Ole Miss - 31, National champs - 30.... You honestly think this is cool?

"Oh my God, we just beat Florida!"

These are the words of a one Juco All-American, a rogue bloggeur with a love and knowledge of Ole Miss unlike most. At the time of this utterance, the Ole Miss Rebels had pulled off what then seemed to be the most unlikely of upsets. It was a damn, damn good feeling which proved to be the first in a long string of good feelings. This season was incredibly memorable and absolutely thrilling to watch (and subsequently blog). During the points-orgy that was the 2nd half of our season, our middle fingers flew high, bourbon flowed like the Mississippi, and every Hotty was Toddied.

Yet, now, after all of those successes, folks are still stuck on beating Florida. They want to sell you ugly t-shirts and bumper stickers and whatnot because "DAMMIT WE BEAT FLORIDA WHOOO!" You would think that after having defeated the Gators during three of our last four meetings that we'd be used to it by now (ooooh, burn) but this is still some incredible novelty to many of us. Yes, it's a memorable game, and one of the single greatest games in the history of all of Ole Miss football, but to make that the focus of our very successful 2008-9 season is pretty durned foolish.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've seen we Rebels fail to see the forest for the trees. In the original Abner's on the corner of University and South Lamar, there hangs a copy of the 1977 Notre Dame football schedule. The Irish were crowned the national champions of that season despite having one blemish on their record: a 20-13 loss to Ole Miss in Jackson. At that game, Joe Montana sat on the bench as the backup quarterback for the Irish as he watched the domers shock the country by falling to the Ole Miss Rebels.

Yet, this example is different from its modern counterpart because, for those times, such celebration of a single game was necessary. This is because the 1977 Ole Miss season was pretty forgettable otherwise. The Rebs finished that season without a bowl appearance, having lost to Alabama, Auburn, Georgia, Mississippi State, LSU and *gulp* Southern Miss (the State game was later forfeited, but still).

Why do this? Do you think this hurts the feelings of Florida fans or something? Well, it doesn't. After watching the BCS title game at a bar armed to the teeth with Florida fans, an Ole Miss cohort of mine began shouting "we beat the national champions!" The Florida fans effected enough to respond generally said things along the lines of "WHOOOOOOOO FUCK YES MOTHERFUCK YEAH BCS CHAMPS MOTHERFUCKERS!"

A few of them even thanked us for "lighting a fire under their asses" and took the time to congratulate us on our win over Texas Tech.

"The SEC owns the Big XII, broseph!" Yeah, I got that and, while incredibly douchey in that uniquely Florida way, it goes to show that our win over them isn't so much a blip on their radar screen. Hell, most Florida fans are glad they lost to us early in the season as opposed to shitting the bed against someone else (Florida State, Bama) with bigger BCS implications later on.

We became a nail in Tommy Tuberville's pine box, royally embarrassed LSU in Tiger Stadium, and stunned 90-something-percent of Americans after smacking around the Texas Tech Red Raiders of the "mighty" Big XII South. Yet, all some of us seem to give a rat's ass about was beating Florida in the Swamp.

We're the shin snappin', fin slangin', Jevan Snead and Dexter McCluster havin' Cotton Bowl Champions. We're not some bullshit, vicarious National Champions. Let's quit dwelling on that game and focus on our successful season at large.

Of course, it's more than alright to have cheered for the Gators in the BCS Championship Game. The Sooners are a dastardly, bastardly group and, as a fan of an SEC school (that isn't Georgia), you're expected to pull for the Gators in such a situation. But you should pull for them for the sake of the conference as a whole; not just for the benefit of Ole Miss. Their defeat of Oklahoma marked the third consecutive year in which the crystal football was hoisted high by SEC hands which makes, not just one, but five of our victories that much more impressive. The SEC IS the best conference out there and we no longer need to waste our time trying to prove that.



P.S. - Alright, I will admit that making Tim Tebow cry still reminds me of all of the good things in life (Sex, pie, the 2nd Amendment, et cetera)

P.P.S. - Oh, and to whoever my temporary "broseph" may have been that evening: the SEC does, in fact, own the Big XII. Suck it, SEC haters.

