Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A Message to the 30-some-odd Bowl Committees
No.
Are you looking for emotional, heartwarming side stories or 4th quarter heroics?
No and no.
Are you looking to make a shit-ton of money off of ticket sales, TV ratings, and foolish spending by visiting fanbases?
Fuck yeah!
Well, then Ole Miss is the school which you should schedule for your bowls.
Certainly, your skepticism is natural. We're one of the SEC's smallest fanbases, being as how we hail from a small state and a relatively small university and, as of late, have not been a postseason presence. But, as we have established, you're looking to make money and, despite these hard economic times, we're helping to sell out stadiums, setting bar sales records, and boosting TV ratings.
Granted, being a part of the record setting Cotton Bowl crowd isn't too spectacular, considering that this is the first Cotton Bowl after the stadium expansion and that Texas Tech fans deserve a half of the credit with these respects. But, to say that the bar sales records and television ratings aren't intriguing would be 'tarded.
Think about it for a minute. Of all the conventions, sporting events, and other massive gatherings of thirsty people that have ever been held in Dallas, this last Cotton Bowl's band of Rebel fans set the record for booze sales at hotel bars.
And, to have a Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss matchup draw a TV rating that was a mere one-tenth-of-a-point lower than a Wisconsin vs. Florida State matchup must turn some heads.
So, bowl committees, you should certainly consider the Ole Miss Rebels in future bowl pairings. We'll fill the pockets of your corporate sponsors, respective cities, and broadcast partners with sweet, green cash. You'd be a damned fool to think to look us over come next year.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Coarser Salt, Deeper Wounds: Reader Submissions
First, a reader (one "Taylor D") submitted this photo of a dapper young squire holding up a sign which a Texas Tech fan left behind in what I imagine was unfathomable shame.

The second bit comes from a young woman (we'll call her "Longlegs Lenore") who recently earned herself a job doing some fancy schmancy stuff a blogger couldn't hope to understand. The story of her hiring was a bit of a roundabout kinda thing. She and this other young woman were finalists for some position, the other young woman "got" the job, only to be turned away during her closing interview because the big boss man was apparently unimpressed. He calls our faithful reader back up then interviews, likes, and hires her. But, there's more to the story:
...the other candidate that was initially going to be hired over me, who had a Master's in Legislative Affairs and failed to impress in the final round......
She went to Texas Tech.
GUNS UP!!!!!!!!!!
We r all up in ur job inntervyoo, steelin ur fyootur kareer. Oh, and congrats on the job, 'Legs.
Keep the submissions coming. Oh, and sorry for the slow pace as of late. We're working on something, alright? You'll get to see it sooner rather than later. Just chill.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
More salt, more wounds
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The Sourest of Grapes

Hell, I even have family who graduated from Tech and no, I'm not just making that up.
However, despite my otherwise neutral feelings towards Texas Tech, these last few weeks have found me a little more than annoyed with the Red Raider fanbase. I had always heard from friends of mine who are fans of Texas or Texas A&M that Tech fans were "classless clowns."
Nah. I didn't believe it. There are age-old rivalries involved there and all kinds of blind prejudice is likely to result. I figured that folks outside of the SEC wouldn't listen (or really care for) whatever we spew about State, LSU, and the other usual suspects so why should I put much into what they had to say?
Next time, I'll pay more attention.
Just visit any Texas Tech forum. If you'll look back a few weeks you'll see all of the anti-Ole Miss trash. You'll even see it on several Ole Miss sites. Now, just look over the last two days. You'll see some Rebel fans returning the favor, only to be called "classless" by Red Raider fans. We're disgusting and (get this) need to learn how to "win with class."
SCRedRaider, who has over 1000 posts to the Scout forum had this to say:
I have never seen a teams fan base talk sh!t after they won a game. You have certainly done something that I have never seen before.Alright, I'll cut the guy some slack. Maybe he's only been a Tech fan for, oh, I dunno a couple of months or something. Certainly that's doubtful but, if he had never seen such a thing then he obviously never saw Tech play against Texas A&M in 2001 or Oklahoma in 2005.
