people, they will tell you that a certain other SEC West coach is a better coach, but Les has shown the ability to maintain a level of excellence. Imagine: this is the worst year of his tenure and the team is 7-3, and pushed #1 Alabama to overtime. Just about any team in the SEC, with the possible exception of Florida, would trade places with LSU during Les' tenure, and as long as he continues to recruit well–this year's class is shaping up as a top-fiver–I see no reason why he cannot maintain a high level of competitiveness.
Secondly, whatever else Les is, he is a fun coach to have on your sideline. He runs more fake fg's, punts, and trick plays than anyone else in college football. He lets his players audible to fake punts from their own end zone, as he did in 2005 at Arizona State. In other words, he plays football like I do when I am on playstation, and it makes his teams incredibly fun to watch.
Finally, during his tenure, Les has, in my opinion, outooached Larry Coker, Tommy Tuberville, Philip Fulmer, Steve Spurrier, Charlie Weis, Urban Meyer and Jim Tressel in individual games. Some of those coaches (looking at you Weis and Fulmer) are overrated, but others (here's to you Spurrier and Tressel) are the very top of the coaching heap. And yes, at times he has been outcoached. But more often than not, his teams come up big. As I said in the first paragraph: regardless of what one thinks of his personality, just about every team in the SEC and the country would take his record right now.
2. We all know about Jarrett Lee's struggles this season. Can you explain the pick sixes though? Having not seen many of your games, I would guess that the offense is sluggish when he throws a pick and just doesn't respond well. Is it that, or is he just throwing them to corners with nothing but green in front of them?
Ugh. Its a combination. Just off the top of my head, it seems that when he misses a throw, he misses it by a wide margin and defensive players get the ball with room to make something happen. And they do. Combine that with some player frustration and that could lead to a lack of effort on some players' part to make a play on the defensive player with the ball.
3. In the comeback win over Troy, it seems like the first three quarters provided a blueprint for teams trying to beat you. When Troy was 4 or 5 wide on offense and stacking the box on defense, they tore you apart. What adjustments did you make to stop them in the fourth quarter, and what happened to your offense then?
Full disclosure - I chose not to watch the Troy game. I went to the movies. But from what I have read and seen, LSU woke up a bit, and started playing like the game mattered. Regardless, going 4-5 wides on offense is a good way to get an advantage on LSU because of an inexperienced and at times ineffective secondary. Good teams have found a way to isolate certain players, especically Danny McRay, on receivers and take advantage of his weak cover skills.
Defensively, with LSU timid about throwing the ball, stacking the box is a good tactic against Charles Scott. The LSU offensive line, huge and experienced, has been a big let-down this year, and has been unable to dominate the line-of-scrimmage like they should have in games like that. Teams have been effective doing exactly what Troy did.
4. We all hate to think about Billy Cannon, who will be honored this weekend. Name the one player on your team (other than Trindon Holliday) who could make a last second play to give you the victory. Go into detail about what makes this player special.
This one is pretty easy: Demetrius Byrd. He is a good candidate for this answer because he has done it in the past, notably against Auburn last year with one second to go on the clock. He is a big receiver, at 6'3" and 200 pounds, but his biggest weapon is his speed. He is incredibly fast. And while Bradon Lafell has become more of a go-to receiver this year in the LSU offense, Byrd is still their best big play threat from anywhere on the field.
5. What's your prediction on the game? Give me specifics about how it will happen.
As I mentioned in my questions, I fear Nutt above all others. He really really scares me every year, and I was very much pulling for him to leave the division when he left Arkansas. Of course, that was crushed about two seconds after he left, when he showed up in Oxford. But I don't fear him enough to pick a Rebel win. I think LSU can gut this one out. There are, of course, all of the requisite stories coming out of Baton Rouge about how Jarrett Lee "turned a corner" against Troy, with the obvious implication that now he will be a consistently better quarterback. I don't believe it. What that boy needs more than anything is an offseason. So I don't expect the LSU offense to come out and look like the 94 Cowboys at all.
