The Life and Times of JoJo Tann

If you haven't read the ESPN Magazine article about Patrick Trahan, you can do that here. It's somewhat interesting. Upon reading it, I decided to write a similar, though completely fictitious, article about one Joseph Chambers Tann.

First of all, did everyone catch that important word? This is fictitious. In other words, I would love for JoJo Tann not to sue me.

Champion
It was only two years ago in the SEC tournament Semi-finals when JoJo Tann was put in as a pinch runner against the Alabama Elephants (What the hell is with that logo anyway?). He stole third on the first pitch, but the throw was wild, allowing him to advance home to give the Rebels a much needed run. The Rebels went on to win the game 9-2 after the run gave them a slim 8-2 lead.

Mike Bianco praised Tann that day saying, "Yeah, JoJo's probably the best player I've ever coached. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I let him approach the plate without asking him to bunt."

Little did Tann know at the time that his career at Ole Miss was destined to be cut short for something out of his own control.

A little bit of backstory:
Tann was born on September 24th, 1985. Two years later, he was ten years old. That's right. You see, JoJo has a disorder of which many people are generally unaware, rapid aging. With an aging disorder as severe as Tann's, he knew he needed some special help, but his hard knocks upbringing in the Greater Jackson Metro area had taught him a thing or two about adversity.

Tann's mother, Becky, is a successful realtor in the Jackson area. Her signs can be seen in front of thousands of homes in Jackson. So you can see that JoJo wasn't afforded all the opportunities that a doctor or trial attorney's children might have seen. JoJo had to play the Sega Genesis instead of the NES. He had to buy knock-off brand slap bracelets. He was even forced to attend Jackson Prep instead of Genesis One.

At Prep, Tann struggled with his teachers. They couldn't understand his problems. They thought he was just tall for his grade. Actually, as a seventh grader, Tann was 32 years old. The other kids would tease him, calling him "Fully Grown Man". Think about what that can do to a 32 year old kid.

Luckily for Tann, he excelled at baseball (mostly because he was taller, faster, and stronger than all the rest of the kids). Coach IDon'tWantToResearch TheNameOfPrep'sMiddleSchoolBaseballCoach recognized JoJo's talents and made him a starter. Tann practiced day and night (except when he went to Destin for wicked awesome summer vacations). By the time he was in high school, Tann was a terror on the diamond. In Tann's senior season, he batted .620 (and I'm actually not making that up). He caught the eye of Mike Bianco who would later offer him a scholarship to attend Ole Miss.

At the time, Bianco was quoted as saying, "He's the best player on the field at Jackson Prep." What a statement!

Once Tann got to Ole Miss, he had trouble fitting in. At the age of 43, Tann was unable to get hooked on Halo2 like the rest of the baseball team. He didn't understand these new-fangled games. He barely even liked Super Mario Brothers 2, casting it off as a sell-out. I mean seriously, a dinosaur that blinks before it spits eggs? Come on.

Still, Tann was able to keep a 4.0 at Ole Miss (also not made up). The tutors thought he was a smart kid. He couldn't convince him that he had 43 years of knowledge under his belt.

And Now the Story Sours
Unfortunately, as they like to do, the NCAA did some investigating. While they made special allowances for learning disabilities, no one had ever challenged their stance on aging disabilities. They discovered that in his three years at Ole Miss, Tann had completed thirteen seasons of eligibility (even if not thirteen seasons at the plate). Unwilling to make allowances for the problem that had been plaguing JoJo for his entire life, the NCAA denied his attempt to play in a fourteenth season. He was getting older at an alarming rate. Why, just the other day at practice, Tann had slid into third and broken a hip.

In an instant (well a proverbial instant... we'll call it an NCAA instant... six months later), Tann's baseball career at Ole Miss was over, and there was nothing he could do about it.

NOW
After being cast aside by the NCAA, Tann had to settle for dating hot chicks and living it up at Ole Miss. Still, the idea of playing baseball had been dancing around in his head (in a totally ungay way). That's when Tann found it, the Azalea Gardens intramural baseball team. There, Tann can be surrounded by his peers and still play the game he loves in a competitive atmosphere.

Says JoJo, "It's all I could have asked for. Constance Jones has a solid knucklecurve. I'm getting great practice against a pitcher as solid as she is. Who knows. Maybe next season they'll let me crack the batting order."

FOOM?

I just wanted to take this time to clear something up. I read NAFOOM daily. I think it's very funny. However, this site is not NAFOOM. It is in no way affiliated with NAFOOM, and none of the people who post here post on NAFOOM. We almost all read it regularly, but we do not post there.

I just thought that this could put to rest the threads about how someone who posts on NAFOOM must be in charge of RSC. We think your stuff is hilarious. We just don't post there for some reason.

Anyway... back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting.

Hell, ESPN is in on it too.

As per Ivory Tower's observations, Mike Oher, Greg Hardy, and Peria Jerry are getting mad props from the "draft gurus." Even Todd McShay of ESPN has Oher and Hardy going in the first round.

Of course, none of this means anything until Mel Kiper opines on the matter. If he does, in fact, hop aboard the "Oher-Hardy-Jerry" express to First Round Town, we should win more than 0 SEC games this year. I know, I'm not setting the bar high, but I think we're all lucky that I'm even setting the damn thing at all.

I appreciate ESPN giving me this helmet and all but...
...have they looked at my hair?

Dos pickos en el primer roundo

I told myself that I would leave this thing alone for the two weeks of law exams and let you people wallow in discontent. However, when a gem like this falls into your lap, it's just too much.

Andrew Perloff, of CNNSI, has decided that Ole Miss will have two first-round draft picks next year and hints at the possibility of a third. That's right. Two, maybe three. They are:

Michael Oher. Yeah, of course. We've known MIke was first-round talent since the day Shawn Tuhoy saw him on the mean streets of Memphis and "moved him on up." Barring injury, legal incident, or over-ingestion of Taco Bell's new 89 cent cheezy double beef burritos, Mike's gonna make it rain.

Peria Jerry. Really? 'Cuz I didn't see this part coming. Isn't he more likely to go on IR than the first round of the draft?

Perloff even mentions second-team all-American back-up Greg Hardy, whom he says "overshadows" Peria. Y'know who overshadows both of them? HINT: He's the 8,000 pound namesake of Ole Miss' new jumbotron who, if he can make C's in Underwater Basketweaving, Remedial Addition, and "Independent Study" to play one season of Ole Miss football, will be the idiot that makes way more money than you.

Anyway, when three Ole Miss players are mentioned in Mock First Round Drafts (even though it's 362 days before the next one), you know someone's on the Kool-Aid.

Pete Boone's Justification: In Technicolor

So the Powe-Tron is getting re-bidded on. Apparently plastic pegs are pretty damned expensive and Boone just doesn't want to shell a lot of cash. While we joke about our athletic department's collective inability to make a good decision, it really is sad. The saddest part of all of this, of course, is the inevitable wave of apologists that will come out defending their (likely awful) choice. They'll all be wooed by Pete Boone's snake oil sales pitch and will be convinced that our new Powe-Tron is the dandiest thing since firework sensitive ribbon boards.

We won't buy it, however. We'll (you're included in this one, Cup-fan) be the collective Jim Halpert/Pam Beesley on this one:


(HUGE Tip o' the Hat goes to "Monsignor Larvell Jones MD" of NAFOOM, sorry we stole your joke)

Interview with Billy

Last week, Billy Chadwick answered some questions submitted by fans for Grove Side Q&A with olemisssports.com. It opened up with the all-too-neglected topic of tennis recruiting. Apparently, we've got the top-ranked player from Sweden coming in next year to add to our four returning players. Aside from him, Coach Chadwick only mentions "a couple of recruits that we are working on that we should get some answers on pretty soon." Nonetheless, he feels "very confident that we will have an excellent team next year."