Many, many Rebel fans have commented as to how obscenely disrespectful the Red Raiders have been over the last several weeks. Forums and websites on both ends have been overrun with the same old senseless, trite garbage about how Ole Miss "sucks," Mississippi "sucks" (by the way, shit turns real motherfucking personal when you bring the Magnolia State into this), Texas Tech deserves better, yadda yadda yadda. Hell, your own players dogged the Rebels and the Cotton Bowl during press conferences!
Yet, we're not supposed to talk trash because the game is over...
Yeah, that's real fucking lame, Tech. We deal with LSU, State, Alabama, and Arkansas (who obviously picked up the art of annoying bullshit from you back in the old Southwest Conference days) every single season so the fact that your antics and general assclownery have caused a stir among we Rebels is pretty damned significant.
Granted, there are some commendable Raiders on the Internet who are civil and mature about these kinds of things and Mike Leach showed our team more respect than most SEC head coaches would have so I do not mean to suggest that everyone affiliated with Texas Tech behaves in this manner.
Furthermore, I am not necessarily defending the Rebs who have trolled your forums and/or treated some of you with disrespect at the Cotton Bowl. A lot of them have been damned embarrassments. My point in all of this is that, with regards to "class," Texas Tech fans are towards the bottom of the Big XII.
A whole host of you deserve every. single. bit. of. this. shit. If you can't take what you deserve, then either move the fuck out of your glass houses or quit throwing stones.
Post Game: Cotton Bowl
1. Texas Tech did not play a poor game. Your team was not prepared for the intensity that Ole Miss brought on every play. Sure, a lack of talent in the secondary caused us to give up some points, but Graham Harrell's pocket was usually a small and unpleasant place to be. The receivers got jammed hard, and manned up by guys who should not be able to hang with them athletically. The linebackers occupied throwing lanes and chased down guys in space. There were none of the wide open spaces that Tech had become used to. And the defense? Tech's defense was far worse than I could have hoped for. Assuming that Tech had an average SEC offense, and played in the SEC (so they wouldn't be helped by getting a lead early, time of possession, etc.), they would have had the worst defense in the conference. Bank on it. So no, you didn't play poorly, you just got beaten.
2. Pat Summerall is a bad overbite away from being Lou Holtz. Terrible. He made many mistakes about personnel on both teams. Oh well. It starting being amusing when we stopping being terrible and took control. I especially enjoyed hearing that Michael Oher might be a first-round pick in NEXT April’s draft, and hearing about Ole Miss running back Inrick Davis.
3. Tech is a good team, and offensively, the game didn't go much differently than they predicted. Obviously, Crabtree wasn't 100%, and would have had more production had he been healthy, but the main thing that limited him was pressure on Harrell. I love that we got to see one of the nation’s most hyped quarterbacks flinch in the face of pressure, throwing errantly off his back foot and hoping for the best. Still, their offensive line did a much better job of holding back Peria Jerry and company than I expected, and the receivers displayed good hands and good routes for the most part. We just robbed them of the ability to make plays in space, and they weren’t able to dink and dunk it forever.
4. The Ole Miss offense is for real. We didn’t show it early, but the lucky convergence of Jevan Snead, Michael Oher, Dexter McCluster, Shay Hodge, Mike Wallace, Kent Austin, and Houston Nutt makes Ole Miss the 2nd best offensive unit in the conference, and one of the better units nationally. It is hard to scheme against a team that can literally do anything with the football like the Rebels currently can. They were certainly the reason we won this game, and putting up 38 points (47 minus the pick-6 and safety) against anyone when you have three turnovers is pretty good.
5. Big XII fans are silly. Honestly, look at yourselves. Put away the hand signs, the hair gel, the silly outfits… Talk to most self-respecting SEC fans, and you’ll talk about the upcoming football contest, not about “How BAD UR teems gonna L00se, SUCKER, LOl.” Of course, there are fans all across the country that put far too much personal pride on the line when their team takes the field, but this crowd of Red Raiders seemed to take this game as something personal, and their collective psyche had a hard time considering that maybe their team wasn’t as awesome as they’d first thought. I dunno, maybe Rebel fans are just used to realistic expectations, and realize that sometimes things don’t work out like you’ve planned. We’re only occasionally used to this whole ‘winning’ thing, and I hope that if it continues, we’ll continue to handle it gracefully.