Florida football Update

University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow underwent arthroscopic surgery on his right (non-throwing) shoulder today. In addition to removing bone spurs from the shoulder, doctors also discovered foreign shards of teeth and jawbones from the shoulder, seemingly belonging to as many as two dozen different human males, most in their early 20's. Politely citing the implausibility of the request, doctors also explained to Tebow that medical science allowed them to replace the injured arm with neither a chainsaw nor a flamethrower.

What in the Hell is wrong with Florida?

Who's your Heisman?

A couple of days ago, during a time when I should have been working, I followed Chris Low's ESPN.com online chat session. Low, for those of you not in the know, blogs about the SEC for everyone's most hated batch of evil, anti-[MY TEAM] journalists EVAR favorite sports network and, in my opinion, does a damn fine job at it.

In Low's chat session, he revealed his Heisman ballot to have Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, and Colt McCoy ranked in that order. Shortly thereafter, a few Oklahoma fans quickly polluted our fair, Southeastern chat with cries of Chris Low's despicable habits of drinking "that SEC juice" and not paying enough attention to the Big XII.

Low, with his remarkably pithy writing, replied "Where were you in 2003 when I voted for Jason White (ed: over Eli Manning*)?"

He then made a brief case for Tebow and pointed out that, no matter who wins the Heisman, we're going to have a couple of fan bases bitching about how their guy got hosed.

And he's right. We have three, if not four (if not five) deserving candidates for the trophy. Bradford, McCoy, and Tebow are all three incredible quarterbacks. Graham Harrell is certainly as worthy a dark horse as we've had in a while and Michael Crabtree, a future NFL ballertron 5000, is only the 5th dog in the pack because he's not a quarterback.

So who am I voting for? Well, nobody because bloggeurs don't get a vote. But, if I did get the chance to I'd pick Tebow. My reasons are as follows:

1. I'm biased towards the SEC. Yeah, I said it.
2. I don't care what Bradford's, McCoy's, and Harrell's stats are. While they're certainly important and decent indicators of success, statistics aren't everything. If statistics were everything, then that Colt Brennan douchebag would have won the Heisman last season.
3. Tim Tebow is the single best leader in college football. Sure, Bradford, Harrell, and (espeically) McCoy mean a lot to their team, but seeing Tebow live up to his promise to work his absolute hardest to win ballgames after dropping a stunning loss to the Rebels was pretty phenomenal. The other candidates are certainly important to their respective teams; but not nearly as important as Tebow is to the Gators. Oklahoma and Texas would be something like 10-2 without their respective quarterbacks. Florida would be at best a 9 win team without Tebow.
   

Tim Tebow is the kind of player your grandkids are going to ask you about. I personally take some sort of bizarre pride in the fact that I have seen one of the greatest SEC athletes of all time play in person. And, yes, I do mean "one of the greatest SEC athletes of all time." Just watch. Soon enough, you'll hear Tim Tebow mentioned in the same breath as Herschel Walker, Bo Jackson, and the Mannings. Along those same lines, twenty years from now Sam Bradford will be lumped into the "great OU quarterbacks" pile with Josh Heupel and Jason White while Colt McCoy will still be playing 2nd fiddle to Vince Young in Longhorn folklore (despite the fact that he's a statistically better quarterback).

Of course, if all three come back for another season, all of this could change.

Oh, and you know what? I've put a new poll regarding this topic up. Yes, now loyal Cup fans, barely literate Arkansas trolls, and bitter Texas Tech visitors alike can weigh in on this issue.

Vote and tell us who you voted for and why.


*No, Chris, your sins and transgressions against the Rebels and the Manning family are not yet forgiven. Repent now and tithe your earnings (to the Cup) and we'll kinda-sorta-maybe consider forgiveness.

You're Welcome, Tim

The Giggity Song

This is what I did with my Sunday afternoon. Hopefully you'll recognize it as a response to the famed Coach O "Yaw Yaw" song.