Really, Billy? By my count, that's five people on our roster. Barring any injuries or illnesses that have plagued us this season, that still leaves us with a gaping hole. Granted, the season isn't even over yet, but I'd like a few more commits before I believe that we'll be "among the top 10 in the country" again. That is, unless we persuade former high school tennis star and newly discovered Ole Miss slugger, Jordan Henry, to make the trip from Swayze to Palmer/Salloum.

Speaking of which, with spin that would make Fox News proud, Chadwick commented, "The Palmer/Salloum Tennis Center is one of the nicest tennis centers in the country. What makes it nice is that it is a good size where we can pack it." Translation: IT'S TINY! There's no way it ranks among the top in the country. Perhaps, after the planned renovations, we can revisit this topic, but the only way I see that happening is the addition of the Powe-Tron.

On another note, the host sites for Regionals will be announced Tuesday afternoon, and The Library is giving away free food from 12:15 to 1:30. Free food? I'll be there.

Rebel(s) of the Week: Title IX Edition!

I was hoping to give this weeks Rebel of the Week award to the player who performed the most admirably in our series sweep of the Arkansas Razorbacks.

Oops...

Oh well, so much for that monumental collapse. The underachieving baseball team has turned my eyes to an overachieving achieving existent squad of Rebels who have done nothing but positively promote Ole Miss athletics. These fine athletes (kinda-sorta, like in the "chess is an olympic sport" way) have performed at a nationally respected level over the last few seasons yet do not garner much, if any recognition from the everyday Ole Miss fan. In the last 3 seasons they have had more All-Americans than our football or basketball teams and have appeared in an NCAA championship! Yet, this is not their greatest contribution to our esteemed Ole Miss athletic programs. Not only are these Rebels competitive at the national level, but they also make sure that we are compliant with Title IX! I, of course, am talking about the Ole Miss Rebel Rifle Team!

Thanks for nothing, Nixon

These fine young women shoot glorified BB guns at paper targets day in and day out and probably win some kinda fancy prize or some shit if they do well. Y'know, without Title IX and, subsequently, this rifle team, Ole Miss would not be the internationally respected sharpshooting women producing institution it is (is it?)! Seeing their success on and off the... range... makes me forget that men are naturally better athletes and actually play in profit making sports and that one can't really be a spectator at these turkey shoots (hell, I'm just guessing... even if one can, it's one of those "tree falling in the woods" kind of things).

Ole Miss Rifle squad, for keeping the NCAA off our backs on this one you've earned this weeks Rebel of the Week prize!

Did You Know?

Sean Stuyverson is really bad in the field. Really bad.

If you throw the ball 98 mph with no movement people hit it very far.

Sean Stuyverson cannot hit the ball either.

Brett Bukvich is not back.

Jordan Henry has power?

Justin Cryer was actually our closer at one point. Anyone else bothered by that?

Ole Miss vs Arkansas Preview

Time to man up....

The Rebels are coming into a very important stretch of the season. This is no time to play games (well, the childish ones).

Anyway, here are the numbers:

Ole Miss vs Arkansas

Batting Average: .303, .287
Earned Run Average: 3.43, 4.55
Fielding Percentage: .967, .966

Pitching Match-Up:

Friday: 6:30

Lance Lynn RHP(5-1, 3.79 ERA)
vs.
Dallas Keuchel LHP (3-1, 3.14 ERA)

Saturday: 4:00
Drew Pomeranz LHP(4-1, 1.84 ERA)
vs.
Justin Wells RHP(3-0, 4.66 ERA)

Sunday: 1:30
Cody Satterwhite RHP(why haven't we given up on him yet?, 3-3, 4.83 ERA)
vs.
Cliff Springston LHP(4-2, 3.70 ERA)

Predictions:
It would be the easy way out to say that we will win Friday and Saturday and lose on Sunday. So, that's my prediction. Scores: 5-2, 8-1, 2-9

Politickin'

It should be noted that I don't support anyone. For anything. Ever. I'm a little too busy wondering whether or not Mike can win the big game.

However, I think I might have stumbled upon something worth politicking over.

You may have heard of the Lexington Brothers, Pickens and Durant, famous for their big hit "It's Okay to Hate Doyle Jackson." I'm not gonna link it when you're perfectly capable of getting on Youtube yourselves, you lazy bums.

What I will link is this here poll on the CMT website. You see, CMT has started a little show called "Can You Duet." It's a totally original concept, and I'm pretty sure there's not even a British dude on it, which is a plus.

Anyway, Pickens and Durant have taken time out of their busy schedule full of substance abuse and not moving on with their lives to try out for this program. Apparently you can vote for them at the link above. Will it help them win? I honestly don't know. Do we want them to win? Well, if you like the idea of LSU and Alabama getting trashed every week on nationwide cable in front of an audience of, literally, millions, thousands, tens of people, then try to keep them on TV.

But, if you're too lazy to click on the link provided for you, then, fine, I don't really care.

The Powe-Tron

As a part of our media rights contract with TeleSouth we will soon be getting a brand new jumbotron for Vaught Hemingway Stadium. While the prospect of a new, cutting edge screen is thrilling, let us not forget that the man behind all of this is Pete Boone. Yeah, according to the Clarion Ledger, the thing is going to cover about 4000 square feet and cost anywhere from $5 to 7 million but I'm not yet convinced. Remember, we are Ole Miss and we are embarrassingly excellent at cutting corners.

Take this quote for instance: "the actual screen is 84 feet wide by 48 feet tall and it's supposed to be HD quality."

Did anybody else catch that? Supposed to be "HD quality?" So not only is it not HD, and not only does it not necessarily have HD quality, it is simply "supposed" to have HD quality? But wait, there's more! You see, the aforementioned price range of roughly 5-7 million bucks is, of course, determined by the varying bids put forth by big-ass-screen companies and construction companies. Knowing their track record, what makes you think that Pete Boone and the rest of the athletic department will pick the greatest and the grandest screen available? The ever-churning rumor mill even has it that he has, in fact, taken the lowest possible bid.

When many people/Spirit board posters heard about a new jumbotron they had something like this in mind. However, we at the cup know better. We know that whatever grandiose visions we have about this new jumbotron the future in general are false. Therefore we have come up with our own versions of what will actually be built above our north end zone bleachers.

This is the stadium as it looks today. The current screen is on the right hand side juuuuust above the bleachers there... do you see it? No?! Look closer. No this isn't one of those God damned "magic eyes!" Shit, ok, well.... Just bear with me, it's there (click the picture for biggification if need be).

The first potential jumbotron is big as fuck, just as promised, yet is only of "supposed HD quality."

Yes, those are individually placed plastic pegs.

The design of the next screen relies on the assumption that we will dry up a well of expenses with the creation of our new screen. Well, we've gotta get that money back somehow and I submit that there would be no better way than shameless advertising space!

"For some reason, I really want some Taco Bell..."

Of course, we at Ole Miss like to march to the beat of our own drum and could think waaaaay outside of the box with this one. We could move back into our holy-rolling evangelical roots with this one and deliver messages from Reverent Nutt via jumbotron.

And thou shalt not drink beer in the Grove!

Of course, we've got to name this thing. You can't build such a monumental fuck-up without actually giving it a keen, punchline-worthy name. At Texas they have the "Godzillatron" (not a fuck-up, for the record) so why not name ours the "God-damn-it-tron?" Is there another name that can better demonstrate the frustration of the Ole Miss fan?

