Jamar Hornsby Arrested

Well dammit.

I wanted to give the guy a chance. After hearing all about the Florida credit card scandal and his subsequent dismissal from the Gator squad, I thought that perhaps Hornsby was just a stupid kid who got caught in a bad situation. No, I didn't think him to be malicious or an overt troublemaker, just careless and lacking of foresight.

I don't so much think that anymore.

Jamar, what in the hell were you doing in Starkville? Were you looking to purchase cheese (you can do that online now, dawg)? Were you looking for some of that sticky kush? I just don't get it.

And anyway, regardless of the reason for your visit to the "jewel" of Oktibbeha County, what made you think starting trouble there would end in a fashion other than "very poorly?" Do you think the cops in fucking STARKVILLE will respond nicely to "hey I'm a highly rated newcomer to the Ole Miss Rebel football team who was/is expected to contribute to the team this fall who decided to visit your fair hamlet to beat up a guy and steal some shit?" I mean, wow...

"Innocent until proven guilty" and all of that stuff, yeah, sure whatever. But still. You're on the All-Perriloux team now, Jamar. Enjoy it.

Oh, Cup fans, click that link above for the Clarion Ledger story if you haven't already. Peruse the comments if you've got low enough blood pressure to survive it. State fans are just as obsessed with Ole Miss as ever.

Introducing the All-Perrilloux Team!

To pass time over the Summer, The Cup will be documenting the inevitable slip-ups and mishaps of our conference's football stars. This shouldn't be too tough because, as we all know, the SEC is rife with interesting, daring souls. After pondering as to how one should document the, umm, accomplishments of our student-athletes, I decided that an exciting SEC offseason should be able to fill a starting lineup consisting entirely of criminals.

Thus, the All-Perriloux Team was born. In a way, this will be like EDSBS' Fulmer Cup except for being conference specific and devoid of any "competition."

Why the "All-Perriloux" team?

Did you seriously just ask that? Eesh, well, alright... As a highly-recruited offensive starter for one of the conference's strongest programs, Ryan Perrilloux had everything one could look for in a Southeastern Conference ruffian. When considering his problems with weed, counterfeiting money, weed, screaming at people in strip clubs, weed, fighting people to defend the honor of his pregnant girlfriend, weed, skipping team meetings, weed, and parking violations, it becomes apparent that no other person could lend their name to such a prestigious organization.

To be a part of this team, a player must meet two simple criteria:

• Be on an SEC team
• Get caught doing something illegal (no prosecution necessary!) ED: during the 2009 offseason

Innocent until proven guilty? Who came up with that bullshit!? Anyway, below the pretty poor totally badass MSPaint drawing you'll see the foundation upon which this all-netherworldly team will be built. Presenting:


OFFENSE
QB - Arkansas' Ryan Mallett for gettin' dranked in public
HB -
WR -
WR -
WR -
OL - Florida's Carl Johnson for stalking and raping
OL -
OL -
OL -
OL -
TE -

DEFENSE
DT -
DT -
DE -
DE -
LB -
LB -
LB -
CB - Mississippi State's Maurice Langston for slangin' herb
CB -
S -
S -

SPECIAL TEAMS
K -
P -


If you've got any submissions to the team, send them in.

Rebel Roundup - Post Superbowl Monday

Superbowl Sunday took a toll on me. I'm still scraping barbecue sauce out from under my fingernails and can't really get my eyes open more than halfway so pardon today's lazy blogging. As for the Superbowl, it was a helluva game. Larry Fitzgerald is somewhere between Hannibal Barca and Winston Churchill in the all-time "ballsiest baller" scale. I still hate the Steelers but, damn, you've gotta respect a franchise that has won six Superbowls. Also, I'm still laughing at that commercial where an animatronic Koala with a British accent got punched in the face.

Anyway, here are some interesting links that you've likely already seen:

Andy Kennedy's Arrest Video - Yes, it's all right here. You can see a visibly drunk Andy Kennedy futilely plead his case to the arresting officer, and a bunch of overly "cop-esque," smartassed comments. Seirously, what's the damn deal with every police officer out there thinking they're some kind of one-liner machine? The only quip that either cop gets out that is at all humorous is the "we deal with the Bengals" line in response to Andy Kennedy warning them that this arrest will make national headlines (or become an "international altercation..." eesh, that's drunk right there). You can also see Bill Armstrong lose his lid and angrily curse at the dirty motherfucking lying son-of-a-bitch cabbie accuser, leading to his subsequent arrest. Watch the video (kinda-sorta NSFW with all of the f-bombs) and comment below, Cup fans.