Lyrics, music, and video by yours truly.

EDIT: Yes, I know, I'm not a great singer. Sue me.

Peria Jerry's Legion of Despair

In this morning's Rebel Roundup, I referred to our Defensive Line as "Peria Jerry's Legion of Despair." To see what how I envision these kinds of things while I sit in my cubicle, click the below picture for biggification.... if you dare.

Yes, Marcus Tillman's horse is half Robocop.

TREMBLE AT MY MICROSOFT PAINT SKILLS! MORTAL!

TLV #66 - Extra Spooky Edition

The Red [REDACTED] Cup made the front cover of this edition of The Local Voice with our list of Ole Miss-related Halloween costume ideas. Click the image for a PDF or, if you're too lame to read the rest of the articles (wif pikshures!) you can just read our piece below.




Got a Costume? Here are a few last minute ideas for Oxford Rebels... and the bored.

This weekend could easily shape up to be the second greatest weekend of the football season (the Presidential debate coupled with making Timmy Tebow cry cannot possibly be topped). On Saturday, the Rebels will be (realistically, this time!) looking to defeat the Tigers of Auburn and hopefully serve as an agent for the dismissal of Tommy Tuberville. However, before Houston's harrowing hopeful send their foes home with a loss, an electrified Oxford will experience what is likely to be the rowdiest Halloween in years.

I'm certain that all of our loyal readers are looking forward to this potentially unforgettable weekend, save for, of course, those poor and timid souls who have nary a clever costume idea. Well, never far, Cup fans, for we have some suggestions we feel are well within in the budgets of most and, with the right swagger, can be pulled off by almost anyone. Enjoy:


A typical Arkansas fan - Wear a bunch of tacky, red colored stuff while screaming loudly at all of your friends. Tell them how horrible Houston Nutt is, being certain to use incredibly poor grammar. When people continue to ignore you, start whining and rolling violently around on the ground. For this costume to be as realistic as possible, you need to be somewhat irrational; you know, like believing acupuncture is a legitimate medical practice or that the moon landings were staged.

A typical Mississippi State fan - The same as above, except you need to wear maroon instead of red, ring a cowbell, praise the greatness of Croom before bashing Nutt, and be poor(er).

Pete Boone - Wear a blazer with khaki pants and spend most of your night being overly frugal and out of touch. If your buddy needs a drink, tell him that you'll need to raise the necessary funds and it'll take a long, long while. If he would like a Maker's Mark, get him the well whiskey and tell him it's Maker's Mark anyway. I mean, it's not like you owe it to him or anything, right?

Andy Kennedy - This costume looks exactly like the Hitman of video game and cinematic fame, except you need to know more than everyone in your general vicinity about basketball. Also, you must hang out at the Library all night or the costume won't count.

The Ole Miss baseball team - At the beginning of the night, be an absolute baller. Do your damnedest to make new friends, impress whoever it may be that you're courting, and get everyone to praise your excellence. Then, as the night is winding down, do something horribly, horribly disappointing.

Chris Todd/Kodi Burns - Put together this ensemble with fake blood, a tear-stained Auburn jersey, a Peria Jerry-sized footprint on your chest, and a handful of morning-after pills. Walk around all woozy-like while ordering plenty of Appletinis.

Tommy Tuberville - Wear a Clemson baseball cap with an Auburn cap over it. If you're into carpentry, put together a pine box with "3rd time's a charm" printed on it."

Dexter McCluster - Wear a #22 jersey, a dreadlock wig, and some receiver gloves, making sure to dip your gloves in a vat of bacon grease.

Jerrell Powe - If you've got some stilts, incredibly baggy clothes, and a few hundred pounds of unopened bags of sand, you can easily put together a spot on Jerrell Powe costume. Be warned, though; a lot of folks are going to ask you're if you're "that lame-ass monster from Cloverfield."

Tim Tebow's Heisman Hopes - Buy an orange t-shirt. On it, print "I existed before September 27th."

