The Big XII: Exposed?

Last night's Fiesta Bowl was indicative of many things.

Ohio State's senior class still doesn't know how to win a BCS Bowl game. Terrelle Pryor should be a future star while Colt McCoy may have maxed out his potential. And, obviously, the Big XII is simply not as good as we've been led to believe.

You all heard it at the Cotton Bowl. You could even hear it through the TV.

O-ver-rat-ed! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*

True. Tech was very much overrated. Some may nitpickily disagree with that assessment, saying that such a sentiment downplays our victory but they were, by the very virtue of their #7 ranking and the definition of the word, certainly overrated. They were rated higher than they should have been.

As were Mizzou, Texas, and Oklahoma State. While Northwestern, Ohio State, and Oregon are all good opponents, none are exceedingly great opponents (Oregon's pretty close, though). This is noteworthy because, for the duration of the regular season, we were told that the aforementioned Big XII teams were exceedingly great.

Let's not kid ourselves here; Ohio State sucks. The Big Ten sucks. The Big Ten reeled off an impressive single victory this bowl season. When we learned that the Rose and Fiesta bowls were going to pit USC and Texas against Penn State and Ohio State respectively, we all thought "well, damn, those bowls are going to be lopsided."

Well, USC held up their end of the bargain. Who would have imagined that Texas would have ended the first half trailing to the Buckeyes 6-3? Likely a few assholes from Ohio and that's it. Furthermore, the same assholes would have also predicted Ohio State to actually control a lead over the Longhorns late into the 4th quarter! If the Longhorns were who we thought they were, they wouldn't have required 4th quarter heroics to defeat the Buckeyes. If the Mizzou Tigers were who we thought they were, they wouldn't have gone into overtime against Northwestern. If the Texas Tech Red Raiders were who we thought they were, Michael Crabtree wouldn't have been limited to 30 receiving yards against an undersized Rebel secondary.

"But, but, the Big XII has such great quarterbacks!"

Does it? While sitting here "at work," I jotted down the 32 NFL teams and the conferences from which their #1 quarterback hails.* Would you like to guess how many of them hail from the Big XII? C'mon. Give it a shot.

Yep... one. And his team is playing pretty stellar football without him. The other Big XII quarterback of note is Seattle's Seneca Wallace who is only starting as the replacement to an injured Matt Hasslebeck.

Of the current starting quarterbacks in the Big XII, only Sam Bradford is truly a convincing NFL prospect. The others are too small (Chase Daniel, Todd Reesing), fold under pressure (Graham Harrell), or play in gimmicky offenses (all of them). Matthew Stafford and Jevan Snead both have better pro potential than Colt McCoy, Chase Daniel, and Graham Harrell. Certainly, these quarterbacks are great college quarterbacks but, when we SEC fans see the Mannings, Jay Cutler, Jamarcus Russell**, Jason Campbell, et al every Sunday we get just a bit peeved with the media's love for Big XII quarterbacks.

Jason White won the Heisman over ME?!

With regards to "ratings," we Rebels were, and likely will continue to be, underrated. A poor start to the season will do that to any team because, while we had one of the nations strongest finishes, rankings systems operate based on a team's season-long body of work. We're certainly playing like a top-10 team and, no matter what our final ranking may be, I'll continue to think of this team as such.

Oklahoma, may Tebow have mercy on your foreskin soul.



*I'm not perfect at this so I may have made a mistake. If so, I'm sure I'll get a dozen comments or so about it.

**He sucks balls. I know.

Hey Florida

Do you remember the greatest day of Matt Grier's life? What? You don't? Ok, here's a hint: it was likely also one of Rex Grossman's worst.

Still no clue? Well, try this shit on for size:


The best lines from this video are, in my opinion

Ooh... giddy up!

from the first video, and

It's Matt Grier AGAIN!

from the second. CBS sure does hire some goofy announcers.

Rex Grossman will forever be Matt Grier's bitch. Damn that video makes me all goose-bumpy.


HT: MakersMarkReb who, by the way, is hung like Matt F'in Grier

Eli in Men's Vogue

Men's Vogue has a feature on Eli Manning for their September issue. In fact, he's the cover story. Check the link here to read the article and click the link here to see the accompanying photo gallery. The photo gallery is especially interesting, in my opinion.

Oh Eli. You're so Vogue ;)

Boda de Eli - ¡Que sexy!

