Who Exactly Is This Person?

Remember how that first year in Oxford was a particularly perilous time for you with regard to responsible decisions while consuming alcohol? Well, Andre Sterling, who the Cup has yet to confirm is actually a member of the Ole Miss Football team, feels your pain.

In his defense, Sterling claimed that he had to drive to pick up Ryan Mallet, who, somewhere, was way more trashed.

A DUI is an awful petty offense for consideration on the All-Perilloux Team. I will be opposing his admission into that august group. But, if this nameless, faceless Hargrave graduate is, in fact, on the team, then his greatest (which is to say, his last and his only) achievement for the Rebels will be the recognition we deserve in the gold standard of intercollegiate delinquent reporting - the Fulmer Cup. Huzzah!

Cupper Throws Down with Catamount

How much confidence do the Catamount players have in themselves?  Enough to where one of them met up with some friends of the Cup and TOTGA to get dranked last night.  I won't reveal his name/position, I thought about it, but the guy was actually pretty cool so I don't want to ruin his transfer hopes.

Other than being wowed by the women of Ole Miss, sucking at pitcher pong, drunkenly reiterating how he wants to transfer to Ole Miss, trying to freestyle rap and calling all the girls around us "broads," he was pretty tolerable. 

He had plenty to say about the baseball team too.

First, he wanted to be clear how bad he thought Aaron Barrett was for a Friday night SEC starter.  They were shocked how easy it was to hit off of him and how poor his stuff was.  Those were his quotes, not mine.  I still think AB can contribute and is simply trying to adjust from JUCO baseball.  

The Catamounts didn't think too highly of our fans.  Their back up catcher was told by their coach to go to the bullpen and his response was, "Coach, please don't make me go back out there." The students were hurling dip cans, dip spit, dip, beer cans and insults at whoever was in the Vermont pen.  According to Vinny Vermont, when they were in the bullpen they sat as close to the backside of the wall as they could to avoid the projectiles.  Good job, right field fans.

Despite the treatment of the student section, the Catamounts loved the ball park and Oxford. Although they had to stay "at the fucking stank ass Super 8 Motel." 

Couple of notes about the Vermont team:  The reason their short stop sucks so much is because they are using their back up third baseman at the position.  The starter broke his wrist the series before their trip to Oxford.

They also do not mind traveling down to get waxed by SEC teams.  They think it will do help the program as they prepare to go back to the MEAC "and play those fucking high school level teams."

They were very grateful to have not faced The Bittler too, because apparently when you go up against him "it's ovah."

I can also verify that not all people from Vermont enjoy chugging maple syrup.

Introducing the All-Perrilloux Team!

To pass time over the Summer, The Cup will be documenting the inevitable slip-ups and mishaps of our conference's football stars. This shouldn't be too tough because, as we all know, the SEC is rife with interesting, daring souls. After pondering as to how one should document the, umm, accomplishments of our student-athletes, I decided that an exciting SEC offseason should be able to fill a starting lineup consisting entirely of criminals.

Thus, the All-Perriloux Team was born. In a way, this will be like EDSBS' Fulmer Cup except for being conference specific and devoid of any "competition."

Why the "All-Perriloux" team?

Did you seriously just ask that? Eesh, well, alright... As a highly-recruited offensive starter for one of the conference's strongest programs, Ryan Perrilloux had everything one could look for in a Southeastern Conference ruffian. When considering his problems with weed, counterfeiting money, weed, screaming at people in strip clubs, weed, fighting people to defend the honor of his pregnant girlfriend, weed, skipping team meetings, weed, and parking violations, it becomes apparent that no other person could lend their name to such a prestigious organization.

To be a part of this team, a player must meet two simple criteria:

• Be on an SEC team
• Get caught doing something illegal (no prosecution necessary!) ED: during the 2009 offseason

Innocent until proven guilty? Who came up with that bullshit!? Anyway, below the pretty poor totally badass MSPaint drawing you'll see the foundation upon which this all-netherworldly team will be built. Presenting:


OFFENSE
QB - Arkansas' Ryan Mallett for gettin' dranked in public
HB -
WR -
WR -
WR -
OL - Florida's Carl Johnson for stalking and raping
OL -
OL -
OL -
OL -
TE -

DEFENSE
DT -
DT -
DE -
DE -
LB -
LB -
LB -
CB - Mississippi State's Maurice Langston for slangin' herb
CB -
S -
S -

SPECIAL TEAMS
K -
P -


If you've got any submissions to the team, send them in.

Rebels face Liberty, Mercer and USA

Brian Walker's Elbow and I will be bringing you updates from the Coca Cola Classic, photos of rednecks at Mobile Mardi Gras and maybe even some videos of white people dancing at the bars.

We're about to jump in the One Man to Beat-mobile shortly and make the harrowing journey down to Mobile. 

I confirmed with the USA athletic office that beer is sold at Stanky Field, so we will have a Caligula-like feast of hot dogs and brews all weekend. 

Quick predictions:

Ole Miss 11 Liberty 2

Ole Miss 9 Mercer 1

Ole Miss 6 USA 4

Leave your predictions, comments, etc. as Rebel baseball is finally here. Does it feel like Christmas morning to anyone else?

A Message to the 30-some-odd Bowl Committees

What are you looking for in bowl matchups? Are you looking for the pair of teams which will provide your bowl with an interesting, competitive, and relevant matchup?

No.

Are you looking for emotional, heartwarming side stories or 4th quarter heroics?

No and no.

Are you looking to make a shit-ton of money off of ticket sales, TV ratings, and foolish spending by visiting fanbases?

Fuck yeah!

Well, then Ole Miss is the school which you should schedule for your bowls.

