Kentucky Preview

Well, it's Mississippi day at the SEC tournament again. The Rebels play the Wildcats, and the Bulldogs play ... the Bulldogs.

Ole Miss won the regular season game against Kentucky, due primarily to holding Jodie Meeks to 2-13 shooting until the game was out of reach. We were unable to keep Patrick Patterson in check, and he made us pay going 8-12 from the field and 8-9 from the charity stripe. The Rebels will have to contain Patterson in order to win today, but I think that's possible.

Malcolm White has emerged as a legitimate player since that game. Against Kentucky, Malcolm was also 8-12. While no one would argue that Malcolm is the player that First-team All-SEC selection Patrick Patterson is, he has been a good presence of late, playing great defense and putting the ball in the hole (though inconsistently). Malcolm scored 20 points against a Mississippi State team that boasts the best interior defender in the country. I think that Malcolm will provide the post presence needed to match up against Patterson in the zone. Of course, they don't really play the same position since Patterson is more of a 4. So a power forward will have to step up as a defender against Patterson. That's why I'm hoping Kennedy puts Murphy on Patterson.

While Patterson has three inches on Holloway, we don't have a player on our team that plays the game harder than Murphy. He will fight for every ball and come down with a load of rebounds regardless of who he's paired against. I can't comprehend why he isn't starting games right now. He leads our team in double doubles and is a force coming off the bench. He's our second best interior defender, and he's a good offensive threat as well (leading our team in field goal percentage by ten percent). I want Murphy Holloway on the court for 30 minutes a game. Not 22.

In the end, I think that Kentucky is a pretty good matchup for us. They have no depth whatsoever and only have two players who are serious scoring threats. If we can contain either of those, we've got a good shot of winning. If Zach Graham can hold Meeks to 2-13 shooting again, it's in the bag. That's a big if though.

Anyone else think this guy got juked out of his shoes?

Prediction:

Ole Miss 75 - Kentucky 78

SEC West Grades

The grades are in. All over the SEC blogosphere, our seasons are being commented on and criticized and it's about time for the Red [REDACTED] Cup to jump in. The SEC West is today and the SEC East will come sometime after the BCS Championship Game.

Alabama: A

Nobody expected Alabama to go 12-0. Nobody. You Tiders all clamored on and on about how "Bama was BACK" and "motherfucking roll motherfucking TAHD" but we didn't listen.

"John Parker Wilson is still your quarterback, remember?"

"You really think a freshman wide receiver makes that much of a difference?"

"Haven't you been 'back' every preseason for the last few years now?"

Well, kudos, Bama fans. While a roster made up of mostly paraplegics and small children would have garnered a 12-0 prediction from a slew of your faithful, you've still earned your due credit. The lack of a plus to accompany your "A" is obviously due to your losses in the SEC Championship Game and Sugar Bowl. Thanks for pouring more gasoline on the already trite "OMFG teh BCS suxx" fire and giving people reason to badmouth the SEC, jackasses.

Next season should see some dropoff for the Tide as they lose two All-American offensive linemen and their three-year starter at quarterback. However, despite these losses, Alabama will be favored by many to win the West once more.

Ole Miss: A-

Obviously, I'm a homer. Pointing that out in the comments would be akin to letting everyone here know that the sun will rise over the eastern horizon tomorrow morning. Save us all the time.

Ok, now, on with the explanation: based primarily on preseason expectations and how well they stack up against the season's actual results, it's hard to give Ole Miss a lower grade. While the losses to Wake Forest, Vanderbilt, and South Carolina still make my head asplode, the six-straight victories to end the season (with each victory literally being more impressive than the previous) made it clear to everyone that this Rebel season was a work in progress. The Rebels who won the Cotton Bowl would certainly defeat Wake Forest, Vandy, and South Carolina on any field, neutral or not. They'd hang tough with Alabama and, as ironic as it may be, more than likely lose to Florida.

Remember? Tebow, tears, "won't lose again," etc? Ole Miss is the reason the SEC will take home it's third BCS title in a row.

This is a good Ole Miss team. Hopefully the success to end this season can be used as momentum into the upcoming season. Double-digit regular season wins should be attainable for the 2009 Rebel squad.