No? You don't like it? Too vulgar for the kids? Well, ok. Let's see, ooh, the "Mothratron!"

No? Yeah, I agree, Mothra was pathetic.

I've got it! Let's give it a name which embodies something which is large, stupid, not really on campus, frustrating, and an unaware butt of countless jokes. The POWE-TRON! Yes, fans, when the inevitably embarrassing monstrosity that is the new jumbotron is completed you'll look up at it and think, "yeah.... Powe-tron."

Jordan...HEEEENNNNRRRYYYY! (Logan Williams too)

Alrighty boys... The Rebels won their game against Arkansas State last night. Thank goodness. That brings the Rebs to 2-0 on the week and 27-15 overall.

Quick Recap:
It was a back and forth battle for the Rebels, but they pulled out the win when Logan Williams hit a two-run shot in the eighth followed by a bases clearing single (kind of a double) from Jordan Henry. The final score was 9-4.

Brett Bukvich got the start, but it was Rory McKean who got the win after 1.0 inning of work. Scott Bittle finished the game out by pitching 1.1 innings and striking out three while not allowing a hit. "The Bittler" does it again.

I apologize if I spend too little time recapping game action for you. I think it more important to offer you my analysis of where we stand before each series and what our strengths and weaknesses may be.

Looking to the Future:
Many talk about wanting to host a regional, and I just do not see that happening. Our RPI is around 44th right now. We're 27-15 (10-8 SEC). Here is my formula for hosting a regional:
Win two remaining midweek games Memphis (RPI 160) and Jackson State (RPI 206). Then, we would have to sweep Arkansas (RPI 34) and Auburn (RPI 45). I do not know that incredibly much about how RPI works, but we need to sweep those home series to make sure we get our RPI into the low thirties.
Here comes the hard part. We absolutely have to take 4 of 6 on the road against Georgia (RPI 13) and Kentucky (RPI 41). If you have already done the math, you realize that would make us the two seed (barring a Georgia meltdown) in Hoover with a 20-10 SEC record and 39-16 record. I believe this would pull our RPI near about twenty. With a fat check to the NCAA, luck, and other teams having end-of-the-season disasters, we could host. Also, I realize that winning streak would make us the absolutely hottest team in the United States. However, this should also show you how absolutely implausible it is for us to host.

Here is what really happens:
This weekend, we take two of three from Arkansas. Then, we win both midweek games the following week. The following weekend, we win one at Georgia. We come home to sweep Auburn the next weekend. The final weekend of SEC play, we win two at Kentucky. That's 36-20 (18-10 SEC), and I would guess our RPI would finish about 25th. I'm sorry Rebel faithful, that is not enough to host a regional. "Wait a minute," you may say. "What if we have a good showing in Hoover?" Ok, so you want to do well in Hoover. I say that we make it to the championship game of the SEC tourney, we might host (keep in mind that the host sites are announced before the SEC tourney championship is actually played, so winning or losing it does not affect host status).

Ok, so back to reality. Realistically, a 17 or 18 win record in SEC play combined with our horrible RPI puts us as a 2 seed (I can't make myself believe we'd ever be a 3 seed) in some other team's regional. It is very possible to win on the road and get us to Omaha (i.e. Miami 2006).


What I am liking:

Pitching: Lynn is good at home. Pomeranz is ridiculously good. Buk and McKean are my two candidates to fill in the Sunday role. Obviously, Bittle is my boy at closer.

Hitting: If Jordan Henry's and Logan Williams' bats heat up and Guerrero and Overbeck get back from injury, book your hotel rooms in Omaha (also book them at wherever we play our regional and super regional).

...Ole Miss (part 2 of Tuesday's "We Are...")

After pouting about last night's post for a little while, I was struck with the urge to get dranked out of my cotton-pickin' mind. So I did. And I didn't sleep much. As I finally settled into bed, though, I thought about the events that I would use to finish this article. I admit it, I wrote the first half without thinking it all the way through. Anyways, it astounded me that not only did these final five events come to my head with such immediacy, but that they all happened in the same year. Jesus. Before I continue though, serious thanks go out to the guys at NAFOOM for plugging our blog on the board today. You can't buy (nor could we afford) that kind of advertising. So without further ado...

5. Baseball team is ranked #4 preseason, only to drop games against such impressive opponents as Central Arkansas, Western Kentucky, and Southern Miss, while losing series against TCU, Florida, Alabama, and South Carolina. While maybe not the disaster it once seemed (the Diamond Rebs have since climbed back to #21), complaining about being ranked below Arizona State now seems a little silly. Defense, hitting, and pitching have all been suspect for the Rebels, which would seem strange, excepting for the fact that Mike Bianco claimed that this was his most talented squad ever, thus bringing upon them the ire of the sports gods. Though the team has stumbled their way back into contention for a regional host site, the fan experience has become less about the game and more about pounding back beers until compelled to piss on the tennis courts. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Speaking of lofty expectations...

4. Basketball team ranked #15 midseason, only to fall to LSU, Auburn (twice!!!), South Carolina, etc., etc. Basketball season was a long, unusual, and unsatisfying cock tease this year... David Huertas, billed as a sensational shooter, and heir apparent to... uh (quick, who was the last great Ole Miss basketball player? Anyone?), no one, I guess, ended up a major disappointment for all but about five games, leaving the weight on the shoulders of a man who makes Todd Abernathy look like the Incredible Hulk. Coming off another season in football hell, and off to a 14-0 start, it seemed safe to assume good things about the Rebs' postseason chances. We all know how that turned out. Anyways, like most good Ole Miss failures, apologists abound, using excuses that justify such collapses. We weren't supposed to be good anyway. The boys tried hard. Wait till next year.

3. 4th & 1: Surely Sylvester Croom crafted his Egg Bowl victory celebration for maximum irony and Ole Miss fan annoyance. After a banner year of player misconduct, even for State, Croom fakes his way to a win and the first thing he can choke out is: "They have so much character..." Sly's tears subsided long enough for him to stumble around Scott Field waving a giant MSU flag in a state of elation totally becoming of someone who, like Croom, makes 6 or 7 figures and can NEVER. BE. FIRED. All this ballyhoo is of course caused by an agonizingly inevitable chain of mental failures by one Ed 'the Orgeron' Orgeron. After building a sizable lead by playing aggressive defense and creative, misdirection offense, O decides to run up the middle out of the I formation and to start coaching his defense with all the subterfuge of Art Kaufman and the tenacity of Chuck Driesbach. This prompted, of course, a series of punts, one of which was a low rocket that landed gently in the hands of one Derek Pegues, who waltzed in largely untouched to tie the game. Oops. The decision to try for the 1st on 4th and 1 was largely inconsequential. Yes, it was probably too risky. But regardless of punt, turnover on downs, or first down Ole Miss, the outcome would likely have been the same for the Rebels, who proved through all 12 games that poor decision making and shit luck do not make a good pair.