Certainly, your skepticism is natural. We're one of the SEC's smallest fanbases, being as how we hail from a small state and a relatively small university and, as of late, have not been a postseason presence. But, as we have established, you're looking to make money and, despite these hard economic times, we're helping to sell out stadiums, setting bar sales records, and boosting TV ratings.

Granted, being a part of the record setting Cotton Bowl crowd isn't too spectacular, considering that this is the first Cotton Bowl after the stadium expansion and that Texas Tech fans deserve a half of the credit with these respects. But, to say that the bar sales records and television ratings aren't intriguing would be 'tarded.

Think about it for a minute. Of all the conventions, sporting events, and other massive gatherings of thirsty people that have ever been held in Dallas, this last Cotton Bowl's band of Rebel fans set the record for booze sales at hotel bars.

And, to have a Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss matchup draw a TV rating that was a mere one-tenth-of-a-point lower than a Wisconsin vs. Florida State matchup must turn some heads.

So, bowl committees, you should certainly consider the Ole Miss Rebels in future bowl pairings. We'll fill the pockets of your corporate sponsors, respective cities, and broadcast partners with sweet, green cash. You'd be a damned fool to think to look us over come next year.

I'm a big Ole Miss fan... but damn.

So... apparently, against all odds, Alabama fans are actually CRAZIER than we believed.

I don't want to poke fun at what was obviously a sick, sick thing happening. I mean, two people died. That's just insane. What brings someone to do that? While trying to avoid too much humor, I can't fathom how the conversation went.

LSU fan: Well, y'all won, but we sure did put up a fight.

Bama fan: Bear Bryant would have won by more points over that faggot quarterback y'all have down there.

LSU fan: Take that back, or I'll shoot you.

Bama fan: Too late. BLAM.

I mean, if my everyday life contained the possibility of being shot whenever I insulted someone or felt insulted, I would be dead. Also, I would move.

It's things like this that give the South the reputation it has for its obsessed fans, and in this instance, they're very right. Alabama fans, you may not be crazier than Arkansas fans, but you're close.

A VERY Tardy Q&A Exchange

As was mentioned in Straw Man numero tres, most of the cup contributors spent their weekend at a wedding. This, naturally, kept us away from the wonderful daytime distraction that is our blog. We not only apologize to you, but we especially apologize to our friends at The Razorback Expats, with whom we had a question and answer exchange. The questions they presented us, with our answers, are up at their blog. The questions we presented them, with their answers, are below. Enjoy and, when you get the chance, visit their blog.

1. How has the attitude of the Arkansas fanbase changed over the last season?

Quite a bit. Razorback fans were a fairly grumpy group of people last year. The team was led by a coach that, before the season began, had already worn out his welcome with a significant portion of the fanbase (and, yes, some Razorback fans were batshit crazy with Nutt hatred, but, despite what Nutt's boosters in the ESPN broadcast booth would have their audience believe, many of the causes of Nutt fatigue were legitimate). Then the team had a disappointing season, and to add to the angst, several of the losses were of the agonizing last-second variety and featured boneheaded Razorback mistakes and/or controversial coaching moves in the waning minutes. As the season came to an end, even the non-haters, by and large, agreed that a fresh start was probably best for all involved.

By contrast, this year Hog fans have a coach that they're excited about, in part because he incorporates this new-fangled play called the "forward pass" into his offense; it's really something to see. Overall, Razorback fans knew this would be a rebuilding year and even though the extent of the rebuilding needed has probably taken some by surprise, there's no real angst among the fan base at this point. That may change to a small extent if Houston Dale and crew blow the Hogs out on Saturday, of course, but the long-term outlook is optimistic.

2. Talk about Casey Dick a little bit. Does he wilt under pressure?

Casey has had an up-and-down year. He started out well, throwing for 318 yards and 323 yards in the Hogs' first two games. Granted, the opponents – Western Illinois and Louisiana Monroe – weren’t exactly Top 10 quality. Still, this is a guy who had never thrown for more than 228 yards in a single game before this year. He looked pretty bad against Alabama, Texas and Kentucky and was OK against Florida and Auburn.

He's actually made his share of clutch plays (overtime against LSU last year, for example), so we hesitate to say that he wilts under pressure and instead think the better explanation for his struggles is that he just isn't that talented of a quarterback. We will say this however: Do not - repeat, do not - underestimate the power of his ears.

3. What about Michael Smith? What is the key to stopping him?

Fortunately for the Rebels, they may not have to worry about stopping him, since he suffered a concussion against Kentucky and isn't certain to play against Ole Miss. Never say never, but if he's not ready to go, it's hard to see the Hogs even being competitive against the Rebels. He has become the heart and soul of the Hogs' offense in recent weeks. Against Kentucky, for example, he accounted for 225 of the team's 330 yards of total offense.

He's small, though, so there have been concerns all along about his durability, questions that have only grown as the team has turned to him more and more. He carried the ball 35 times in each of the Hogs' last two games: The coaches were basically begging for him to get injured and now he has.

When he returns, he may find the going a lot tougher: With no other consistent offensive weapons to contend with at this point, opposing defenses will be free to zero in on Smith.

4. How does the Razorback O-Line matchup against the Rebel D-Line?

Good question. Before the season, our offensive line was usually tapped as the strength of the team. After all, it's anchored by our one bona-fide All-American, center Jonathan Luigs, and it paved the way for McFadden/Jones/Hillis to run for about a billion yards last year. When the games actually started, though, there were some major hiccups adjusting to the new scheme (evidenced by our struggles against our less-than-worldbeating competition in the first two games).