LSU: C+

The Tigers should not have lost five games. While a close loss to Bama is respectable, being on the receiving end of a Georgia Bulldog blowout isn't. Jarrett Lee proved to be one of the conferences most successful touchdown passers but, unfortunately, he wasn't very discriminatory as to whose team was scoring the touchdown. Jordan Jefferson looked much better towards the end of the season and the mudhole-stomping defeat of Georgia Tech in the Peach (Chik-Fil-A, I love you, but don't mess with our bowls) Bowl should give LSU hope for a win or two more next season. Also, former Volunteer John Chavis should have LSU's relatively weak 2008 defense in much better shape for 2009.

Arkansas: C-

When the season began, everybody was pretty sure that you were going to suck. Thank you for not disappointing.

Arkansas' season was, in many ways, akin to Ole Miss'. They started poorly, nearly losing to directional-Illindianachigan or something like that and ULM but finished on a somewhat strong note by defeating LSU on a neutral site. Over the course of the season, Arkansas' offense became one of the SEC's best, with Casey Dick putting up respectable numbers and Michael Smith earning ALL-Sec honors at tailback.

But why a "C?" Well, as I said before, nobody expected much out of the Hogs this season and, if Ryan Mallett can be the quarterback the Fayetteville wacky-asses Faithful hope for Arkansas should be much improved next season.

Mississippi State: F+

Thank God for this season. I was getting incredibly fed up with folks in Starkville talking about how "Nutt'n good happens in Oxford" and how Croom was somehow going to win them an SEC title.

We at the Cup have been saying for quite a while that Sly Croom wasn't much of a coach and, finally, the world realized the clarity of our truth. His Gulf Coast offense continued to put up paltry numbers and his defense failed to force turnovers.

Their F gets a plus because they did beat a top-25 team in Vanderbilt, knocking them off of their wacky hotstreak, and earned a much less impressive win over Arkansas. The jury is still out on Dan Mullen as far as gameday coaching is concerned, but he's done a fair job keeping most of the talent Croom had recruited for this upcoming class.

Auburn: If the analogy lent to the use of letters past F, one of them would apply here

Hiring Tony Franklin, only to have him fired before the season's end because Kodi Burns isn't all he's been cracked up to be, really set the stage for the debacle of Auburn's head coaching search. Tommy Tuberville has been disliked by the GOB's in charge on the Plains for quite some time now (remember that whole Bobby Petrino fiasco a few years ago?) and, once both parties were equally fed up with one another, they finally were able to part ways.

Both of these coaching situations made it apparent to coaches across America that if you can't deliver on exorbitantly outrageous goals set forth by a group of bitter, old white guys you won't last long at Auburn, nor will you enjoy your time there. If that weren't the case, they would have hired someone just a hair better than the worst coach in the Big XII.

Hey, at least Arkansas fans have convinced themselves that you're going to soon be badass! Granted, it really has nothing to do with your players, school, or coaches outside of Gus Malzhan but, in times like these, you'll take what you can get.

Auburn could win anywhere from 4 to 8 games next season for two reasons: they're Auburn, and they're Auburn. The situation there is so messy that it's incredibly difficult to prognosticate but they've got the talent on both sides of the ball to make some things happen.

The SEC's New Head Coaches - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good - Dan Mullen, Mississippi State

Alright, Bulldogs, calm down. Breathe slowly, ok now count backwards from 10. Good, you'll be alright. Yes, the Red [REDACTED] Cup did just commend your coaching hire and, yes, we labeled it as "good." But, really, when compared to the two other brand new SEC head coaches and your former head coach, how else can you rate this? Croom was not a good coach (we've been saying this for quite a while) and his "doin' it da right way" charade was wearing very, very thin. To keep the Bulldog faithful, players, and boosters happy, new AD Greg "忍者" Byrne had to hit a figurative homerun with this coaching search. After being turned down by Boise State's Petersen and after rumors of Tommy Tuberville heading to Starkville (no, I'm not kidding) proved to be just that, snagging an OC from a big-name program on the verge of winning a BCS title was a damn good move.

Homerun? No.

Standup double with 2 RBI? Sure.