D.T. Shackleford: Smart, Charitable, Blue-Chipper - We're keeping the recruiting talk on the down low until Wednesday when we'll be live-blogging for signing day. Until then, enjoy this piece on a nice young man from Alabama who may or may not have committed to play linebacker for the Rebels this weekend. We're not following recruiting right now, remember? Anyway, if we were to perhaps recruit and earn a commitment from this young man on the weekend before signing day, snatching him out of the grasp of Lane Kiffin's staff of super-recruiters, we would be adding a heckuva linebacker and an even greater human being to our football lineup.

We Finally Defeated Wake at Something - Yes, we're still pretty good at tennis. Perhaps Ivory Tower or one of our more frilly, Victorian-era sports enthusiast readers could give you more info. Me, I'm too busy watching Die Hard and eating pork to pay attention to a bunch of European guys jump around in tight fitting pastels.

The Silent Period Begins

Not really... The coaches still have until Sunday to speak with recruits. But, here at Le Cup, we're not going to talk recruiting until signing day. Sure, we'll let you know what the Rivals, Scouts, and ESPN's of the world are saying but we're not going to spread anything that we've heard.

Face it: we've all heard a dozen tidbuggets and we won't ascertain the truth concerning them for a while. There's no point marinating in it. We've heard rumors which would lead us to believe that the Rebels will make several recruiting coups and pull in some surprises come Wednesday. We've also heard rumors which would lead us to believe that we're going to fare incredibly poorly once all is said and done. We don't know what to believe and, don't kid yourself, neither do you. Basketball talk and such is up next. We'll liveblog the hell out of this site on Wednesday.

Ciao. Have a helluva weekend, Rebels.

A Message to the 30-some-odd Bowl Committees

What are you looking for in bowl matchups? Are you looking for the pair of teams which will provide your bowl with an interesting, competitive, and relevant matchup?

No.

Are you looking for emotional, heartwarming side stories or 4th quarter heroics?

No and no.

Are you looking to make a shit-ton of money off of ticket sales, TV ratings, and foolish spending by visiting fanbases?

Fuck yeah!

Well, then Ole Miss is the school which you should schedule for your bowls.

Certainly, your skepticism is natural. We're one of the SEC's smallest fanbases, being as how we hail from a small state and a relatively small university and, as of late, have not been a postseason presence. But, as we have established, you're looking to make money and, despite these hard economic times, we're helping to sell out stadiums, setting bar sales records, and boosting TV ratings.

Granted, being a part of the record setting Cotton Bowl crowd isn't too spectacular, considering that this is the first Cotton Bowl after the stadium expansion and that Texas Tech fans deserve a half of the credit with these respects. But, to say that the bar sales records and television ratings aren't intriguing would be 'tarded.

Think about it for a minute. Of all the conventions, sporting events, and other massive gatherings of thirsty people that have ever been held in Dallas, this last Cotton Bowl's band of Rebel fans set the record for booze sales at hotel bars.

And, to have a Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss matchup draw a TV rating that was a mere one-tenth-of-a-point lower than a Wisconsin vs. Florida State matchup must turn some heads.

So, bowl committees, you should certainly consider the Ole Miss Rebels in future bowl pairings. We'll fill the pockets of your corporate sponsors, respective cities, and broadcast partners with sweet, green cash. You'd be a damned fool to think to look us over come next year.

Andy Kennedy Arrested

Yeah. You read it right. Andy Kennedy was arrested when he arrived to Cincinatti for the Big East / SEC Matchup.

No comment on the story until we learn more.

I'll just say that I hope it's not true because I really do believe that Andy Kennedy is a good basketball coach, and I want to hold onto him.

I'm a big Ole Miss fan... but damn.

So... apparently, against all odds, Alabama fans are actually CRAZIER than we believed.

I don't want to poke fun at what was obviously a sick, sick thing happening. I mean, two people died. That's just insane. What brings someone to do that? While trying to avoid too much humor, I can't fathom how the conversation went.