What I do expect is Ole Miss to take a lead in the first half, maybe 10-0 or so, and LSU to get a field goal or maybe even a touchdown before half. Then I expect LSU to come out strong in the second half, grab the lead, and then have to fend off a fierce Rebel charge (sounds like I am describing Gettysburg or something) and hold on like mad for the win, something in the 27-24 variety.
LSU HATE WEEK - YouTube III
My apologies for not posting this yesterday. I'll have a 2nd YouTube up for LSU hate week up (hopefully) for the earlier part of this afternoon. Until then, enjoy this, one of Lil Jon's masterpieces.
In case you were at all curious, yes, this is the attitude we should have towards LSU and everyone else in the SEC. "Talkin' shit 'bout me bitch? I don't give a fuck."
In case you were at all curious, yes, this is the attitude we should have towards LSU and everyone else in the SEC. "Talkin' shit 'bout me bitch? I don't give a fuck."
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Other blogs participating in LSU Hate Week
The dapper young squires at Speed Limit 18 have a photo essay (which is really more like a photo dissertation) which is more than likely able to light a hate-flame under the ass of any good Rebel fan who views it. Click here at your own risk.
SEC Power Poll - Week 12
If either Juco-All American or Ivory Tower had voted the Rebels at 5th instead of 6th, we would have submitted our collective ballot with Ole Miss as the outright 5th best team in the league as opposed to being tied for such with the Gamecocks.
Why does this matter? Because, after compiling all of the 20-something blog ballots, the Rebels and Gamecocks are, just as in our ballot, tied in the power poll for 5th. Read about it here and, as always, the graphic is below.
One final note: normally I would have you visit Garnet and Black Attack to see the best comments about each team as they are the blog which hosts this fine power poll. However, Joe Cribb's Car Wash's comments about LSU were too good to not post here (and everywhere on the intranetz). I drew a few stares into the cubicle laughing at this
I dunno, I'm starting to think opposing defenses are sending Jarrett Lee e-mails like DEAR MR. LEE: MY NAME IS PRINCE TEBO MUTOMBO OF THE REPUBLIC OF PIKSIXIA AND I HAVE INHERITED 47,000 FOOTBALL POINTS AFTER THE DEATH OF MY FATHER KING LORENZO MUTOMBO OF PIKSIXIA. I NEED YOU TO HELP ME KEEP MY FOOTBALL POINTS SAFE. IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PAY VIA INTERCEPTION TRANSFER A SMALL SCOREBOARD INCREASE FEE OF SEVEN FOOTBALL POINTS FOR ME, I WILL MOVE MY POINTS TO A SAFE ACCOUNT IN GAYNESVILLE AND BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU 7,000 FOOTBALL POINTS AS A TOKEN OF MY GRATITUDE. THEY WILL BE YOUR POINTS YOU CAN USE TO WIN YOUR TEAM FOOTBALL. PLEASE HELP ME MR. LEEWell done, Auburn bloggers. Well done.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's not just us, LSU
That's right, it's time for you to know, LSU. All the bloggeurs took a vote and decided that we here at the RSC be the ones to tell you. Um, gosh, I don't know how to say it.
Everyone really hates you.
Even your own fans know it.
We didn't know how else to tell you except through the various signs spotted across the college football universe(see: here, here and here).
But to sum it up, it's your arrogance that gets me the most. You don't know how to win with class or have class at all come to think of it. For example, LSU fans chant L-S-U at the Sugar Bowl when they aren't even playing in it.
Granted, if Ole Miss won a national championship, I would be much more of an asshole to every other SEC team or fan I came into contact with, but for some reason, maybe because you were so irrelevant for so long, you just have to bask in your current glory spewing your "TIGAH BAIT" propaganda and flinging Evan Williams bottles at opposing fans.
So there it is, LSU. Our hate week has yet to come to a close, but just in case you thought Ole Miss fan's hatred was due to jealousy, don't you worry. Everyone hates you.
SEC Power Poll - Week 11 ballot
You better believe we're jumping into the top 4 when we beat LSU on Saturday.