Since then, though, things seem to have jelled nicely and now the line is doing its part...we pretty much marched up and down the field at will against the highly ranked defenses of Auburn and Kentucky (actually pushing into the end zone was a different matter, unfortunately).. The Ole Miss rushers are tough, but we think we'll hold our own there. We're more worried about Snead getting hot and carving up our defense with a big passing day.

5. Realistically, how long do you think Petrino says in Fayetteville? I certainly feel that he needs to "rebuild" his reputation a bit, so he's not going to 1-and done it like some would have you believe. To humor you, I don't see Nutt staying in Oxford longer than 5 years. I'm guessing 3 or 4.

One small benefit of having a losing season is that we probably don't have to worry about Petrino getting happy feet and being poached by some other school after this year. But, anything is possible, and there's a small part of us that's waiting for him to not return to the field after halftime of some game, having just accepted the job at the University of Washington or whatever.

We tend to agree with you that he'll most likely stay put for at least a little while to rebuild his reputation. We also are guessing that the Hogs will improve over the next couple of years, making him a more desirable hire again. If we had to place a bet on it, we'd say he'll be at Arkansas for three seasons.

6. The Rebels won at the Swamp and almost snatched one form the Tide in Bryant-Denney. Do you think the stadium atmosphere for this especially emotional game will have any effect on this team?

The atmosphere at Razorback Stadium will undoubtedly be pretty insane, and we're sure the Hogs will get some sort of emotional lift from all the drama and personal significance behind the game. However, we're also sure that Houston is going to have his players ready to run through a wall for him, so there will be a lot of intensity on both sides. After dealing with all the nonsense of the last year or two, HDN can handle whatever the fans there are going to throw at him.

We could see the first quarter of this game sort of being like the Super Bowl, where both teams are usually so keyed up they don't play particularly well and things don't get going until the emotions have settled down a bit.

7. Looking to the future and, really, just to satisfy my curiosity, how is Ryan Mallett doing? I think a lot of the SEC is nervous (but won't readily admit it) about a Petrino offense centered around Mallett.

Ryan Mallett is currently stored in an isolation chamber deep in the bowels of the U of A athletic complex, where Bobby Petrino and his team of evil masterminds are busily building him into the UltimateSuperRoboQuarterback of the Future. To give you an idea of what's going on, combine the Siberian training montage from Rocky IV with the scene in the Matrix where Keanu wakes up and says "I know kung fu."

Actually, we haven't heard much about Mallett lately, but the last thing we read was that he's progressing well. The coaches were making a point during the preseason workouts of giving him as many reps as possible without hurting the prep time of our active QBs. If all goes according to plan, he'll be ready to do some damage by the time next season rolls around.

Post Game

Once again, sorry for the late post game. Too busy enjoying what many have called the best weekend in the history of the University. Those of my friends that are aware of my writing on this here website have been calling me out on last week's post game report, asking what kind of ass I feel like for passing up on tickets to the game, calling out the team right before our biggest win in decades, etc., etc. Well, here it is folks: I'm a huge Rebel fan, always have been, and I don't have a bit of regret for being proven wrong by a tenacious Ole Miss team on the road. I don't regret watching this game in a bar full of my friends, getting tow' up, screaming Hottdy Toddy at anyone who cared to listen, and drunkenly trying to explain the significance of this win to the wait staff at Rancho Grande. I had a hell of a time. I know Ivory Tower and co. had a hell of a time. The Rebels played inspired defense and mistake free (enough) offense and got to mock-chomp the Gators, dreadlocks victoriously blowing in the Southern breeze.

On to actual post game observationizations.

The defensive line is the best in the SEC. No doubt. We have at least four, probably more, NFL players on this line, and they're starting to play like it. Of course, Tebow saw all kinds of blitz packages, but you really can't replace that Jerrell Powe-shaped dent in the pocket on every play. Speaking of Powe's emergence, Ted Laurent showed why he's still technically the starter alongside Jerry. He's a beast, though this picture makes me giggle because he looks like a Macy's day parade float drifting angrily towards Tebow. And say all you want about the athleticism of guys like Knowshon Moreno and Percy Harvin: to me, the best SEC athletes are guys like Greg Hardy and Ricky Jean-Francois- guys that are just too damn big to be that damn fast.

The rest of the defense played well above their shoulders today as well. Sure, Florida gained a lot in the air, but there's a lot to be said for having those short passes over the middle met immediately with three or four white shirts and stopped dead. You can't let teams run after the catch on you all day, and the Rebel secondary didn't. Percy Harvin got his yards, sure, but at full health, he'll get them against anyone. The coverage skills of the corners are still less than Champ Bailey-esque, but I'll take that effort every time.

I was growing skeptical of having Eason in the game with Bolden and Davis on the bench, but he made one of the more athletic plays of the game with his 18-yard catch, run, hurdle, pirouette, and score. Brandon Bolden is still pretty badass, though.

Shay Hodge is also pretty badass. Hodge is the best overall receiver for Ole Miss maybe ever. Chris Collins would have been the 3 or 4 receiver on this team, Espy and Grant Heard may not have fared any better. On the topic of Hodge: I was under the impression that video review was adopted to determine the correct outcome of a play. It was in fact invented to fuck over Shay Hodge. Sorry Shay, you caught that ball. And you were forced out. And the other guy touched it first. Fuck you, Doyle.

Is today the first time Bolden has taken some snaps in the Wild Rebel? I haven't noticed before now, and I like it, especially in short yardage spots.

Marcus Temple certainly came out of nowhere today, even stopping Tebow on 4th and 1 to ice it. It is rare for me to have to check my program to see who a player is when we're five games into the season, but his playing time today was a real surprise.

Kentrell Lockett. That is all.