LSU fan: Well, y'all won, but we sure did put up a fight.

Bama fan: Bear Bryant would have won by more points over that faggot quarterback y'all have down there.

LSU fan: Take that back, or I'll shoot you.

Bama fan: Too late. BLAM.

I mean, if my everyday life contained the possibility of being shot whenever I insulted someone or felt insulted, I would be dead. Also, I would move.

It's things like this that give the South the reputation it has for its obsessed fans, and in this instance, they're very right. Alabama fans, you may not be crazier than Arkansas fans, but you're close.

Putting On For Tennessee

With recent rise in hood richness (yes, I am very white) at Ole Miss seen here and here, but not here, it is apparent Bruce Pearl felt the pressure and recruited this guy.



Bobby Maze is an incoming freshman at UTK, lucky them. I hope his basketball skills are about equal to his rapping abilities.

Screw writing this blog... we're about to be millionaires!

An e-mail that red[REDACTED]cupblog@gmail.com received today:

"Good Day,

We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to
the total sum of £6,000,000.00 GBP (Six Million British Pounds) in the
codicil and last testament of the deceased. (Name now withheld since
this is our second letter to you).

We contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore
can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance.
We therefore reckoned that you could receive these funds as you are
qualified by your name identity. All the legal papers will be processed
upon your acceptance.
Upon your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward
to us your letter of acceptance, your current telephone and fax numbers
and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary LEGAL documents in
your name at our high court probate division for the release of the
fund in question.
Please contact me immediatley so that we can get this done.
Kind regards,
John Smith"

Woohoo! I guess we're going to donate some of it to the BPF. This is gonna be great. Adolph Jules [REDACTED]Cup is leaving us SIX MILLION POUNDS! We're ecstatic!

Looks like we'd better kick the guys who never write off quickly. I don't want to split that six mil with a bunch of ingrates.

P.S. We're going to Danny's in Jackson to make it rain on 'dem hos.

Jimmy "Pitbull" Johns

So, as we all know, Jimmy Johns was kicked off the Alabama Crimson Tide team this week. What you may not have known is how our favorite person to ever choose Bama over us provided the income for his drug habit (other than selling drugs). Please... take the time to visit that link. It's glorious.

Maybe this is old news, but I've never heard it until today. Seriously, pitbulls? I wonder what he sells those for.

What really upsets me about this whole thing is what this allows. Jimmy Johns can say, "Hey. I play football at Alabama. I'll charge a ludicrous amount for pitbulls, and Alabama fans will buy them just to give me money." The NCAA has got to figure out a way to stop that.

And you know, he may not even have been getting the money. He obviously didn't design the site. That's even worse to me though. If someone approaches an athlete asking them to use pictures of them playing football, etc. that is against NCAA regulation.

I never say this about anyone, but... even if there were a regulation violation, Alabama wouldn't get penalized for it because... it's Alabama.

HT: EDSBS and BHamReb

Got Coke?

Jimmy Johns does.

I think I've referenced before how much I enjoy the eventual downfall of Magnolia State players who choose the University of Alabama. See Grant, Terry. Jimmy Johns was Mississippi's Mr. Football in 2004. Now, of course, he's graduated from "Mr. Football" to "Dr. Feelgood."

TUSCALOOSA - University of Alabama linebacker Jimmy Johns has been arrested and charged with several counts of selling cocaine, according to Tuscaloosa Police Department spokesman Capt. Greg Kosloff.

Is Jimmy Johns evil because he went to the University of Alabama, or did he simply choose the University of Alabama because he is evil. Tough to say. The Alabama football program is a textbook moral downward spiral, but only he with the blackest of hearts would ever consider it in the first place.

Anyway, here's to Jimmy Johns - part-time Alabama football player; full-time coke-dealer - against whom the charges will almost certainly be dropped. Roll Tide!

Recruit Quote of the Week

Since it is summer I figured we should start a new tradition hear on RSC for awhile, that being the recruiting quote of the week.  This can either come from a fan, analyst, or from a recruit himself.  This week's is brought to us from Horn Lake CB Tremayne McKinley.