Rank | Team | Change | Comments |
1 |
| +1 | Hello, D1 football. I'd like you to meet your future BCS champs *cough* who couldn't beat Ole Miss... giggity *cough* |
2 |
| -1 | The Tide's win over Mississippi State was a great metaphor for their season. Steady, often underwhelming production that, after it's all over, looks like a dominating performance. |
3 |
| +1 | Maybe Stafford should do more keg lifts. |
4 |
| -1 | Scheduling a Sun Belt team sure is fun. I mean, you invite them to your place, score at will, shut them out, etc. Right LSU? C'mon, you know what we're talking about, right? LSU? Oh.... |
5 TIE |
| +1 |
|
5 TIE |
| --- | Now Steve Spurrier knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a Florida offensive orgy. |
7 |
| --- | Congrats on gaining bowl eligibility, Vanderbilt. No joke here. |
8 |
| --- |
|
9 |
|
| Arkansas could finish their season with victories over State (duh) and LSU (a bit of a stretch) which would give the Fayetteville faithful something to build upon for next season. |
10 |
| --- | It looks like Tony Franklin was only one part of the problems on the plains. |
11 |
| +1 | The Bulldogs were eliminated from bowl contention the same day their in-state rival earned eligibility with 59 flashy points. |
12 |
| -1 | Last night Nick Stephens had a nightmare last night that the Volunteers are going to hire a head coach specializing in the spread offense. |
i can haz anuther stoopid t-shurt
Get ready to berate your fellow fans, because you know this crap is just around the corner.
EP Update
Polynice went in for a knee scope today and apparently they found some more damage and is now going to be out for four months. That sucks. Have not seen this reported on Rivals or Spirit yet, but it has made its way on to NAFOOM.
Could be a very long season now. Terrico White better get his ball on.
Not going to do a preview on the USA game, because I do not feel like looking stuff up about them. I know they were good last season and they are still a good team. Should be a tight game. I'll do a recap later tonight.
LSU HATE WEEK - YouTube numero dos
If you'll recall, a while back I wrote a post with a slew of YouTubes which showed LSU fans in their typical insanely douchey douchedom. There were grown men doing Da SoUlJa BoI(!!1), a guy too drunk to stand, and a coonass sliding head first into a table. The shot, if you'll recall, was taken from about 40 feet away. Well, faithful Cup fans, bask in the glory of this extended version of that same incident from a mere 6 ot 7 feet away.
BOOM! Headshot
What a great sound... ker-CLACK!
And what an appropriate allegory to this upcoming Saturday! The Tigers are going to slide along along their bellies (as they maybe-not-really-kinda-sorta have been doing all season long) until up pops our Rebels like the end of a table! I also imagine that, if he even gets a chance to play, Jarrett Lee will end up writhing on the ground in pain like our video's star after his meeting with Jerry, Locket, and Powe LLP.
Oh, and you know he's super-duper-way-out-in-orbit fucked if Hardy doesn't forget his magic shoes.
BOOM! Headshot
What a great sound... ker-CLACK!
And what an appropriate allegory to this upcoming Saturday! The Tigers are going to slide along along their bellies (as they maybe-not-really-kinda-sorta have been doing all season long) until up pops our Rebels like the end of a table! I also imagine that, if he even gets a chance to play, Jarrett Lee will end up writhing on the ground in pain like our video's star after his meeting with Jerry, Locket, and Powe LLP.
Oh, and you know he's super-duper-way-out-in-orbit fucked if Hardy doesn't forget his magic shoes.
Daily Reveille Exposes Red Stick Fans
This just in from LSU's The Daily Reveille:
LSU Fans are douches.
The entirety of the hard-hitting, investigative journalism is here, but this snippet gives you the general idea:
LSU Fans are douches.
The entirety of the hard-hitting, investigative journalism is here, but this snippet gives you the general idea:
Last weekend was one of the most surreal experiences of my life, and I’m not talking about the football team’s heartbreaking loss to Alabama.And...