One thing that Mullen will be able to do is keep many of the recruits that Croom had gotten commitments from. Tyler Russell, the Meridian HS star QB should keep his commitment and I wouldn't at all be shocked if Chad Bumphis, the Tupelo HS standout receiver, commits to State sometime soon. While it may take a while for his offense to gel in Starkville, Mullen could make the Bulldogs competitive.

Well, at least more competitive than the Walrus had them in 4 out of his 5 seasons.

Furthermore, nobody can truly judge Mullen's ability as a head coach because, well, he's never been one. That does not automatically lead to failure at the HC level (Tuberville, circa 1995) but it does not at all guarantee success (O, circa 2004). Who knows what Mullen will do? I don't, and I doubt many of you do either. Hell, Greg Byrne probably doesn't even know.

But, the potential is there. That is what Byrne and the Bulldog faithful are betting on over the next few years.


The Bad - Lane Kiffin, Tennessee

Stand alone, Lane Kiffin is not a good hire. He does bring more name recognition than the other two new hires to the table, which should be able to help Tennessee's standing both within the media and the mind of potential Volunteers. Aside from that, however, few are impressed with his coaching abilities. Many laud his "success" as a developer of talent at USC as if half of the big name USC players aren't ready for D1 football by their junior years of high school. Furthermore, to commend his recruiting "prowess" at Southern Cal is not saying very much at all, in my opinion. A lot of people could successfully recruit to USC. Observe:

"Hey, you, 17 year old boy. Would you like to live in Hollywood, have Will Farrell and Snoop Dogg hang out at your football practices, be on ESPN all of the time, and have aspiring actresses blow you in the VIP room of a dimly lit nightclub?"

"Yessir."

"Great, sign here."

Doing the same at Tennessee will be tough.

In my view, Kiffin's real value as a head coach will come with his ability to build an excellent staff. His father, legendary NFL defensive coordinator Monte Kiffen, will become the Vols DC and if the rumors of Kiffin hiring Ed Orgeron to become his recruiting coordinator are true then Tennessee should have a solid coaching staff come next fall.

Oh, and his wife is hot.

One last thought: citing his lack of success in Oakland as reason for his potential failures at Tennessee isn't going to do it for me. A lot of college coaches simply cannot win in the NFL and vice versa. I'll cut Kiffin some slack there.


The Ugly - Gene Chizik, Auburn

I don't care what you think, Herbie, this is not a good hire. I know that Iowa State is not a traditional Big XII power or anything, but 5 victories in two seasons is pretty damned pathetic. And to somehow parlay that "success" into a head coaching job at one of the SEC's top programs is downright baffling.

Gene Chizik in his natural state of "awful"

I could go on and on about his poor record at ISU, the lack of fan satisfaction among the Cyclone nation, or the fact that every coach worth half a damn turned down the Auburn job, but the best indicator of just how horrible this hire is should be the absolute lack of a honeymoon period out on the plains.

Remember the man crushes that many got (and still have) for Coach Nutt when we hired him? Do you see how goo goo and gah gah the Bulldogs are over Mullen? Have you read the Petrino apologetics in our comment threads? People love new coaches. They bring new energy and potential to their programs. They excite their fans and players. They increase sales of tickets and goofy, pun-laden t-shirts.

Chizik does none of the above. People at Auburn aren't excited over this hire. Many are accepting of it, but most are simply upset. They didn't like him when he left Auburn after 2004. Iowa State fans and media don't like him. Hell, he was even on the third hottest seat of the season according to coacheshotseat.com.


Let's be frank: this is all the fault of Auburn's overly controlling boosters. Bobby Lowder and his posse of cock-envied millionaires can't stand seeing Nick Saban have the success he is having at Alabama. So, in purely illogical fashion, they fire one of the SEC's best coaches to hire the single worst in the Big XII. Of course, they wanted to go after a bigger name but, after seeing how Tommy Tuberville was not appreciated by those in power, a bigger name was not going to waste his time on the Plains. The fans didn't want Tuberville gone, nor did the players; but a few rich, old assholes who can't stand hearing their golfing buddies brag about St. Nick while criticizing the hors d'œuvres at the Country Club's brunch became jealous and intervened. Bobby Lowder and anyone else who had anything to do with all of this are professional dumbasses.