Overall, the team still showed a lot of youth and a little hesitancy with the game within their reach. I was more than a little disappointed in the 3 and out by the running game at the end that forced a punt and eventually put Florida just a 51 yard field goal away. Two first downs there, and Tebow doesn't touch the ball again. Still, the plays were made, the Rebs won, and there's no taking that from them. I'm glad we get a home game against a weaker offense next Saturday. I don't think you can expect two weeks of rabid defense from a team still learning to win, so I'm counting on the offense building on their success in this upcoming game. Good weekend indeed. The Rebels are back. Hotty Toddy.

Gettin' Dranked: A LSU Tradition

LSU quarterback Jarrett Lee was caught getting his Kobe on during a game of beer pong somewhere down in the Bayou. Nice choice on the Natty Light, Jarrett!


The portly Lee recently led the Tigers past Auburn last weekend and it appears is a few games of beer pong away from becoming the next Pillsbury Throwboy or the best side line interview ever.

SEC Power Poll: Week 4

The Ghost of Jay Cutler is moving, Ivory Tower and Juco-All American are busy "studying," and Whiskey Wednesday is still drinkin' 'n' fuckin' his Vandy blues away. While disappointing, I know, the lack of updates for this week must be excused.

Ghost will have the ballot up sometime tonight, but as for the power poll results, one can check out those cocks (LOL!!1) over at Garnet and Black attack or gander down at the graphic below.

Post-Game Report: Samford (seriously??)

A well distributed factoid around the Ole Miss camp this week was that the last time Samford played a BCS opponent, a mediocre Georgia Tech team with a soon-to-be unemployed coach hung 69 points on them. So we, being the good little sports god-fearing Ole Miss fans we are, optimistically hoped for a 50-spot on our side of the box score and a few passing attempts by Billy Tapp, as well as some kids from the Make-a-Wish Foundation getting late snaps at wide receiver (did I just make that joke? What is wrong with me?). Well, guess who scored the first touchdown of the game, to take a first quarter lead? That would be the Bulldogs of Samford. Guess who had to pass downfield to have a decent chance at a first down, because running up the middle garnered mixed results at best? That would be the Rebels of Ole Miss. What went wrong here? I've got an idea or three:

Jevan Snead: please tell me you got plastered and slept with four different sorority girls last night. Please? Honestly, the pass rush was in his face all night (and how embarrassing is that, Michael Oher and co.?), but Snead didn't do a great job of making checks at the line to adjust for blitzes. Hopefully, this was just a result of vanilla playcalling and lack of motivation. And seriously, Jevan, Lionel Breaux is STILL hung out to dry on that five-yard hook. Bring that shit down.

Running backs: Really? We have five backs on our team that would, in theory, start for Samford. None were impressive tonight. Eason hits the hole with all the tenacity and timing of a 16 year old in the back of his mom's borrowed minivan on prom night (last Dennis Miller-esque joke of the night, promise). Bolden appeared to be limited, and his primary vehicle, the Wild Rebel, was left in the garage. And as a note to all 5 backs: shoestring tackles need to be broken, folks. This is the SEC you're playing in.

Offensive line: as it stands, probably the most overrated unit in the SEC. 'Soft' would be a compliment, a goal to strive for, at this point. Almost 1600 pounds of bulk spread out amongst five men with over 100 starts between them in the SEC, and we can't beat down Samford's defensive line? Markuson isn't sleeping well right now, and neither is Michael Oher.

The offensive playcalling was extremely boring, and that shouldn't have mattered. Just execute. Execute against a team with less talent than the scout team that impersonated them all week.

Defense... Where do you start here? For most of the second half, Samford held a 5-minute advantage over UM in time of possession. Blame this on a defense that was unable to stay on assignment all night. Sure, we busted a few plays in the backfield, but where were the turnovers? There wasn't a play that seemed close to a Samford turnover. The desire to actually hit someone seemed a tertiary goal, at best. Houston Nutt can't be happy with Tyrone Nix, can he?

Special teams: glad to see Marshay take a punt to the house, and in impressive fashion. I still haven't decided if that makes up for the punt he should've taken back earlier. Let me set up this scenario for those who missed it: Green takes the punt, finds that his blockers have completely sealed off their slower, more Baptist counterparts, and the only thing between him and the endzone is a portly little fellow in white and a speedy blocker in blue. What happens? An awkward, three man collision, you say? Well, how did you guess? Seriously, folks, I'd have taken that punt back in my flip flops without losing my Aviators or getting my polo sweaty.

Enough with the detailed statistical analysis, though. What all this boils down to, scientifically, is that this game was a load of HORESESHIT! Defense, don't come waving your arms around trying to pump the fans up in the face of this all-male pillow fight. Entertain me. Hit someone so hard that they regret the day they first touched a football. And offense? This was supposed to be an All-You-Can-Score Buffet, and once again, I left hungry, and pissed off at my townie waiter. Did Nutt do this to the team on purpose, so he could yell at them all week in preparation for Vanderbilt? Did he take off all week to help his least-attractive daughter make a diorama of the solar system for school? Here I am, wracking my brain, thinking of ways NOT to score 40 against Samford, and I got nothin'.


On a brighter note:

Narrowly edging out rH0d3$+@r, a bow-tie-clad fratter named Vince gets the weekly 'Awesomest Drunk Guy in My General Vicinity' award. Thanks for your light-hearted yet caustic display of profanities; it made me want to gouge my eyes out a little bit less. Congrats, Vince, and thanks to all of those who played.

fUcK yOu oHiO sTaTe, and Fight On, USC. That is all. I'm really dying to see USC take on Florida or Mizzou in the BCS championship.

Dear MSU: I have to admit it. I don't trust you to lose games in the fashion to which we all became accustomed. You played a hell of a defensive game against Auburn, apparently, and I had to see the body to really believe you were dead. Still: HA HA HA... HA.