6. The national media is silly. Dear ESPN: stop talking about the teams that look cool and have interesting, feel-good stories, and start talking about the teams that know how to play football. I guess sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s who, but by now, it seems like the SEC is usually the most dominant conference, it’s usually easy to tell who the best teams are in other conferences, and there are only a few BCS buster teams worth talking about, ever (Boise, TCU, and Utah). I hate seeing undeserving teams get coverage because of their location and/or the size of their fan base.
7. Rankings. Here’s how I’d stack up the top 10 or so (I know the games haven’t been played out yet, more on that later). I’m basing this on (get ready!!) how good each team is RIGHT NOW, rather than penalizing a team for losses that happened in September.
1.
2. USC
3.
4.
5.
6. Ole Miss (I’m not backing down here. These 5 teams are the only teams that could beat a healthy, well prepared Ole Miss team right now)
7.
8. TCU
9.
10.
11.
After that it gets fuzzy, but I defy you to claim that Ole Miss, right now, isn’t a top 10 team. And that’s pretty cool.
We’ll probably post more about this game and its ramifications in the future, but for now, I’ll stop taking it about and bask in the awesomeness just a while longer.
Ole Miss 47, Texas Tech 34 - Postgame Ruminations
We dominated Texas Tech. If you nullify our mistakes (a pair of fumbles, Jevan's pick-six, and Marshay's stepping out of bounds) we would have been able to easily win by a margin greater than 13. Don't get me wrong; a 13-point victory over a top-10 team is fantastic even if it is, at times, sloppy.
Our offense was fantastic. Our defense, considering the high caliber talents on Tech's offense, got the job done. Our special teams were serviceable.
Most noteworthy, though, was our coaching. The offense was an excellent blend of conservative, traditional plays and innovative plays which utilized misdirection and spacing to create mismatches in the open field. We also managed the clock almost as well as one possibly could. At the half, we had more than double the time of possession and towards the end of the game we began to see the real benefit of holding onto the ball for as long as we were able to. In the second half, Tech simply could not stop our running game. Their defenders were sucking wind and absolutely depleted.
Defensively, we blitzed early and often. This surprised me in that one would assume that to be a pretty bad defensive tactic against a Mike Leach offense but it worked. Certainly, it left some folks open and gave up some big plays but, as with our offensive strategy, it served well to weaken their offensive line.
Simply put, we defeated Texas Tech by wearing their lines down.
Of course, this is a huge win for our program. Not only have we lifted ourselves out of the SEC cellar, but we have also proven that these coaches can have us prepared for almost any game. The national news media (especially a certain fat asshole), recruits, and, most importantly, the rest of our conference are definitely taking notice of our victory. We embarrassed a top-10 football team which many felt was a worthy contendor for the BCS Title. Leading up to the game, just about every member of the major sports media, the Texas Tech fanbase, and even a few of their players predicted a blowout victory for the Red Raiders.
They deserved better than the play some 8-4 team in the Cotton Bowl. They were going to do to us what we would do to Oklahoma State. This guy was somehow going to scare Peria Jerry.
We heard it all month long but we nor our players listened. Yesterday we had a confidence and swagger that I could have never imagined as an Ole Miss fan. If an Ed Orgeron led team had fallen behind by two touchdowns in the first quarter, would they have turned around and won by 13? This team isn't afraid to play anyone and that attitude is what won our 9 games.
Shocking Texas Tech and the 90-something percent of folks who thought we didn't have a chance gave me (and, I imagine, all of us) an incredible feeling. Watching Graham Harrell put his head in his hands, seeing the Tech OL rack up personal foul penalties because they couldn't handle losing, and reading the meltdown on some Tech websites were all incredibly satisfying.
We were foolishly doubted. We had our program dogged by everyone outside of the Southeast. You won't see that happening next season. Ole Miss is here. Get 'cha popcorn ready.

Friday, January 2, 2009
Game Day
I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm focused. And I'm pissed.
I'm sick of a vast majority of the mainstream media downplaying our Rebels. I'm sick of fairweather Rebel fans who aren't at all ready to cheer for our Rebels against an excellent team for fear that they'll be cheering on a losing effort. I'm sick of Texas Tech fans acting like their Red Raiders don't deserve to play our "lowly" Rebels in the cotton bowl and I'm sick of them acting like we're just going to roll over and die out there.
