Post Bowl SEC Power Poll

Linky here, graphic below. Hotty Toddy. LMAO @ State Leghumpers haha!!1

We're Back and the final part of the SEC Power Poll All-SEC DLine

Alright, alright, you can all quit your bellyaching.

Between Christmas and one of us getting hitched two days thereafter we've been doing the whole "friends and family" thing. No, we're not going to apologize.

Get over it.

Now, to pick up where we left off.

I'm surprised Jefferson still has a head attached to his neck.

Peria Jerry is a bad, bad dude. He will ruin you. I mean absolutely, positively, motherfucking ruin you. This season has seen what may be the single greatest Ole Miss defensive line ever. There is star power at every starting position and potential star power a few spots deep on the depth chart. The typical adjectives used to positively describe linemen--big, strong, quick, athletic--certainly apply here. However, Peria Jerry, while all of the above, can best be described as "determined."

I'm not the biggest guy, and I'm definitely not the strongest guy. But I'm going to be there all day.

Peria Jerry was featured recently in a piece by Scott Cacciola of the Memphis Commercial Appeal and that quote, attributed to Jerry, really stood out to me. When compared to Ted Laurent or Jerrel Powe, Jerry certainly isn't the biggest or strongest guy out there. But, whatever he "lacks" in size and strength is made up for by his incredibly competitive drive and "never-give-up" attitude.

Towards the end of the LSU game, it became apparent that Jerry had simply worn his blockers down. They were all likely bigger, stronger, and more highly rated recruits but, literally, none of that mattered; Jerry was beating their asses off of the line and creating chaos in the trenches and backfield.

He brings 100% on every single down which is exactly how he beats you. By the end of the game, he's unblockable.

I know they're confident, and rightfully so, but I can't imagine Graham Harrell and the Red Raider OLine not at all worried about lining up against Peria Jerry and his legion of despair. They're going to bring it and, if Harrell and co. aren't careful, the Cotton Bowl could end very, very poorly for the Red Raiders.

Congratulations on everything, Peria. You're a team captain, an All American, and, most importantly, one of the greatest defensive tackles in the SEC according to a legion of bloggeurs.

To come: our piece in the most recent edition of The Local Voice, the most badass Christmas gift EVAR, and the beginning of Texas Tech hate week.

SEC Power Poll All-SEC Team: Terrence Cody, presented by Sir Issac Newton

If ye ever discover thyself so braeve as to delve into mine Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica, ye will not conclude my fascination with one Lord Terrence of Cody to be unusual. For, as a scholar of the most basic physical characteristics of all worldly mass, Terrence of Cody affords me both incredible excitement and luxurie.

Please, allow me, if you could, to explain. In the physical scientificum, "masse" refers to the degree of acceleration a body could acquire when subject to a force. Within this realme, acceleration is the term which describes the changes in velocity over time. In the purest words, we compute this value by calculating the derived form of velocity with respect to time, or equivalently as the second derivative of position. This is, quite natureally, a vectored quantitie.

Ah but, prithee do observe my faire student, I have yet to divulge into the mystical combination thereof: FORCE! Of upmost importance, force is that which can cause an object with masse to accelerate. Of course, the sciences surrounding this "force" are still so premature that a measurable unit thereof has yet to be assigned a proper, noble nomenclature!

Lord Terrence of Cody exploites his victimes through the unmerciful use of one of the most fear-inducing levels of force on the fields of battle. He possesses in a set the powerful combination of masse and acceleration which, as even the most plebian of plebians could observe, would naturally lead to Earth shattering force. Here, read my formulations:


Lord Terrence of Cody therefore becomes, as you vilest of men from the newest of worldes would have him referred in your most peculiare vernacular, "one scary motherfucker." If the words surrounding his desires to remain on the noble fields of Tuscaloosa are indeed of integrous fiber then his myraid of foes ought greatly to fear their darkened fates.

Lord Terrance of Cody, inspiration of the unwashed, huzzah to thee, sire!
(ed: Cody was a unanimous selection to this poll)

SEC Power Poll All-SEC Team: Rahim Alem

This is the best photo I could find of the guy.

Rahim Alem, the second defensive end on the inaugural SEC Power Poll All-SEC team, has been a phenomenal defensive force for the Bayou Bengals this season. The Junior out of New Orleans tallied eight sacks, seven quarterback hurries, two forced fumbles, a pair of pass deflections, and a blocked kick.

However, despite these successes, I will most vividly remember Rahim Alem for a very brief and inconsequential moment of moronic douchedom. Do you remember how, just before Snead took the final knee in Death Valley, he thought it cute to jump offsides and rough-up Mike Oher a little bit? Yeah, that was lame.

