Be My Valentine, The Darkness of Nightfall

Hate me...

Here I sit. Alone. Deeply, darkly, blissfully alone. You would laugh at me. Oh would you ever laugh at me. But it is I who has the last and most soulful laugh on this day, a disgusting day. While you and whatever vapid tramp you're dragging around-stuffing her face with shitty pasta, chocolates, and appletinis-are about, feeding the corporate guilt war machine with your own wealth all because you hope to get laid, I, xxgr3gxx, will be suffering through true bliss.

Loneliness, that is my bliss. Oh, sweet darkness, envelop me, take my soul. Make me bleed inside. How do you fight loneliness? You smile all the time and laugh at every joke. Hah. Pathetic. Loneliness is for the honest, the ones who are not afraid of their own anguish.

I pity you.

Have a horrible Valentines day, motherfuckers. I'm going to sit alone at Huddle House and drink decaf for two or three before going home to slip into some girls jeans and flat iron my hair. Oh, and I'm going to weep to my new Girl Talk CD.


-emo Greg Hardy

Be My Valentine, Terrence

TeRR BeAr,

Boi, I haD drEAmEd AboUt U laSt niGhT AgIn! I nO U bIn lOoKiN @ mY FAceBOOk! BoI U BetTa RigHt oN My WaLl! U mAy NoT LoOk @ mY FaCeBooK BuT I No I look @ YoUrs!!! WhY DoN’T YoU eVAR caLl?? I jUs 1 2 TalK 2 U! I CaLleD U thA UtHa DaY! I dOnT THiNk U sEeN It BuT I cAlLeD U A LoT sO U MiGhT HeRE It BuT U DidNT!
U bIn HanGiN’ LoW WITh ThAt UtHa GUrl? DaT BiTcH I cUt wItH Da BoX CutTAhZ? I hOpE Not CuZ iF U HaZ I gOn CuT U! HAHAHAHA! iM JuSt PlAyINg! I WoOD NeVAr HuRt U TwAtTy WaTtY! U No I lUv U! I LuV U MoRe DaN D’LiShUs LuVs FlAvA o NeW YoRk LuV TaYleR MaId!
BuT iF U HanGin WiT Dat CrAzY BitCh AgIn, I DoNT KnOw WuT I WoOD Do. It MaY Get mIdEivAl Up in Here! My GuRl CaNnIe aNd Me Is gOnA CoMe vIsiT dAt bItCh aND We GoN BriNG OuR CutTAhZ in CaSe ShE neEd uS tO OpEn a PaCkaGe or SuMThIng!
CaLl Me BaCk TeRR BeAR. We ShUd B 2GethA 4EvA!

Ur GuRl,

***MaRiShA***

Be My Valentine, Houston

Most internet seekers of truth who get their daily fill of The Cup are probably aware that Valentine's Day will be upon us on Saturday. For those who were not yet aware, you are now on notice. For those who were not yet aware and have a girlfriend, you're welcome. For those who were not yet aware and have a boyfriend, I say, "You are welcome here, ma'am," or, in the alternative, "Back away, sir."

While some of us here can occasion the sweet taste of woman, we are uncaring cavemen and, so, were like the web-minority out there - unaware that the annual Day of Love had come upon us.

Until our sources deep inside the athletic department leaked a series of letters received by them. The first of which is reproduced below.