Above all of this, though, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. This four losing seasons in a row bullshit has finally ended and I don't anticipate it coming back for quite a while.
I know that this game has been placed on the back burner in favor of the BCS title game and the ESPN-boner (Rose) Bowl but when all things are considered, this is a pretty impressive bowl game. The Cotton Bowl has an incredibly storied history. National championships have been won and lost in Dallas on New Year's Day and to earn the opportunity to be one of the final teams to play in the actual Cotton Bowl stadium itself is pretty impressive. This game will also actually allow us to play out the heated debate of SEC defense vs. BigXII offense in real, on the field play. Perhaps, though, the greatest aspect of this game is the fact that we've a slew of All-Americans headlining both of these teams, all of which have something to prove.



Here's to a damn good Cotton bowl, Rebels and Raiders. Hotty Toddy and go Rebels.
Post Scriptum - Just an FYI, Leach: Peria Jerry isn't afraid to hurt a motherfucker. You can't say I didn't warn you.
Post Post Scriptum - Cotton Bowl open thread is below. If you're not in Dallas or at your favorite local sports bar and have elected to watch the game at home with a laptop nearby, leave your very own running commentary. Anything and everything goes.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A moody, introspective letter to Graham Harrell
You don’t know me… No one really does, I suppose, but you, Graham: you will soon be privy to the smitten rage of my most blighted of hearts. You see, Graham, you are everything that my soul loathes. Heisman candidate, Texas All-American boy, the popular kid with the golden arm at quarterback… You were on my mind just the other day, while I was listening to the new Juliana Theory album that just leaked while taking pictures of myself from skewed upward angles. And it made me hurt inside, Graham. It just isn’t fair. I crouch in a tiny desk in graphic design class, as big as any three of the other kids stapled together, and none of them invite me to the Airships shows on the weekends. None of the guys on the team let me go to the Library with them after practice. Coach makes me go to class, or else play behind Chris fucking Bowers. I just don’t fit in, you see. I’m a freak. I spend all my time chasing you. You and your superficial pretty boy counterparts, with your clean jerseys, your waving locks of auburn hair. All I want is to catch you. Drag you down into the ground, make you taste the dirt that is my filthy, reprehensible existence. And I WILL catch you, Graham. That left tackle there? The crew-cut heifer who’s sworn away twenty years off of his strangled life, busting buffets, pushing sleds, lifting weights and pounding back protein to protect his precious Golden Boy? He’s a fucking suit. He’s corporate. He lines up inches from my wretched face, but he can’t know me. What was that move, he’ll ask? The one where I double-fake with my head, start to swim inside, then spin outside, leaving him standing there, a depleted mess of a man-mountain? Oh… don’t worry. It’s some move you’ve probably never heard of. You wouldn’t appreciate it the way I do. I am a fallen soul, Graham, but I can drag you down with me. Your victorious ride into the sunset is about to get wrecked. No bowl victory for you, Graham, no
two shots of hate from a mouth as loud as a gun,
like an assasin ... who does it for fun.two deafening blows in a war that has just begun,
life gone away...i'm done.two red roses sitting on my coffin, the wind blows, leaving only one
the world i know disappears...like the setting sun.
God, it makes my soul bleed. My heart is a blackness, LoveIsToTheDeath,
emo Greg Hardy

f0t0$h0ppe courtesy of the Ghost of Jay Cutler
Texas Tech Preview
I don't normally do this, but I want to encourage you all to go over to the Texas Tech blog with whom we did a blogger Q & A. It's a blog that puts ours to shame. We're working on that though. We've got something brewing that you're all going to love. Anyway, on with the preview.
We all know that Texas Tech is brilliant offensively and not too shabby on defense. However, one thing that cannot be talked about enough is their spacing on the offensive line. I really think that strategy will be what allows us to hang with them and ultimately win the game. Look, we're not going to win a shootout. I like our offense a lot too, but we're no Texas Tech. We're going to have to make their successful drives last a long time (by forcing them to convert on third downs instead of first downs). They're going to have some successful drives. This will not be like the Alabama-Texas Tech game a few years back. This Texas Tech team is too good for that.