I’m talking about the hours I spent around campus tailgating — but not as a regular Tiger.
For this game, a fellow staffer and I, armed with a video camera and microphone, ditched our normal attire, threw on crimson-and-white sweatshirts and walked through campus to see what it would be like behind enemy lines.
“Rip. Rip. Rip. Rap. Rap. Rap. You ‘Bama girls got the clap, clap, clap!”And...
[T]he amount of times we were spit on also struck a nerve.Without dwelling on the satisfaction derived from a journalistic acknowledgment of LSU's lewdness or the irony of Tiger fans deriding the (perceived) women of Tuscaloosa for their sexually transmitted diseases (Pot, kettle, and all), I should just note that both the character of Tiger fans and their lack of literary skill ensure the remoteness of the possibility that the final plea of The Reveille's article...
[M]aybe we need to tone it down — just a bit....will in any way be heeded.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Women of the Opposition: LSU
LSU fans are known for their barrage on our senses. Their smell, which as everyone knows is corn dogs/casino buffet/cigarettes all mixed together, their sound of Cajun speak and the sight of their women.
LSU has the extreme disadvantage of being the only university that's worth a damn in the entire state, which means PLENTY OF UNFORTUNATE LOOKING FANS.
And look at this hotty.
Oh shit, that's a guy.
For the most part, it seems the LSU female faithful enjoy wearing jerseys with denim skirts(see: here). How thoughtful you are to take the time to climb off of last night's mistake, grab a wrinkled jersey, grease up the hips and squeeze into your skirts. Quite the classy bunch.
I do have to give some credit to the LSU Golden Girls. If nothing else they're skinny, so they've got that going for them.
And they don't look like this.
Then, there's a photo that might be one of the more unsavory women I have ever encountered on the internets.
Your look of disdain says it all woman in blue with white capri pantaloons
I'm Not Happy About This Either
The Southeastern Conference has rivalry games that span from the mundane Third Saturday in October and the now-non-existent Cocktail Party to the Tetanused Iron Bowl and the ridiculous Egg Bowl. We trade Golden Boots and Governor's Cup, and, despite Auburn and Georgia's claim, have a boatload of Old Deep South Football Rivalries.
Have we now stooped so low?
Perhaps this is no Platypus Trophy, Illibuck, or Telephone Trophy, but there's something about flowers that betrays a sense of fierce competition.
"Southern Showdown," "Southern Shoot-Out," "Duel Under The Oaks," "Magnolia Classic" or "Magnolia Bowl" were the options presented to the various student bodies for the name of this 97-time meeting. All of the options were fairly non-descript. And, so, I submit to you the name I wrote in when the student body was given the option of voting:
The Battle for Billy Cannon's Heisman
Followers of The Cup need not be taken back to Halloween Night 1959 when the Rebels' perfect season was ended on an 89-yard punt return by that year's Heisman Trophy winner - Running Back Billy Cannon, as the Tigers won 7-3. I was not alive in 1959, much less was I a Heisman balloter, so I cannot make a good judgment about whether or not Cannon's game-winning run sealed his trophy-win. And I need not remind the true faithful in the Order of Vaught that Ole Miss returned the favor on New Year's Day of 1960, blanking LSU 21-0 in the Sugar Bowl.These two games are the most important in the 114-year history of this rivalry. Halloween was the crowning moment of Billy Cannon's Heisman campaign; New Year's Day knocked the shine of his recent honor.
Now, obviously, we cannot have Billy Cannon's actual Heisman (it's been on loan to T.J.'s Ribs in Baton Rouge since 1986, where Billy Cannon, obviously, eats free). Rather, the universities ought to seek the permission of the Downtown Athletic Club to create a replica. The replica will be placed on a large wooden base, and the results of each game since 1894 would be inscribed onto plates on the base. The interesting wrinkle - instead of the actual score of each game, every Ole Miss win would be indicated by 21-0; every LSU win would be indicated by 7-3, thus honoring the two most important scores in the history of the series.