I will say, though, the rest of the SEC West and the Bulldogs of Athens are pretty pumped about this. Have fun filling your stadium next year, Auburn.

"The next opposing coach that Chizik outsmarts will be the first." -A clever-as-hell ISU fan

Dan Mullen + MSU = National Champs

Discuss.

Season Recap: Photos and Haikus

Memphis, city of
I beg you, leave our fair town
Don't ever come back


Wake got the ball last
Dex threw an interception
Lewis missed the sack


We played hungover
And still won by 21
That guy's knee is fucked

Four interceptions?
Seriously, Mr. Snead!?
This one is on you


Holy fucking shit!
UF may win BCS
You're welcome, Timmy!


Lack of dicipline
Exposed our secondary
Goalline fumbles!? DEX!


Had a bad 1st half
Bama had a bad 2nd
Tweaked Mt. cody's knee


Season's turning point
Arkansas fans are crazy;
That was OPI


Jevan started slow,
Auburn's offense was limp-dicked
See ya, Tuberville!


No one saw this game
We made up a fake weblog
SQUAWK EM HAWK EM REBS!


Fuck you, LSU
That shit was way overdue
We earned ugly prize


We brought the egg home
Many happy returns, Dawgs!
Oh no! They fired CroomS!

That was a pretty kickass way to waste time at the office, if I must say so myself. If you've got any other haikus you'd like to share please do. Oh, and to whoever took these photos, shoot us an email so we can give you due credit (omg plz plz let us use them kthxbai).

EDIT: The photo of Billy Tapp juking some guy is pretty damned badass. That's definitely the highlight of his *ahem* illustrious football career at Ole Miss. Thank you for everything, Billy.

Wait a minute... We hired Dan Mullen?

Well I'll be damned.

Seriously though, this has gotten out of hand.

EDIT: Nevermind. They changed it.

Whew, that's a relief!

Do you remember how Wesley Carroll was the savior of MSU football? I mean, if he could have a mediocre (poor) season as a freshman, he would have a significantly more mediocre season as a sophomore. Heck, maybe he could be decent by the time he was a senior.

That is... until he requested, and got his release from MSU today.

Amazing. You know your program is in trouble when a guy with a great chance to start at quarterback leaves your school.

Ethan Flatt did that to us before the Orgeron fiasco. Now I know that many of you will say it doesn't matter... they'll have Tyler Russell starting next year anyway. Well, not if Bama has anything to say about it. They're apparently recruiting the MSU commitment, and it's going to be tough to turn down a 12-1 team with the fan base of Bama.

Have fun with Tyson Lee, State.

Still Letting Everything Sink In

Ivory Tower has spent the last couple of days in a moderately sober and exceedingly nerdy fashion because he's got to "study" for "Law School."

Yeah, he watched the 3-hour long snuff film which took place in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium on Friday and, yes, he partook in Red [REDACTED] Cup 'n' Friends victory steaks but, other than that, he's been gettin' his dork on.

Hence the fact that he's actually posting.

The rest of us are still fighting through our Thanksgiving+Egg Bowl+Rivalry Week+FUCK YOU CROOM AAAAAHH hangover/carbohydrate overload. We've all got opinions 'n' observations 'n' shit for you as soon as this haze of nauseous exhaustion lifts from our victimized, weakened bodies.

Potential bowl commentary awaits. If someone (and you know who you are) will get off of his lazy ass and write something or two about basketball, that's also in store. Whiskey Wednesday will likely write a postgame report which won't tell you anything you don't know already; things like "we beat them like they owed us money" and "their offense played like paraplegics." I'll likely pump out some snarky nonsense myself if you're all ready for it.

Point is, we're in recovery mode. Once we're good and ready, we'll give you more of what you want.


Post Scriptum - Serious congratulations are in order to the Rebel seniors who dominated their last game in VHS. Also, congrats to Mississippi State for winning the Character Cup! Huzzah!

MSU Turkey-day Q&A

I contacted the MStateSports blog to get this week's Q&A. Here is a link to their questions and my answers. My questions and their responses are below.

1. Is Sylvester Croom the right coach to get your program to a level where you go bowling almost every year? If so, explain what you like about him. If not, who is?
I think Croom has been what the program needed since Jackie. He returned discipline to the program, which it was badly lacking. However, he seems stubborn when approached about change. He is loyal to a fault to many of his assistants, especially Woody McCorvey. Even though it is obvious that the offense is the main problem, he seems willing to blame just about all other parts of the team except the offense.