But the strategy of spacing the offensive line out so much should allow us to exploit a mismatch with Peria Jerry. Sure, Texas Tech has an All-American guard, but Peria is an All-American as well, and I would put him up against any single offensive lineman. I just don't know that one player can block him. I think that he will get the jump on several plays before the center can get over to help whoever he's lined up against. Peria will get in the backfield, and Graham Harrell will end up on the ground. I do think that Greg Hardy and Kentrell Lockett will have some difficulty getting to Harrell though. They both thrive when they can beat OTs around the edge. While that may still happen, it is less likely considering the stances and positioning they'll be facing.
So now I'm going to break down the various attack/defense matchups:
Texas Tech Passing vs. Ole Miss Pass Defense: Strong Advantage TT
Texas Tech Running vs. Ole Miss Rush Defense: Slight edge to Ole Miss
Texas Tech O-Line vs. Ole Miss Defensive Line: Slight edge to Ole Miss
Ole Miss Passing vs. Texas Tech Pass Defense: Even
Ole Miss Running vs. Texas Tech Rush Defense: Slight edge to Ole Miss
Ole Miss O-Line vs. Texas Tech Defensive Line: Slight edge to Ole Miss
Now you can see why I think we'll win. I think that outside of the passing game, we have them in every facet of the game. Granted, I think that TT will have a field day passing against us, but I think that we'll get big plays when we need them to edge this one out. I also think that our defense won't fold when he completes passes. Harrell completed 41 passes against Baylor but only threw for 300 yards. I certainly don't want to see him complete 41 passes against us, but if he only throws for 300 yards, I'll be elated.
Speaking of the Baylor game, I think that game and the Oklahoma game will be used as evidence to our defense that Texas Tech CAN be stopped. You just have to take advantage of big plays. If we can get a key interception or two, we'll be good.
Offensive MVP: Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell
Defensive MVP: Ole Miss DT Peria Jerry
My Prediction: OM 38 - TT 35
That's my prediction. What's yours?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Blogger Q&D - Double T Nation

1. What do you think holds teams back from using the Mike Leach spread? Is it a lack of ability to coach it, fear that it won't work with other players, or something else? Explain specifically what makes your offense tick.
It's pretty ugly when it doesn't work, but when it does, it's an absolute thing of beauty. Teams and coaches have to be patient, something that's not very common in today's coaching circles (see Auburn). Just like any other kind of offensive or defensive scheme, it takes commitment on the part of the administration and school to make sure that the coach is able to fully implement his system. Keep in mind that a lot of Texas Tech fans believe, me included, that the spread helped even the playing field for Texas Tech. Mike Leach was able to take traditionally less talented players, put up tremendous offensive numbers and win more than a handful of games, something his predecessor could not do on a consistent basis. The spread can work with just about any group of players, so long as they're talented, so long as the quarterback can quickly read a defense. If you have a quarterback that reacts slowly then it's disaster.
As to the specific portion of your question, what makes it tick is that Mike Leach has written the book on the spread, he knows it inside and out, and is able to teach his quarterbacks (I'm pretty sure its some sort of voodoo) how to quickly assess a situation and react correctly. There's nothing fancy to the plays, it's merely a matter of reading the defense. What's made this offense even better than in previous years is an absolutely insane athlete in Michael Crabtree, a quarterback who has had 3 years in the system in Graham Harrell, and two running backs that have run like their lives depended on it.
2. We've all heard the debate. SEC defenses look good because SEC offenses are so bad. Big XII offenses look good because Big XII defenses are so bad. Talk a little bit about Texas Tech's defense and why that argument (with respect to Big XII defenses) is wrong.
For Red Raider fans, the defense took huge strides this year and the biggest reason for the improvement has been up front, in particular the play of the two defensive ends, Brandon Williams (1st in the conference) and McKinner Dixon (6th in the conference). As I'm sure that Rebel fans are aware, having two guys who can rush the passer makes everything easier, especially in the Big 12. In previous years, Texas Tech would have one talented pass rusher, but not much elsewhere, however, with the arrival of McKinner Dixon, it meant that teams had to focus on both defensive ends. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that quite a few of the defensive players had another year under their belt as 8 of 11 starters returned from last year. A big part of the team's success was/is continuity, plus the defensive coordinator's willingness to put the most talented players on the field rather than play players who were maybe more experienced but not as talented (remember, Leach replaced defensive coordinators in the middle of the year of 2007).