I know it's over now; sour grapes and all that. Nevertheless, this recent development in tradition suffers from the same top-down imposed enthusiasm that doomed "The Rebel Express," that stupid motorcycle, and the campaign to replace Colonel Reb.
Of course, had there been blogs in 1927, some know-it-all bloggeur like myself might well have sat down to bemoan the stupid new trophy to share with the Cow College down the road that, ridiculously, looked like an egg. They might well have hurled insults at William Hemingway and wondered why out university felt the need to create a trophy game with a team against whom we had, to that point, mustered only five wins, ever.
Then again, the fine students who took it upon themselves to engage in a violent riot after the 1926 exchange between the Flood and the Maroons would never have christened their heated rivalry with LSU after a flower.
Chris Low fucking lays down the law
Chris Low, ESPN.com's SEC blogger, recently hosted a live chat. Check out this question and answer:
OH. SNAP.
OH. SNAP.
LSU HATE WEEK
It's on, LSU. This shit's not funny anymore. We don't give a hell about your damned BCS trophies.* We hate your jackass coach. Purple and yellow are shitty colors. Your fans give us migraines with their extreme 'tardhood.
This isn't a fucking game. It's war.
Here's your song for the day. Expect one every day this week. You need to have a fucking lesson taught to your asses and there's not a better way to do that than through grainy rap videos over the internets.
This isn't a fucking game. It's war.
Here's your song for the day. Expect one every day this week. You need to have a fucking lesson taught to your asses and there's not a better way to do that than through grainy rap videos over the internets.
Heed the advice given, LSU; especially the advice regarding hygiene. Lord knows great deal of your fanbase could use it.
*Seriously though, thanks for taking Ohio State to the shed. No joke here.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Not Just a Sign of the Apocalypse, but the Thing Itself.
With the release of the release of the latest BCS Standings showing the Florida Gators still at #4, the college football world needs to start asking whether two teams from the same conference might meet in the National Championship game.
Were you wondering whether or not there was some rule against such an occurrence, amateurs on message boards provide a definitive answer.
The scenario is simple - Florida, Texas, and Texas Tech win out, but Florida's SEC Championship win does not provide the boost necessary to jump Texas. The Gators are ranked 3rd and 4th in the USA Today and Harris Interactive Polls, respectively. Their hypothetical SEC Championship would certainly help their computer ranking (5th), but that bump could be counter-balanced by the Gators' game against The Citadel next weekend.
One might even ask SHOULD the Gators get the nod over the Longhorns. Texas comes from a tougher conference, has more quality wins, and provided the only test thus far to Texas Tech. Sure, they've already had their chance. Sure, they won't have a conference title. And, sure, you and I think Florida is going to beat just about anybody by double digits these days. Nevertheless, this college football thing is special because the whole season matters, and Texas' whole season looks like it might be prettier than the Saurians.
Texas' only blemish comes from the greatest catch of the season against an undefeated team on the road. Florida got giggitied in Ben Hill Griffin. This is only to say that there are no guarantees that voters will manipulate their polls (a la Georgia 2007) and demote Texas sufficiently to avoid what would certainly be one of the most talked-about rematches in the history of athletics.
EDIT: Of course the smartest guy in the room thinks I'm just silly.
Were you wondering whether or not there was some rule against such an occurrence, amateurs on message boards provide a definitive answer.
The scenario is simple - Florida, Texas, and Texas Tech win out, but Florida's SEC Championship win does not provide the boost necessary to jump Texas. The Gators are ranked 3rd and 4th in the USA Today and Harris Interactive Polls, respectively. Their hypothetical SEC Championship would certainly help their computer ranking (5th), but that bump could be counter-balanced by the Gators' game against The Citadel next weekend.
One might even ask SHOULD the Gators get the nod over the Longhorns. Texas comes from a tougher conference, has more quality wins, and provided the only test thus far to Texas Tech. Sure, they've already had their chance. Sure, they won't have a conference title. And, sure, you and I think Florida is going to beat just about anybody by double digits these days. Nevertheless, this college football thing is special because the whole season matters, and Texas' whole season looks like it might be prettier than the Saurians.