2. Daytime Fireworks: Fireworks, according to Wikipedia, "were originally invented by the Chinese, for entertainment purposes, as a natural extension of the Chinese invention of gunpowder." Browsing further down the article, I noticed, among several breathtaking pictures of fireworks shows, one hell of a coincidence: it was night time in ALL of the pictures! Every last one! Looking further into this quandary, I found that most fireworks considered appropriate for midday use included small consumer devices such as smoke bombs, bottle rockets, and black cats, which rely more on sound that light effects. I also read (and I recommend that wikipedia check their sources on this one) that fireworks can be DANGEROUS, and should be used with a certain degree of advanced planning and caution! How wacky! Anyways, point is, I can't describe the upwelling of emotion and pride in my alma mater that I felt when I beheld the wonderful display of black smoke and artillery fire that arose from some unspecified place right outside Vaught Hemingway stadium, alarming the senile and boring everyone else. What an appropriate way to celebrate a long overdue fundraising effort with a poor marketing campaign during a noonday skulldragging at the hands of our beloved Razorback brethren! You also have to love the symbolism behind nearly blowing up the jumbotron and sound system, at the possible peril of unwilling bystanders. A real classy touch. After all, its the REDBLUE in you!!! I'm starting to see how getting my marketing degree from Ole Miss is about as ironic as getting a degree in dental medicine from West Virginia.

1a. Doyle Jackson and 'the catch:' where does one even start? This one has all the trappings: A loss to Alabama, corrupt officials, conspiracy within the SEC office, angry drunken students, a country song, and a single red slipper, and the single greatest screw job in sports for 2007. Without recapping all the gory details, we got hosed, and the entire SEC knows it. Fuck you, Doyle, burn in hell.

1b. Changing the culture of alcohol: although the Bama game was certainly the most agonizing Ole Miss event of 2007/8, C.T.C.O.A. has to be the most fitting. Caught in a perpetual struggle betwixt GOB's and progressives, with a healthy dose of idiots in between, something Ole Miss folks could generally always agree on was that we like to get shithoused, together, in nice clothing. In reaction to complaints by alumni about drunk students getting in the way of their children's razor scooter races through the Grove on Saturdays, it became increasingly clear to the Chancellor that even this point of agreement was in jeopardy, and a very convoluted plan was in order. The plan, one of the many provisions of which allows liquor but not beer in the Grove, could not be aimed more squarely at allowing alumni to drink unimpeded unless the only permitted beverages were top-shelf scotch and Cristal mimosas. Past the liquor/beer rule, shit gets really weird. A guidebook of How to Permissibly Drink Underage at Ole Miss ought to be handed out at orientation. I don't have a damn clue how it works... Thus, having confused the shit out of everyone and rid campus of the greatest threat known to humanity, RK was left at peace to continue knocking down the houses of Asian families to build a new law school that we don't really need.

That's a wrap, folks, enjoy your weekend, except on Sundays, and without any open containers, or beer on the Northeast side of campus, and with a lock on your coolers...

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PETE BOONE

Yes, Ole Miss is breaking away from its Southernly practices of moving slowly and has implemented a plan to give us a new basketball arena.  Construction on the arena is set to begin in...2028.  

Awesome!  So when I am nearing 50 and my wife is going through menopause I'll be able to enjoy a new state of the art facility!  Andy Kennedy 20 more years?

I just wonder if he'd still be wearing his Jorts which have become a staple around town?

Seriously, if this was the "major" announcement that was supposed to come out today then I think a collective "eff" you should be directed to our Athletic Director.  Yes, it's great that we MIGHT have a new basketball arena in 20 years, but I don't consider this a "major announcement."  

Maybe by 2028 Eli and his new bu will have produced another Quarterback for us and talks about bowling in the stadium will finally get under way!

Greg Hardy: All American at 2nd String

Greg Hardy, the prima donna of our defensive line, was recently named a 3rd team All American. The interesting thing bout all of this is that Hardy currently is not in the depth chart as a starter because we are such a deep team he's being a little bitch. Greg, seriously, give the bullshit a rest.

Oh, and yeah, Michael Oher is a first team All American. The kid's a damned behemoth so really, we're not surprised.

So Long, Terrence!

Andy Kennedy and the Rebel coaching staff took a break from "gettin' dranked" and signed us a basketball player. Ladies and gentleman meet the newest Ole Miss Rebel, DeAundre Cranston. (I, unlike Ghost of Jay Cutler, can spell our recruits' names correctly)

Cranston comes to the Rebels via Daytona Beach Community College via Orlando Florida. He originally committed to the Butler Bulldogs and was recruited by Kansas State and Auburn (how did they beat us twice?) out of JUCO.

Cranston averaged 12 points and 11 rebounds last season in JUCO, not exactly stats that get me excited about this signing. Although our last two JUCO signees averaged much better than that; Wesley Jones, who tore it up at Pearl, and Terrence Watson, who apparently scored more in bed than he did in the games.

This signing comes as a surprise as Neal McCready had reported hours earlier that the Rebs were looking at a Serbian prospect to fill their big man void. Better work on those sources, Neal.

I'm honestly disappointed we did not sign him so I could hear Chuck say, "Now I hate saying this, but he reminds me a little of Peja Stojakovic." You know he would do that. He said Gerald Harris was like Kellen Winslow and Devin Thomas is probably just as good as Reggie Bush in his eyes.

Continuing my hate on Rivals, Neal compared Terrico White to Anfernee Hardaway. I mean, I'd love for him to be the next Lil' Penny, but there are plenty of more "coveted" prospects in the Memphis area than White.

Ok, ok, ok guys. Time to make a move

Last night, the Rebels of Ole Miss trounced Murray State. I went to 5 innings of this trouncing, and it was probably the most boring game I have ever seen in my life. However, there were some good things.

Positives from last night:

Logan Williams got some action, and he got his first two hits of his Rebel career. I'm so glad we're beginning to use Logan because I was wondering why we de-redshirted him just so he could sit the bench. It is also great that Overbeck got to rest those shins.

Fuller Smith went 4 for 5, and just had a monster night overall. He hits the ball really hard every time he swings, and the Bianco strategy of swinging at the first pitch is really working right now.

Logan Power. He is our most consistent player, and he always looks great at the plate.

Nathan Baker's 11 strikeouts. More on him in the negative category.

Rebels 21-hit performance. However, many of these came against a pitcher who forgot to wear his hat when he went to pitch one inning. That's sad.

Negatives:


Our defense is depressing. Stuyverson is bad (Where is Tim Ferguson?). Miller cannot make plays in the 4 gap, but he looks great moving towards second base. We miss too many routine plays, and many times these are double play opportunities.


Nathan Baker struggled with control at times last night, and I do not think he looked as great as his numbers do. Oh well. I guess I have been wrong once before.

Other thoughts:
The atmosphere at the game last night was almost non-existent. It was really boring despite the offensive fireworks.

Rory McKean is awesome. Matt Tracy is, well, Matt Tracy.
Today's opponent gave us our first loss of the season way back in March. Arkansas State seems to give us fits every year, and hopefully we will take care of business today. Their RPI is terrible, and their record is too.

Brett Bukvich is slated to start for the Rebels, and he has looked great in his last two outings. I would even like him to make an appearance in the weekend rotation. Ok, so not really. I'd rather have Rory McKean on Sundays. Nevermind that.

Predictions:

We romp Arkansas State. We understand how badly we need to win, and we take care of business.

Rebel Roundup

The Road to Omaha is paved with Thoroughbreds. The baseball team defeated Murray State last night 15-5. Nathan Baker strikes out eleven including six of his first seven? Well, that's neat ... but Murray Freakin' State still scored five runs on the best pitching staff in the Southeastern Conference. Yeah, but we scored fifteen. Outstanding. Now, let's try one more time to beat Arkansas State.

I wonder if she sings Van Halen before each meet? Brittany Reese is the SEC's Female Track Athlete of the Week for her school-record long jump of 22' 9". Good for you, Brittany. Tell me how your knees feel in twenty years.