I am willing to give him another year, maybe two, if changes can be made where needed, especially the offense and special teams. If not, there are plenty of names that people will throw around as possible coaching candidates, but I would really like to see someone young come in that could take the team in a completely new direction. (RSC - please give him two years.)

2. What do you think are the three biggest reasons for what appears to be an offensive regress? Things looked to be headed in the right direction with a decent quarterback returning and two successful running backs.
The first thing is loss of players. We had an off-campus incident before summer practice that cause 5 players to be kicked off the team. Next, we had some injuries that caused us to shuffle the O-line around before the first game, forcing players to quickly change what they had learned and try to adapt. Then we started the year with 2 quarterbacks, and a team with an already fragile offense can't really support that. Miscues, bad reads, and terrible passes were common. We would get behind early in the game and abandon the run game too early, forcing us to throw more. I think many of those things combined have caused many of our offensive woes. (RSC - so playing poor offense is the reason for your offensive woes? Awesome.)

3. Have you noticed significant changes in your defensive philosophy now that Ellis Johnson is gone? Do you think you're missing him?
I don't think there has been a huge difference. We seem to be running many of the same schemes with many of the same personel (sic). One thing that has hurt us defensively is the loss of Jamar Chaney in the first game. His experience at linebacker and as a leader on the defense as a whole has hurt us some.

The loss of Jesse Bowman in the Alabama game will be a huge hit to the line. He was probably our strongest player in the trenches. (RSC - look at it this way. At least he was lost in a season that doesn't matter for you. We lost Peria Jerry for the first three games of a season that could end at 9-4.)

4. Who is the best player on your team that no one really knows about? What makes him so good?
I think Tyson Lee has the potential to suprise (sic) some folks. He has experience from playing JUCO ball and is not afraid to stay in the pocket and take a hit. He is also very mobile and can scramble for yardage when a play breaks down. (RSC - Really? Tyson Lee? Everyone knows about him. Can someone say cop out?)

5. What is your prediction on the game? How will it happen?
Of course I want this to be a Bulldog victory. The defense will need to step up and contain the Rebel offense and the Bulldog O will need to generate some yardage and some rest time for the D. If the Bulldogs win, it will be a low scoring affair, so I am going to call it for State, 14-10. (RSC - if we only score ten points, I will write a column about how much we suck.)

HATE STATE WEEK IS ON

Open up your heart and let the hate out!

Oh, is this week going to be fantastic or what!? Still riding the "we just throttled LSU's shit in Baton Rouge" high, we've got only a few weekdays to squeeze in our immense hatred for the Fightin' Crooms.

So, without any further ado, I officially delcare the season for extrme Mississippi State hatin' to be open on the Red [REDACTED] Cup. Bring everything you've got to the table because onee of the SEC's most classic and enduring rivalries is being revisited this Friday in Oxford. And, this time, it won't end with a golden egg being hoisted above the head of some jackass wearing maroon.

This won't happen again for a long, long time.

Live to Win!

Thanks to EDSBS, we're now able to bring you a "highlight" video of the Mississippi State Auburn matchup. Remember, highlight reels usually consist of big plays, game-changing hits, and something people call "touched downs" or whatever. Well, this video has none of the above. But, what it lacks in good football it makes up for with incomplete passes, missed field goals, and penalty flags. Observe and enjoy the comically appropriate tune to which this video is set.



Keep in mind, Auburn scored all five points in that game. As you can see, the safety was the result of an endzone holding call; State didn't earn those points. Auburn netted themselves a total of 1 point (don't get all "mathematician" on me and pull out some "absolute value" bullshit, alright?) and still managed to win. It's ok, you can laugh.

All joking aside, we Ole Miss Rebels should view last Saturday's debacle as a good sign for our possibilities in the SEC West this season. Neither State nor Auburn have displayed talented or well-called offenses. They're certainly both very talented on defense, but neither team is capable of holding us under three scores or so. Of course, we're not even 1/3 of the way through the regular season, but we've got the 2nd highest scoring offense in the West, while Auburn and Sate have the two lowest scoring offenses. Yes, as it stands now, our defense is a putrid last in the SEC West while Auburn's is a stellar first; but Saturday's game is not incredibly indicative of Mississippi State who is only 4th in the division. (Info from SECSports.com)

We knew State was beatable. Now, it seems, Auburn is certainly a winnable game.