Texas' only blemish comes from the greatest catch of the season against an undefeated team on the road. Florida got giggitied in Ben Hill Griffin. This is only to say that there are no guarantees that voters will manipulate their polls (a la Georgia 2007) and demote Texas sufficiently to avoid what would certainly be one of the most talked-about rematches in the history of athletics.
EDIT: Of course the smartest guy in the room thinks I'm just silly.
A Confession
Ok, the gig's up. The SquawkEm HawkEm blog/dastardly web character was nothing more than Juco All-American and me passing some time. It all started about a week-and-a-half ago or so when Juco couldn't find a ULM blog with which to do a blogger Q&A....
...so we just made one up.
After a few days it just became a wildly hilarious inside joke. When I would look through the comments threads and see either a ULM fan seriously wishing to talk football or an Ole Miss fan reciprocating our shit talkin', I would get crazy mad giggle fits. When sharing this with Juco or other Cup contributors, I'd usually end my text messages with "SQUAWK SQUAWK MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!" or something equally asinine.
To the Ole Miss fans who figured it out: thanks for not blowing our cover.
To the Ole Miss fans who gave that SquawkEmHawkEm bastard his fair share of trash talk: kudos on your fandom and defense of our Rebels.
To the ULM fans who delighted over the idea of a new Warhawks blog: we're sorry (kinda-sorta-not-really) for having a huge laugh at your expense. Also, whoever runs the ULM Scout site needs to remove the sticky "New Warhawks Blog!" thread from the forum. We're not going to keep updating it. Hell, if any of you would like to have the blog we'll just give it to you.
Have a good rest of the weekend, Rebels. LSU hate week starts tomorrow so get 'cha popcorn ready.
...so we just made one up.
After a few days it just became a wildly hilarious inside joke. When I would look through the comments threads and see either a ULM fan seriously wishing to talk football or an Ole Miss fan reciprocating our shit talkin', I would get crazy mad giggle fits. When sharing this with Juco or other Cup contributors, I'd usually end my text messages with "SQUAWK SQUAWK MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!" or something equally asinine.
To the Ole Miss fans who figured it out: thanks for not blowing our cover.
To the Ole Miss fans who gave that SquawkEmHawkEm bastard his fair share of trash talk: kudos on your fandom and defense of our Rebels.
To the ULM fans who delighted over the idea of a new Warhawks blog: we're sorry (kinda-sorta-not-really) for having a huge laugh at your expense. Also, whoever runs the ULM Scout site needs to remove the sticky "New Warhawks Blog!" thread from the forum. We're not going to keep updating it. Hell, if any of you would like to have the blog we'll just give it to you.
Have a good rest of the weekend, Rebels. LSU hate week starts tomorrow so get 'cha popcorn ready.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
One Note Before Leaving
It certainly isn't the biggest win of the season, but it's the biggest margin.
And not just of Ole Miss' season - in the SEC in 2008. Florida's 63-5 win over Kentucky was certainly more impressive, but it was only by 58 points. It eclipses the Gators' 56-10 win over Hawaii, Auburn's 34-0 win over the Warhawks (not to mention Arkansas' 1-point win over ULM), and Alabama's 41-7 win over Western Kentucky.
In case you were wondering, we last scored 59 points in the third game of 2003 against UL-Monroe, winning 59-14. This is tied for the most points scored by the Rebels in a game since a Sept. 13, 1980 game against Memphis State that ended 61-7. It is the largest margin of victory since the 1969 Homecoming game against Southern Mississippi - a 69-7 victory for the Rebels.
And not just of Ole Miss' season - in the SEC in 2008. Florida's 63-5 win over Kentucky was certainly more impressive, but it was only by 58 points. It eclipses the Gators' 56-10 win over Hawaii, Auburn's 34-0 win over the Warhawks (not to mention Arkansas' 1-point win over ULM), and Alabama's 41-7 win over Western Kentucky.