3. Who's the best player on your team that no one talks about? How do you think he can impact this game?
I know you only asked for one, but receiver Detron Lewis on offense and linebacker Brian Duncan on defense. Lewis is Michael Crabtree-lite. He is a big receiver with speed, agility, and were it not for the incredible Mr. Crabtree, Lewis would be and probably will be next year, a bonafide star. Duncan may be the best linebacker at Texas Tech since Zach Thomas. Of course, that can be interpreted that there haven't been that many good linebackers since that time, and that's probably true, but Duncan is one of those rare players who is athletically gifted and able to correctly read an offensive play.
4. What has made this season different than other recent Texas Tech seasons where a high-powered offense yielded an 8 win team?
Two of the things mentioned above: improved pass rush and improved running game. Again, the improved pass rush made it easier on the team in general from top to bottom. A better pass rush helps the secondary, which allows for the safeties to help the run, which allows the linebackers to play a little more free in space, etc. It's cyclical.
The running game has really been a revelation this year. Texas Tech went from 3.13 yards a rush in 2007 to 4.71 in 2008 and there's no doubt that Leach has learned that a more balanced attack is a better offense. This may surpsise some folks, but I believe that Leach could care less about the passing statistics, it's all about putting the ball in the endzone, that's the ultimate goal, although I do think he believes that passing the ball is a more efficient way of accomplishing that goal. In any event, Leach's reliance on the rush meant that Harrell threw for 1,000 less yards than last year and 100 less plays, but more than 4 points more per game than in 2007. In fact, don't be surprised if you see a two tight-end set or a two running back set on Friday.
5. What is your prediction for the game? How will it play out?
I think this one is closer than many Texas Tech fans would like for it to be. I've always thought that one of the equalizers for the spread offensie is an athletic defense (i.e. Ole Miss) and if the defensive front can put pressure on Harrell and force him to make some bad throws then I really like the Rebels chances. However, I'm not sure how well Ole Miss will match up with Crabtree and Lewis on defense as these are two bigger receivers, one of them will be a top 5 pick in April's NFL draft. There's more size in the Texas Tech receiving corp than some might think and I think that's going to be the toughest matchup for the Rebels. I think Texas Tech is going to win every game (I'll be disappointed if you don't feel the same way about Ole Miss) so I'll take Texas Tech, 38-35.
New Years Resolutions
Oh, and for the inquiring mind: no, I'm not doing anything at work. Apparently I didn't get the memo about not showing up on the 31st.
Denizens of Lubbock - Start driving hybrids, lest you want global warming to increase the severity of your weekly dust storms. Also, do it because Al Gore said so; he invented the damned Internet, lawya.
SEC Referees - Just forget that the replay even exists in college football.
Jerrell Powe - Lose 30 pounds and finally surmount the great literary challenge of completing your first Nancy Drew novel.
Our Rebel frontcourt - Learn to box out and stop being sissies.
Our Rebel backcourt - Grow some ACL's that aren't made of crepe paper or porcelain.
Greg Hardy - Finally get over the "hump" and take the stationery industry by storm.
Mike Oher and Peria Jerry - Buy a lot of cars 'n' shit.
Kent Austin - First, stop sounding like a Canuck. Second, show the SEC West's new diciples of the spread (Petrino, Mullen, and Malzhan) how real quarterbacks play football.
Tracy Rocker - Finally defeat Ted Laurent in an Abner's eating contest. Going 0-11 on the year is pathetic, Trace.
Andy Kennedy - Sign on with the US Department of Homeland Security.
The entire football team - Just freakin' beat Bama for once, alright?
Dexter McCluster - Evolve suction-cupped fingertips (EVILoution works that way, right?).
Womens Rifle Team - Just continue to keep us compliant with Title IX and we won't ask any questions.
Bobby Petrino - Update your resume on Monster.com.