"I'd probably lean that way a lot. The coaches are the main thing I like about Ole Miss. They're all kind of crunk. They all keep you hyped. Those are the kinds of coaches I like to play for." (Thank you Rivals for the quote)

I can only assume McKinley has not spent too much time around HDN, who if his daughter is any indication, is severely lacking in the "crunk" department.  

One good thing that will come of this is the continuation of the fence around Memphis.  With Andy Kennedy's wardrobe apparently provided to him buy Ecko and the new football staff, the Rebs should have the 901 on lock down.

A Great American Research University

The researchers at Ole Miss have yielded another important discovery: that sticky is getting ickier.

The latest analysis from the University of Mississippi’s Potency Monitoring Project tracked the average amount of THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, in samples seized by law enforcement agencies from 1975 through 2007. It found that the average amount of THC reached 9.6 percent in 2007, compared with 8.75 percent the previous year.

The 9.6 percent level represents more than a doubling of marijuana potency since 1983, when it averaged just under 4 percent.

Of course, the question from the loyal RSC readers is, "What does this have to do with football?"

Not much, but it might explain what the hell happened to Brent Schaeffer.

The RSC's Travel Guide: Miami, FL

GUNS! WEED! HOLLA! The Diamond Rebs are headed to America's 2nd or 3rd favorite port city: Miami! This upcoming weekend's regional should be exciting for all in attendance due to beautiful weather, bikini babes, and stray bullets. While I will unfortunately not be in attendance due to $4-a-gallon gas, I have consulted friends who are certainly "in the know" (namely my prejudices and Google) and put together the perfect travel guide for any Rebel fan looking for something to do other than watch depressingly disappointing baseball.

LODGING
Miami is like any city in Florida south of Orlando in that it's full of first generation immigrants and incredibly old New Yorkers. This means that the bell curve on available housing and lodging is, well, upside down. You've got to choose from either a slew of undeniably foul-smelling Motel 6's or multi-starred luxury hotels. Or, that was the case until a couple of years ago. With the recent coaching departures from the University of Miami football team and the downturn in the American housing market, a group of McMansions within a few blocks of the Coral Gables campus have remained open for renters and buyers for a few years. These homes, once belonging to Larry Coker and his staff, have enough room for you and a dozen accomplices friends to sleep comfortably and somewhat securely. A bit of advice though, try to get Dan Werner's old crib; it's got way fewer headbutt marks than Kehoe's old place.

DINING
The Miami lifestyle only affords a person two options: eating very little, or eating a lot over long periods of time. If the latter is more akin to your style then you're in luck! Miami's diverse ethnic makeup and rich history gives its local cuisine a very, errr, unique look and feel. With influences from Cuban, Jewish, Creole, and a hodge-podge of other various cultures, the cuisine of Miami is unlike that of any other.

On second thought, Hardee's did look pretty good.

CULTURE
For a truly memorable cultural experience, the Miami-bound jetsetter needs to keep only three things in mind: Cubans, Cubans, and Cubans! These crafty people have shaped Miami's cultural heritage unlike any other group. From Little Havana to downtown Miami, the influence of the Cuban people is heavily felt. While in Miami, try to engage yourself in salsa dancing, visit the home of Desi Arnez, or even brush up on your Spanish! The following phrases could certainly come in handy during your stay:

"Ningunas gracias, no quisiera ninguna cocaína."
No thanks, I would not like any cocaine.

"¡Por favor! ¡No soy armado!"
Please! I'm not armed!

"¿Qué la cogida usted está intentando venderme?"
What the fuck are you trying to sell me?

"¿Dónde está la biblioteca?"
Where is the library?

Like many of the Cubans, your time in Miami is fleeting so do not waste this golden opportunity!

NIGHTLIFE/ENTERTAINMENT
Miami and neighboring Miami Beach are world renowned for their nightclubs as evidenced by this fine piece of journalism put together by every one's favorite gay Austrian fashion critic, Bruno Schwanzenstuecker:

Lets party ZUSAMMENMACHEN!

While I do not know much about these night clubs I do know how to guarantee a good time when and wherever you do end up partying. Just hit up the most lovable former Ole Miss QB recruit ever, Cannon Smith. He undeniably knows a bunch of dudes who can get you fucked up on quaaludes, ecstasy, heroin, whatever. Rumor has it that his "boi" Guillermo has the good stuff but as far as I can tell it's just hearsay. Regardless, with Cannon Smith on your side what happens in Miami most certainly stays way the fuck in Miami.