In case you were wondering, we last scored 59 points in the third game of 2003 against UL-Monroe, winning 59-14. This is tied for the most points scored by the Rebels in a game since a Sept. 13, 1980 game against Memphis State that ended 61-7. It is the largest margin of victory since the 1969 Homecoming game against Southern Mississippi - a 69-7 victory for the Rebels.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Blogger Q&A: Squawk Em Hawk Em
So we actually managed to convince that Squawk Em Hawk Em guy to do a blogger Q&A. His responses are priceless. Check out his blog here. He apparently didn't understand that you put up the other blog's responses.
1. Talk a little bit about the impact that Kim Dameron and Ron Dickerson had on the program last year. Are you happy or sad to see them go?
I really don't waste a lot of time paying attention to assistant coaches. I'm sure you're glad to have them in Oxford where, at the very least, they're not horrible like your last group of morons! Looking on your website I can see that they're coaches for your defensive backs. Well, being as how your secondary is one of the worst in the $EC you can have those two coaches!
2. Do you feel like the win against Alabama helped your program significantly in terms of helping to build you into a team to be taken seriously within your conference?
It let the world know that Sun Belt football is just as good as anybody else's football. Yeah, the other conferences might have the money and fans but we're every bit as big, athletic, and tough as you.
3. Who's the best player on your team?
Kinsmon "The Lank" Lancaster is a real deal dual threat quarterback. He's got a total of 21 touchdowns on the season compared to your overhyped QB's 14. Ole Miss' poor secondary is going to get shredded to bits by Lancaster's pinpoint accuracy.
4. Do you think ULM should move to a different conference? If so, which one?
Once we can get the cash to run with the big boys, all we'll need is a good season or two to get serious looks by the SEC. I think it would be to everyone's benefit to have two Louisiana schools in the mix!
5. What is your prediction for Saturday's game?
ULM - 30
Ole Miss - 21
It's on Webbuhs!
1. Talk a little bit about the impact that Kim Dameron and Ron Dickerson had on the program last year. Are you happy or sad to see them go?
I really don't waste a lot of time paying attention to assistant coaches. I'm sure you're glad to have them in Oxford where, at the very least, they're not horrible like your last group of morons! Looking on your website I can see that they're coaches for your defensive backs. Well, being as how your secondary is one of the worst in the $EC you can have those two coaches!
2. Do you feel like the win against Alabama helped your program significantly in terms of helping to build you into a team to be taken seriously within your conference?
It let the world know that Sun Belt football is just as good as anybody else's football. Yeah, the other conferences might have the money and fans but we're every bit as big, athletic, and tough as you.
3. Who's the best player on your team?
Kinsmon "The Lank" Lancaster is a real deal dual threat quarterback. He's got a total of 21 touchdowns on the season compared to your overhyped QB's 14. Ole Miss' poor secondary is going to get shredded to bits by Lancaster's pinpoint accuracy.
4. Do you think ULM should move to a different conference? If so, which one?
Once we can get the cash to run with the big boys, all we'll need is a good season or two to get serious looks by the SEC. I think it would be to everyone's benefit to have two Louisiana schools in the mix!
5. What is your prediction for Saturday's game?
ULM - 30
Ole Miss - 21
It's on Webbuhs!
Jamar Hornsby?
Per reports on Rivals and various message boards, former Florida Gator safety Jamar Hornsby is interested in becoming a part of our beloved Rebels. Hornsby, a former 4-star athlete out of Jacksonville, deservedly gained his fair share of notoriety earlier this year when he was found guilty of credit card fraud.Oh, but this wasn't some simple ol' "I haxxor3d ur Ebayz" credit card fraud. No, no. This was credit card fraud of the "my teammate and his girlfriend died in a motorcycle wreck so now I'm using her card to snatch up some 5 dollar footlongs" variety.
Eesh...
My question to you, the faithful readers of Le Cup, is "would you take him?" Personally, I'm a bit torn. While I'd love to have a large (6'3", 195lbs in high school), athletic safety anchor our secondary, I don't know if that's the kind of press Ole Miss needs.
Let us know what you think.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)