SEC Power Poll: Week 2

The full breakdown, including comments and points are over at Garnet and Black Attack. Comments involving our Ole Miss Rebels include the following:

Jevan Snead is Matt Jones, Jr. and Ole Miss would qualify as about the third best team in the ACC.--Year 2 (UF)

They outplayed Wake but got screwed by officials and made a few inopportune mistakes. This looks like a good team.--Garnet and Black Attack (SoCar)

Ole Miss ran their offense well, but are still light on defense. QB Jevon Snead has plenty of weapons at his disposal and the Rebels could be a team to watch later in the season.--Mississippi State Sports Blog <--- Made the spelling error. Anyone surprised?*

*We keed, we keed. The Mississippi State Sports Blog is actually pretty well put together.

Germans... but hi-larious

Mississippi State commitment Pernell McPhee, a defensive end from ICC, visited Ole Miss for the Ole Miss/Memphis game.

Here's the free recap article from scout.

Obviously, the best line is this:
"I have never gotten anything from them. I am not really being recruited by Ole Miss, but I hope they notice me this year. I really liked the atmosphere there. The fans are pumped and you can tell they are hungry to win. It was kind of crunk up there. They need someone like me waiving my arms at the crowd. I will get it even more crunker."


There's no way you can convince me that Ole Miss fans are "crunk". Sure, some of us are, but most sit on their hands and talk to the friend next to them. But if we sign McPhee, he promises to get it "even more crunker." That's gonna kick ass. Maybe we can "supercrunkify" the whole campus. Let's pipe Glenfiddich into the Turner Center water fountains and do panty raids at the Lyceum. As Brian Fellows might say, "That would be CRAZY!"

"I have three of my teammates from last year that play for S' Eastern LA [RSC note: He probably didn't say S'Eastern LA]. I want to go see what they got now (laugh). I do not want to see the MSU coaches though. I will want to know how they could lose to a team like La Tech. SEC schools do not do that."


I'm guessing this quote is already the signature for four or five spirit and rivals posters. Remember. This is a Mississippi State COMMITMENT. I wonder what they told him when he asked. "We were just outcoa- I mean... character?"

This is what you lost to

Good work, State.


A few observations:
-Ruston, Louisiana
-"Yea wassup whodi!" Whodi? Seriously? Master P was cool 10 damn years ago.
-Tiny stadium that's only half full for a nationally televised game.
-Ugly women
-College kids who look like they're 15.
-"Dey say we couldn't beat 'em! Dey say we couldn't beat 'em! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!"

Corralling the West, Week 1

We won. You should know this by now. More to come later whenever Whiskey Wednesday shakes off his hangover.

They're also the third best engineering program in all of Louisiana!  You know how a lot of teams like to schedule division II (screw whatever they're called nowadays, that shit is stupid), mid-major, or low-level BCS teams for their opening games?  You know, for a sorta faux-preseason stat-padder to ease the fans and players into the season?  A sure win and what-not?  Well, not so much.  It's ok State, they were the 91st best defense in football last year which, as Wesley Carroll can tell you, is certainly more than enough to make the game competitive.  Coach CroomS has just shown the Bulldog faithful exactly how one earns a raise + contract extension in Starkville.

Not so fast, Hogs.  You're on notice, Arkansas.  Of course, you won and you've gotta get whatever credit is due for that... but Western Illinois?  Seriously?  Would Nutt have trailed them in the 4th quarter with whatever athletes are up in Fayetteville?  But hey, Casey Dick thew the ball 41 times which is exactly what you crazy assholes wanted in the first place, right?

The Big Ten is horrible.  LSU, in a much more roundabout manner, proved this once again last night by downing Appalachian State with an ease that Michigan couldn't.  Michigan, the winningest football team in the HISTORY OF FOOTBALL dropped a season opener again yesterday, this time to the Utah Utes.