Houston Nutt - Wear a cassock or a robe with a stole. Aqua-net the mess out of your hair. Carry around a mirror so you can be sure to look at yourself in it while saying generally goofy, overly Southern things. You'll look crazy, but people will love you. And deservedly so, simply because you won't be dressed like...

Ed Orgeron - If you're barrel-chested and somewhat incomprehensible, this is the costume for you. Wear a skin-tight New Orleans Saints polo and a coach's headset (only for looks, mind you). Drink a gallon of Red Bull and take a dip in a bathtub of raw shrimp to capture the necessary energy level and smell, respectively.

New Poll

The most recent poll has concluded. For those of you with shorter memories, this poll inquired as to how many sacks our defensive line would have by the Florida game. The winner was three which, beleive it or not, was nearly dead-on.

Our D-Lin had two-and-a-half sacks before Saturday... That's it. Only two-and-a-half sacks in four games. After the Florida game they had a total of five. The difference maker was, without any doubt, Greg "I'm on the cover of SI, what did you do this week?" Hardy.

Those are some nice Heisman hopes you've got there, Timmy.

This new poll will run until the picture of Ole Miss' post season hopefully becomes much, much clearer (let's, for simplicity's sake, say 4 weeks). This question is as follows:

Ole Miss' postseason will most-likely involve which bowl game?

Now get your ass (cursor?) over there and vote! Of course, as some of you may have guessed, the next few weeks of this blog will see a fair deal of hog slop so ignore the inevitable fact that "Ole Miss won't bowl" will be the poll's "winner."

His Truth Is Marching On

Most have you have probably seen this video already, but for those of you who have not here is the best highlight video of our win over the Gators. It is one of those rare videos that does not subject you to the musical "talents" of Nickelback or Welcome to the Jungle. Enjoy.

More fun captions!

This is fun. This needs to become a recurring theme on this blog, don't you think? Mafpwtac, a regular over at NAFOOM sent these pictures to the RSC inbox and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.



Oh, and I made this one after seeing his inspirational poster fark:I also think "PRISON: This is what it looks like" would be pretty damned appropriate for that image. If you've got 'em, keep 'em coming.

Post Game

Once again, sorry for the late post game. Too busy enjoying what many have called the best weekend in the history of the University. Those of my friends that are aware of my writing on this here website have been calling me out on last week's post game report, asking what kind of ass I feel like for passing up on tickets to the game, calling out the team right before our biggest win in decades, etc., etc. Well, here it is folks: I'm a huge Rebel fan, always have been, and I don't have a bit of regret for being proven wrong by a tenacious Ole Miss team on the road. I don't regret watching this game in a bar full of my friends, getting tow' up, screaming Hottdy Toddy at anyone who cared to listen, and drunkenly trying to explain the significance of this win to the wait staff at Rancho Grande. I had a hell of a time. I know Ivory Tower and co. had a hell of a time. The Rebels played inspired defense and mistake free (enough) offense and got to mock-chomp the Gators, dreadlocks victoriously blowing in the Southern breeze.

On to actual post game observationizations.

The defensive line is the best in the SEC. No doubt. We have at least four, probably more, NFL players on this line, and they're starting to play like it. Of course, Tebow saw all kinds of blitz packages, but you really can't replace that Jerrell Powe-shaped dent in the pocket on every play. Speaking of Powe's emergence, Ted Laurent showed why he's still technically the starter alongside Jerry. He's a beast, though this picture makes me giggle because he looks like a Macy's day parade float drifting angrily towards Tebow. And say all you want about the athleticism of guys like Knowshon Moreno and Percy Harvin: to me, the best SEC athletes are guys like Greg Hardy and Ricky Jean-Francois- guys that are just too damn big to be that damn fast.

The rest of the defense played well above their shoulders today as well. Sure, Florida gained a lot in the air, but there's a lot to be said for having those short passes over the middle met immediately with three or four white shirts and stopped dead. You can't let teams run after the catch on you all day, and the Rebel secondary didn't. Percy Harvin got his yards, sure, but at full health, he'll get them against anyone. The coverage skills of the corners are still less than Champ Bailey-esque, but I'll take that effort every time.