Some dude commits to Ole Miss. Here's the thing, until they're in contention for the starting 22, I have a really hard time caring about the names/hometowns/heights/weights/40 times of current and potential Rebel football players. I certainly have not yet motivated myself to worry about a young man who hasn't finished his junior year of high school - it's gonna be a while before he makes All-American. But, because I know that some of you pervs out there do care, some kid from Morriston, TN named Demarcus Knight has committed to Ole Miss.

Please resist the urge to freak out.

Scouting the Enemy. Here's a piece written yesterday about Arkansas baseball. Arkansas Coach Dave Van Horn promises to save basically all of his pitching for their trip this weekend to Oxford. Arkansas beat Northern Colorado last night 5 Go-billion to -7 in a rousing game of T-ball.

A Message from Rev. Nutt

Brothers and Sisters, I want to welcome you again to our house of worship. Today, my brethren, I want to talk about sin. Yes, it permeates our very existence and attacks even the strongest among us. Why, even the saints, John and Thomas, were wrecked with sin.

Brothers and sisters, there are sinners everywhere you look. Even members of our own congregation have engaged in pre-marital sex, drunkeness, and foul language.

But, we are gathered here today for an intervention of Christian love. There is one amongst us who has strayed, who has headed down that wide path that leads, ultimately, to the the dark one and Hell itself. Brother Walker could not be with us today. The Reverend Brother Boone and I believe that Brother Walker may yet be under the terrible influence of your former pastor. Consequently, Brother Walker is undergoing an awful behavior modification regiment - watching 2007 Egg Bowl 47 times. It's a tough program, but we have faith in Allen.

Even though Allen is not with us today, I have chosen that it is both wise and Christian to talk about him like he is. Allen, and by extension the rest of you, are full of sin! Full of it! You're emitting sin right now from beneath your fingernails, and I can smell it! I can smell it! It's not a mighty wind from the southeast; it's your transgressions. And it's effecting your play on the field, which is what matters to God. Jerrell, your gluttony has caused you to balloon to 967 pounds. Your number of stars on Rivals is a measure of your potential as an athlete, not a reliable count of the number of cheeseburgers you are authorized to have before breakfast. Dexter, your slovenliness has made you weak and breakable. You are so frail that with one little hit, the Evil One (or perhaps even the kicker), can end your season. And, Jamarca, your rage (exhibited by your conduct a few months ago at Billiard's) has caused you to attack opposing players in a manner that often causes them physical and mental distress.

Actually, on second thought, the good book teaches that sometimes God incorporates our sin into his plan, so, Jamarca, you can ... uh ... keep on keepin' on!

Anyway, the point is, we all have sin we must conquer. Even my little Haven (who had better never be contacted by any of you under any circumstances) has succumbed to the perils of human lust. Recognize your sin, and conquer your sin.

Unless you're Brother Sanford.

We are...

Spring is in the air! The girls have traded in Uggs for Rainbows, Spirit posters are arguing about mascots and establishing all-girl cheer squads, baseball team is underachieving way ahead of schedule, and vast hordes of unwashed hippies lie waiting in the hills of Lafayette county to descend upon Double Decker... So now is as good a time as any to look back and reflect on the ten events that most aptly defined the University this year.

10. On the way out the door, Hugh Freeze, Brent Schaeffer, and the spread option leave Ole Miss fans bitterly aware of the fact that Ed Orgeron delegates and manages talent as well as Helen Keller could snow ski. Freeze draws comparisons to Vince Lombardi, Stephen Hawking, and Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, before being snubbed by HDN and returning to the high school ranks.

9. The quest for a receiver for Ole Miss fans to erroneously compare to Randy Moss continues... A.J. Jackson, 6-6 receiver from College of Sequoias (with an offer from USC) elects to pursue a career in cannabis consumption rather than endure the potential stress of a stint in the National Football League. A few months later, Deandre Brown, a top 10 national prospect from Ocean Springs, standing 6-6 and drawing comparisons to Calvin Johnson, spurns the advances of LSU and Ole Miss (after being rumored as a lock for each school at different times) chooses to further his academic pursuits at the University of Southern Mississippi. HDN counters by signing a 6-7 fellow from Georgia named Melvin who, despite an Auburn offer and favorable comparisons to Marcus Monk, probably has to avoid walking around in a stiff breeze for fear of breaking in half.

8. At the end of a thrilling back and forth match between a highly ranked Tennessee basketball squad, Dwayne Curtis, an 80% free throw shooter, gets the ball under the basket with a chance to put the game away. Much like determining the world record for the fastest banjo picker, the use of a slow motion camera is necessary to determine exactly how many times Curtis was fouled during his two attempts under the bucket. Suffice it to say, none of these roughly 83 fouls were called, but when Kenny Williams (a sub-par shooter) rebounds and puts up another shot, a (non-shooting) foul is whistled. Williams misses the front end of a 1-1, and the rest is history.

7. Ole Miss athletics continues its use of NERF (or Meridian-based NERF knockoff) weaponry in the SEC facilities arms race. Baseball expansions are scaled down and futzed-with, basketball teams are forced to practice with buckets on the floor while funding for the BPF flounders, and plans for painting all four sides of the football stadium the SAME DAMN COLOR are nonexistent.

6. Staring a likely blowout in the face, a spunky Rebel football team has the ball at the Georgia Bulldog's 1 yard line in Athens, about to go up 14-0 against a young and run-heavy SEC opponent. Senior center/foul generator Corey Actis has been benched, bringing in senior center Thomas Eckers, who, despite not being the most physical player, has generally been consistent and fundamentally sound. I can barely even finish this entry. Jesus. Eckers botches the snap, and earns the #6 spot on this list of microcosmic Ole Miss sports moments. Also, JUCO All-American loses a bet that forces him to buy One Man to Beat a catfish dinner.

I'll finished the list tomorrow. The memories are too fresh and vivid. My head hurts.

Boda de Eli - ¡Que sexy!

Eli's had a pretty kickass year thus far. After beating the juggernaut New England Patriots and being named MVP in what most people will remember as the SINGLE. GREATEST. SUPERBOWL. EVER. he decided to settle down and get hitched to his super-duper hot ladyfriend, Abby McGrew at a private ceremony this past weekend. The cost of the wedding was estimated at nearly half a million dollars which, while most certainly a pretty penny to nearly all of us, is bullshit chump change to a Manning. I have seen a few photographs taken (by an embarrasingly voyeuristic paperazzo) at the wedding and I must say, $500,000 seems like a bit of an underestimate.

I mean, a privately-rented seaside resort with room reservations for everyone, designer gowns and dresses, and top-end food and booze served off of fine china don't exactly add up to six figures. Unless, of course, you're getting married in M E X I C O !!! Yes, Eli, Abby, and the rest of the Manning clan spent a wacky weekend on the Baja Peninsula soaking up rays, knocking back Modela and, oh yeah, hosting a wedding.

Now I, being an ignorant, wealthy, white, Southern male have an impression of Mexico which is most accurately represented thusly:

¡Si!

Having that been said, and keeping in mind that I wasn't there and am rarely, if ever, invited to attend sacred/public events, I will now give you a rundown of the Manning/McGrew wedding with the most precise accuracy imaginable.

Wedding Photo: totally legit, not at all doctored...

11:24 AM - Eli wakes up, rolls over and, for (maybe) the last time in his life, throws out whatever incredibly sexy nymphomaniac he slept with the night before. As a married man, Eli won't be able to show up at The Library and bring a platoon of these home anymore.

12:00 PM - He's showered and ready. His fiancée, a woman, most likely took several hours and cried through at least three separate applications of mascara.