Post-game Analysis

I had surgery Friday morning under general anesthesia. Not only was I still tired and sore Saturday, I couldn’t drink, what with all the painkillers swimming in my system. I tell you that to tell you this: my intent is for these weekly postgame write-ups to be drunken, shit-talkin’ rants, hopefully with enough analytical observations to differentiate it from an SBR post on NAFOOM (which was particularly inspiring this week, by the way). This week, however, life, as well as hydrocodone, got in the way…

All of that aside, Memphis: don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Have fun with your basketball team full of choke job criminals, and don’t ever come here again. We’ve got BCS teams to play, and (hopefully) a coach that can beat some of them. Here’s the thing Tigers: we didn’t even play that well, save for Shay Hodge, Dexter McCluster, and Brandon Bolden. Snead, Wallace, and essentially the entire defense had an off night, and you still got run over. Garrett Ryan and Chris Bowers played extensively. We used five running backs. Andy Hartmann almost scored. You suck completely (though apparently, you’d have knocked off State or Texas A&M yesterday). A few other observations not involving how much Memphis sucks…

Offensive play-calling was exceptional. Not sure how often Snead changed plays around, but it seemed like Nutt and Austin always had guys in place to make big plays.

Run-blocking was a little disappointing. Still want to see Oher, Jerry and co. knock people around. We had trouble running up the middle. This might have been a result of Memphis trying to make Snead beat them. Or we might still be soft.

It was disappointing that we only had big performances from two receivers. Wallace was open deep a lot, but couldn’t haul it in, and Summers, Harris, and Breaux were non-factors. Jason Cook has nice hands, and I love having that option in the offense. It’d be great if the tailbacks could get involved in the passing game, too.

So yeah, about Enrique Davis being a second team all-SEC back? Not gonna happen. Bolden will steal lots of carries. Kid has great skills.

Defensively, defending the spread is a pain in the ass. You pretty much have to recruit against it, and we haven’t been doing it. You don’t want to bring out a defense built to stop bubble screens against teams like LSU and Georgia. Still, defense was disappointing on a number of levels.

In the trip receiver sets that Memphis almost always ran, we had the flanker shadowed by a safety lined up several yards back, allowing him to catch it with room to build up a head of steam and hide behind his blockers. If we know they want the screen, why not jam up all three receivers? Could be totally off base here, I have never personally defended the spread.

Emmanuel Stevens and Kentrell Lockett are adequate starters, but may not be much more. We won’t be generating many sacks without Hardy. We tried to disguise blitzes, but didn’t execute them very well. There isn’t any substitute for pressure generated by the front four. Garrett Ryan knocked down a pass at the line. Hell yeah, Ryan, that’s a story to tell your grandkids. Also good to see Bowers out there; he’s played whenever he’s been healthy, so hopefully he’ll finish up the year and continue to contribute.

Linebackers: hit somebody. Please. Jamarca Sanford and Kendrick Lewis are upstaging the linebacking corps (that’s ‘linebacking core,’ Yancy Porter fans) that we’ve been excited about recently. Lamar Brumfield is going to get picked on. Coverage skills don’t look so hot, and if offenses can draw him in, his side will be vulnerable to outside runs. Deer Allen Walker: pleez to git all better soon. Kthnxbai.

Corners weren’t awful. Most of the time, they did a good job of keeping the play in front of them, but you’ve got to step up and be aggressive sometimes. I’d like to see more of Marshay Green. His athleticism and toughness are great assets. The corners got burned a couple of times, but Hudgens threw some really good balls, and all along we knew the Memphis receivers would get theirs. Calhoun would probably be our best receiver. If Shay Hodge wasn’t such a badass.

That about does it for the postgame analysis, save for a few side notes:

Jumbotron. Good job, Pete. Also, I appreciate the ribbon boards much more than I did last year, especially when they bring to me good tidings of State going down in flames.

Parents. I know you love your children. Please understand that everyone else hates them. Don’t let your kids bring scooters to the Grove. They go from being mere nuisances to fearsome pre-pubescent projectiles of death for old people, cripples (like me!), and oblivious sorority girls everywhere. Cut. That. Shit. Out.

Officials. Offensive pass interference. Carlos Singleton is still pushing off on Dustin Mouzon. Call it.

Memphis fans. Has our teasing finally hurt your feelings? I saw fewer pairs of jorts than ever before. I saw nary a jort/mullet combo all day. And I was a little sad inside.

Rh0d3$t@rzorz (or however you spell it). You win the 'Best Drunk In My General Vicinity' award. Party on.

Wake Forest. Now that we have a method of getting Shay Hodge and Dexter McCluster the ball consistently (the ‘accurate forward pass method,’ specifically), you best watch it.

Until next time.

2 things:

1. We're the #2 party school in America, again. Motherfucker. What are we going to have to do to get over that hump? The #2 party school ranking is sorta like NCAA super regionals for us.

2. An announcement saying "Powe is 100% in" will be made later today. Tune in to OleMissSports.com for more information.

CUPDATE: It's official. I has eligibility.

RSC Visits Athens, GA

EDITORS NOTE: Written the morning of July, 15. When poor and on the road, the internet can be hard to come by. We'll still be posting about our college town visits, albeit a couple of days behind.

Still a tad hung over from last night, The Ghost of Jay Cutler and I are on I-85 N heading out of Athens, the first stop on what looks to be a hell of a road trip. As a fitting follow-up to our ranking of various SEC fan bases (in which UGA came out on top, by our estimation), here is a only-slightly blurry account of our various undertakings in Athens.