I was growing skeptical of having Eason in the game with Bolden and Davis on the bench, but he made one of the more athletic plays of the game with his 18-yard catch, run, hurdle, pirouette, and score. Brandon Bolden is still pretty badass, though.

Shay Hodge is also pretty badass. Hodge is the best overall receiver for Ole Miss maybe ever. Chris Collins would have been the 3 or 4 receiver on this team, Espy and Grant Heard may not have fared any better. On the topic of Hodge: I was under the impression that video review was adopted to determine the correct outcome of a play. It was in fact invented to fuck over Shay Hodge. Sorry Shay, you caught that ball. And you were forced out. And the other guy touched it first. Fuck you, Doyle.

Is today the first time Bolden has taken some snaps in the Wild Rebel? I haven't noticed before now, and I like it, especially in short yardage spots.

Marcus Temple certainly came out of nowhere today, even stopping Tebow on 4th and 1 to ice it. It is rare for me to have to check my program to see who a player is when we're five games into the season, but his playing time today was a real surprise.

Kentrell Lockett. That is all.

Overall, the team still showed a lot of youth and a little hesitancy with the game within their reach. I was more than a little disappointed in the 3 and out by the running game at the end that forced a punt and eventually put Florida just a 51 yard field goal away. Two first downs there, and Tebow doesn't touch the ball again. Still, the plays were made, the Rebs won, and there's no taking that from them. I'm glad we get a home game against a weaker offense next Saturday. I don't think you can expect two weeks of rabid defense from a team still learning to win, so I'm counting on the offense building on their success in this upcoming game. Good weekend indeed. The Rebels are back. Hotty Toddy.

Run Home to Mommy

A Tale of Two Quarterbacks

It was the best of times,


it was the worst of times.

Guess who has an all time winning record against Florida? Georgia, you say? Well, yeah, they do. Tennessee? Not so fast. LSU? Nope.

How about the motherfucking Ole Miss motherfucking Rebels. 12-10-1, bitches. What a great 24 hours for Ole Miss.

Florida Preview

To say that Florida is going to be a difficult game is an understatement. I don't think one can properly express just how much trouble we're going to have on our hands. We need heroic days from Jevaughn (he's black, right?), Greg, Pierre Jerry (so says Nutt), and a corner. It wouldn't hurt to have Michael Crichton develop a velociraptor to come play linebacker for us.

Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas. Tebow runs like Mike Alstott and throws the ball as well as Chris Leake did. While Tebow probably isn't even as fast as BenJarvus Green-Ellis, he's such a smart and powerful runner that defenses basically have to prepare for the "Wild Tebow" on every play. I don't think I have to say much more. I'll just say this. Tony Fein needs to play a lot. I want someone at middle linebacker who has a chance to intimidate Tebow. I know he's never intimidated, but I want Fein to tackle him repeatedly with helmet to throwing elbow. That's the only way we have any chance whatsoever.

Running back is a tough situation to talk about regarding Florida. They don't exactly have a traditional running back. I guess that Chris Rainey is the closest thing that Florida has to a real running back, but through three games, he has 18 carries. Tebow has 34. Percy Harvin is also a threat at running back with his elite speed. It's not like we'll see Florida come out in the I very often though. This is all about the "Sproption", sweeps, and reverses. It's one of those offenses that we all used to say would never work in the SEC. I guess we were wrong.

Florida's receivers are as dominant as always. Percy Harvin only has three catches on the season, but don't let that fool you. Harvin is going to have a field day against us. Senior Louis Murphy is their leading receiver on the season with eight catches for 146 yards. Murphy is 6'3", so he will present a matchup problem, but you have to realize that Florida is going to throw the ball to 6 or 7 different players. That means that while Cassius Vaughn, Marshay Green, and Dustin Mouzon have important days ahead of them, Marcus Temple and Derrick Herrrmannnn (sic) have more important days because they're our nickel corners. That's bad news for us. I hope that we see some sets where Marshay, Cassius, and Dustin are on the field at the same time, because that may be the only way that we can try to contain Florida's third receiver.