Eli's had a pretty kickass year thus far. After beating the juggernaut New England Patriots and being named MVP in what most people will remember as the SINGLE. GREATEST. SUPERBOWL. EVER. he decided to settle down and get hitched to his super-duper hot ladyfriend, Abby McGrew at a private ceremony this past weekend. The cost of the wedding was estimated at nearly half a million dollars which, while most certainly a pretty penny to nearly all of us, is bullshit chump change to a Manning. I have seen a few photographs taken (by an embarrasingly voyeuristic paperazzo) at the wedding and I must say, $500,000 seems like a bit of an underestimate.

I mean, a privately-rented seaside resort with room reservations for everyone, designer gowns and dresses, and top-end food and booze served off of fine china don't exactly add up to six figures. Unless, of course, you're getting married in M E X I C O !!! Yes, Eli, Abby, and the rest of the Manning clan spent a wacky weekend on the Baja Peninsula soaking up rays, knocking back Modela and, oh yeah, hosting a wedding.

Now I, being an ignorant, wealthy, white, Southern male have an impression of Mexico which is most accurately represented thusly:

¡Si!

Having that been said, and keeping in mind that I wasn't there and am rarely, if ever, invited to attend sacred/public events, I will now give you a rundown of the Manning/McGrew wedding with the most precise accuracy imaginable.

Wedding Photo: totally legit, not at all doctored...

11:24 AM - Eli wakes up, rolls over and, for (maybe) the last time in his life, throws out whatever incredibly sexy nymphomaniac he slept with the night before. As a married man, Eli won't be able to show up at The Library and bring a platoon of these home anymore.

12:00 PM - He's showered and ready. His fiancée, a woman, most likely took several hours and cried through at least three separate applications of mascara.

12:25 PM - Eli walks to the local McDonalds and eats the greasiest thing he can find with hopes of curing his hangover.

12:27 PM - Vomit.

1:00 PM - Eli and Archie sit down for a cup of coffee. Archie brings Eli in reeeaaallll close in order to give him the crucial Manning family wedding day secret to success: "Do NOT sire females."

3:00 PM - The ring ceremony. It's beautiful, really. There are tears in the eyes of grown men, beautifully crafted rings made of jewels and precious medals, and much pomp and fanfare.

3:30 PM - The wedding ring ceremony.

3:35 PM - Wedding's over. A limousine awaits Mr. and Mrs. Manning to take them to their reception. The wedding reception, featuring none other than The Library's own DJ Mario, consists mainly of an obese black male screaming "pop yo' pussay" into a microphone over a Ying Yang Twins song off of his iPod.

4:00 PM - Abby and Eli's first dance. Eli, a man not known for his grace, attempts to keep up with his new wife but quickly gives up, exclaiming "I don't know how to 'crank dat' Soulja Boy,' so get off my back!"

4:01 PM - Peyton 'cranks dat' perfectly, looks over at Archie, and screams "Hey Daddy! Look! I can do it!"

5:18 PM - David Cutcliffe falls asleep sitting up.

5:30 PM - Abby throws the bouquet. It is caught by none other than David Tyree.

6:56 PM - Eli and Abby take that one last tequila shot that propels you into a world of debauchery, violence, and amnesia.

5:55 AM - A suddenly awakened Abby Manning jumps from her bed and runs into the bathroom. After a few minutes, she nervously walks out clutching a pregnancy test in her hands. Eli, staring at her through a single half-opened, bloodshot eye inquires to as to exactly what "the fuck" she was doing. Abby, shaking, says to Eli, "your father and every other Spirit board poster told me I had to check, or else. Those Mississippians are desperate, Eli..."

Slow news week...

Tuesday nights loss to State has put most of us in a depressed, drunken stupor thus the lack of bloggage as of late. Being as how this is a pretty slow news week and we're at South Carolina (see: way too far away) this weekend, I'm going to leave you with this YouTube to hopefully assuage your RSC cravings.



Geeze, I really miss that Eli Manning kid.

Audience Participation!

If you had to choose which of these men to whom you would submit yourself in idolatry, who would it be?






This weekend marks the university's zenith of past-glorification - Eli Manning/Patrick Willis Day, known to the rest of us as "The Grove Bowl" or if you're a hippie-loving, "We are ... Ole Miss" saying, Coulour Reuvoult-listening wrist-cutter, the "Red-Blue Game." Though, they haven't really done anything special this week, there is obviously some effort to recognize the contributions of Patrick Willis to football and Eli Manning to ... a well balanced diet? It's well-deserved. Willis led the league in tackles or something. Manning led the league in miraculous catches by David Tyree. Much love to each.

My question is, should RSC honor Manning or Willis (or neither) as Rebel of the Week. Which (if either) deserves deification and immortality at the hands of The Cup? Respond below (or don't ... at your peril!).

You bet your ass he does!