First of all, hats off to our gracious host Ben, who let us crash in his vacant condo a couple miles from campus. Very nice fellow, this Ben, who called us a cab and even trusted our drunk asses with a copy of his house key.

So Athens had often been described to both of us as a larger version of Oxford. Although we had a hell of a time, that description doesn't quite fit. I'd say that it is more of a smaller Nashville. The city has a more progressive feel to it, less fratty and more granola; somehow though, these hippies still had a nice southern air about them. Also glad to report the general lack of fake tans and hair gel in Athens. Keep up the good work, guys. As far as other differences, Athens is significantly bigger, which has the expected set of tradeoffs and benefits. There are a million bars, but not as concentrated as the Square. But enough sociological commentary, on to our account of the evening.

So we took a cab (!!!) to downtown Athens, and after begrudgingly forking over a $16 fare, wandered around until we stumbled upon The Transmetropolitan, a pizza joint/bar with an impressive beer list. I had an Anchor Porter and Ghost had a Paulaner Hefeweizen to accompany a huge chicken pesto pizza. This place beats the hell out of Old Venice, folks. Minus OVPC's practice of hiring ridiculously hot girls, the place doesn't stack up in quality of food, drink selection, or price. That brings us to perhaps the most important discovery of the evening: booze is cheap in Athens. Cheap. $2 domestics almost everywhere. $3 premium beers and wells. $5 car bombs (with free tee shirts at Flanagan's). It's almost as if alcohol is subsidized by the Clarke county government.

This wonderful development allowed us to blindly wander around downtown Athens with only a few twenties between us and still get sufficiently boozed. Throughout the night, we went to the aforementioned pizza joint, The Copper Creek Brewing Company, Flanagan's, The Village Idiot, and a few other places whose names escape me. The highlights of our night include seeing Dave Bliss and all of his tongue-waving bullshit at Flanagan's; borrowing a couple of guitars from some coked-out rednecks and playing a few songs at a local open mic night (much to the delight of one of the creepsters and the chagrin of another); and seeing a local street performer/crack addict play obnoxious rap songs on a poorly tuned guitar.

Unfortunately, Willie James Huff a.k.a. "Funky Chicken" a.k.a. Allah Rackbar was nowhere to be seen. He's more than likely a big, addictive pile of worm food.

This morning we awoke and, looking to assuage the misery a good night of marathon bar-hopping causes, returned to downtown Athens to look for a good place to snag a cheap lunch. We stopped at The Thai Spoon and, after dropping no more than 7 bucks apiece for a few piles of curried chicken, we were more than satisfied. We then drove through UGA's campus to get a good look at the student body and Sanford Stadium. After our short campus tour we headed out of town.

Next stop: Asheville, NC with a brief detour to Clemson, SC. If our time spent Athens is any sort of indication, this trip should be a good one.

But... he's a punter...

I don't understand. Punters are expendable. Why didn't Fulmer just kick him off the team? I know his family has ties to Tennessee. I know that he averaged over 40 yards per punt.

But when it comes down to it... he's a punter. Kick him off the team. Make up for all those players you didn't kick off by letting him be the sacrificial lamb.

He's a punter.

My God, My God....

Why have you blessed LSU so much? (Matthew 27:46) Ok, well maybe not, but why LSU? There are few people with less class, trashiness, and no collection of people less deserving of joy than those coon asses down on the Bayou.


In order to keep you faithful RSC readers with something to waste your time reading, I ventured down to Hoover on Friday in hopes of seeing Ole Miss win something in a sport not dominated by Euro trash. It did not start off well when Cody Satterwhite came down with a "stomach virus" and gave up some earlier runs to Vanderbilit. By the way, stomach virus my ass, he was more than likely gettin' dranked somewhere the night before.


Things did not get any better when Rory McKean forgot how to to pitch and helped Vandy to a 5 run inning (A recurring theme of the weekend). We lost the game 7-3 or something like that, I do not remember nor care to look it up. That's the type of fine bloggerism you will find here on RSC.


Anyways, we ended up beating the 'Dores in game 2 after burning Bukvich and Bittle in the process, not something you want to do if you have aspirations of winning on Sunday. Following Bittle's shaky performance at the end of the game, and realizing he was done for the weekend I did not have high hopes going into Sunday. By the way, Bittle closed the game out for us Saturday but Brett freaking Basham was fucking phenomenal behind the plate in those two innings. If anyone else was trying to block those pitches at least two would have reached the back stop.


So, Sunday comes and Nathan Baker teased us for a few innings before surrendering three straight doubles. Enter Jake Morgan, whose arm had to be dead, and he gave up a couple more runs. Inning ends with 5 runs and for all intents and purposes we (the team) called it quits after that debacle of an inning, not that it mattered with the arms left in our bullpen.


Enough of the recapping, you all watched/listened to the game, even though those who listened to the game probably got a much different account from those who actually saw what was going on during it. Yes, that was a joke about how ridiculous David Kellum can be on air.


Back to my original point. Why did those fucking coonasses have to win this series? Brian Walker's Elbow already pointed out they got their retribution for Katrina with another national title in football, so why do we have to give them another one? Sure they played piss poor in basketball this year, but they beat us down in their shit hole, and hired a good coach to replace Cry Brady.


Here are a few more reasons LSU fans do not deserve, well, anything.


1. These fucking douches. I ran into these sacks of fuck in the Grove and proceeded to throw mini-corndogs at them. The Pride of LSU right here.






2. This fat ass.




3. These Heauxmeauxsexuals.





4. And for having a QB who was more thuggin than Marcus Vick.


I can only hope G.A.Y. is setting them up for a major letdown in the CWS. I almost want them to make the CWS and lose on a walk off grandslam, or maybe have that happen in the Super Regionals. Either way I think it is much better than a quick exit in regional play, let's all hope G.A.Y. gets their hopes up before going Sodom and Gomorrah on their ass.