And stupid; who in the hell lines up against Michael Oher and thinks, "you know, I'd like to do my best to anger this hairless Yeti standing accross from me" and then actually follows through with it? It's a good thing for Mr. Alem that the game was winding down because that could have ended very, very poorly.

Watch it, Rahim.

Alright, so I'm biased. What else do you expect from an Ole Miss blog?

In all seriousness though, congratulations are in order for LSU and Rahim Alem for his selection to the SEC Power Poll All-SEC team. We're bloggers, dammit. We know what we're doing here and this should be taken as an honor of the highest caliber.


Up next: the SEC blogosphere's selection as our conferences best defensive tackles.

SEC Power Poll All-SEC Team: Robert Ayers

For your insomniac/early bird special, we help will roll out the inaugural SEC Power Poll All-SEC team by covering the defensive line.

First, we'll introduce Robert Ayers, one-half of the defensive ends on this team.


Ayers, a senior Volunteer from Cilo, South Carolina, was initially recruited to Knoxville to play linebacker. After putting on 40 pounds, however, Ayers possessed ideal size and athleticism to become one of the SEC's premier defenders. Statistically, Ayers racked up 49 total tackles, 15.5 tackles-for-a-loss, 3 sacks, 1 interception, 1 pass deflection, 6 quarterback hurries, and 1 forced fumble. Ayers is projected to a be a later-round pick in the upcoming NFL draft and has the potential for a promising NFL career. Obviously, Ayers was a bright spot on this season's uncharacteristically struggling Tennessee team.

Stay tuned on Friday for the second all-SEC defensive end per the ever wise SEC blogosphere.

For the rest of the SEC Power Poll All-SEC coverage, visit Team Speed Kills.

Final SEC Power Poll

Well, we Rebels finished as the 3rd best team in the conference according to the SEC blogosphere. Who on Earth saw that one coming? Full comments are here, cool graphics are below.

This chart is great because, being as how I created it using Microsoft Excel, it made me seem as if I were being productive at work.

CHART REDACTED BECAUSE I'M A MORON

Final SEC Power Poll Ballot

Here it is. The final Power Poll ballot of the year. We hope that having our Rebels move all the way up to 3rd in the conference is good enough for you being as how we're only one season removed from playing MPSA style football.

Rank	Team	Change	Comments
1	Florida	---	We're picking Florida to convincingly defeat Alabama in the SEC Championship Game.
2	Alabama	---	Alabama may have sent Auburn's coach a-packing for a change.
3	Ole Miss	+1	The Rebels from the 2nd half of the season would beat the Rebels from the 1st half of the season by 30.
4	Georgia	-1	Georgia Tech completed one, yes, only ONE pass on Saturday.
5	South Carolina	---	You lost to a grown man named Dabo. "Yabbo Dabbo Doo." Get used to hearing that one, Carolina.
6	LSU	---	Who loses to Arkansas?
7	Vanderbilt	---	You know the SEC is having a down year when THREE teams lose and don't budge in the Power Poll Ballot.
8	Tennessee	+3	Sending Fulmer out with a whimper, rather than a flatulent bang. Congrats, Tennessee.
9	Arkansas	+3	Arkansas fans did not like how Nutt would "lose the games he was supposed to win and win the games he was supposed to lose." A good example of this would be losing to Mississippi State one week and beating LSU the next.
10	Kentucky	-2	Most. Boring. Bowl. Eligible. Team. Ever.
11	Auburn	-2	Please fire Tubs. Signed: the rest of the SEC West.
12	Mississippi State	-2	Many Happy Returns! ...to the bottom of our Power Poll ballot.

SEC Power Poll - Week 13 Ballot

There was a fair amount of moving and shaking in the SEC Power Poll this week. Most notably, our Rebs have moved up to 4th. We were as low as 9th in the Power Poll at one point due to our season opening in such an up-and-down fashion but to say that we're finishing very strongly would nearly be an understatement. Arkansas drops to the bottom of the poll because they suck ass and LSU drops a couple of spots. Fantastic!