Rascal Flatts - Find some other shitty midday regional football broadcast through which to peddle your "music." Bob that HeAaAaAaAaAaD the fuck on out of here. If Johnny Cash were still alive and if Haggard weren't confined to his drug-ravaged 71-year-old body they'd make a grease stain out of all of you faster than you can put that there gel in your hair.
Arkansas Fans - Get hobbies; lots of 'em. This, of course, does not apply to you, Gonzohog. You just keep on keepin' on.
ESPN - Stop being biased against the SEC! You arrogant New England/West Coast types make me sick! You obviously hate everything about us! Oh, and thanks for the $2+ billion, 15-year
TV deal... you YUPPIE ASSHOLES!
Have you got any others? Feel free to submit them via comment.
Have a save and happy new year, everybody. Don't drink and drive, have fun, get laid, et cetera.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Who Are These Guys? Nostalgia Quiz Edition!
For your edification, play along in the little game I am calling "Who Are These Guys? Texas Tech Nostalgia!" It's the fun-for-all-ages quiz that asks you to choose which of the three listed fates is the actual one befallen former Texas Tech greats Kliff Kingsbury, Sonny Cumbie, and B.J. Symons. Let's begin Round 1!
Kliff Kingsbury

(a) Kingsbury was drafted but never played in the league. Ironically, he is now coaching quarterbacks for the Saskatchewan Roughriders. He and Saskatchewan GM (and Ole Miss alum) will be sitting together at the Cotton Bowl.
(b) Kingsbury spent three seasons in the NFL, playing only during his third and final. In 2007, while playing for the Montreal Alouettes, he was traded to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers for another historical footnote - 2002 Heisman finalist Brad Banks. He is currently a member of the University of Houston staff in a non-coaching position.
(c) Kingsbury signed a free agent contract with Denver, but never made a roster. He started a graduate program with his alma mater before deciding, novelly, instead to take the head coaching job at Kingsbury High School in, you guessed it, Kingsbury, Texas.
B.J. Symons

(a) Symons sat behind David Carr at Houston for one season and was just one of many train-wreck options at quarterback for the Chicago Bears in 2006. Currently, he plays in the Arena Football League.
(b) After his stint in Chicago, he was offered a comparatively large contract for the AFL, but turned it down for an office position in marketing and community development for the Cowboys.
(c) Exhausted with living a double-life for many years, Symons became a full-time douche and important advocate for the douche lifestyle.
Sonny Cumbie

(a) Cumbie almost landed the best job in football - backup to Peyton Manning - but was, predictably, cut. He plays for the Los Angeles Avengers and does color commentary for the Red Raider Network.
(b) Cumbie went where NFL dreams go to die - Europe. He took the Frankfurt Galaxy to the final World Bowl in 2007. He was recently hired as offensive coordinator for the University of North Alabama.
(c) Cumbie and his life partner, Jason White, were married in Massachusetts in May. They own a florist in El Paso and have sued the State of Texas for marital recognition. The case, styled Cumbie v. Texas, is currently on the docket in the federal district court for the Western District of Texas.
Best of luck! The answers are in the comments.
This "Landshark" Gimmick isn't at all Overdone
ARE?! YOU!? READDYYYY!?!!
I know I am. I'm headed to DALLAS soon to watch Jevan Sneed, Gerald Poe, and the rest of our REBS beat the tar outta those Texas Tech DEAD Raiders! Teh Big 12 sucks and cant play DEFENSE like the SEC! I konw we're going to beat Texas Tech because we've got something which they have never seen... THE LANDSHARKS!

LMAO @ TYSON LEE!!! YEAH!!! HOTTY TODDY GO REBELS GO!!!
I don't give a hoot whether or not they've got some OVERRATED quarterback and wide reciever because they're probably going to have to change their pants (after they doodoo in them) after seeing this video!!
If they don't know anything about the landsharks, perhaps they should ask those LEGHUMPIN' BULLFRAUDS!!! And those bayou kitties! WATCH THE VIDEO AGAIN!
I've been watching Jaws while drinking LANDSHARK beer to get pumped up for this one. WHOO! I love Jimmy BUffett!