Jamariey Atterberry's DUI

Jamariey Atterberry, a member of the Legion of Oddly Named Rebel Defensive Backs (LONRDBzors), was recently dismissed from the Rebel football team following an arrest for gettin' dranked and subsequently piloting a motor carriage. This arrest comes within a couple weeks of Allen Walker's arrest of the same nature (and RotW prize!) and marks the third arrest under Houston Nutt's tenure.

First it was Jamarca Sanford gettin' arrested in front of NightTown Billiards, then it was Allen Walker gettin' towe-up and drivin', and now it's Atterberry... Well, I guess Coach O was right, he really was putting together a defense of WiLd BoYs!1!1!_+~~

I finally found a reason to use this!!

All of this rabble-rousey and hooliganism has really made me question why these young gents feel the need to drive after drinking. Is it because they're unaware of the consequences? Is it because they're too confident in their drunken driving abilities? Is it because they're too prideful to use the Rebel Ride?

My guess: all of the above, with emphasis on the latter.

A lot of kiddos on campus just think they're too cool to ride the wonderous Rebel Ride, a free service provided by a student run committee designed to keep drunk Ole Miss Rebels out of their cars after a long (partying until midnight is "long," right?) nights of drinking on the Square. While not the coolest thing on earth, Rebel Ride is free, safe, and sometimes the most entertaining 20 minutes you'll have for weeks on end. One can meet new friends, initiate an eventually regrettable hookup, or have one's pelvis crushed all by this magic carpet ride masquerading as a free bus.

Why let your pride stand in the way of that? Of course, this aversion towards Rebel Ride isn't exclusive to Oxford. These fine young rappers out of the Metro Atlanta area known as the SWD Drum Majors express the almost exclusively American cultural taboo of public transportation in their hit poorly put together rap song, "Bitch you Ride the MARTA Bus."

Y'see? Now you get why them Wild Boyz are too cool for Rebel Ride!

...Ole Miss (part 2 of Tuesday's "We Are...")

After pouting about last night's post for a little while, I was struck with the urge to get dranked out of my cotton-pickin' mind. So I did. And I didn't sleep much. As I finally settled into bed, though, I thought about the events that I would use to finish this article. I admit it, I wrote the first half without thinking it all the way through. Anyways, it astounded me that not only did these final five events come to my head with such immediacy, but that they all happened in the same year. Jesus. Before I continue though, serious thanks go out to the guys at NAFOOM for plugging our blog on the board today. You can't buy (nor could we afford) that kind of advertising. So without further ado...

5. Baseball team is ranked #4 preseason, only to drop games against such impressive opponents as Central Arkansas, Western Kentucky, and Southern Miss, while losing series against TCU, Florida, Alabama, and South Carolina. While maybe not the disaster it once seemed (the Diamond Rebs have since climbed back to #21), complaining about being ranked below Arizona State now seems a little silly. Defense, hitting, and pitching have all been suspect for the Rebels, which would seem strange, excepting for the fact that Mike Bianco claimed that this was his most talented squad ever, thus bringing upon them the ire of the sports gods. Though the team has stumbled their way back into contention for a regional host site, the fan experience has become less about the game and more about pounding back beers until compelled to piss on the tennis courts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Speaking of lofty expectations...

4. Basketball team ranked #15 midseason, only to fall to LSU, Auburn (twice!!!), South Carolina, etc., etc. Basketball season was a long, unusual, and unsatisfying cock tease this year... David Huertas, billed as a sensational shooter, and heir apparent to... uh (quick, who was the last great Ole Miss basketball player? Anyone?), no one, I guess, ended up a major disappointment for all but about five games, leaving the weight on the shoulders of a man who makes Todd Abernathy look like the Incredible Hulk. Coming off another season in football hell, and off to a 14-0 start, it seemed safe to assume good things about the Rebs' postseason chances. We all know how that turned out. Anyways, like most good Ole Miss failures, apologists abound, using excuses that justify such collapses. We weren't supposed to be good anyway. The boys tried hard. Wait till next year.

3. 4th & 1: Surely Sylvester Croom crafted his Egg Bowl victory celebration for maximum irony and Ole Miss fan annoyance. After a banner year of player misconduct, even for State, Croom fakes his way to a win and the first thing he can choke out is: "They have so much character..." Sly's tears subsided long enough for him to stumble around Scott Field waving a giant MSU flag in a state of elation totally becoming of someone who, like Croom, makes 6 or 7 figures and can NEVER. BE. FIRED. All this ballyhoo is of course caused by an agonizingly inevitable chain of mental failures by one Ed 'the Orgeron' Orgeron. After building a sizable lead by playing aggressive defense and creative, misdirection offense, O decides to run up the middle out of the I formation and to start coaching his defense with all the subterfuge of Art Kaufman and the tenacity of Chuck Driesbach. This prompted, of course, a series of punts, one of which was a low rocket that landed gently in the hands of one Derek Pegues, who waltzed in largely untouched to tie the game. Oops. The decision to try for the 1st on 4th and 1 was largely inconsequential. Yes, it was probably too risky. But regardless of punt, turnover on downs, or first down Ole Miss, the outcome would likely have been the same for the Rebels, who proved through all 12 games that poor decision making and shit luck do not make a good pair.