12:25 PM - Eli walks to the local McDonalds and eats the greasiest thing he can find with hopes of curing his hangover.

12:27 PM - Vomit.

1:00 PM - Eli and Archie sit down for a cup of coffee. Archie brings Eli in reeeaaallll close in order to give him the crucial Manning family wedding day secret to success: "Do NOT sire females."

3:00 PM - The ring ceremony. It's beautiful, really. There are tears in the eyes of grown men, beautifully crafted rings made of jewels and precious medals, and much pomp and fanfare.

3:30 PM - The wedding ring ceremony.

3:35 PM - Wedding's over. A limousine awaits Mr. and Mrs. Manning to take them to their reception. The wedding reception, featuring none other than The Library's own DJ Mario, consists mainly of an obese black male screaming "pop yo' pussay" into a microphone over a Ying Yang Twins song off of his iPod.

4:00 PM - Abby and Eli's first dance. Eli, a man not known for his grace, attempts to keep up with his new wife but quickly gives up, exclaiming "I don't know how to 'crank dat' Soulja Boy,' so get off my back!"

4:01 PM - Peyton 'cranks dat' perfectly, looks over at Archie, and screams "Hey Daddy! Look! I can do it!"

5:18 PM - David Cutcliffe falls asleep sitting up.

5:30 PM - Abby throws the bouquet. It is caught by none other than David Tyree.

6:56 PM - Eli and Abby take that one last tequila shot that propels you into a world of debauchery, violence, and amnesia.

5:55 AM - A suddenly awakened Abby Manning jumps from her bed and runs into the bathroom. After a few minutes, she nervously walks out clutching a pregnancy test in her hands. Eli, staring at her through a single half-opened, bloodshot eye inquires to as to exactly what "the fuck" she was doing. Abby, shaking, says to Eli, "your father and every other Spirit board poster told me I had to check, or else. Those Mississippians are desperate, Eli..."

Murray State: Very, Very Bad

Very, very, exceedingly bad at baseball.

Not this kind of bad. Or this kind of bad. But this kind of bad.

They bat .263.

They've won 14 games.

They've lost to Memphis, Samford (twice), and Eastern Kentucky, which I kinda still think doesn't exist, even though they have a website and have obviously won at least one baseball game.

Terrible. Absolutely terrible at baseball.

So, we're going to win, then. Yes. We're going to win. Let's all say it together, and that will make it happen. Nathan Baker will pitch well. We won't need a walk-off home run to win the game. Nope. Gonna win this game. By a lot.

More specifically, Scandanavia

As promised by Ivory Tower, I bring more discussion of the Ole Miss SEC Champion tennis team. The Rebs got sweet revenge on Sunday afternoon after a series of unfortunate events led to a loss at home to the Gators in the regular season. The semifinal against the Volunteers of Tennessee deserves little note, as the match went basically as expected (and because it is almost completely overshadowed by the final). The most important point of that match had to be on Court 1 in doubles, where our sixth-ranked duo finally showed up after a streak of less-than-stellar matches with an 8-1 thrashing. This sign of resurgence in the team brought a sense of hope for going all the way.

In the final round, the Rebs expectedly snagged the doubles point, but Florida's absurdly strong singles play provided little comfort (see: wins over Ole Miss earlier in the season and Georgia the day before). At this point, you start counting matches and guessing the optimal/most likely way of winning. Yes, Jonas Berg will smoke his opponent on Court 4 (more on this Swede-nom (that's Swede-phenom) to come). Kalle Norberg can almost certainly be counted on for the third point. Where's that last one we need? Jakob could certainly do it, as could Erling or Robbye (if he's having a good day).

Well, that was about right. Jonas once again finished his match expediently, while Matthias fell on Court 2. Kalle had to fight for our third point but came through as expected. With Robbye in a third set, the final point was likely going to come from Court 1 or 6. Jakob took the second set to a tiebreaker but was beaten out by a matter of minutes by fellow senior Tveit, who clinched the match with a win over the second-ranked, cheating (see third paragraph) Greg Ouellette.

That one match is huge for the Rebels going into Regionals--too often were we winning via the doubles point and courts 4-6 in singles. While a win may in fact be a win, RSC endorses the opinion that greater margins of victory yield much "better" wins. Strong play in the top half of the line-up will make the Rebels an extremely potent force to deal with in contention for a national championship.


The events of Saturday (i.e. the Gators' win over Georgia) posit the question of whether the Rebel squad could have overcome the deep, experienced Bulldog team. Let's check this out analytically, court-for-court, based primarily on Georgia's performance on Saturday. I will apply a loose form of the transitive property in this reasoning, so bear with me.
In singles, Erling still clearly wins on Court 1--based on how well he played and on Ouellette's win the day before. The Rebels likely drop Courts 2 and 3 to the Dogs, but of course take 4. That puts us at 2-2 for those of you keeping score at home. I believe that we would be able to take the last two singles matches for the win, but for the sake of argument, say we split those two. In doubles, Erling and Jonas would have laid the smack down on anyone had they played as they did; and based on a very explicit use of the aforementioned transitive relation, Tucker and Jakob would have taken Court 3 easily to seal the deal. Summary: On Sunday, Ole Miss played well enough to beat just about anyone the NCAA could throw in their way.

Now, the Rebs have a couple of weeks to recuperate before Regionals (which will certainly be hosted in Oxford) and barring an apocalypse, will head to Tulsa for the Finals. [Clarification for baseball fans: In tennis, the Super-Regional stage is skipped in favor of a large equivalent of the College World Series.]

I Should Also Note...

That the Ole Miss Men's Golf Team finished seventh at the SEC Championship Golf Tournament this weekend at St. Simon's Island, Georgia. Warm congratulations to the Fairway Rebs (I just made that up and have NO idea if it works or not). Our best wishes to junior Jesse Spiers, who finished 7th in overall singles. Let's try a little harder next time, Spiers.

Title IX requires, additionally, that I extend congratulations something to the Women's Golf Team for finishing tenth in the Women's Tournament in Loudon, Tennessee this weekend. Dori Carter deserves of tip o' the cup for her Top 5 individual finish in the tournament. She should be congratulated for her excellent golfing skills, as well, for the fact that she just might be attractive. I can't say for sure, but I'm definitely willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, RSC won't get too hard on the Women's Golf Team. They work at a natural disadvantage since Ole Miss has always been more this than this.

Maybe I'll go watch "The Legend of Baggar Vance" now. Or I might just listen to "Gettin' Jiggy wit' It" over and over for two hours. Six in one hand; half dozen in the other.

The Key to Ole Miss Athletic Success: Western Europe

I assume that 25 Days A Week will have something more substantive for you in the near future, but until he does it falls on me to note that Ole Miss won an SEC Championship in ... something.

Yes! Tennis! I knew it!

Using a roster composed, primarily, of guys he picked up in a techno club Amsterdam, Billy Chadwick has won himself another SEC Title (Men's Tennis won the SEC Tournament in 1997, as well). In a fitting end to the tournament, the Rebs' top-ranked singles player, Erling Tveit (whose name is spelled, honestly, about as phonetically as possible), won his match against some unknown Floridian to suspend play and take the tournament.

So, warm congratulations to the Men's Tennis Team (and also the Women's Team! You did your best! Go Title IX!). Palmer-Salloum (yep, that's the Tennis Complex you've never heard of) will likely play host to regional and super-regional play in the NCAA Tournament. Regionals will be held the weekend of Commencement, which works out well for Erling's parents (two flights from Oslo costs a pretty krone - Norwegian currency, which, according to Google will fetch you about $0.20).