I hope we have helped you get prepared for what is undeniably going to be a wonderful vacation. Have fun, be safe, and go Rebs.

This is the New RSC Soundtrack

How we didn't find this thing earlier is way beyond me. A Tip o' the Hat goes to EDSBS for showing the entire Blogosphere how it's done. If anyone out there makes a real music video for this, I'll give you 10 bucks. No joke.

A Bit Harsh

I understand that living in Starkville is a difficult thing to do. I've been there. Seen it. Smelled it.

It drives some to drink, others to indiscriminate barnyard sex, and still others to breaking out their firearms and discharging them into the night. It can also, apparently, drive someone to delusions regarding what is and is not a serious offense against the laws of the State of Mississippi.

Mike "Shoot 'Em Up" Brown, the former Mississippi State football player who spent at least one Friday night gang-banging (the pistol kind, not the internet porn kind) out near, I suppose, the cattle field with his teammate Quinton Wesley, complained in The Daily Journal today that sentencing had been a little rough on him. "That was pretty harsh and all," Brown told Kyle Veazey of the Clarion-Ledger. "First offense, getting a felony."

Which part of Sylvester Croom's legendary discipline regimen instills in young men the virtuous belief that not just possessing, but actually using guns on college campuses is worthy of something less than probation? I guess the topic "The Current Societal Mood Regarding the Discharge of Firearms on University Campuses" must have been covered the same day Croom neglected to discuss the pros and cons of assaulting police officers.

"I mean it's not like I stole pillows or anything," Brown said.

He didn't actually say that, but it would have been a gall-darn hoot if he had.

Corralling the West: LSU, Arky (fixed), and State

The SEC truly is the conference which writes its own tabloid entries. That's why we're going to occasionally focus on what's going on around the conference to fill you, our faithful readers, in on the SEC scuttlebutt with a bit of boozed-up Ole Miss spin.

LSU: As you've surely heard, Perrilouxzzr is gone. Apparently missing class, skipping team meetings, avoiding coaches, screaming at strip club patrons, defending your pregnant baby momma's honor at a fine nighttime entertainment venue shithole club in Baton Rouge, using fake ID's to get onto casino floors, helping a buddy kick in an apartment door, conducting a lot of glaucoma research, and allegedly being involved in a counterfeiting scheme was the last straw for Les "el Sombrero" Miles. The former 5-star/Orgeronian wet dream will now be looking to utilize his football skills elsewhere and rumor has it that 1-AA Jacksonville St. is interested. I know it may initially seem foolish on the part of the baby-Gamecocks but they could easily clean Perrilouxzzr up if they're willing to do a little preparation ahead of time.
Take, for example, counterfeiting. The way I see it, the process of counterfeiting follows a very simple formula: X + Y = FrEe MoNeY!!!1~
Eliminate X or Y, and there you have it, problem solved (probably not).

ARKANSAS: Bobby Petrino is a douche. In a complete move of utter douche-dom, Petrino and ultra-douche QB Ryan Mallet (brush your God damned teeth) petitioned the NCAA to waive the 1 year of inactivity Mallet would have to endure as a transfer from another division 1-A school. The NCAA said no. What the fuck Petrino? Did you think you could just woo your way out of this one? While you're not too keen on sticking to your guns/word/blood-oaths, the NCAA is. Mallet, despite having a neato ultra-douchey website, will have to sit out like everybody else. Deal with it.

MSU: The saga of the Starkville-shootout ended yesterday with the sentencing of Michael Brown and Quinton Wesley. They both received suspensions or probations or some kind of slap-on-the-wrist nonsense typical of NCAA athlete trials and will probably end up seeing the field this fall. Oktibbeha County Circuit Court Judge Lee Howard said of his lenient sentencing, "I mean, yeah, they were firing off guns on a college campus, but it's not like they swiped pillows from a Holiday Inn or something." Coach CroomS, when reached for comment, fought through tears to say "They're such.... *sob* great young men.... such *sob* character.... MAROON!" He then grabbed the nearest flag he could find and immediately began to reaffirm everyone that he may be the most bizarre coach in a conference of bizarre coaches.

We lost to that?