Rank	Team	Change	Comments
1	Florida	---	You beat the Citadel. Nobody cares.
2	Alabama	---	For the first time in a long time, Tiders are not worried about the Iron bowl.
3	Georgia	---	Tech could reasonably beat Georgia this weekend. The Dawgs better come prepared.
4	Ole Miss	+1	Taking a knee on LSU's one yard line to close out a convincing win in Baton Rouge = ballin'
5	South Carolina	---	The 'Cocks aren't great, but where else do you put them in a power poll?
6	LSU	-2	We're still smiling on our end.
7	Vanderbilt	---	It's surprising that one would find it surprising that the surprisingly capable 'Dores would lose to the surprisingly horrible Vols.
8	Kentucky	---	Kentucky vs. UT will end our weekly series of SEC East slapfights. If Kentucky can beat the Vols, they will be the proud winners of the "we're all worse than South Carolina" cup.
9	Auburn	+1	You're only here because Arkansas shat the bed against State.
10	Mississippi State	+1	Two straight weeks of improvement in the SEC Power Poll! Congrats! Give yourselves a rattle, State!
11	Tennessee	+1	No, Tennessee, beating Vanderbilt isn't impressive. Stop your bitching.
12	Arkansas	-3	Don't worry, Hogs. Petrino is going nowhere. He's going to stay right there in Fayetteville with you. Congrats!

SEC Power Poll - Week 12

If either Juco-All American or Ivory Tower had voted the Rebels at 5th instead of 6th, we would have submitted our collective ballot with Ole Miss as the outright 5th best team in the league as opposed to being tied for such with the Gamecocks.

Why does this matter? Because, after compiling all of the 20-something blog ballots, the Rebels and Gamecocks are, just as in our ballot, tied in the power poll for 5th. Read about it here and, as always, the graphic is below.

One final note: normally I would have you visit Garnet and Black Attack to see the best comments about each team as they are the blog which hosts this fine power poll. However, Joe Cribb's Car Wash's comments about LSU were too good to not post here (and everywhere on the intranetz). I drew a few stares into the cubicle laughing at this

I dunno, I'm starting to think opposing defenses are sending Jarrett Lee e-mails like DEAR MR. LEE: MY NAME IS PRINCE TEBO MUTOMBO OF THE REPUBLIC OF PIKSIXIA AND I HAVE INHERITED 47,000 FOOTBALL POINTS AFTER THE DEATH OF MY FATHER KING LORENZO MUTOMBO OF PIKSIXIA. I NEED YOU TO HELP ME KEEP MY FOOTBALL POINTS SAFE. IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PAY VIA INTERCEPTION TRANSFER A SMALL SCOREBOARD INCREASE FEE OF SEVEN FOOTBALL POINTS FOR ME, I WILL MOVE MY POINTS TO A SAFE ACCOUNT IN GAYNESVILLE AND BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU 7,000 FOOTBALL POINTS AS A TOKEN OF MY GRATITUDE. THEY WILL BE YOUR POINTS YOU CAN USE TO WIN YOUR TEAM FOOTBALL. PLEASE HELP ME MR. LEE

Well done, Auburn bloggers. Well done.

SEC Power Poll - Week 11 ballot

You better believe we're jumping into the top 4 when we beat LSU on Saturday.

Rank	Team	Change	Comments
1	Florida	+1	Hello, D1 football. I'd like you to meet your future BCS champs *cough* who couldn't beat Ole Miss... giggity *cough*
2	Florida	-1	The Tide's win over Mississippi State was a great metaphor for their season. Steady, often underwhelming production that, after it's all over, looks like a dominating performance.
3	Georgia	+1	Maybe Stafford should do more keg lifts.
4	LSU	-1	Scheduling a Sun Belt team sure is fun. I mean, you invite them to your place, score at will, shut them out, etc. Right LSU? C'mon, you know what we're talking about, right? LSU? Oh....
5 TIE	Ole Miss	+1	Don't blame me for the tie; I had the Rebels at 5th on my ballot. So did Whiskey Wednesday. Juco and Ivory Tower however, well, they suck.
5 TIE	South Carolina	---	Now Steve Spurrier knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a Florida offensive orgy.
7	Vanderbilt	---	Congrats on gaining bowl eligibility, Vanderbilt. No joke here.
8	Kentucky	---	While Rich Brooks obviously thinks it's bullshit, I'm curious as to how the rest of the Wildcat nation thinks about this season?
9	Arkansas	---	Arkansas could finish their season with victories over State (duh) and LSU (a bit of a stretch) which would give the Fayetteville faithful something to build upon for next season.
10	Auburn	---	It looks like Tony Franklin was only one part of the problems on the plains.
11	Mississippi State	+1	The Bulldogs were eliminated from bowl contention the same day their in-state rival earned eligibility with 59 flashy points.
12	Tennessee	-1	Last night Nick Stephens had a nightmare last night that the Volunteers are going to hire a head coach specializing in the spread offense.

SEC Power Poll - Week 11

Click here. Look out below.