It's ok to hate Nick Saban.  Damn you, Bama.  I wanted to you to lose and lose bad but, instead, you showed that you may be a true candidate to represent the West in Atlanta.  I know it's early for these kinds of things, but they seriously shut Clemson down big time and proved that their preseason ranking of 24 wasn't undeserved.  

Speaking of Bama and upset victories.  Auburn beat ULM the way they're supposed to be beaten making the hearts of many a Bama fan weep deep, deep down inside their chest cavity (just past the adipose tissue).

Der Untergang mit neue Untertiteln!

The original version of this was waaaaaaaaaaay funnier than any of the subsequent remixes, but this version is not terrible. Also, being Egg Bowl related, it's somewhat entertaining. Please, if you can, ignore the spelling errors and blatant homerism and just appreciate the idea of Adolf Hitler being a State fan.


For those who don't know, this is a clip from Der Untergang (The Downfall), a movie detailing Hitler's final days.

Crazy 'Tippi Tate poster

Posted by: leeinator
Posted on: Gene's page free board
Posted: 8/5/2008 12:17 AM
Posted in response to an OM fan saying that starting bulldog QB Wesley Carroll would be running for his life in the egg bowl

"With 4.5 speed, I don't think I....would want to flush Wesley Carroll out of the pocket. And I doubt very seriously any of the Rebel lineman are fast enough to catch him. Of course, they're saying Powe can outrun anybody on their defense including the cornerbacks....Go figure! "

Really? Are we seriously going to do this? 4.5 speed? You know who runs slower than a 4.5? Chad Bumphis, Dennis Thames, and a million other "fast" wide receivers.

If Wesley Carroll runs a 4.5, Sylvester Croom is an idiot for not encouraging him to run more often. Last season, he had 47 attempts for 67 yards. Maybe that's why Croom didn't encourage him to run. Maybe it's because he's slow...

I guess Wesley Carroll is faster than this guy, this guy, this guy and THIS GUY.

I guess we'll just have to see whether Ole Miss has a defensive line that is as fast as a slow white guy a quarterback with insanely deceptive speed.

Honestly, if Wesley Carroll has 4.5 speed, then Viciente DeLoach must run a 4.4 or 4.3, because he sacked Carroll in the first quarter of the egg bowl for a loss of ten yards. If it had been two or three yards, that wouldn't prove anything, but ten yards means that Carroll was running away from DeLoach and just couldn't get away.

P.S. I hear that Jevan Snead runs a 4.2. I mean, some wesbite printed it, so it HAS to be true.

P.P.S. Hunter Miller, the 6'2 QB that we offered to gray shirt ran a 4.3 or 4.4 according to Yancy. Because we offered to gray shirt him and because very few people are that fast, I find myself in doubt of that number...

Post Post Post Scriptum from Ivory Tower: Wesley Carroll is apparently not quite adequate/deceptively speedy enough to avoid the Schaeffer-esque fate of being seriously challenged by a walk-on.

SEC Traditions: The Best and Worst - Mississippi State

We've picked at the East a good bit with this series of misguided prejudices, so now we turn our attention to our closer neighbors in the West. Mississippi State, you're up.

Best Tradition: Mississippi State University cheese. I'm not even going to put any sort of Ole Miss spin on this one. Their cheese is damn good and a small part of me deep down inside is a bit envious that my beloved alma mater is not renowned for its culinary arts. My earliest experiences with Mississippi State cheese came around Christmas one winter when a dear family friend of ours (non-Southerners, please see "hunting buddy") and an alum of State gifted us with a "cannon ball," or a big round lump of Edam cheese made in Starkville. We loved it and gobbled it up like we were from the fattest place in the Western world, giving the cheese a shelf life of 2 or 3 days, tops. Even Oxford's very own Big Bad Breakfast, a favorite among the Cup writers, pridefully uses Mississippi State band cheese in all of their cheese-related dishes. They even make a point of mentioning it in their menu, and rightfully so. You haven't had a cheese omlet until Starkville's best is stuffed inside it.