You've got LANDSHARKS to your Left! LANDSHARKS to your right! And you're the only Dead GAYder in town!!!1
Catchy, huh? I only wish the Techies were the Blue Raiders so I could wear my RED sharkfin hat! Guns up, whatever more like FINS UP!!
LANDSHARK!
Monday, December 29, 2008
New RSC Poll: Who's crazier?
Mike Leach shows up at local news stations, has a fascination with pirates, and generally spouts off long-winded yet eloquent diatribes about nothing while staring off into space. He also runs a pretty precisely timed spread.
Houston Nutt gesticulates like a person having hallucinations that they are on fire, shouts incoherently, and has a wacky smile which screams "I'm on barbiturates."
It's a tough decision to make, so I'm leaving it up to you, Cup fans. And, just for shiggles, I'm throwing in a third candidate:

Chaining a hyena is pretty fucking insane
By the way: I know that giving a person three choices to determine who's craziER is technically grammatically incorrect. But, c'mon, this is so a two horse race. Hyena guy doesn't stand a damn chance.
Texas Tech Hate Week

Sunday, December 28, 2008
TLV #70
Click the graphic for the full PDF. Look below for our column as written by The Ghost of Jay Cutler.
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Rebels, the time is nigh. On January 2nd, we will have made our long anticipated return to postseason college football play and we must make sure to convince all observers not of the Ole Miss persuasion that we're going to be here for awhile. To effectively do this, we must convincingly defeat a team which many feel are worthy of a BCS title in some bizarre, Texan universe: the Texas Tech Red Raiders.
This will not be an easy task. Texas Tech was a mere 44-point ass-beating at the hands of the all-worldly Oklahoma Sooners away from being the undeniable number one team in the land and has some excellent, Heisman-worthy talent on the offensive side of the ball. If we're not careful, these Red Raiders could score at will against our Rebel D and simply keeping up with the offensive pace that they will undoubtedly set will be a challenge.
I don't mean to alarm you, dear reader, and I don't mean to sound like a pessimist. While this bowl opponent could prove to be one of the most difficult we've ever attempted to surmount, a Rebel victory is nowhere close to impossible and our team and coaches are putting together a helluva game plan to take care of business on the field.
Now, we, the fans, must put together our game plan to deal with these pesky west Texans off of the field. While there certainly isn't a definitive and brief (key word) list detailing all of the problems one could potentially encounter with this, err, unique fanbase, I'm going to do my best to arm you with the tools and knowledge you'll unquestionably use over these next two weeks.
So, without much more ado, I present to you The Red [REDACTED] Cup's Guide to "Understanding" the Red Raiders.
-They're all from rural west Texas. Don't logically assume that there are Red Raiders from the *ahem* sophisticated metropolises of Dallas, Houston, or San Antonio. While they may have mailing addresses or even own real estate in these areas, their hearts and minds are held captive in Lubbock. Flat terrain, dust storms, alcoholism, and grizzled characters fit for Cormac McCarthy novels are all that they will ever know. Just picture Yosemite Sam with an engineering degree and a generally vulgar demeanor and you've got a Texas Tech fan.
-Their students have the air of a an MTV show about them. Shiny hair gel, baggy pants, and black tees are all the rage right about now on the Tech campus. Couple that with a few "brahsephs," petty drama, and Smirnoff Ices and you've basically got The Real World: Lubbock every day among their student population. They're loud, crude, begging of your attention, and unapologetically obnoxious. Why is this? Well, most of this is due to the fact that...
-They suffer from a horrible case of "Little Brother Syndrome." This season is the greatest Tech season in recent memory, if not ever, and they're still not even the most relevant team in their own state. Hell, it would be hard to argue them as historically being anything better than the 5th most relevant NCAA program in the Lone Star State. Just imagine a larger, louder Southern Miss in an inconsequential city on the Texan plains. The world is out to get them and they know it. If the oftentimes bizarre attitude of the Ole Miss fanbase can be attributed to historical relevance, the same for Texas Tech could be attributed to decades of people forgetting about their existence.
Tread lightly and carefully, Rebels. We've got quite a foe with which we will be dealing and it's going to take a complete effort on our collective behalf in order to vanquish them. Hotty Toddy; I'll see you in Dallas.