PICTOGRAMS!

First person to solve the picture puzzle gets a prize!

minus "ter"

THE

Rebel of the Week: Drinkin' and Drivin' edition

Ah, drinking and driving; the only name of a crime that I can think of which consists of two normal, legal things. Yes, we all enjoy a nice Sunday drive, and who seriously doesn't love gettin' tow-up dranked every now and then Tuesday? Yet, these two enjoyable and otherwise normal activities are like oil and water: they just don't mix.

This weekend, former four star recruit/serious underachiever Allen Walker, an outside linebacker, was arrested for DUI. Walker was charged with a DUI and disregarding (see: being drunkenly unaware of) a traffic device. Normally we wouldn't celebrate these kinds of things (DUI is NOT COOL kids) but Allen Walker's shortcomings serve well to remind us that we are, in fact, Ole Miss.

Congratulations Allen! You're our new Rebel of the Week!

P.S. - I'm pretty certain this is what Ivory Tower was attempting to link to. Be patient with him. He's not too keen on the intrawebs.

A Controversial Thought

I know this will probably be an unpopular position to take on baseball, but there's someone I want to gain a bigger role who doesn't have one right now.

That's why I'm advocating a new Sunday Starter... Scott Bittle.

Now, hear me out.

Scott Bittle has been lights out in relief, and while I know it's great to have someone who can come out of the pen and give us what Bittle gives us, we have a lot of depth in relief, especially when we pitch our starters through 7 innings like it seems we're loving to do these days.

Here's the thing. I want to see Justin Cryer and Rory McKean in relief. Like Bittle, those two have pitched well in relief, and we barely even see them on weekends these days. It's Bittle twice and Cryer for an inning.

I just feel like if we can return Satterwhite to a relief role, it would work better. If our three starters headed into the weekend were Fri: Lynn, Sat: Pom, Sun: Bittle, I'm not sure there would be a game in which I didn't favor our team.

Our bats and fielding always take Sundays off, so if we had a star pitcher throwing that day, it may not be a lost cause every Sunday.

I'm sure Cody Satterwhite is going to throw a no-hitter today and prove me wrong, but I just haven't been happy with his outings thusfar this season. I mean, the kid was on Team USA this summer. Now he has the highest ERA of all our starters?

Been Gettin' Dranked Lately?

Someone has.

I, for one, though, am in no position to cast stones.

"Getting Pretty Quiet..."

Cody Overbeck just launched one over the left field wall to increase Ole Miss count to 5-1 in the top of the 9th. So, barring some disaster (not unheard of, Rebel fans), Mike and the gang should take game 2 after dropping the Friday night contest 6-2. Drew Pomeranz guided Ole Miss through six scoreless innings.

Have you noticed how nice our margin of victory has been on Saturdays since Drew Pomeranz took over. 8-0 over Vanderbilt and 7-1 over LSU. This weekend, we are at 5-1 in the bottom of the ninth, which looks like it might hold up.

This all sets up the rubber-match that this blogger is willing to call the biggest start of Cody Satterwhite's career. Taking two from one of the top teams in the conference in Columbia means that our "hot streak" is still alive. Losers of four of their last five can scarcely be called "hot." And we need a little heat. Little should you forget that we have two monumental visits to Lexington and Athens left in the schedule.

By the way, Scott Bittle just finished the game off with a strike out to get the save in a 5-2 win. The Rebels are now 25-14 on the season, 10-7 in the Southeastern Conference. There are seventeen games remaining in the regular season, winning the SEC Tournament strikes up four more victories, and, please Rebels, take at least two in a Regional. Which means that in order to get to forty wins, a benchmark short of which the Rebels should fall will elicit justifiable disappointment and diatribe from LowAndOutside.

Expecting an SEC Tournament Championship is what they do at Scout. Expecting at least two wins in the SEC Tournament and two more in regional play is what you're going to get if you unwisely submit yourself to my written opinions. So, we need to win at least 11 of 17 in order to avoid what I would otherwise be calling the Great Diamond Disaster of 2008. Four mid-week opponents remain (Murray State, Arkansas State, Jackson State, and a rescheduled Memphis game). Our Tuesday Night Heroes will fulfill the wishes of the Dark One and lose at least one more otherwise inexplicable weeknight game. Additionally, we have to get eight wins out of four SEC series (pedestrian Arkansas in Oxford, scalding-hot Georgia in Athens, quite bad Auburn in Oxford, and winning lots of games except the three they dropped in Athens last weekend Kentucky in Lexington).

This is all excepting tomorrow's game in Columbia, where South Carolina will be saving their lowest-ERA starter for Cody Satterwhite who is, you guessed it, our highest-ERA starter.

Here's the thing: the SEC West is sucking so bad that the only way it can make itself feel better is for each team to remind itself how unbelievably terrible Mississippi State is. Losing the SEC West this season will be almost as embarrassing as allowing thirty-five runs in a weekend to a team that hasn't swept an SEC road series since U2 was a musical group (as opposed to something between the United Nations and the Partridge Family).

Not winning the West is part of this disaster scenario. While I expect to avoid that dubious fate, I would obviously appreciate something more. Something to which I will not submit is being the #3 seed in a Southern Miss Regional.

Not happening, Mike.

Tennis Update

This weekend, while without apparent sources of sporting excitement in God's Country, finds itself the host of the SEC Tennis Tournament (i.e. one that we can feasibly win). This blogger would certainly be there, were it not being held in the farthest farther major city in Arkansas from Oxford.
The team is almost, if not completely, back at full strength. Bram was actually listed to play this morning but was pulled out in favor of senior Jakob Klaeson just before singles. Perhaps he didn't feel well enough to play; perhaps Chadwick knew that we wouldn't need him to beat Kentucky. Well, we didn't need him, as the Rebs took doubles and then swept the bottom three games for a 4-0 win to take us to the semis against Tennessee.
Of note in the match--Kalle double-goose-egged his opponent on court 5. Jonas took his match with ease also (0,3). Jakob fought hard to clinch the match (7-5,6-2) for the Rebels. Everyone likes to talk about how well he plays in the postseason; I would love to see that manifest itself while Bram is out of the lineup.
On the top two courts, Erling and Matthias dropped their first sets before the match was suspended. They absolutely have to play better against Tennessee and (probably) Georgia if we're to have a chance to win it all. Yeah, winning courts 3-6 will get us through every time, but I'd like to not have to count on that.
There will be more to come as the tournament progresses. For those of you keeping score at home, live updates are available here.

Slow news week...

Tuesday nights loss to State has put most of us in a depressed, drunken stupor thus the lack of bloggage as of late. Being as how this is a pretty slow news week and we're at South Carolina (see: way too far away) this weekend, I'm going to leave you with this YouTube to hopefully assuage your RSC cravings.



Geeze, I really miss that Eli Manning kid.

The Gamecocks: I say, I say, I say ... they're doing alright!

South Carolina and Ole Miss' baseball programs took different routes this week. The Gamecocks (and people think "Rebels" is offensive) finished the series sweep of Auburn on Sunday and then finished the season sweep of their intra-state rival, Clemson, on Thursday. Ole Miss, meanwhile, got handled by the Corn Dog Kittens on Sunday before dropping another heartbreaker at Trustmark Park to A & M, prompting more than one Ole Miss fan to confusedly exclaim, "What the Flowood?"

So, late nine-game winning streak be darned, I am obviously a bit worried.