2. Daytime Fireworks: Fireworks, according to Wikipedia, "were originally invented by the Chinese, for entertainment purposes, as a natural extension of the Chinese invention of gunpowder." Browsing further down the article, I noticed, among several breathtaking pictures of fireworks shows, one hell of a coincidence: it was night time in ALL of the pictures! Every last one! Looking further into this quandary, I found that most fireworks considered appropriate for midday use included small consumer devices such as smoke bombs, bottle rockets, and black cats, which rely more on sound that light effects. I also read (and I recommend that wikipedia check their sources on this one) that fireworks can be DANGEROUS, and should be used with a certain degree of advanced planning and caution! How wacky! Anyways, point is, I can't describe the upwelling of emotion and pride in my alma mater that I felt when I beheld the wonderful display of black smoke and artillery fire that arose from some unspecified place right outside Vaught Hemingway stadium, alarming the senile and boring everyone else. What an appropriate way to celebrate a long overdue fundraising effort with a poor marketing campaign during a noonday skulldragging at the hands of our beloved Razorback brethren! You also have to love the symbolism behind nearly blowing up the jumbotron and sound system, at the possible peril of unwilling bystanders. A real classy touch. After all, its the REDBLUE in you!!! I'm starting to see how getting my marketing degree from Ole Miss is about as ironic as getting a degree in dental medicine from West Virginia.

1a. Doyle Jackson and 'the catch:' where does one even start? This one has all the trappings: A loss to Alabama, corrupt officials, conspiracy within the SEC office, angry drunken students, a country song, and a single red slipper, and the single greatest screw job in sports for 2007. Without recapping all the gory details, we got hosed, and the entire SEC knows it. Fuck you, Doyle, burn in hell.

1b. Changing the culture of alcohol: although the Bama game was certainly the most agonizing Ole Miss event of 2007/8, C.T.C.O.A. has to be the most fitting. Caught in a perpetual struggle betwixt GOB's and progressives, with a healthy dose of idiots in between, something Ole Miss folks could generally always agree on was that we like to get shithoused, together, in nice clothing. In reaction to complaints by alumni about drunk students getting in the way of their children's razor scooter races through the Grove on Saturdays, it became increasingly clear to the Chancellor that even this point of agreement was in jeopardy, and a very convoluted plan was in order. The plan, one of the many provisions of which allows liquor but not beer in the Grove, could not be aimed more squarely at allowing alumni to drink unimpeded unless the only permitted beverages were top-shelf scotch and Cristal mimosas. Past the liquor/beer rule, shit gets really weird. A guidebook of How to Permissibly Drink Underage at Ole Miss ought to be handed out at orientation. I don't have a damn clue how it works... Thus, having confused the shit out of everyone and rid campus of the greatest threat known to humanity, RK was left at peace to continue knocking down the houses of Asian families to build a new law school that we don't really need.

That's a wrap, folks, enjoy your weekend, except on Sundays, and without any open containers, or beer on the Northeast side of campus, and with a lock on your coolers...

A Message from Rev. Nutt

Brothers and Sisters, I want to welcome you again to our house of worship. Today, my brethren, I want to talk about sin. Yes, it permeates our very existence and attacks even the strongest among us. Why, even the saints, John and Thomas, were wrecked with sin.

Brothers and sisters, there are sinners everywhere you look. Even members of our own congregation have engaged in pre-marital sex, drunkeness, and foul language.

But, we are gathered here today for an intervention of Christian love. There is one amongst us who has strayed, who has headed down that wide path that leads, ultimately, to the the dark one and Hell itself. Brother Walker could not be with us today. The Reverend Brother Boone and I believe that Brother Walker may yet be under the terrible influence of your former pastor. Consequently, Brother Walker is undergoing an awful behavior modification regiment - watching 2007 Egg Bowl 47 times. It's a tough program, but we have faith in Allen.

Even though Allen is not with us today, I have chosen that it is both wise and Christian to talk about him like he is. Allen, and by extension the rest of you, are full of sin! Full of it! You're emitting sin right now from beneath your fingernails, and I can smell it! I can smell it! It's not a mighty wind from the southeast; it's your transgressions. And it's effecting your play on the field, which is what matters to God. Jerrell, your gluttony has caused you to balloon to 967 pounds. Your number of stars on Rivals is a measure of your potential as an athlete, not a reliable count of the number of cheeseburgers you are authorized to have before breakfast. Dexter, your slovenliness has made you weak and breakable. You are so frail that with one little hit, the Evil One (or perhaps even the kicker), can end your season. And, Jamarca, your rage (exhibited by your conduct a few months ago at Billiard's) has caused you to attack opposing players in a manner that often causes them physical and mental distress.

Actually, on second thought, the good book teaches that sometimes God incorporates our sin into his plan, so, Jamarca, you can ... uh ... keep on keepin' on!

Anyway, the point is, we all have sin we must conquer. Even my little Haven (who had better never be contacted by any of you under any circumstances) has succumbed to the perils of human lust. Recognize your sin, and conquer your sin.

Unless you're Brother Sanford.

Rebel of the Week: Drinkin' and Drivin' edition

Ah, drinking and driving; the only name of a crime that I can think of which consists of two normal, legal things. Yes, we all enjoy a nice Sunday drive, and who seriously doesn't love gettin' tow-up dranked every now and then Tuesday? Yet, these two enjoyable and otherwise normal activities are like oil and water: they just don't mix.

This weekend, former four star recruit/serious underachiever Allen Walker, an outside linebacker, was arrested for DUI. Walker was charged with a DUI and disregarding (see: being drunkenly unaware of) a traffic device. Normally we wouldn't celebrate these kinds of things (DUI is NOT COOL kids) but Allen Walker's shortcomings serve well to remind us that we are, in fact, Ole Miss.

Congratulations Allen! You're our new Rebel of the Week!

P.S. - I'm pretty certain this is what Ivory Tower was attempting to link to. Be patient with him. He's not too keen on the intrawebs.