Worst Tradition: You all saw this one coming from a mile away: cowbells. I mean, sure, when the only school in the conference with fewer fans attending their games is Vanderbilt you've got to make up for that noise deficit. Clangity clang clang! And what better way to do that than to celebrate your school's agricultural heritage and redneck image by utilizing antiuquated farm equipment? Clangity clackity clang clang kaclack kerclang! I'll give it to ya, State; they're loud and obnoxious which gives you, the clanger, ample reason to enjoy ringing that shit in my, the clangee's, face. Clikkity kerclack clang clang clang whoooooooooo! Hell, the story of the use of cowbells at State is just as absurd as the tradition itself in that a cow trotting onto the field of play is involved. Rattle rattle, here comes the cattle. Oh, and good work on borrowing Texas A&M's uniforms and Georgia's mascot. CLANG! CLANG! MOTHERFUCKING CLANG!

Nutty jokes have made their way to Starkville

Per NAFOOM:


This t-shirt was sold at a recent Jackson area Mississippi State alumni event. If you have yet to read our power rankings of the SEC fanbases (shame on you), check out number two and tell me I wasn't dead fucking on with that one.

If you see someone wearing this shirt, be sure to let them know just how much of a moron they are for dropping a Hamilton on it.

Tuesday Question

Continuing in the "Hard to Write about Football in July" theme, let's try our hand at questions. Today's question is

Who has the most favorable schedule in 2008? Mississippi State or Ole Miss?

Say what you want about Croominator 2.0 (I say he's the walrus), but he appears to have brought the Bulldogs out of the Munchkinland, if not all the way to the Emerald City. And there is little reason to think that State will be demonstrably worse than the Red and Blue in 2008. So, picking which team will boast the best record on November 28 might be a function of which team has the most favorable schedule. If you'd like to do your own coloring before I break out my crayons, check out the schedules for the Dogs here and the Rebs here.

...

Okay, now that we're all up to speed, here are my thoughts (you can leave yours in the comments below, but be mindful not to mention Ouston-Hay Utt-Nay, lest you be bombarded by hog sh*t).

As far as their non-conference shedules go, Ole Miss has three patsies (Memphis, Samford, and UL-Monroe) to Mississippi State's three patsies (at Louisiana Tech, Southeastern Louisiana, and Middle Tennessee State). Louisiana Tech, though, could be considerably better than Memphis, and the game is in Ruston. Mississippi State should still win, but those factors are enough to give 'Titti Tate the Patsy Edge.

Both have one real-live non-conference game in Wake Forest for the Rebels and Georgia Tech for the Bulldogs. The Magnolia teams both travel, and I'm not sure either matches up with their opponent very well. However, Georgia Tech's personnel don't really suit Paul Johnson's 16th-century style of play, and Jim Grobe actually feels kinda confident about his team. Edge: da Rebbahs

Next, let's examine their home conference schedules. Mississippi State has three winnable home conference games in Vanderbilt, Kentucky, and Arkansas, and they should be favored against the cellar-dweller twins. Ole Miss, similarly, has three winnable home conference games against Vanderbilt, South Carolina, and Mississippi State. Auburn visits Starkville and Oxford this season, resulting in poorly-selling t-shirts in East Alabama proclaiming themselves to be "Mississippi State Champs!" In this category, the two teams really wash.

Finally, the teams must play away games. Ole Miss travels to Gainesville, Tuscaloosa, Fayetteville, and Baton Rouge, while the Fightin' Crooms shoot up Baton Rouge, Knoxville, Tuscaloosa, and Oxford. This is where Mississippi State has a demonstrably easier schedule. The twin trips to Tiger town might wash, but few things sound less pleasing than playing Tebow in the Swamp. It might not be easy winning on Rocky Top, but it's easier than beating the Gators in Gainesville. Meanwhile, history plays against the Rebels in Tuscaloosa. State has beaten Alabama a total of 17 times, 9 in Tuscaloosa (including 2 in a row). Meanwhile, the Rebels still sport a meager 9 wins against the Tide all-time, with (I think) 2 big wins in Tuscaloosa. Again, a slight edge for State. Finally, State's visit to Oxford will be much less stressful than when the Rebels and (he who shant be mentioned) have to go to Fayetteville. Edge: Ole Miss

So, because it's easier to find wins in conference road games, I hereby declare Mississippi State to be the 2008 Soft Schedule Runners-Up (I'm lookin' at you Southern Miss)!