Florida's defense is probably better than their offense, a scary thought for a team with a returning Heisman winner at QB. Florida is allowing 6.3 ppg. They gave up a whopping three points to Miami and stumbled a bit against Tennessee... giving up SIX points.

Defensive ends Carlos Dunlap and Jermaine Cunningham are a formidable force coming off the ends with two sacks each in limited action. Defensive Tackle Lawrence Marsh had two sacks in Florida's opener vs. Hawaii and is a good combination of size and speed. Florida is also quite deep on the defensive line with pass rushers for days. I remember distinctly Jarvis Moss' one million sacks against Troy Smith in the national championship two years ago. I hope neither of these ends is like that, but I worry that they are.

The key to Florida's defense is Brandon Spikes. The junior linebacker didn't play against Hawaii and still leads the team in tackles having led each of the past two contests. AJ Jones is another linebacker to watch out for as he has shown up for all three of Florida's games with intensity and effort (and no, he's not a white wide receiver). Brandon Bolden may be less effective this week with such sure-tackling, talented linebackers swarming to the ball. I hope to see a good number of snaps to Devin Thomas and Enrique since I believe they have a little bit more elusiveness than Bolden (who is a fantastic physical back).

In the secondary, Florida brings significant troubles to the rebels. While defending the pass was ultimately Florida's downfall last season, it is a strength this year with a great pass rush and experience all around at defensive back. Florida returns all four starters in the defensive backfield, and they're all good. Joe Haden is a corner with excellent coverage skills, and receivers go down when he tackles them. CB Wondy Pierre-Louis (I promise I didn't make that name up) played poorly against Tennessee, allowing the Vols to complete a few passes that later proved insignificant. If there's a player that needs to be replaced, it's Pierre-Louis. Safety Major Wright is a debilitating hitter at 200 pounds. This could spell trouble for Shay Hodge going across the middle on third downs and will be a lot of trouble for Dexter's confidence. All in all, Florida's secondary is not what Jevan needs to deal with at this point in the season. After a four interception day, I wish we were playing ULM this week.

My prediction: Florida by 13.

What's yours?

Women of the Opposition: Florida

Much of the discussion about this weekend's game has centered around QB/Biblical figure Tim Tebow. The life of an SEC QB lends itself to certain privileges, such as beautiful women flocking to the south of your equator.

Indeed, Florida women are of a higher quality than some we have seen this season (see: Memphis). However, we fans at Ole Miss still allow ourselves to hold our gorgeous women up onto a pedestal for it is one of the few things we remain competitive in for consecutive football seasons.

This is contrary to the popular belief that all women in Mississippi look like this, this or this.

Florida, congratulations on your Heisman trophy winning QB who was last seen multiplying loaves of bread and fish for a multitude of people, but your women are just not up to par.

We dress up for our games, so we don't look like these screaming swamp strumpets.

SEC Traditions: The Best and Worst - Florida

As we continue to wind our way through the SEC's best and worst traditions, we would like to encourage you, our readers, to suggest your own ideas as to what the best and worst traditions of the SEC are. Furthermore, if you're of the persuasion of a school we've picked on we would love for you to share your ideas about Ole Miss. We'll get around to that later on, but we'd really appreciate your ideas on that one.

Ok, so, on to Florida!

Best Tradition: Heisman winning quarterbacks. What can we say? They've got 'em, we don't. Florida has as many Heisman winners as the entire SEC West and Tim Tebow has potential to bring another trophy to Gainesville this fall. And, while they are despised in both Tallahassee and Athens, the personalities and peculiarities of Spurrier, Wuerffel, and Tebow have made them adored by the media and college football fans outside of the Southeast. Whether it be Coach Spurrier's no bullshit approach to, well, everything or Tim Tebow's foreskin snipping, you can't help but enthusiastically pay attention to these Gators.


Worst Tradition: Jorts, hair gel, and self tanner. Georgia fans know exactly what I'm talking about.