First, their Grove Bowl (Cock-Fest?) is this weekend. I actually think they call it the Garnet and Black Game. If I could see colors, I feel confident that I would think garnet to be a poor color choice for a football team. But I digress. The atmosphere at the their baseball game will likely be top-notch. No doubt some of the great football heroes of South Carolina lore will participate in the pre-game activities. Whoever those people might be.

And besides, it's hard playing on the road in the SEC. You might remember that until very recently, Vanderbilt had not swept an SEC road series since acid-washed jeans were cool.

Do I have any insight or analysis into this weekend's series? No. None at all. All I have is jokes, and even those aren't much to laugh at. But, here's the best I can come up with: if Drew Pomeranz continues to pitch lights out, and the Rebels score fifteen in the weekend, and there are no errors at shortstop, and Mike learns how to win the big game, then maybe we can take two of three.

And that would be acceptablicious.

What could have been....

I have mixed feelings about what happened last night in Pearl. I had seats at the ground level, and I yelled so much I lost my voice. I heckled. I screamed. I yelled balk even when there wasn't one. That, my friends, is fun.

On the negative side, we lost. Again. I'm so sick of losing midweek games to vastly inferior opponent. We have four midweek games remaining: Murray State, Arkansas State, Memphis, and Jackson State. ALL of them are must wins.

I really do not want to talk about what happened last night. You will not get a recap. I'm sorry. Rather, I will spew great amounts of criticism against Mike Bianco and State Fans.

Let's start with Bianco:
MIKE! Come on, man.... Seriously? Nathan Baker? Seriously? When Rory McKean got into a tight spot last night, Mike pulled him in favor of NATHAN BAKER. In general, I do not have a problem with Nathan. The problem is that he is not a strikeout pitcher. When two people are on base with no outs, you need a strikeout pitcher. So, you can guess the rest of the story.
Next point of contention: Jake Morgan. He is a nice kid and supposedly has a closer mentality. So what? Do not put him in a game like this just yet. Worse, he only faced one batter! Then, Justin Cryer comes out of the pen. Does no one remember the home run he gave up to the Mustard Buzzards just a couple of weeks ago in a midweek game against an in-state foe in the same freakin' ballpark? (FYI: It made the Sportscenter Top Ten). Justin lets runs score as well.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me calm down.
Ok. Why not "The Bittler"? Bittle is incredible! He could have silenced cow college, and gotten us out of the jam. I'm already mad enough, so let me change the subject.

State Fans:
There were many State Fans sitting behind me last night, and one in particular was just a plain out jerk. I was yelling at Tyler Whitney just saying, "Nice Pitch" (in a sarcastic tone I might add). This punk chimes in and says, "He's been doing pretty well so far." Good job Captain Obvious.
This guy would not give up all night. He was obviously wearing Moron and White glasses. Later, he got on a rant about how good Jamont Gordon and Varnado are. Then, Aaron Weatherford came in to relieve for State. He was wowed by his 90mph fastball. He would not shut up about Weatherford's speed. Ok, so you may argue that the gun was indicating slow, but it was indicating the exact same speed for Justin Cryer.
I now understand what the big deal is though because a friend explained it to me. State only has one pitcher that can consistently get into the mid-90s; therefore, it is exciting for them. We have a weekend rotation that averages mid-90s. Not a big deal for us.
I realize I could rant for days about how stupid state fans are.
Whenever I cool off, I will return and make a coherent blog post about Ole Miss Baseball.

Rebel Roundup

Never go to Rankin County. The Diamond Rebs fell to 0-2 in Stankin' County last night, losing a 6-5 decision to Mississippi State in the Governor's Cup. I'm sure LowAndOutside will have more for you, but, as for me, I don't believe in baseball anymore.

We'll take 'em where we can get 'em. Andy Kennedy signed his fifth commitment today, per David Brandt, a young man named Murphy Holloway from Irmo, South Carolina. This is the fifth signee for Ole Miss, so, if you dreamed of playing Rebel basketball on scholarship next year, your dream is over because we are fresh out of money. Holloway is, also, our fifth out-of-state signee, which, for you English majors, means that we didn't sign anyone from Mississippi this year. If you were worried about leaving the comfort of your native South Carolina, Murphy, you need not fret. Mississippi is equally as poverty-stricken and racially-polarized as home sweet home.

Pleasant, but not really a surprise. Sorry we missed it, but the tennis team beat Mississippi State on Sunday. This result shocked no one, except for the captain of the cheerleading squad at State, who responded, "What's tennis?"

Forest for the trees. Not surprisingly, the regional and national media are paying our new head coach way more attention than they are anyone on the team, and Matt Hayes' piece at Sporting News is no different. In the piece, Coach Nutt says that we (perhaps fans, perhaps players) are "callous to losing." Sounds like Coach Nutt let his Rivals subscription expire and opened an account at NAFOOM. Oh, well, any press is good press.

Haven Nutt on YouTube

Apparently she digs this "Effron" fella.

Oh Haven, when will you realize that all of these new technologies can easily be your downfall? Did your daddy not teach you anything about this using text-messaging-related allegories?
(Massive Tip-o-the-Hat: EDSBS)

Awards Day

Very real congratulations go out to Jamarca Sanford, the 2008 Chucky Mullins Courage Award Winner. Jamarca will represent Chucky well by not wearing the #38 jersey. At least this year's award winner will actually start games.

But, in thinking about the Chucky Mullins Award, we here at RSC wanted to show our appreciation for other members of the football team and hand out a few awards of our own.

First, it cannot be easy riding the bench for years, especially when you've played during one of the worst four-year stretches in Ole Miss history. But to do so with abundant knowledge that you are virtually assured never to jump ahead in the depth chart past a JUCO transfer who doesn't even have deceptive speed and football's version Dave Chappell (seriously what happened to that guy?), that takes some real fortitude and patience. For waking up at 5:00 a.m. for workouts and taking hits from large, scary men for four years without even a snowball's chance of seeing the field (unless something terrible goes wrong) The Jared Lorenzen Hope to See You on the Bench Award goes to ... Billy Tapp!

Next, we honor a Rebel who has already received wide acclaim from various news sources and the like. This son of a former letterman has, perhaps, the strangest dual assignment in all of college football - DE/WR. Of course, he has not seen any starting time at either position under the Houston Nutt era, which has some Rebel fans worried about his future. From All-American to backing up Kentrell Lockett, the recipient of the Justin Vincent Won the 2004 Sugar Bowl MVP; What Have You Done for Me Lately Award goes to ... Greg Hardy!

Next, we'd like to recognize a player who has electrified North Mississippi better than the Tennessee Valley Authority. Darting about between positions, anchoring the "Wild Rebel" (the absolutely must have a more original name), and, all the while, doing so from his booster seat, one Rebel seems a little too good to be true. Reggie Bush, huh? Percy Harvin, then? Let's try making it all the way through one game, then we'll talk. Perhaps, I'm a cynic, but there really is only one person who could lay claim to the Jim Kelly Don't Invest Too Much Emotionally Because You Will Get Really Disappointed at the Most Inopportune Time Award ... Dexter McCluster.

And, finally, RSC wishes to honor a player that has left us wondering whether we should be excited or not. We know that it'll be nice having Jevan Snead around. We know that Chris Strong is as portly as we are unimpressed. We know that Jerrell Powe won't be playing anything other than X-Box this fall. But, when it comes to our starting running back, many Ole Miss fans are still in the dark. Will he be as pedestrian as he was during his few carries last fall? Will Houston Nutt make him a star? Will his performance in the Grove Bowl remind us later of Eli Manning or Michael Spurlock? A well-deserving recipient of the Bill Clinton circa 1993 - The Jury's Still Out Award ... Cordera Eason!